wolfiii Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 Well you can read the jist of it here... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t239536/ Yea you read alot of it right due to illness I have a memory wipe so I am having to learn to date again but I feel like the 40yr old virgin well Im inmy 30s but you know what I mean (I have had sex in my teens only thing I can remember is giving oral to a lass which I enjoy sory if thats graphic for here weirdly never kissing or full sex its just wiped). As Im obviously nervous with certain things I need to know some tips of what I should not be doing. I have a nasty habit of being too open (hence on here lol). I tell my dates before we meet which I think will probably be a massive turn off but Im worried I will meet someone at sametime and put them off because I gave them a bad kiss etc... so its a right mind job for me. Ive come out of serious illness so I am learning. Friends that know me say the right person wont care they will probably love me for it even more as it will make them feel special. So I am after some tips of does and donts regarding net dating and meeting. I have already learnt that you should never ask a date if they want to meet you again on that date pmsl. Any other tips. And dont worry you can laugh about it and take the pee it doesnt bother me, if it did I wouldnt be on a open forun discussing it. I just need some boundaries and guidelines of what I should and shouldnt do as I am a kind, caring, romantic and gentle bloke that is a serious open book which wont ever change. Thanks x
SakenPT Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Well you can read the jist of it here... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t239536/ Yea you read alot of it right due to illness I have a memory wipe so I am having to learn to date again but I feel like the 40yr old virgin well Im inmy 30s but you know what I mean (I have had sex in my teens only thing I can remember is giving oral to a lass which I enjoy sory if thats graphic for here weirdly never kissing or full sex its just wiped). As Im obviously nervous with certain things I need to know some tips of what I should not be doing. I have a nasty habit of being too open (hence on here lol). I tell my dates before we meet which I think will probably be a massive turn off but Im worried I will meet someone at sametime and put them off because I gave them a bad kiss etc... so its a right mind job for me. Ive come out of serious illness so I am learning. Friends that know me say the right person wont care they will probably love me for it even more as it will make them feel special. So I am after some tips of does and donts regarding net dating and meeting. I have already learnt that you should never ask a date if they want to meet you again on that date pmsl. Any other tips. And dont worry you can laugh about it and take the pee it doesnt bother me, if it did I wouldnt be on a open forun discussing it. I just need some boundaries and guidelines of what I should and shouldnt do as I am a kind, caring, romantic and gentle bloke that is a serious open book which wont ever change. Thanks x Oh dear, that's not right at all! I am no love Master but i can tell you this, dont rush it, and be yourself..., Girls dont like when boys nag them cheers
Sphere Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 The key to dating is to have fun. There is no need to plan. There is no need to be nervous, there is no need to find the right time to do anything. Dating should be fun, dating shouldn't be a mission. Be natural and have fun. Tear up any "what to do and what not to do on a date" guides. You pick the destination, the time and the main event. Take her along for the ride. So remember have fun, be a man and be human. If you want me to elaborate on anything just ask, but it is all self explanatory, because it is all natural.
Jilly Bean Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Definitely cool it on the oversharing. When someone is too open, too vulnerable, too revealing on a first (or early) date, it can scare the crap out of someone, or just totally turn them off. I know you do this as a form of self-therapy, and I get that. After I OD'd, and first started dating, like an imbecile, I would tell guys ON A FIRST DATE about my drug problem and how it led to the OD incident. I did this as it was so fresh to me, and I felt like I had nothing to hide, but good Lord - I KNOW it turned many guys off. Who wants to date someone who's basically dropping their baggage on the table like that? So, just watch it with that. I disagree with your friends who say the right person will love you no matter what...WRONG. If you're turning women off early, they won't get the chance to love you as they won't want to see you again, and very few except co-dependents will want to see you after an overly revealing first date in which you dump the steamer trunks on them. Again, that's not love - it's co-dependence. BTW, you're very smart to realize dating is a skill. I ended up in a LTR very early in my 20s, so when I got out of it, I made a lot of mistakes, because I didn't have a ton of dating experience before that. And out of personal curiosity, do you still have memory loss? Or has that come back after the coma?
