smk Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 It's been a tough day, complete nightmare, emotional roller coaster that has sunk me deeper into that dark pit... Woke up this morning after dreaming of her wanting to make up, and its been downhill from their... Am having a really tough time not txtin her or phoning her, just to listen to her voice again, tell her to reconsider things to not give up... Each time I close my eyes I see her face, everywhere I look all I see is her, and I can't stop thinking of her...
lullaby Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 It's been a tough day, complete nightmare, emotional roller coaster that has sunk me deeper into that dark pit... Woke up this morning after dreaming of her wanting to make up, and its been downhill from their... Am having a really tough time not txtin her or phoning her, just to listen to her voice again, tell her to reconsider things to not give up... Each time I close my eyes I see her face, everywhere I look all I see is her, and I can't stop thinking of her... Hi Smk! How long have you been in NC? I don't remember now The first weeks are the toughest ones, but it does get easier. I know you want to contact her but you'll get nothing back from it and it will only make you feel worse. Of course you'll do what you feel and no one can't tell you what to do but try to keep busy and take a one of the bad days. There're be plenty of them but you'll get over it.
Author smk Posted July 25, 2010 Author Posted July 25, 2010 Hi Smk! How long have you been in NC? I don't remember now The first weeks are the toughest ones, but it does get easier. I know you want to contact her but you'll get nothing back from it and it will only make you feel worse. Of course you'll do what you feel and no one can't tell you what to do but try to keep busy and take a one of the bad days. There're be plenty of them but you'll get over it. Hey lullaby, its been 12 days and it's been the hardest day so far... Basically since she texted me on Friday night it's been getting worse each day.... I have typed out a hundred msgs and not sent them - I just want this to end...
chooch Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 Hey lullaby, its been 12 days and it's been the hardest day so far... Basically since she texted me on Friday night it's been getting worse each day.... I have typed out a hundred msgs and not sent them - I just want this to end... mate exactly the same position as you right now... Come on we can help each other through this. I want to tell my gf that I've changed, that I really really love her. That she's beautiful and I miss her so much. hang in there
Author smk Posted July 25, 2010 Author Posted July 25, 2010 Yeah I know the feeling I just want to see her, listen to her voice, tell her that I will give her the strength to stand for what she believes is if she did truly believe in us.... I want to say so much to her, just to hold her in my arms, to feel the peace I used to feel when I was with her even if it's just one last time....
lullaby Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 mate exactly the same position as you right now... Come on we can help each other through this. I want to tell my gf that I've changed, that I really really love her. That she's beautiful and I miss her so much. hang in there Yeah I know the feeling I just want to see her, listen to her voice, tell her that I will give her the strength to stand for what she believes is if she did truly believe in us.... I want to say so much to her, just to hold her in my arms, to feel the peace I used to feel when I was with her even if it's just one last time.... I send you both a hug. There'll be tough days and the first weeks are the worst. Actually, the first month is the toughest. Unfortunately, you can't change your ex mind, they have to see for themselves. It all depends on how you handle the situation. NC will help you heal. If you move on or not during the process of NC, well, time will tell, but it's too soon to try to work things out. Believe me. I've been there. I went NC for a whole month, he reappeared and things only got worse. 4 months had to pass for us to have a meaningful conversation about the break up, to come to terms with it, to realize that we both love each other but the time is not right for us to get back. Besides, even if you want to tell her that you've changed, you'll realize you don't need to say it, to prove it, she will see it in the long run, based on your actions and how you manage the situation. I always say that actions are more important than words. We're all here to help. Listen to everything they all have to say and use what's best for you. Don't jump into conclusions because every relationship is different but do follow the advice of letting some time pass to heal and see the relationship from another perspective. Hope you're both doing better.
TaraMaiden Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 OK... *harsh post coming up*. Stop whining. For goodness sake, what is this, a self-pity party? Wouldn't she think you're pathetic if she could see you now? The more you stir up memories of her, the more you build up a false premise. It will never be that way again. It's not going to happen. There's no point wishfully thinking, because that just shoots you deeper down the abyss. You have to stop, as they say, letting her live rent-free in your head. You're doing this to yourself. It's called wallowing, and you really need to stop, because otherwise you are going to talk yourself into breaking NC, because you'll make yourself believe that actually, there is a small chance, if you reason with her good memories, and just remind her of.... whatever .... And then she'll shoot you down in flames, because - guess what? She has exactly the same memories! She was there, remember? And whaddya know? They aren't enough to get her to call you now - so contacting her by breaking NC will do it even less! You have 10 more minutes to dwell on this, and then you need to call a halt. Ring a buddy, go out for a walk, buy a dog, take up a sport, whatever. But pay for something special and constructive to take your attention, instead of wasting your time, whining, pining and wishing. get a grip, guys! C'mon!!
