Shade20x6 Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Hi everyone. I'm in a bit of a sticky situation here and could really use some advice. I'm hoping I haven't damaged this too badly and that it is salvagable, because I really like this woman. This is actually a very long story, but I'll trim it down as much as possible. Three weeks ago, I met a woman, and we talked for a little bit after we found out we shared a mutual interest. She invited me out to hang with her and some of her friends, and I accepted. We had a good time, and I gave her a parting hug. A couple of days later, I texted her for a bit, then asked her out. She accepted. For the first actual "date," I took her to a bar/eatery, where we talked for about two solid hours. She asked me my age (I'm 32; she's 21). When I told her, she seemed a bit surprised (she thought I was about 27), but then said she didn't mind. After that, we walked around for a bit, and eventually went out to a place and played Skeeball, had a couple of drinks, and talked some more. We talked about things we could do in the future together, such as going out to movies, going to some bars, etc. The next day, she texted me about how she had had a ton of fun, so I went ahead and took the initiative to ask her out. She accepted again. For the second date, we went to dinner and talked for a couple more hours, then went to see Toy Story 3. She mentioned how she really wanted to see it, so there we were. At one point during the film, I noticed that she was putting on some lip gloss, which I saw as a good sign. I tried to find an opening to put my arm around her, but the seating was so clunky that I couldn't find a way to do it without it feeling forced. So I instead waited until we were leaving the theater to put my arm around her. As we said our good-byes, I planned on going in for a kiss as she went to hug me, but due to our differences in height it again felt clunky, so I just opted for the hug. After that, things didn't feel quite right. Her texts seemed less upbeat and frequent, and I started to get scared that I didn't make a move fast enough. I've been "friend zoned" enough to know that I never want to end up there again. We had made prior plans to meet a couple of days later to meet with her friends again, and I asked if she could meet me a little early so we could have some alone time beforehand. My plan was to surprise her with a flower and a kiss...on the cheek, if all else failed. At least enough to let her know I was interested in her. Unfortunately, she said she would be running late, then she brought her boss along with her. Since she was his ride to and from her friend's house, I had no way to pull her aside alone. I was quite disappointed, to say the least. We were supposed to meet up again a few days later to hang out with some of my friends, but she canceled at the last minute, siting a "massive headache." I texted her back asking for a reschedule, and she said she would get back to me once she got her work schedule. After three days...nothing. I texted her again asking her about going out that night, and texted me back several hours later saying she couldn't due to a "staff dinner." Since then, it's been pretty much hit or miss. I tend to text her once or twice a day, and sometimes I'll get a reply within a few hours, or sometimes not at all. Sometimes the reply is short, and sometimes not. But she has been flaky about returning texts since Day One, so that's not exactly a new habit...but I still sense some serious red flags. We haven't seen each other in a week and a half now. My plan as of right now is to just give up contacting her and hope she contacts me. Is that a good idea? Have I already blown this, possibly by not making a move after the second date? Or am I just reading too much into this?
Jilly Bean Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Nope. It's dead in the water, hon. She's being polite, but is no longer interested. BUT, she's 21. So, I hate to say it, but I'm sure if you stop contacting her, she'll start coming around. lol But, why not try and date someone your own age?
Bogo123 Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 The big mistake guys make is the minute they feel theyre losing the girl, they try to contact her more to "save" it. It looks like she lost interest. Your best bet in the future when you get an excuse is to let it cool off for a week or so, and then contact her.
that girl Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Jilly Bean is right, it is dead. It sounds like this girl has been trying to blow you off for a while. Women who like you might be busy, but they make an effort. I doubt the issue was not making a move soon enough. It sounds like she just lost interest (the age thing might not have helped).
USMCHokie Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 I echo the thoughts of previous posters...she's no longer interested... Next... BTW, you being 32, what exactly draws you to a 21 year old...?
zengirl Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 This is dead. The second date was just her "giving you a chance" and she knew by the time it was over that she wasn't into you. Probably before-hand. Hence the hug, the juvenile choice of movie (and I like cartoon movies, but I think all together, the way it plays into the date), etc. The lipgloss means very little. I have moisturizer in my lipgloss, and I put it on routinely, without intending anything sexual or romantic. Loads of girls do. It's possible she was taken aback by your age and it creeped her out. (When I was 21, over 30 would've creeped me out but 27 wouldn't have, and it had nothing to do with looks; just "What is a 30 year old doing dating a 21 year old? And what would I be in for?") Or she just wasn't feeling it. Or she's seeing someone else and you were just her "Keep me grounded, so I don't call him" guy while she got something else off the ground. Or she decided she didn't like your nose. Or. Or. Or. You'll probably never know. But she has pulled away, nicely and politely, in typical 21-year-old fashion unsure how to assert herself and say she really doesn't want another date ever. That's my take.
Author Shade20x6 Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 Upon rechecking my text messages, she was still very responsive after the second date, and even enthusiastically agreed to hang out on a day later in the week (the one she ended up canceling on at the last minute due to a "massive headache.") So maybe the lack of a kiss isn't the problem here after all...
Bogo123 Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Don't even bother trying to use logic to try and figure it out, sometimes it doesn't make sense at all but you have to learn to accept it. At this point, your best option is to ignore her and move on. Any further attempts by you will just get her annoyed and drive her further away.
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