Mimolicious Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I'm glad cheaters are stupid. The less they get away with it, hopefully, the less it will happen. Wishful thinking EGirl! Look around this board.
lovingit Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 That's a very sweeping statement. Not all cheaters are stupid. I have been in an affair for 13 years and haven't been caught yet.
samsungxoxo Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 That's a very sweeping statement. Not all cheaters are stupid. I have been in an affair for 13 years and haven't been caught yet. This means you're smarter than a bad cheater. It's the same as a burglar. A stupid one would get arrested the next day while an organized one can be doing it for years.
Woggle Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 That's a very sweeping statement. Not all cheaters are stupid. I have been in an affair for 13 years and haven't been caught yet. It is much easier for a woman to cheat because most men are naive about what many modern women are truly like. I am not one of those men so I don't see a woman ever getting over on me again.
samsungxoxo Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 It is much easier for a woman to cheat because most men are naive about what many modern women are truly like. I am not one of those men so I don't see a woman ever getting over on me again.Maybe it's the art of making up an elaborated lie and not brag about the indiscretion with friends (like some men do when either they cheat, sleep with many women or lose their virginity). We might be as well doing the same but keep it to ourselves or if it had to be told then it's usually from trusted friends only. Otherwise, the labels cheating tramp, slut, or whore would be placed so quickly and yet those men doing the same thing get away with it. You men don't really have to deal with hiding things careful or wondering if your reputation will be ruin.... it's easier for ya... So lying is not really an easy task...
Enchanted Girl Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Wishful thinking EGirl! Look around this board. Yea, it makes me sad to see all the people that are hurt in this section, but what I try to think is that people only come here when they have problems and there's a lot of people out there who are happy. I also hope that all the people who were cheated on in this board find happiness because I consider cheating on someone in a relationship to be one of the worst things you can do to a person.
NancyBotwin Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Cheaters don't have to get caught to be stupid.
Gfkr2 Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 That's a very sweeping statement. Not all cheaters are stupid. I have been in an affair for 13 years and haven't been caught yet. You wouldn't fool me for 13 years! You MP must be comatose or stupid to have not caught onto your wicked ways, loveingit I was onto my cheating W within 6 weeks of beginnig an EA. Not all men are doe-eyed saps who think their W are incapable of having an A. I am pursuing the divorce and am ready for hardball. She F'd with the wrong guy.
lolalove Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Good or bad at it, cheaters will reap what they sow. That's what makes them stupid. No one gets away with anything wrong. Cheaters may think they can... but either mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally,etc, tomorrow or 20 years from now, cheaters will reap.
Woggle Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 You wouldn't fool me for 13 years! You MP must be comatose or stupid to have not caught onto your wicked ways, loveingit I was onto my cheating W within 6 weeks of beginnig an EA. Not all men are doe-eyed saps who think their W are incapable of having an A. I am pursuing the divorce and am ready for hardball. She F'd with the wrong guy. I would high five you if I could. No woman would ever get over on me either. Those days are gone.
Tayla Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 How is it that a persons actions determine them as stupid? If stupid ( being this is the word so abusively used here) is technically the ability to not have all the facts in order...which last I recall- we all qualify under that category. The difference is a person who has the ability to be clever in their tactics is praised...Sorry a morally wrong action is just that...Lying being the operative immoral behavior in action.
spriggig Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 You wouldn't fool me for 13 years! You MP must be comatose or stupid to have not caught onto your wicked ways, loveingit I was onto my cheating W within 6 weeks of beginnig an EA. Not all men are doe-eyed saps who think their W are incapable of having an A. I am pursuing the divorce and am ready for hardball. She F'd with the wrong guy. I would high five you if I could. No woman would ever get over on me either. Those days are gone. Obviously I'm the "doe-eyed sap" in this room. How can you two be so sure?
Enchanted Girl Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Good or bad at it, cheaters will reap what they sow. That's what makes them stupid. No one gets away with anything wrong. Cheaters may think they can... but either mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally,etc, tomorrow or 20 years from now, cheaters will reap. I agree. At first I thought some of them got away with it, but I realized eventually all of them are caught. Something happens and everything comes out.