Author smk Posted July 25, 2010 Author Posted July 25, 2010 I just want this day to get over - its been 6 weeks now haven't spoken to her in 12 days and instead of getting easier it just seems to be getting tougher... I know and understand that it's not an overnight process, but I just wish that it would go away... As much as I love her I wish I could flip a switch that would turn of what I am feeling... I can't sleep, I can't eat, I don't even want to get out bed anymore... I am forcing myself to go out with friends, and try and regain some control of my life, but somehow I just can't seem to get out of this state of despair... I have been advocating to others that it's gets better and giving them support yet here I am being a hypocrite and feeling like crap myself...
Treasa Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 Well, you have two choices, really. You can keep going, keep filling your time, keep exercising, keep forcing yourself to go out, and endure the pain. Or you can try fruitlessly to get her back, pine over her, be dangled by puppet strings by her until she gets bored, and endure the pain. Only that pain will last longer because you're stuck in the exact same rut and aren't changing. Look, I hate to sound harsh, but she DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU. I don't care what her father wants. If she were woman enough and loved you enough, that wouldn't be enough to stop her from being with you. And if it is, she is NOT the right person for you! I know you're blinded by love. So was I for a while. It's been two and a half months since my breakup, and I felt suicidal for a while, and I did everything I could to get him back, which was a mistake. When someone walks away from you, they are telling you that it is over. I'm sorry, but it's over. The sooner you accept this, and the sooner you start moving on with your life and realizing she isn't the greatest woman in the world (to you she may be, but that's only because of the blinders you have on), the sooner you'll be happy again. Once I realized that my ex didn't want me anymore, I was really able to move on. Was it hard? Hell yes. Do I still have moments of sadness? Yes, but I tell myself it's temporary and it will get better. And it always does. But you can't be afraid of the pain. You have to start setting some new goals and challenges for yourself. Accomplishments will make you feel better. Keep busy. Exercise a lot. Realize that, at the very least right now, she isn't right for you, no matter how much you want her to be. If she were right for you, right now, she would be with you. It's from pain that we have growth, unless we choose to just dwell in that pain.
Author smk Posted July 25, 2010 Author Posted July 25, 2010 TM & Treasa - thank you for that i really did need that.... I needed to freakin stop wallowing in my misery... Seriously your posts have actually made me want to stick to NC and get on with my life... I am 26, have a good job, make decent money, am good looking, and used to be confident and I need to get back to being him... It's her loss not mine and as you said if she really wants to then she knows where to find me.... And she did have a choice and he chose to up and leave - I did as best as I could and if she couldn't see that then it's her loss... I need to take her off the pedestal and see her for who she really is - someone who ran away on the first sign of trouble and if she couldn't be with during the hard times then she sure as hell does not deserve ms when things are going well... I really needed someone to kick up me up the ar*e and wake up and smell the fresh air....
Thorgs Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 ]It's her loss not mine and as you said if she really wants to then she knows where to find me.... That's exactly it, their loss! My ex's youngest daughter text me today and told me her mom was crying when she read my letter. Well, she ain't comin' knockin' on my door. If she really wanted me back then she would put her pride aside. Her loss. "We are the champions." - Some cool guy I know
Author smk Posted July 25, 2010 Author Posted July 25, 2010 That's exactly it, their loss! My ex's youngest daughter text me today and told me her mom was crying when she read my letter. Well, she ain't comin' knockin' on my door. If she really wanted me back then she would put her pride aside. Her loss. "We are the champions." - Some cool guy I know Well at least you know the letter meant something and hopefully it gave you the closure.... I think that's what are after at the end of it all.... I think I just got my closure from reading TM and Treasa's post - it made so much sense - irrespective of the circumstances she had a choice and made that choice - she left me, and as I said it's her loss not mine - sure I am hurting like a mofo right now but at the end of the day in a day, week, month or whenever I will move on and you know what I won't have the "what ifs" on the back of my mind... I did what I could, and if she bolted it then it's my gain simply because at the end of all of this I know that I will come out being a much stronger person then before I went in... Thorgs Glad to see u r doing well.... We are the champions....