GordonDarkfoot Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Dude, to be honest, I've never actually figured out either 1) women or 2) "the right way" to court and date them. I just bumbled my way through a pretty random assortment of women until I met my wife. Just be cool, I guess. I wouldn't get into your medical history AT ALL, but that's because I can't see how someone's medical history would ever come up in a dating situation, at least not until you've actually gotten into a relationship with someone. If for some reason you do feel the need to speak of it, treat it as an interesting anecdote about something that happened to you, as harsh as this may sound (but I don't mean it to be harsh) try to milk it for its entertainment value if you have to talk about it at all. You know, like how certain guys with lengthy arrest records will talk about it in a very entertaining way while out for a few beers. Not comparing your medical record to a criminal record, but the point is, it's only a "negative" if the girl you're with thinks that you think it's a negative.
Sophia8 Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 The key to dating is to have fun. There is no need to plan. There is no need to be nervous, there is no need to find the right time to do anything. Dating should be fun, dating shouldn't be a mission. Be natural and have fun. Tear up any "what to do and what not to do on a date" guides. You pick the destination, the time and the main event. Take her along for the ride. So remember have fun, be a man and be human. If you want me to elaborate on anything just ask, but it is all self explanatory, because it is all natural. I think that this is perfectly put, just be yourself and have fun. If you feel you have had a fantastic first date and you want to ask her to meet, do so on that date - if she doesn't like that keep dating until you find someone who is on the same track as you. There are many women out there that like guys being completely open and they admire that quality, so just be yourself.
Green Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 The best way to learn is to TEACH YOURSELF. A) don't be afraid to TRY B) Don't let the fear of REJECTION turn you into a fake person who is afraid to say or do anything you think will offend... C) be bold and KISS the girl To sum it up TRY and TRY HARD with NO FEAR of just BEING YOURSELF the version of YOURSELF who has no fear. LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES... and ENJOY YOURSELF... even ENJOY THE REJECTION... NOT CARING to much is something women love and find confident. If you base your entire self worth on being accepted by some random women they will sense it and not be attracted. Basicaly don't be afraid to make mistakes and learn from them. Also accept the fact that DATING is a numbers game. Think of it as finding the perfect fit. You have to just keep trying. and Teach yourself from your mistakes.
Sphere Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 There are many women out there that like guys being completely open. A) Never take a woman's advice on how to be a MAN. No offence to you Sophia, but I judge a woman by her actions, not by what she says. A hard lesson learned lol. B) Do not on a date be completely open and spend the entire date yapping about yourself. What I do is reveal very little about myself (because I am not obliged too, it's a first date, she doesn't need or deserve to know everything about you at once). I also concentrate on ensuring the woman talks more than I do. A woman loves nothing more than to talk about herself. I have yet to go on a date with a woman who doesn't love talking about herself. Of course most of it goes out of one ear and out of the other, unless she says something worth taking note of, i.e. her hobbies or any mention of an ex/or how much she hates men or if she says something I disagree with and then I will tell her I disagree. Don't bring her flowers, poetry or any of that fakery. You don't need it and if a woman expects a gift or gifts then tell her to jog on and find a nice guy to date who will bring her poetry and gifts in abundance. Also if a woman is more than ten minutes late. Leave! Do not hang around looking glum and upset, remember that you are the prize, you are the one who is on the pedestal and your time is valuable. If she is late then that shows A) a lack of interest b) a lack of respect for you and your time. Remember it's all about you. She is has to impress you, she has to grab your attention. She has to unravel the prize. Do not put her on a pedestal, do not be a nice guy in simple terms. Don't be a jerk neither, they're just two sides of the same coin - be the "GREAT Catch". But as I said earlier the most important thing is to have fun, be a man and be human. Also, when you arrive home that evening after the date, I would recommend that you do not ring her or start texting her. Switch off and unwind, do not think about the date, the good points, the bad points, the maybe's, the what if's. Just relax, unwind and sleep if it's a late date. Switch on some James Brown or play on the Xbox. Trust me, it helps not to focus too much on the aftermath. As for kissing, there is no good time to kiss a girl. If you haven't already, read about kino, drum it into your head and use it effectively. I never go straight into a kiss, I always use light kino first. It is better to test the waters before heading in and though it's not fullproof nine times out of ten you can tell what a girl feels for you when you use kino. Nothing heavy, but nothing too subtle either. So remember what I have written, what Green has written (he gets it too) and you should be fine. But do not over-analyze what we have written. Read it, understand it and go out on a date. The problem many men have is that they think a philosophy is going to alter their situation and it won't. It's best thing is to do what comes naturally, let nature be your teacher. Embrace your inner self, your gut feelings, your animal insticts and you will have stand in better shape than PUA's, than nice guys, than jerks because you will have understood what the dating game is all about. Good luck.
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