wheelwright Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 You may call it stupid but some of them are actually pretty damn clever. The tremendous length some cheaters go to hide their tracks is ludicrous that they actually have time and energy to plot these things. Of course, there are sloppy cheaters and there are pro cheaters like you Cookie. I think I'll make a hell of a cheater! Maybe my next life... (hope not!) GEEZ! Aren't R's supposed to make you all warm and fuzzy inside? Not all paranoid and 007! I don't get it... People are crazy and they only look stupid once they are caught. They only feel "sorry" once they are caught. Classic! I actually feel sorry for the 21st century cheaters. LOL! There is 1,000 ways to cheat (skype, AIM, FB, MS, Twitter, EMAIL, TEXT,) and a 1,000 ways to get caught!!! (Trapcall, traptext, password scrambbler, Caller ID spoofer) LMAO! Oh you won't catch me. Not until I tell my H the M is up the creek, and xMOM subsequently reveals all. Cheaters always risk - someone always knows their secret. Are they stupid? Umm. Maybe some. But I never yet met a cheater who didn't do what they did knowing the BS may one day find out. The risk was worth it. And for stupid people, they sure as hell knew how to have good sex. They knew what they were doing, they weighed it up. You know, when I'm thinking quietly to myself about my A, I think I didn't see things straight. Morally. When I read this thread, I want to say, actually, I had the best sex, connection and excitement of my life. What's stupid about that? I still love the xMOM. I wouldn't have done it otherwise. And I don't care what people think, because I think if you love someone you should go for it. What's stupid here? No, hot sex and huge emotional connection may at times be amoral. It's never, ever stupid. And if you're caught? Well, you knew the risk. You knew it was worth it. It was that hot. You feel sorry when you are caught, cos you know that's the end of the hotness. The sex, emotion, or limerance as some would have it. And you have to face up, guilt, being grounded. Whatever the emotionally childish response to betrayal is in your situation. What is stupid is trying to make out the OW/OM factor in the R is more 'stupid' than you are. In fact, trying to say another is stupid makes me straight away suspect the thinker in question hasn't thought things through. Have I been trolled again?
Angel1111 Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I think it's because they want to get caught - either because they feel guilty, or if they're doing it to get their spouse's attention, get revenge, or give them a wake up call, then how are they going to get that message across unless the spouse actually discovers the affair? I think that most of the time, those reasons are subconscious and they don't even know why they do it.
Woggle Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Obviously I'm the "doe-eyed sap" in this room. How can you two be so sure? I was once the doe eyed sap myself and looking back in hindsight I can see there were tons of red flags. I now know what to look for.
TheDingo Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I can tell you how it feels as I've been both the cheated and cheatee. I was a bit younger at the time and never thought about getting caught, mainly due to my arrogance and ''I feel wanted'' attitude. In order words I was the typical jerk who would get what he wanted and not focus on thinking how his action would hurt the woman he's in the relationship with. It was when I got caught that made me realized what I've destroyed. I ruined both the relationship and her kind nature. Actually my ex acted like she was willing to work this out for many months, only to dump me with an ex of hers from high school she cheated with. In her defense she kept saying things like Well at least, I didn't f*** him, it was only online and I'm telling you in your face. I don't see how this makes a difference. If you had PA or an EA, it's still cheating and either of them hurts. At times this makes me feel I deserved it for making her cry in the first place but at the same time, makes me question if all the hell I had to put up with was really worth it. She had the option to dump me immediately but choice to stay with me and work it out. Needless to say I never saw this coming. She was never a vindictive person and always kept preaching about how she believes in second chance, how forgiving is good, etc. I was shocked.
White Flower Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I don't mean stupid for doing it, that is a given. I mean why are they so rubbish at it?! The number of times we hear of facebook messages, texts, emails, browsing history, credit card statements being discovered by husbands and wives... seriously... do these people not have a clue how to cover their tracks properly? If I was a cheater I would be a NINJA and totally undiscoverable. It's not really that hard to delete a message as soon as you've read it, is it? Lucky for all my future partners that I'm not a cheater because I would never be discovered. It just seems that most cheaters are really bad cheaters!! Although of course, it's only the bad ones that get caught....... You make quite a valid point. Either the WS thinks all women/men are stupid OR they WANT to be caught. Simple as that.
TheDingo Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Either the WS thinks all women/men are stupid OR they WANT to be caught. Simple as that.I think in our cases, I think we just wanted to get caught. Only difference is she didn't even try covering her tracts. She just went on rubbing it all my face. Sometimes I kind of wish she would have just break up and not say anything about it. I didn't had to hear everything coming from her mouth, esp. not the comparison information.
