mmemories Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Hi, My ex-boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me about 4 months ago, but he did it in a very painful way. He lied about a lot of things to get me to hate him enough to leave. He insulted me, said that he didn't love me, and said that he had sex with someone else. But I didn't know that they were lies until he told me weeks later. And he said that he did it because I didn't believe him when he said that he didn't deserve me since he hasn't gotten anywhere in his career yet. But even now, his lies hurt a me a lot, to the point where I have nightmares almost every night. When we last talked, he said that he promised me that when he gets his career in order, he'll find me again, which means 1-2 years from now. But then when I asked again, he said that he's not sure if he will still love me at that time. So why did he even promise that? Has anyone here been promised something like this? And did it actually work out? I am extremely hurt even 4 months after the break-up. And it was really hard on me because he did it at a particularly bad time. I am studying for my medical school admissions test, and the painful breakup has made it extremely difficult for me. I really wonder whether he really loves me because I could not possibly even imagine doing something like this to him.
jsa100100 Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 wow, this guy seriously has a lot of issues. You have to first realize that he did something terrible to you, despite his reasoning. He's taking his frustrations of his career out on you, which is really stupid and weak. I wouldn't hold much value in his promises, he's just trying to keep some sort of hold over you which is almost as senseless as the lies. This is just screwed up in a lot of ways...take a deep breath, realize how valuable you are as a person and go from there.
DenverBachelor Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 I am extremely hurt even 4 months after the break-up. And it was really hard on me because he did it at a particularly bad time. I am studying for my medical school admissions test, and the painful breakup has made it extremely difficult for me. I really wonder whether he really loves me because I could not possibly even imagine doing something like this to him. You are grossly undervaluing yourself. You're smart, lovable and you have a heart. The guy you were with was a prick. You need a real man. So focus on your school work and look forward to a future with someone really amazing. Who you were with was not amazing. Don't settle for anything in life.
silic0ntoad Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Future promises are lies made in the height of passion. "I'll never hurt you" or "I'll never do XXX to you" BS. My ex said all those lame ass one liners and broke them all. The only promises you can believe to be kept are ones you make to yourself.
Author mmemories Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 Future promises are lies made in the height of passion. Those words are very true, and I wish that I had realized that earlier. But when they say it, I think that for them it is true for that moment at least. Unfortunately, whenever I think about what happened, my heart beats faster than my mind can think. Thanks for the replies everyone. I don't think that he wants to hold me back. He also told me that he couldn't promise me completely because if I happen to be with someone in the future, he wouldn't want to pull me away from that person and hurt that person. So he is very confusing, because I have no idea why he is afraid of hurting a person he doesn't even know, and who really doesn't even exist yet. Everything that he says are contradictions, so I wonder if it's just because he's so unsure of himself right now. Aren't men insecure about themselves if they aren't stable in their career, or if they're not making enough money? I still wonder though, if anyone has been promised the same thing after a breakup, and what happened later?
bonpaw2008 Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Those words are very true, and I wish that I had realized that earlier. But when they say it, I think that for them it is true for that moment at least. Unfortunately, whenever I think about what happened, my heart beats faster than my mind can think. Thanks for the replies everyone. I don't think that he wants to hold me back. He also told me that he couldn't promise me completely because if I happen to be with someone in the future, he wouldn't want to pull me away from that person and hurt that person. So he is very confusing, because I have no idea why he is afraid of hurting a person he doesn't even know, and who really doesn't even exist yet. Everything that he says are contradictions, so I wonder if it's just because he's so unsure of himself right now. Aren't men insecure about themselves if they aren't stable in their career, or if they're not making enough money? I still wonder though, if anyone has been promised the same thing after a breakup, and what happened later? First - he doesn't want you but he doesn't want anyone else to have you either. If he can guilt you into thinking that he really wants the best for you, you won't move on. Such selfish behavior... Second - stop making excuses for his bad behavior! We all have stresses in our lives, would breaking up with you and feeding you a bunch of **** lines make him more stable?? Third - please stop wondering about the promises, if he wanted those things he would be with you right now. Some people are just manipulative ****s that don't have the guts to stay in a relationship, but want to keep stringing you along with false hope. You are so much better than that.
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