AMN819 Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 Well, I met this guy about 3 weeks ago. Last weekend we were hanging out with some other people..one thing led to another and we ended up getting intimate that night. We've been intimate several times since then. The problem is..he is at a somewhat difficult stage of his life right now and doesn't feel that he can handle a girlfriend. I have been there for him a lot and he said last night "God put you in my life for a d@mn good reason...you have helped me a LOT". We have hung out almost EVERY day...he calls me at LEAST twice a day. It feels like a relationship, yet it's not. He's been really straight forward with me. He met another girl last week and told me about her...but he said nothing is gonna happen b/t them. Now the question is...do I hang around and hope for a relationship, or do I tell him I am done messing around until he is ready for one??? I am honestly NOT the type of girl to be intimate with someone I am not in a relationship with, so it's kinda starting to get to me. What do I do?? Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 Well... if I knew the answer to that question, I wouldn't have gotten my heart broken last year. Read "Emotional Unavailability" by Bryn Collins if you get a chance. You will always feel like you are waiting outside the door while the party is going on inside his house. However, would I take back the year I had? Probably not. But some days I wish I had walked away and protected myself better. Link to post Share on other sites
doniker Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 I have had sex with about 75 women during my 40 years on this planet. I will admit that the sooner I had sex with them after I met them the less I respected them. You already gave it up and went all the way so there is no motivation for this guy to push and try for a relationship with you. I don't want to sound mean and I know theres more important things to a relationship than just sex but that's the way it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AMN819 Posted February 10, 2004 Author Share Posted February 10, 2004 That's what I was afraid of...I actually discussed that with him b/c I was feeling REALLY bad about it....I guess you are right on that though! Link to post Share on other sites
doniker Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 well what's done is done. it can still work out. 9 years ago I had sex with a woman 2 hours after we met; today she is my wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 No offense or anything, but you only met the guy 3 weeks ago. How much could you possibly really KNOW about this man? For all you know, he could be married. Since you've only known him for such a short time, I would just let him go. Especially since he's mentioned meeting another woman. It doesn't sound good. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 do I hang around and hope for a relationship? I vote NO. It's too much like a pigeon hanging around hoping for some breadcrumbs. Also, when you are hanging around like that, you are at your least attractive to him and to others. I would make sure to sh*t on his shoe before immediately flying off. Link to post Share on other sites
doniker Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 Originally posted by SoleMate I vote NO. It's too much like a pigeon hanging around hoping for some breadcrumbs. Also, when you are hanging around like that, you are at your least attractive to him and to others. I would make sure to sh*t on his shoe before immediately flying off. Why are you so down on this guy......just because he doesn't want a relationship? They both had sex with each other.....it's not like he said "if we have sex then we are going together" and then changed his mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AMN819 Posted February 17, 2004 Author Share Posted February 17, 2004 I am definately NOT upset with him, but my thing is...this....the other day we were over at my friends house and he went outside for a few minutes...while he was out there, my guy says "I am leaving in a few minutes...I am going to see Kelli...are you gonna be mad" I said "no...we're not together, you are free to do whatever you want" He says "well, I just want you to know she's JUST a friend. The thing is I am starting to like you a lot and I can't...you're just too young"...(I'm 21..he is 32..but I am WAY more mature than most 30 year olds...). I have no idea what to do. He says "I am not gonna fight it if anything happens", yet he IS b/c he is forcing himself to stay away b/c of my age....should I just avoid him for a while and let him think or just keep doing what I have been doing? Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted February 17, 2004 Share Posted February 17, 2004 He did tell you he wasn't ready to have a girlfriend, so I wouldn't have hopes of that happening in the future. He also seems to be interested in other girls. If you don't feel comfortable having sex with someone who isn't willing to date you, then I would discontinue it. Other people here might disagree with me, but I think he is too old for you. He may or may not feel that way. But you can't change his mind about not wanting to have a relationship with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 You agreed to be intimate with him before any 'relationship' was discussed. That leaves you at a little bit of a disadvantage. You really aren't in any position to stop him from seeing someone else. However, if you feel somewhat 'used' or not as important to him as you would like to be.....all you can really do is pull back on the sex. Tell him you would be more comfortable being in an intimate situation with someone who you were in more of a committed relationship with. Offer to remain friends...... He'll either walk away....or he'll see it your way. You are taking a chance. If the way things are going now though....aren't making you happy....then you really aren't losing anything....except a guy you like who isn't interested in a committed relationship at this time. If you still want to have sex with him on his terms....that would be YOUR call. There is nothing wrong with sex without committment....as long as BOTH people involved are happy with it. You don't seem to be. Please post and let us know what you decide!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author AMN819 Posted February 19, 2004 Author Share Posted February 19, 2004 Well, just as an update, I decided against continuing a "non-commitment sexual relationship" with him. Luckily, he said that he knows I am a very good person and wants to be very good friends and if anything happens in the future, then we'll go with it. I guess that works! Thanx for all the advice! Link to post Share on other sites
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