Gfkr2 Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Oh you won't catch me. Not until I tell my H the M is up the creek, and xMOM subsequently reveals all. Cheaters always risk - someone always knows their secret. Are they stupid? Umm. Maybe some. But I never yet met a cheater who didn't do what they did knowing the BS may one day find out. The risk was worth it. And for stupid people, they sure as hell knew how to have good sex. They knew what they were doing, they weighed it up. You know, when I'm thinking quietly to myself about my A, I think I didn't see things straight. Morally. When I read this thread, I want to say, actually, I had the best sex, connection and excitement of my life. What's stupid about that? I still love the xMOM. I wouldn't have done it otherwise. And I don't care what people think, because I think if you love someone you should go for it. What's stupid here? No, hot sex and huge emotional connection may at times be amoral. It's never, ever stupid And if you're caught? Well, you knew the risk. You knew it was worth it. It was that hot. You feel sorry when you are caught, cos you know that's the end of the hotness. The sex, emotion, or limerance as some would have it. And you have to face up, guilt, being grounded. Whatever the emotionally childish response to betrayal is in your situation. What is stupid is trying to make out the OW/OM factor in the R is more 'stupid' than you are. In fact, trying to say another is stupid makes me straight away suspect the thinker in question hasn't thought things through. Have I been trolled again? I wouldn't call divorcing my WW for banging a MM an "emotionally childish response". My cheater clearly thought I would forgive her A and life would go on after she was "grounded". She guessed wrong.
SidLyon Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 ... And you have to face up, guilt, being grounded. Whatever the emotionally childish response to betrayal is in your situation. ... Hi WW, I wondered about the bolded bit. Are you saying all responses to betrayal are emotionally childish? If not, what in your opinion would be a response that is not emotionally childish? Just wondering because it really does read as if you think there is no response to betrayal that is not emotionally childish.
jennie-jennie Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Oh you won't catch me. Not until I tell my H the M is up the creek, and xMOM subsequently reveals all. Cheaters always risk - someone always knows their secret. Are they stupid? Umm. Maybe some. But I never yet met a cheater who didn't do what they did knowing the BS may one day find out. The risk was worth it. And for stupid people, they sure as hell knew how to have good sex. They knew what they were doing, they weighed it up. You know, when I'm thinking quietly to myself about my A, I think I didn't see things straight. Morally. When I read this thread, I want to say, actually, I had the best sex, connection and excitement of my life. What's stupid about that? I still love the xMOM. I wouldn't have done it otherwise. And I don't care what people think, because I think if you love someone you should go for it. What's stupid here? No, hot sex and huge emotional connection may at times be amoral. It's never, ever stupid. And if you're caught? Well, you knew the risk. You knew it was worth it. It was that hot. You feel sorry when you are caught, cos you know that's the end of the hotness. The sex, emotion, or limerance as some would have it. And you have to face up, guilt, being grounded. Whatever the emotionally childish response to betrayal is in your situation. What is stupid is trying to make out the OW/OM factor in the R is more 'stupid' than you are. In fact, trying to say another is stupid makes me straight away suspect the thinker in question hasn't thought things through. Have I been trolled again? I love this post. Do the BS understand that this is what their WS have experienced - the best sex, connection and excitement of their life? No matter how much the WS throw the OP under the bus, this is what they experienced.
Gfkr2 Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I love this post. Do the BS understand that this is what their WS have experienced - the best sex, connection and excitement of their life? No matter how much the WS throw the OP under the bus, this is what they experienced. All this euphoria, excitement, connection and love was Initially built on lies and deception. I'm not here to say APs can't have a life together. They best be prepared to work hard to maintain the R because the foundation on which it is based has cracks.
jennie-jennie Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 All this euphoria, excitement, connection and love was Initially built on lies and deception. I'm not here to say APs can't have a life together. They best be prepared to work hard to maintain the R because the foundation on which it is based has cracks. The marriage contains lies and deception, the extramarital relationship does not, so no worry. We have had that "euphoria, excitement, connection and love" for five years now, our relationship is long since stable with a firm foundation based on honesty and openness. Had the WS had that kind of foundation in his marriage, he might never had had the need to emotionally leave it.
LifesontheUp Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 The marriage contains lies and deception, the extramarital relationship does not, so no worry. We have had that "euphoria, excitement, connection and love" for five years now, our relationship is long since stable with a firm foundation based on honesty and openness. Had the WS had that kind of foundation in his marriage, he might never had had the need to emotionally leave it. Yeah but the BIG PICTURE you are missing is that he has not and will not leave his wife for you. If those 5 years have been so fantastic then he would have most certainly left his wife..........but surprise surprise the cake eater is still at home.
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