gobbleguts Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 My wife mentioned that we needed to 'talk' about a few things, divorce etc... this was the first mention of divorce by her. We've been separated 11 weeks and I think that she thinks she will feel better after the divorce. I think she'll be in for a rude awakening. I was married once before and I know it didn't help me. She has a lot of unresolved issues. Any thoughts? Experiences??
wrencn Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 My wife mentioned that we needed to 'talk' about a few things, divorce etc... this was the first mention of divorce by her. We've been separated 11 weeks and I think that she thinks she will feel better after the divorce. I think she'll be in for a rude awakening. I was married once before and I know it didn't help me. She has a lot of unresolved issues. Any thoughts? Experiences?? (((HUGS))) I'm sorry dear. I don't have any experience because like you I'm just beginning the separation phase. Try not to get too upset. My husband said we had to have a "talk" about the divorce but when it came around to it he had really nothing to say. Do you have people to talk to, like friends and family members, or maybe a divorce support group. I find that talking is really the only way for me to deal with this. You, me and everyone else that has been left knows that divorce isn't going to solve any problems (for the most part) but you've got to let them learn for themselves. I actually look forward to my husband dating again!!!!! I don't believe he's learned anything from our marriage.
Author gobbleguts Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 Thanks for the virtual hug. I have a therapist I talk to and my brother. I can call either of them 24/7. I'll be ok. I'm joining the YMCA and I'm gonna burn the stress off that way. How are you doing Wren?
wrencn Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 I hit a rough spot. Been feeling low the last 4-5 days. I just miss being married and having a family, you know how it feels I'm sure. I forced myself to get out today with the kids and I do feel somewhat better. I've been keeping myself busy and trying to meet people and make friends but that makes me sadder because all I want is my family of 4 back. But I don't want my husband back because he has turned into a selfish prick. I want my old husband back Whine, whine, sob, sob.
habs53 Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 It takes time. Our whole lives have been turned upside down. The spouses we use to know are gone. Are they happier, probably not. Will they be happier, probably not. Will we be happier. Yes
Author gobbleguts Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 Habs and wren = awesomeness. Need I say more?
Author gobbleguts Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 There, there Wren. (Double pat on the back). I'm happy to hear that you got out with the boys. I think your sense of family will come back when your wounds begin to heal. Habs, I agree. And honestly, part of me hopes she'll miserable. The other part of me, about 25%, hopes she'll be happy. She is definately trying to heal through divorce.
HopelessinDTW Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 My wife mentioned that we needed to 'talk' about a few things, divorce etc... this was the first mention of divorce by her. We've been separated 11 weeks and I think that she thinks she will feel better after the divorce. I think she'll be in for a rude awakening. I was married once before and I know it didn't help me. She has a lot of unresolved issues. Any thoughts? Experiences?? I got and e-mail a little over 2 months ago telling me we should separate...yes e-mail. I later found out she was having and affair, and just lying to me that we needed a separation so she could "figure things out"...that was before I joined this forum. A few weeks after the e-mail...I forced her to tell me she wanted a divorce...to my face...to this day she cannot look me in the eyes when speaking. We mainly communicate via e-mail (only regarding kids) and through lawyers. What's my point?? Our wives are not what we once knew as our wives. They have been essencially possessed. So she might look and sound like your wife, but inside is different person. She's lost and in the fog of her MLC...or whatever she's going through. My stbx also has a lot of unresolved issues...but ending a marriage is not the answer to her problems. She doesn't realize that...but that's not your problem now. It's her problem...she needs to figure it out on her own. It's hard...but you just need to keep your distance as much as possible, and aviod any emotion when talking with her...good luck....we all need it!!
Author gobbleguts Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 Thanks DTW. It's amazing that separation and divorce isn't fatal. It feels like it could/should be. We are all on the same path with different variables. Yet, almost all of the equations equal divorce. I've tried to apply mathematics to human relationships (ha, ha) and I'll never get an equation that works. It's a bit of an obsession of mine.
HopelessinDTW Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Thanks DTW. It's amazing that separation and divorce isn't fatal. It feels like it could/should be. We are all on the same path with different variables. Yet, almost all of the equations equal divorce. I've tried to apply mathematics to human relationships (ha, ha) and I'll never get an equation that works. It's a bit of an obsession of mine. Well being an engineer myself...I can certainly relate to what you're try to "solve". But I am afraid there is no closed form solution to this problem . It's all very much undeterministic...the solution domain is a null set. There are just some things out there you just can't explain with logic...you just need to accept that this is now reality. I have a hard time with this, and re-live things in the past to make sense of what's going on now. But this I found to be a non ending game. It's like record that just keeps on skipping and playing the same old song. I am working hard to stop that record from playing in my head, and when I do that will be a sign that I am on the road to moving on in my life.
wrencn Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 DTW- my husband wrote me a letter. And he made it a point to write "I'm leaving you!" in bolded letters. Jerk! Habs- look at you, all wise and knowledgeable. You are strong- I need to lean on your strength right now. Sadly I hope he is miserable. The day I want him to be happy I will know I'm over it all. Can't wait for that day to come. GG- you are full of awesomeness yourself! Even for a Floridian lol. I lived in Clearwater for a year back in 02-03. I wasn't a fan
Author gobbleguts Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 (edited) I still consider myself a Minnesotan. Smarty pants. And ouch on the letter, yikes. DTW, I was in the process of getting educated on the finer points of engineering when my life started to spin out of control. I've 'pulled the chute' and will be going back for more punishment next spring. Edited July 27, 2010 by gobbleguts
Author gobbleguts Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 wren, when will I be able to PM? Is there a trick to it?
wrencn Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 You should be able to pm on August 5th. It takes a month. Or you can pay like 2.50 and become a preferred member- that's the trick to early access.
Author gobbleguts Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 You are wise beyond your years young Jedi. Sometimes it would be nice to chat with someone without sharing the details with everyone.
wrencn Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 You are wise beyond your years young Jedi. Sometimes it would be nice to chat with someone without sharing the details with everyone. I hear ya. PM me as soon as you get access. We can talk smack about our spouses together haha... I'm still in the pissed off stage
Author gobbleguts Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 I'm pissed today too. I wonder if tomorrows full moon will bring more oddities? I will definately PM ya. Talking smack feels really good sometimes.
Steadfast Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 We all have two lives; the ones we planned, and the ones we have. Make the best of the latter-
pinkp Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 I hit a rough spot. Been feeling low the last 4-5 days. I just miss being married and having a family, you know how it feels I'm sure. I forced myself to get out today with the kids and I do feel somewhat better. I've been keeping myself busy and trying to meet people and make friends but that makes me sadder because all I want is my family of 4 back. But I don't want my husband back because he has turned into a selfish prick. I want my old husband back Whine, whine, sob, sob. Thats exactly what I want lol. Sucks ass.
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