Why are cheaters so stupid?

[NoIDidn't]

I suppose I'll have to read the whole thread now because I'm at a loss here.

 

And I don't know if you're talking about me?

 

I don't think I mistreated my ex by having my A. Again, and I hope this doesn't sound boring after stating it so many times, my M was BAD anyway. My ex was treating ME badly. One might even say he pushed me into the arms of another man, but I had to go Country music on you, lol.

 

Not all cheaters need to leave one for the other. I am proof of that. I left my H long before I broached the subject of MM leaving his M. I didn't end up with him either. I'm pretty happy being alone currently as there are upsides to the single life. Eventually I will want something more, but I certainly don't need to leave one R only if there is another R waiting in the wings. I think those type of cheaters tend to be very insecure.

 

About my stupid act of leaving the event calendar in the printer tray, my ex was on a business trip and wasn't supposed to come home until the next day. On top of that, you have to deal with the sadness of not seeing your love for a few days, dwell on thoughts of what he is doing, work, bill paying, having kids wanting to drag you here and drag you there and voila! You have the perfect setup for a stupid mistake. Oh well.

 

I often wonder how I would have handled it if my ex confronted me on it. Since I never had to lie I probably would have fessed up or at the very least say it was the schedule of a new friend, a friend that didn't concern him since our M was dead anyway.

 

The only part about you was about the "bad cheater" in leaving the printed item in the tray by mistake. Not that you are asking, but I don't think it was a good idea to do it at home - even if he was away. Its asking for trouble. That's why I said "bad cheater" as in you weren't very good at it. A "good cheater" avoids situations that would force them to have to actually tell lies instead of the usual "lies by omission".

 

Not that there is any such thing as a "good" cheater. LOL. Just that those that actually are good at cheating usually have the spouses that are shocked by their duplicity. Those good at cheating are, I think, mistakenly called, sociopaths. They've got some serious emotional/character issues, but I don't think that makes them sociopaths.

 

The rest was just generalization about what many of the BHs here have said about their Ws not even caring about how they treated them (evidence left around, etc.) when they (the Ws) had made the choice to leave.

[White Flower]

The only part about you was about the "bad cheater" in leaving the printed item in the tray by mistake. Not that you are asking, but I don't think it was a good idea to do it at home - even if he was away. Its asking for trouble. That's why I said "bad cheater" as in you weren't very good at it. A "good cheater" avoids situations that would force them to have to actually tell lies instead of the usual "lies by omission".

 

Not that there is any such thing as a "good" cheater. LOL. Just that those that actually are good at cheating usually have the spouses that are shocked by their duplicity. Those good at cheating are, I think, mistakenly called, sociopaths. They've got some serious emotional/character issues, but I don't think that makes them sociopaths.

 

The rest was just generalization about what many of the BHs here have said about their Ws not even caring about how they treated them (evidence left around, etc.) when they (the Ws) had made the choice to leave.

Thanks for clarifying, good post! And here I thought I was a good cheater, LOL. J/K.

[kuma]

There's nothing smart about deceiving the ones that love and trust you.

 

I agree with you, completely.

[pureinheart]

I don't mean stupid for doing it, that is a given. I mean why are they so rubbish at it?!

 

The number of times we hear of facebook messages, texts, emails, browsing history, credit card statements being discovered by husbands and wives... seriously... do these people not have a clue how to cover their tracks properly? If I was a cheater I would be a NINJA and totally undiscoverable. It's not really that hard to delete a message as soon as you've read it, is it? Lucky for all my future partners that I'm not a cheater because I would never be discovered.

 

It just seems that most cheaters are really bad cheaters!! Although of course, it's only the bad ones that get caught.......

 

I realise that this is a multi-page thread...I have just read the OP, and am commenting on that.

 

IMO they want to get caught. Maybe they fear being direct and upfront, maybe they've been direct concerning other matters with no avail.

 

They do know how to cover their own tracks, although do not choose to...for whatever reason.

[pureinheart]

WW, I just love your posts. They give me so much to think about.

 

Hi jj.

 

LS has helped me work out the saint, the sinner, and the idiot in myself. Oh yeah- and the lover.

 

You seem to have a bit of all of the above, and I seldom disagree with what you say.

 

I've been a bit frightened of responding to you directly in recent times. Not because of you, but because I have to move on from where you are at in your A at the moment in terms of my A.

 

I think when I started my A my views on love were very like yours.

 

And now it is over, they are not so very different. With the exception I feel more responsibility to the BS. But that is about the gaslighting, not the love.

 

I like that you are here calling the shots for love. Someone has to. But the M version of love seems so powerful and important, here and IRL, I don't know that it will go anywhere. I am still re-thinking how I think about love in the light of having felt it so deeply and then got the bus treatment.

 

Make sure you treasure yourself in the face of his split

 

I have learned much from both of you, along with others...the learning is invaluable to me....thank you for sharing your lives:D

 

Having been a BW 4 different times, I'm not sure if they wanted to get caught and don't even remember how I found out, and really wasn't looking:)

[painfullyobvious]

I was once the doe eyed sap myself and looking back in hindsight I can see there were tons of red flags. I now know what to look for.

 

Been there done that myself. I also know the signs now as well. For others who do not become familair with them

 

http://uglykidd.blogspot.com/2010/08/common-signs-of-cheater.html

[painfullyobvious]

I don't mean stupid for doing it, that is a given. I mean why are they so rubbish at it?!

 

The number of times we hear of facebook messages, texts, emails, browsing history, credit card statements being discovered by husbands and wives... seriously... do these people not have a clue how to cover their tracks properly? If I was a cheater I would be a NINJA and totally undiscoverable. It's not really that hard to delete a message as soon as you've read it, is it? Lucky for all my future partners that I'm not a cheater because I would never be discovered.

 

It just seems that most cheaters are really bad cheaters!! Although of course, it's only the bad ones that get caught.......

 

 

 

It is difficult to hide emotions and when people are involved in cheating they are often thinking with other parts of the body outside of the brain

[Pipeline010]

the answer is simple:

 

when people are cheating THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU OR WHAT THE FINDING OUT WILL DO TO YOUR EMOTIONS. They care about themselves and their new found 'love.'

 

My SO admitted that at the time she was so infatuated with this other idiot she couldn't have given a damn what I wanted or what I found.

 

Once I set BOTH idiots free to prance in the idiot-fields of idiot-love where the sky craps rainbow milkshakes it only took her 2 days to have her WTF-Am-I-Doing realization that this new dancy-prancy land is for idiots and her new 'love' was a perv and a loser.

 

Then I took her back. So i'm the idiot.