Ashbash11 Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Hi everyone I wasn't sure where to post this, but since I am still in a long distance relationship, I thought that the LDR forum would be appropriate. I am also not sure how many people have experiences with this, but I am really suffering and I need as much advice/tips as I can get. Last week, my boyfriend's grandfather passed away somewhat unexpectedly. He had congestive heart failure, and was bed-ridden, but the doctors told us that he had 6 months to a year to live. My boyfriend was on the east coast (he lives in California) visiting me during the day his grandpa passed. I was happy that I was there to comfort him when it happened- I hugged him, cried with him, and we shared memories of his grandfather- they were really close, and he lived with his grandfather, so whenever I'd visit, I would stay there, too. I also found myself very sad. He had to fly back for the funeral, which I was not able to attend, because my first cousin was getting married on the SAME day, and I had already committed to that. I am still feeling very guilty for missing the funeral. At this point, the funeral is over, and he is back in California, and I am on the east coast. My main question is, how do you comfort someone who is many miles away? We talk daily on the phone, but our conversations are superficial- "how was your day?" "good," "how was yours?"... Yesterday, I could hear the sadness in his voice, and I didn't know what to do. It pains me that he is suffering.. he is grieving the loss, and i feel powerless, especially being so far away. People keep telling me "you don't have to do anything, just BE there for him." But what does that mean? how do I make myself THERE for him? I've told him that he can talk to me whenever he needs to, and i've tried to give him space.. I am just feeling lost, and sad, and I don't know how to handle this. I've never been in a position where someone I love has lost someone close to them.. Do any of you have experience with this? I wrote my BF an email last night, just telling him that i know that he is sad and grieving, and I am always there for him. he doesn't have to worry about "burdening" me, or making me uncomfortable. I will listen/talk about his grandfather whenever he needs to. Was that wrong to do? He didn't respond to the email, and then I felt that I had made a mistake. I just dont' know what to do in this situation. Sorry so long. AB
lala82 Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 I know what is feel when you email the person that you love and he does not reply. I know that is horrible to feel stress and feel that maybe it was not a good idea to send an e-mail. But you do not need to think negative. It is only going to create more stress. Maybe he is busy or maybe he needs time. I think that he needs time to assimilate his grandfather's die. I think that the email was not bad. It is important that you show him that you will support him in this difficult moment. Do not contact him now, give him some time. I am sure he will contact you when he is ready to speak with you.
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