Not going to move on.

[jen_r]

Moving on isn't an option. I'm just going to accept that and try my hardest to get my ex back. Even though I know he is in search of new girls and could clearly move on easily from me. I don't want this. I want him. I had him, why can't I have him again?

He is the only person I've ever loved. He is the only one that I want to love for the rest of my life. That has to mean something, no? He means the absolute world to me and there must be something there that is not letting me let him go. If this is true love, I'm going to fight for it. I just don't know how to go about it, cause clealry I am doing it wrong and chasing him away and making him angry.

 

I have never felt such a strong bond with someone before and I just...I love him.

 

Do you think I need to back off? Keep in mind he does not contact me and like i said he is looking for new female attention. Or do I show him that I am serious about our relationship and will go to any lengths to fix this?

[DustySaltus]

I know the feeling that you have all too well and i'm sorry you're going through it. I gave up everything for my ex and yet it wasn't good enough. In fact, it was never going to be good enough. I'm not a quitter by nature and from what it seems you are not either. That's a very important and powerful quality to have when used under the right circumstances......to better yourself.

 

The person that you thought he was and the person that he is are not the same. Someone that can move on from us so quickly is surely not supposed to be the one we end up with at the end of the day. That relationship showed you that you were capable of truly loving someone. It's a feeling that you never lose, only rediscover.

 

What was so special about him that makes you unable to accept this? He quit on you and the relationship correct?

[jen_r]

The person that you thought he was and the person that he is are not the same. Someone that can move on from us so quickly is surely not supposed to be the one we end up with at the end of the day. That relationship showed you that you were capable of truly loving someone. It's a feeling that you never lose, only rediscover.

 

What was so special about him that makes you unable to accept this? He quit on you and the relationship correct?

 

He is so special for numerous reasons. He's taught me so much and opened my life up to so many new things. The reaons he quit on me & the relationship is because he feels his family will never accept me. He won't let me try because he says he knows his parents all too well and forgiveness is not in the cards.

I don't understand why he is searching for female attention but, I can look past it...I guess.

[DustySaltus]

He is so special for numerous reasons. He's taught me so much and opened my life up to so many new things. The reaons he quit on me & the relationship is because he feels his family will never accept me. He won't let me try because he says he knows his parents all too well and forgiveness is not in the cards.

I don't understand why he is searching for female attention but, I can look past it...I guess.

 

So he gave up on you because he didn't want to put in the effort to make things work with his parents? Why would they not accept you? Sounds like a cop out to me. Trust me, I know from experience that when a man truly cares about someone they do whatever it takes to make it work. At the end of the day his parents should be happy for him, his excuse is ridiculous. He just seems like a coward. He just gives up, just like that and goes out with other women? Why should he deserve to be with YOU?

[jen_r]

So he gave up on you because he didn't want to put in the effort to make things work with his parents? Why would they not accept you? Sounds like a cop out to me. Trust me, I know from experience that when a man truly cares about someone they do whatever it takes to make it work. At the end of the day his parents should be happy for him, his excuse is ridiculous. He just seems like a coward. He just gives up, just like that and goes out with other women? Why should he deserve to be with YOU?

 

No, he's tried to make his parents understand that I am sorry for the crap that I did. Which was minimal (IE, leaving a family party without saying goodbye, not wanting to do dinner dates with his mom, not being very talkative...), stupid little things if you ask me. Things that are totally forgivable. When he went to them and said he loved me and was going to give our relationship another shot, they flat out told him if he was to continue seeing me that they would no longer speak to him. He is extremely family oriented and he is deathly afraid of losing contact with them. I keep saying that I think it's really messed up that his family would do that and choose to miss out on his life due to dating me. He says "I can't explain my family dynamic to you, you will never understand it." He is a coward is that respect, he is afraid to stand up to his family.

 

So now he feels it just isn't meant to be. He says I always have something to bitch about. I do not see it that way, when we have discussions on what is going on with us and what I need from him - he doesn't give it to me. SMALL, simple things. So, I get alittle aggrivated with him and say "I'm dropping hints to you hun, run with them." and he turns around and literally SNAPS. Like, as of now, I am blocked from calling his phone, and viewing his FB. The only way to contact him is through email. It's like he's snapped, lost his heart and is resenting me or something. I don't understand what is really going on.

 

But I know the person I fell in love with is still there and he is just acting out because he is frustrated with our situation.

[Thorgs]

I think the best thing you can do is give him space.

[harkkam]

I know exactly how you feel. I was there and still I am.

 

But what you have to realize is that there is a unevenness in desire between the two of you.

 

Had this situation been placed on you, if you were in his shoes, you would fight for him against your parents more so than he is fighting for you.

 

Just like with my ex, I would have given her another chance had she made the same mistakes that I did because to me our relationship has more value and not worth giving it up.

 

Our ex's dont value the relationship enough, they dont value us enough to think of us as special and worth keeping around. They fall out of love or start to think of us as replaceable and flawed and not worth trying or fighting for.

 

They give up on us and we wouldnt have given up on them. That is a betrayal in of itself on their part that you loved them so much that had you been in their shoes things would have turned out differently if they had messed up.

