Weird Situation with Suicidal Friend...

[TRaczaj]

This is a little complicated, so I'll try to be as direct as I can while still telling the whole story.

 

Some drama has erupted in my group of friends recently and I just want to know what everyone here thinks. I didn't do anything to cause any of this, nor am I an active participant. But I am witnessing it all and people are coming to me for advice.

 

This friend of mine, Allen, was going through a really bad depression. Him and his girlfriend, Valerie, had been together about 3 years at the time. Allen and Valerie have a mutual friend, Darla, who they've known for quite a while.

 

Darla has some background in working with depressed people, and has been through depression herself. She also claims to be an expert at working with suicidal individuals and supposedly has volunteered on suicide hotlines.

 

So, one night Allen is all alone at home, really upset, having thoughts of hurting himself... He doesn't want to worry Valerie any more then she's already worried. But he wants to talk to someone, so he gets online, sees Darla on, and sends her a message. Darla doesn't answer him, but remains online. He finds this really strange... He is panicking and really distressed, but somehow he manages to hold off on doing anything stupid until Valerie gets home. BY then he has made himself calm down, because he doesn't want her to know how upset he was.

 

So... about three weeks go by. Darla sends Allen this message having nothing to do with what he's going through. In fact she doesn't even acknowledge what he was going through until the end of the message when she says she's sorry about what he's going through.

 

Some times goes by... and eventually Allen beats his depression. He asks Darla one night, while she is talking about all the lives she's saved, why she ignored him. She has all these excuses, none of which make sense.

 

Then Valerie finds out. She found out about this, and she went off on Darla. Darla just made a bunch of excuses, then denied most of this happened... then she told a straight lie about it. But, she's a really good cryer. So she cries and throws a fit asking everyone how Valerie could be so nasty to her, etc.

 

So I just want to know what you all think? Does Val have a right to be pissed off? Does Darla have a right to be upset?

 

Thanks in advance for replies.

[quankanne]

did valerie go off on her friend for lying about it, or for refusing to help her man when he needed someone?

 

because while it's up to someone to help or reply because you don't know if they actually are able to do so right then, the whole lying bit – then whining about it – is totally unacceptable. Much better for the girl to say, "I didn't respond because I felt uncomfortable/didn't know how to help/etc," and go from there, rather than lie, which only compounds the problem.

 

however, from what you've written about Darla being a suicide "expert," I think she's full of crap promoting herself as something she isn't, and she froze when your guy came to her for help because she just didn't want to be outed as a fake ... at least this is the impression I get.

[TRaczaj]

did valerie go off on her friend for lying about it, or for refusing to help her man when he needed someone?

 

because while it's up to someone to help or reply because you don't know if they actually are able to do so right then, the whole lying bit – then whining about it – is totally unacceptable. Much better for the girl to say, "I didn't respond because I felt uncomfortable/didn't know how to help/etc," and go from there, rather than lie, which only compounds the problem.

 

however, from what you've written about Darla being a suicide "expert," I think she's full of crap promoting herself as something she isn't, and she froze when your guy came to her for help because she just didn't want to be outed as a fake ... at least this is the impression I get.

 

I think it was probably some of both... Probably more so the fact that Darla refused to help when she was asked, and Valerie is thinking of what could have happened that night. But I know Val is also upset because Darla denied this ever happened and also refuses to admit she did anything wrong or apologize. I forgot to mention that last part in the first post.

 

There's been all this crap now as a result of this... It's just rippled out through everyone in some way. And Darla is really acting manipulative. She has almost everyone on her side and a lot of people are mad at Valerie, I don't see why.