cookie2 Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 I don't mean stupid for doing it, that is a given. I mean why are they so rubbish at it?! The number of times we hear of facebook messages, texts, emails, browsing history, credit card statements being discovered by husbands and wives... seriously... do these people not have a clue how to cover their tracks properly? If I was a cheater I would be a NINJA and totally undiscoverable. It's not really that hard to delete a message as soon as you've read it, is it? Lucky for all my future partners that I'm not a cheater because I would never be discovered. It just seems that most cheaters are really bad cheaters!! Although of course, it's only the bad ones that get caught.......
karnak Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 It just seems that most cheaters are really bad cheaters!! Although of course, it's only the bad ones that get caught....... You'll find some posts on LS made by people who only discovered they had been cheated upon years after the events took place. Sometimes after 10 or more years. Besides, most cheaters are really deceptive on the early stages of the affair. After some time, though, when they're getting tired of hiding/lying to their spouses they begin to "relax" on their sneakiness. From what I could read on many affair posts on LS (specially when the cheater is the wife), it seems that women usually decide to stop being secretive when they decide to end their marriage. It's almost as if consciously, or unconsciously, they decide to get caught, so that the marriage can collapse and they can freely advance to the "next stage" (almost as if they were forcing themselves to move forward).
Steadfast Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 From what I could read on many affair posts on LS (specially when the cheater is the wife), it seems that women usually decide to stop being secretive when they decide to end their marriage. It's almost as if consciously, or unconsciously, they decide to get caught, so that the marriage can collapse and they can freely advance to the "next stage" (almost as if they were forcing themselves to move forward). That's right. What makes you think they don't *want* to get caught? I think it's part of the thrill ride, unfortunately. There's a certain sick, twisted pleasure many cheaters (in this case, an unhappy wife) get by hurting their spouse. In my marriage, I called it dropping the hammer; the long-promised 'punishment' that you've got coming by not doing, being, acting or saying what they wanted. This is a high form of cruelty. Again, and unfortunately, these are not the words of the bitter and betrayed. My ex has not said much, but after I had moved on...after I had taken every hammer blow and survived, after the 'hammer' had no more power over me and could not hurt me anymore, that's when the ex apologized for 'being mean'. I could take this two ways; a sincere apology for acting terribly, or an attempt to put me back into position to receive more hammer blows. Whatever her motivation, I stayed away.
karnak Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 I think it's part of the thrill ride, unfortunately. There's a certain sick, twisted pleasure many cheaters (in this case, an unhappy wife) get by hurting their spouse. In my marriage, I called it dropping the hammer; the long-promised 'punishment' that you've got coming by not doing, being, acting or saying what they wanted. This is a high form of cruelty. In some cases these persons want the person who loves them the most to suffer for all the frustration they had to endure throughout their lives. Twisted and cowardly, yes. It's as if a woman or a man wants their spouse to suffer for they way mommy or daddy abused them during their lives. They project the image of their father or mother upon the husband or the wife. It's very cowardly, because they know that the spouse won't fight back or hurt them, the way their parents/siblings would. Sometimes this kind of behaviour it's also a sort of sick auto-mutilation. By hurting the ones they love they feel they're also hurting themselves. This is the thing that I consider the most tragic and sad.
