Chester_f Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 First off i’d like to apolgize if this post makes no sense my mind is all over the place right now, anyway long time reader here but only now registering since I’m in dire need of Some advice. My girlfriend broke up with me 12 days ago stating that she just needed space and time to think things over and that she’s just not sure what she wants right now. She is 25 and I am 27. Needless to say I’m gutted but thankfully I didn’t make all the classic mistakes, the begging, the pleading etc. However we did have several long talks in which I tried to make her see things differently. In our last talk she told me that she would decide about our future after she got back from spain, she has family there who she visits every summer. She said she just has to figure some stuff out and the best place to do that is in spain. Problem is she doesn’t leave for spain for another 4 weeks. I feel I need to go NC to protect my sanity but at the same time I’m just so scared that by going NC I’m ruining our chances of ever getting back together.... It’s just all so confusing I mean she asked me for space yet she still continues to text me and she is also E-mailing me pretty much non stop. How am i supposed to give her space if she keeps on contacting me?. She tells me that she loves me and that she misses me and that she doesn’t have any intention to do anything with anyone else while I’m giving her time and space. But as soon as I bring up us getting back together again she gets really cold and distant or she just stops replying. Could really use some advice here, what do I do? I guess we’re in LC right now but it’s pure agony for me. What do you guys think works best in situations like this? LC or NC?
cookie2 Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 I'd recommend running her texts/emails through this translator.
Thorgs Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 NC will help you heal the fastest...although it is still very painful to go through. I'm on day 18 of NC and day 30 of being broken up. It's still hard but I think if I kept in contact with her and she moved me to the "friend zone" it would be even harder.
Circular Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 However we did have several long talks in which I tried to make her see things differently. In our last talk she told me that she would decide about our future after she got back from spain, she has family there who she visits every summer. She said she just has to figure some stuff out and the best place to do that is in spain. Problem is she doesn’t leave for spain for another 4 weeks. I feel I need to go NC to protect my sanity but at the same time I’m just so scared that by going NC I’m ruining our chances of ever getting back together.... It’s just all so confusing I mean she asked me for space yet she still continues to text me and she is also E-mailing me pretty much non stop. How am i supposed to give her space if she keeps on contacting me?. She tells me that she loves me and that she misses me and that she doesn’t have any intention to do anything with anyone else while I’m giving her time and space. But as soon as I bring up us getting back together again she gets really cold and distant or she just stops replying. Could really use some advice here, what do I do? I guess we’re in LC right now but it’s pure agony for me. What do you guys think works best in situations like this? LC or NC? You need to go NC IMMEDIATELY and stop talking. Stop trying to make her "see things differently". What she's doing is trying to ease the guilt she's feeling for dumping you. And you're falling completely prey to her building her 'justification' of why she dumped you was the right decision. Think about this one line very carefully "But as soon as I bring up us getting back together again she gets really cold and distant or she just stops replying." Why are you bringing up getting back together??? Didn't she dump you?? The DUMPEE never should bring up getting back together, thats NEEDY. Get your wits about you man, man-up. How come she can 'not reply' but you feel obligated to??? You need to just STOP STOP STOP don't reply anymore, don't return text messages, nada. If you feel so in need to reply to feel good just say something short and sweet, no "I miss you", no "I love you", none of that! She's started a war and you're stepping on land mines left and right. Don't reply to her next 3-4 emails, then when she says "Hey, Didnt you get my emails? where are you? How come your not replying??" Say something short and to the point: "I've decided that since we're broken up that I need to move-on and I really need my space right now as well, think about whats transpired, clear my head and all. Have a great trip to Spain." Leave it at that and then don't respond to any more messages. You don't need to fill in any of the gaps.
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 (edited) Honestly, I'd go ahead and break up with her. When someone says they need space/time/break they are well on their way to breaking up with you. Might as well beat them to the punch. I feel I need to go NC to protect my sanity but at the same time I’m just so scared that by going NC I’m ruining our chances of ever getting back together.... Nothing you say or do will increase your chances of getting back together. If you try to hold on to her, you will actually decrease your chances of getting back together. Edited July 26, 2010 by LucreziaBorgia
Treasa Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Everyone said what I was going to say, so I'm just going to ditto every single person above me. Yeah, that sounds so wrong, I know.
whatadeer26 Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 I got the "I need a break" line also. It sucks and isn't fair to us. I've come to the conclusion that they are trying to space hurting or feelings. Which couldn't be further from the truth. It only leave us with false hope. The advice given is easier said than done, but you need to go NC. Give her the breaks she wants. Talking/e-mail/texts will only ease her out of the situation. F that. She will come back if it is meant to be.
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