oldfashiongirlie Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Hi, I am not sure if I should give my ex fiancé a second chance. We broke up cause he said he was unsure about marriage, and a week after he was going out with a random girl. I feel so betrayed, and he says it's not cheating cause it was after we broke up. What would you do?. I say it's cheating since it was just a week after. Am I wrong? Thanks
Treasa Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 It was not cheating unless you know he was with her BEFORE he broke up with you. If he didn't do it until after, it wasn't cheating. And no, you shouldn't give him another chance or even another thought.
Author oldfashiongirlie Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 Thanks, it's just amazing how easy he forgot about our relationship. But at least for me it's so hard to move on, he was my first love. But I am trying my best...
Treasa Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 As long as you learn from it. You can do so much better than a loser who would do that to you.
Mimolicious Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Thanks, it's just amazing how easy he forgot about our relationship. But at least for me it's so hard to move on, he was my first love. But I am trying my best... Maybe because he was double dipping? Sometimes people bounce and they don't have a "hard time" at all. Why? Because they are damn well entertained already. Think about it. If you left him and you were with another dude, would you be thinking about him or hurting? Probably not. Should you give him another chance? You could. Then when you are in fact married and he pulls this shenanigans behind your back and starts having A's, you'll wish you never married him. (If I knew then... )
GrayClouds Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 The question is not if you will be able to trust him or not, the question what is he going to DO to win back your trust. This is not your problem but his to figure out how he is going to learn to handle his insecurities (if he is not lying about cold feet). He needs to show you by ACTIONS, like talk to a professional to understand why he would do this, suggest both work with a third party to learn better communication skills, read a book or two on intimacy and fear. If he choose to show you through these action what you mean to him, that you have inspired him to be a better person, then may be you will want to drop your guard and give him a chance. .
Ilovecake Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Here is a perfect example of what I was talking about here last week. I still have a hard time understanding why certain people refuse to accept that their relationship is over after someone breaks up with them. Honey your relationship has ended, it's done, it's over, it no longer exists; he can date whoever he wants as can you. Should you give him a second chance if he's dating someone else? No. Did he even ask you for a second chance or are you assuming that it will come to that? If he broke off your engagement this was not a fly the seat of his pants idea. He's probably been preparing for the breakup for some time which means he's check out of the relationship before you ever even knew it was coming.
TLCbear Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 What would I do? Mostly likely, move on simply because dude was seen a week later with another girl and that tells me he wants to be free to play the field. I would not give him the satisfaction of coming back to me whenever he choses. That's why my saying is "once we breakup, it's no looking back, make sure it's whats you really want, cause you will get it." And no, I don't consider it cheating if it was after the breakup, however, I doubt very seriously it was, hence, ending relationship with you "unsure about marriage." I reckon so he's unsure about the marriage when he has another female entertaining him...honey, consider yourself lucky.
Author oldfashiongirlie Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 Thank you everyone, well i was the one that broke up with him back in january, just cause i could not deal with all his insecurities. This is a guy who proposed on top of the eiffel tower, and another thing in the equation is that we were a long distance relationship for over 3 years. So he said maybe we didn't know each other too well to get married, that maybe we were rushing things and stuff. I dealt with those insecurities for 2 months, and then on new years eve, he forgot to call me and that was it. I'd had enough. I know for a fact he's dated a few girls, and now he says he knows he won't ever find anyone like me, bla, bla. And who am i kidding i'm still not over him. Even when i was the one to end the relationship in the first place. That is why I'm confused, cause what if he is truly sorry, and I am not even willing to give him a second chance, and most of all, what if i regret not doing so in the future? Thanks for your help guys, it sure means a lot to me.
TLCbear Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 And who am i kidding i'm still not over him. Even when i was the one to end the relationship in the first place. That is why I'm confused, cause what if he is truly sorry, and I am not even willing to give him a second chance, and most of all, what if i regret not doing so in the future? I understand exactly where you are coming from, I say if you still love him and want it to work go for it! Just my 2 cents, but when ever I'm confused about something, I stay put until I'm absolutely sure of what I'm going to do...I guess that's why I have always overstayed in my relationships, but eventually I ended them...and I don't go back, I keep it moving. I once had a relationship with someone who was 2 hours away, he broke up with me due to personal issues he was going through, however, he came back a year later, and we continue the relationship, even got engaged, however, it didn't last long because at that time I wasn't ready to get married...I wanted to talk to other guys...and I told him this...but boy, was I confused. It was one of the hardest decision I had to make so far, but I finally told him I didn't want to get married (it was more reasons than other guys) and that relationship ended. Never heard from him since that day and I never contacted him, eventhough it hurt me so bad to make that choice, but it was that we wanted 2 different things...so the timing was off. I hear now that he's married with two kids and I wish him the best. Sometimes, I wondered "what if", but I like my life the way it is. Making decision are difficult, but whatever choice we make, we have to live with it and make the best out of it. Good luck to you.
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