Gfkr2 Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 I don't mean stupid for doing it, that is a given. I mean why are they so rubbish at it?! The number of times we hear of facebook messages, texts, emails, browsing history, credit card statements being discovered by husbands and wives... seriously... do these people not have a clue how to cover their tracks properly? If I was a cheater I would be a NINJA and totally undiscoverable. It's not really that hard to delete a message as soon as you've read it, is it? Lucky for all my future partners that I'm not a cheater because I would never be discovered. It just seems that most cheaters are really bad cheaters!! Although of course, it's only the bad ones that get caught....... My Stbx W was more sneaky than stupid. She and her AP went to great lengths to hide their relationship. She actually had got a secret cell phone to throw me off knowing I monitor my 16 year old daughter cell phone usage online. Yep, she had a secret lock code too to further protect the A details in case the phone was found...it was and the code (her AP's birthday) was cracked revealing all the intimate details of their PA and all the accompanying deception including many text messages on their plans to keep their respective spouses in the dark. Her grand stories were off basis; she offered too much detail on her whereabout when a simple explanation was sufficient during the course of our M. She arrived home late from work with an excuse when she always got home by a certain time after work. She blew up over the most minor issues and left the house in order to call her AP. She had different body language, didn't look me in the eye, and no longer did the little things you take for granted in a long term M. Lastly, she used to call me every morning on our seperate commutes to work. This stopped when the A began as she was too busy making arrangements with the MM to call me. All these things just added up over a period of several months. D-Day came within 6 months of the PA beginning. I confronted her twice in the prior six months about having an A...and she denied everything. It was only when the MM was caught with his pants down did she finally confess to everything. It was too late to stop me from filiing for divorce. Sneaky:mad:
califnan Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 I don't mean stupid for doing it, that is a given. I mean why are they so rubbish at it?! The number of times we hear of facebook messages, texts, emails, browsing history, credit card statements being discovered by husbands and wives... seriously... do these people not have a clue how to cover their tracks properly? If I was a cheater I would be a NINJA and totally undiscoverable. It's not really that hard to delete a message as soon as you've read it, is it? Lucky for all my future partners that I'm not a cheater because I would never be discovered. It just seems that most cheaters are really bad cheaters!! Although of course, it's only the bad ones that get caught....... ----------------------- Maybe they have an inner wish to be found out. Leading a double life must be work .. Yes they are stupid to cheat to begin with .. And at the end of the day, they usually do regret ..
samsungxoxo Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 D-Day came within 6 months of the PA beginning. I confronted her twice in the prior six months about having an A...and she denied everything. It was only when the MM was caught with his pants down did she finally confess to everything. It was too late to stop me from filiing for divorce. Sneaky:mad:So you actually caught her in the act (walking in on her that is)? If so ouch..... there is no way to fix that..
samsungxoxo Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 If I was a cheater I would be a NINJA and totally undiscoverable. It's not really that hard to delete a message as soon as you've read it, is it? It just seems that most cheaters are really bad cheaters!! Although of course, it's only the bad ones that get caught.......I know right... it's not hard to use common sense. Cheating in either the house is a bad idea because it's obviously the easiest place to be caught. One day your spouse might can home early from work or plan a surprise visit on you and you're busted for sure. Leaving your emails open with a password your spouse already knows is stupid too. Using your real name to post threads plus adding your picture is dumb too. Last stupid thing is actually revealing to them you're a cheater... what for so you can relieve your guilt but for your convenience only while you want them to suffer. So yes you're right... most that get caught are terrible cheaters.
Woggle Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 They are arrogent enough to think they won't get caught plus they think their SO is stupid.
wheelwright Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I don't mean stupid for doing it, that is a given. I mean why are they so rubbish at it?! The number of times we hear of facebook messages, texts, emails, browsing history, credit card statements being discovered by husbands and wives... seriously... do these people not have a clue how to cover their tracks properly? If I was a cheater I would be a NINJA and totally undiscoverable. It's not really that hard to delete a message as soon as you've read it, is it? Lucky for all my future partners that I'm not a cheater because I would never be discovered. It just seems that most cheaters are really bad cheaters!! Although of course, it's only the bad ones that get caught....... They want to get caught. Only explanation. And I trusted him...
spriggig Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I trusted her. Absolutely. She was my wife, I loved her with all my heart and still do, inexplicably. It never once occurred to me that she would cheat, not for a second. She wasn't good at it at all. She left clues all over the house in the form of journal-like notes. Her actual journal, detailing everything, was easy to find, once I looked. She didn't have to be good or sneaky, she was the last person I expected to betray me--the very last.
wheelwright Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I trusted her. Absolutely. She was my wife, I loved her with all my heart and still do, inexplicably. It never once occurred to me that she would cheat, not for a second. She wasn't good at it at all. She left clues all over the house in the form of journal-like notes. Her actual journal, detailing everything, was easy to find, once I looked. She didn't have to be good or sneaky, she was the last person I expected to betray me--the very last. I'm sorry. (hugs) I really can't explain how bad it makes me feel that you were betrayed in the same way I betrayed my H. You said it so simply. I wasn't good at betrayal either.