 

I am slowly starting to realize that I didnt matter to this person as much as they did to me because I was willing to put more work and effort into the relationship than they were.

 

They didnt FEEL the same value inside their heart for you. Losing you to the world for them is not such a scary thought not something they care about so for them letting you go is easy like flushing down a piece of toilet paper.

 

BUt I am not toilet paper, and I want to find a person that will value me as much as I value them.

[jen_r]

I know exactly how you feel. I was there and still I am.

 

But what you have to realize is that there is a unevenness in desire between the two of you.

 

Had this situation been placed on you, if you were in his shoes, you would fight for him against your parents more so than he is fighting for you.

 

Just like with my ex, I would have given her another chance had she made the same mistakes that I did because to me our relationship has more value and not worth giving it up.

 

Our ex's dont value the relationship enough, they dont value us enough to think of us as special and worth keeping around. They fall out of love or start to think of us as replaceable and flawed and not worth trying or fighting for.

 

They give up on us and we wouldnt have given up on them. That is a betrayal in of itself on their part that you loved them so much that had you been in their shoes things would have turned out differently if they had messed up.

 

I am slowly starting to realize that I didnt matter to this person as much as they did to me because I was willing to put more work and effort into the relationship than they were.

 

They didnt FEEL the same value inside their heart for you. Losing you to the world for them is not such a scary thought not something they care about so for them letting you go is easy like flushing down a piece of toilet paper.

 

BUt I am not toilet paper, and I want to find a person that will value me as much as I value them.

 

 

I know that you are right. I know that a relationship should be equal and both people should be invested in it the same. Maybe it's my job to remind him and show him that I am worth fighting for? I could never love another soul as much as I love him, why doesn't that make him feel special? Hell, if he said that to me I would melt in his friggin arms.

 

I feel like back in high school when you have a thing for that older guy in school and you just know that he'll never give you the time of day and you can only like him from afar. Kind of makes you feel, worthless and not good enough. I feel like that now....lol don't ask me why.

 

I'm going to chalk this whole situation up to the fact that he is the first person I have ever loved. That is why it is so hard, that is why I don't know how to get over it and that i why I wont let go.

[Treasa]

OH MY GOD.

 

Honey, you were dating a NARCISSIST! I can't even tell you all the bells that were ringing in my head! It's almost like we were dating the same person.

 

HE IS NOT A GOOD PERSON. He's a narcissist. It's all about him. You will never be perfect enough. He's going to go from woman to woman to woman, never being truly happy, because it's all about him. When he uses up a woman's affection and she no longer gives him everything he demands, he drops her and goes on to the next victim.

 

And the poor woman left behind feels a searing pain so bad that some exes of narcissists are diagnosed with PTSD. I'm not surprised at all that you're in this much pain. I was in this much pain, too, before I learned the truth. I was merely a placeholder. I gave him what he wanted, but if I asserted myself in any way, it was like I was crucifying him, and poor him, and blah blah blah.

 

It's total and utter crap.

 

Please see a psychologist as soon as you can, please do NOT contact him, please Google narcissism, and please get the book "Getting Past Your Breakup".

 

I'm telling you, he's a narcissist. No empathy, everything is your fault, it's all about him, he's not willing to change because he doesn't have to, he needs female attention, etc.

 

I know you don't see it right now, but you freaking dodged a bullet.

 

You can either go through the pain right now and find someone who's a decent human being, or you can try and get him back and completely give yourself up, and still not get what you want, because for him, it's all about him.

[jen_r]

OH MY GOD.

 

Honey, you were dating a NARCISSIST! I can't even tell you all the bells that were ringing in my head! It's almost like we were dating the same person.

 

HE IS NOT A GOOD PERSON. He's a narcissist. It's all about him. You will never be perfect enough. He's going to go from woman to woman to woman, never being truly happy, because it's all about him. When he uses up a woman's affection and she no longer gives him everything he demands, he drops her and goes on to the next victim.

 

And the poor woman left behind feels a searing pain so bad that some exes of narcissists are diagnosed with PTSD. I'm not surprised at all that you're in this much pain. I was in this much pain, too, before I learned the truth. I was merely a placeholder. I gave him what he wanted, but if I asserted myself in any way, it was like I was crucifying him, and poor him, and blah blah blah.

 

It's total and utter crap.

 

Please see a psychologist as soon as you can, please do NOT contact him, please Google narcissism, and please get the book "Getting Past Your Breakup".

 

I'm telling you, he's a narcissist. No empathy, everything is your fault, it's all about him, he's not willing to change because he doesn't have to, he needs female attention, etc.

 

I know you don't see it right now, but you freaking dodged a bullet.

 

You can either go through the pain right now and find someone who's a decent human being, or you can try and get him back and completely give yourself up, and still not get what you want, because for him, it's all about him.

 

 

You know, it kind of did seem like it was all about him and his family. He always blamed me and said I was needy and still to this day says "you get mad cuz jen doesnt get what Jen wants" and I finally said to him "what have I wanted from you that I have ever gotten? I never get my way with you." He had nothing to say. You may be right...I am going to google it and read up on it.