Lovelybird Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I don't mean stupid for doing it, that is a given. I mean why are they so rubbish at it?! The number of times we hear of facebook messages, texts, emails, browsing history, credit card statements being discovered by husbands and wives... seriously... do these people not have a clue how to cover their tracks properly? If I was a cheater I would be a NINJA and totally undiscoverable. It's not really that hard to delete a message as soon as you've read it, is it? Lucky for all my future partners that I'm not a cheater because I would never be discovered. It just seems that most cheaters are really bad cheaters!! Although of course, it's only the bad ones that get caught....... You could say her/his name when you dream, then found out by your future partner. Your will cannot be stronger than your subconscience, sorry, you are going to be found out if you cheat
Author cookie2 Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 Well it is true, actually I would make a terrible cheater. Although I would leave no evidence whatsoever, I am a really bad liar. My behaviour would give it away instantly, I think. I guess it's rare to be good at both..? Lots of interesting perspectives on here Wanting to get caught, hmm I don't think so in my STBXW's case. But she did think she was immune, because I trusted her completely.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I'm glad cheaters are stupid. The less they get away with it, hopefully, the less it will happen.
Author cookie2 Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 I'm glad cheaters are stupid. The less they get away with it, hopefully, the less it will happen. Oh, absolutely! I didn't give away the sources of my info when I confronted her. Don't want to teach her how to be a better cheater
Gfkr2 Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 (edited) So you actually caught her in the act (walking in on her that is)? If so ouch..... there is no way to fix that.. Unfortunately, our 16 1/2 year old daughter walked in on her Mom and OMM one night when I was away on work... I wish it were me instead. There is no recovery with an unrepentant cheater and manipulator. Edited July 28, 2010 by Gfkr2 addition
samsungxoxo Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Unfortunately, our 16 1/2 year old daughter walked in on her Mom and OMM one night when I was away on work... I wish it were me instead. There is no recovery with an unrepentant cheater and manipulator. Damn... that's even worst. I'm glad you got away from that selfish cheater and to have the audacity of doing it in the house while you're at work (having a teenage daughter at the same time)!!!! Totally disrespectful. Some cheaters have the little ''respect'' to at least do it somewhere else.
Woggle Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I'm glad cheaters are stupid. The less they get away with it, hopefully, the less it will happen. The thing is that not all cheaters are stupid and some cheaters are very clever and smart. That is especially true for female cheaters because I know so many and their men have no clue what is going on.
Confused4Now Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 The thing is that not all cheaters are stupid and some cheaters are very clever and smart. That is especially true for female cheaters because I know so many and their men have no clue what is going on.Actually it doesn't really matter how smart or stupid cheaters are...it's about how smart is the OW/OM to recognize the crap the cheaters are feeding them and if the OW/OM can think with their heads and not with their HEARTS.
Author cookie2 Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 The thing is that not all cheaters are stupid and some cheaters are very clever and smart. That is especially true for female cheaters because I know so many and their men have no clue what is going on. Ahh but... those women have made fatal mistakes, because you know about it!!
Woggle Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Ahh but... those women have made fatal mistakes, because you know about it!! I know about but their husbands and boyfriends don't.
Author cookie2 Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 I know about but their husbands and boyfriends don't. Which makes you a loose end... a liability... a potential blackmailer or accidental information leak. Surely better for no-one to know?
Mimolicious Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 (edited) You may call it stupid but some of them are actually pretty damn clever. The tremendous length some cheaters go to hide their tracks is ludicrous that they actually have time and energy to plot these things. Of course, there are sloppy cheaters and there are pro cheaters like you Cookie. I think I'll make a hell of a cheater! Maybe my next life... (hope not!) GEEZ! Aren't R's supposed to make you all warm and fuzzy inside? Not all paranoid and 007! I don't get it... People are crazy and they only look stupid once they are caught. They only feel "sorry" once they are caught. Classic! I actually feel sorry for the 21st century cheaters. LOL! There is 1,000 ways to cheat (skype, AIM, FB, MS, Twitter, EMAIL, TEXT,) and a 1,000 ways to get caught!!! (Trapcall, traptext, password scrambbler, Caller ID spoofer) LMAO! Edited July 29, 2010 by Mimolicious
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