Treasa Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 (edited) You're obviously a very intelligent, well-read, ambitious person. I don't think there's anything wrong with you. This girl just isn't right for you. Please don't give up on your journey. You never know when you'll round that corner and the healing will begin. You will become stronger if you can endure the pain and know that it will get better. And you'll become even stronger if you take active steps to get there during this time. If you're interested in what helped me a lot, Google "getting past your breakup blog". The author of the blog (and the book) is Susan J. Elliott. She dispenses a lot of tough but very helpful love. Send me a PM if you ever want to talk. Edited July 25, 2010 by Treasa
Author smk Posted July 25, 2010 Author Posted July 25, 2010 You're obviously a very intelligent, well-read, person who writes very well. I don't think there's anything wrong with you. This girl just isn't right for you. Please don't give up on your journey. You never know when you'll round that corner and the healing will begin. You will become stronger if you can endure the pain and know that it will get better. And you'll become even stronger if you take active steps to get there during this time. If you're interested in what helped me a lot, Google "getting past your breakup blog". The author of the blog (and the book) is Susan J. Elliott, and she has a book as well. She dispenses a lot of tough but very helpful love. Send me a PM if you ever want to talk. Will definately check out the blog - this was first proper relationship and I guess that's why it got me so messed up... I had built up such huge unrealistic expectations of things in my mind and I guess I was deceiving myself and not being realistic... The irony behind all of this is that I know everything you said was right yet I kept on believing that if I hoped it would work out then somehow it would... I have to let go and move on and become stronger for myself and make a better person out of me and since I am sittin here alive it obviously didn't kill me so its only gonna make me stronger... Her loss - not mine.... From hereforth I am gonna work on taking her off the pedestal because no one is perfect and neither was she... There are countless memories of bad times and countless memories of good times and unfortunately no matter what I say or do it's not going to change the fact that SHE left me not the other way round... She made the choice and she needs to live with the consequences of her actions whether positive or negative.... We are the champions and we will survive....
Thorgs Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 Thorgs Glad to see u r doing well.... We are the champions.... Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm still a bloody mess, but like you, I'm taking this one day at a time. The hardest part for me is that her daughters still look up to me and I will be seeing them at school so all the old feelings will be coming back. It's going to be extremely hard. I guess the best thing for me to do is to stand tall and gain my confidence again. It will surely get back to her and she'll keep realizing what she is missing out on. The same goes for you. You know she asks about you at work and if you are confident and get back to who you are she will surely find out and realize she made a huge mistake. As hard as it is for me, this is what I do. Since I still love her and always will at some level, I can't really focus on her imperfections because I look past that. What I do focus on are the mean things she did to me. That helps a little bit anyways. We are a lot alike...maybe even twins when it comes to our ex's. It's hard for me to get out of bed on the weekends and keep myself busy with my down time, but I know one day we will be stronger people because of our experiences.
Author smk Posted July 25, 2010 Author Posted July 25, 2010 (edited) Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm still a bloody mess, but like you, I'm taking this one day at a time. The hardest part for me is that her daughters still look up to me and I will be seeing them at school so all the old feelings will be coming back. It's going to be extremely hard. I guess the best thing for me to do is to stand tall and gain my confidence again. It will surely get back to her and she'll keep realizing what she is missing out on. The same goes for you. You know she asks about you at work and if you are confident and get back to who you are she will surely find out and realize she made a huge mistake. As hard as it is for me, this is what I do. Since I still love her and always will at some level, I can't really focus on her imperfections because I look past that. What I do focus on are the mean things she did to me. That helps a little bit anyways. We are a lot alike...maybe even twins when it comes to our ex's. It's hard for me to get out of bed on the weekends and keep myself busy with my down time, but I know one day we will be stronger people because of our experiences. well you seem to be doing a little bit better then before... i can only imagine how hard that must be for you - seeing her daughters ever day... but as you said the best way forward is to stand tall and confidence and look forward instead of for the past... yeah i realised that I really need to stop being a whiny little B**** and pick myself up... i can only move forward and get out of this if i truly want too - and i think in my mid i kept on thinking that if i dig myself out i will somehow lose any chance of things working out in the future - but as treasa mentioned the damage has been done - she decided she no longer wanted to be with me - i cant force someone to be with me - i cant force her to come back and so i may as well move forward - and who knows what the future holds in store for us.... something better for sure.... life puts us through these tests every so often and they only serve one purpose and that is to strengthen us - to allow us to grow into becoming better people to allow us to fully understand ourselves.... love happens, heart breaks happen, but the world does not stop revolving around the sun... i realised that there are countless other things going on in our world right now that are bigger than my break up (i know someone also mentioned this in one of the other posts) - there a kids out there going hungry, i have 3 meals a day, a roof over my head, and a savings account - and if each day those kids can wake up and face the world i sure as hell can do the same.... i dont see her stopping her life so why the hell should i - from what i heard she has been out almost every night since we broke up - catching up with "friends" that she never even liked, so why the hell am i beating myself up??? and i really needed to hear the harsh reality of it and i go that here today and it really knocked some sense into my head... i cant say for sure how i will be tomorrow but i know this much till tomorrow arrives or the roller coaster starts again i am going to continue moving on.... i cant seem to focus on anything negative about her - there were some mean moments and yet i cant even bring myself to replay them... yeah it seems like we are both in excatly the same place with our exes...LOL.... LS Twins - and look at the plus side i know i have met some great people here and hopefully will one day be able to pass on some of the great advice i have received here... I know you and I and everyone else here will move on, we will get past this because as i say "We are the champions"..... Edited July 25, 2010 by smk
Thorgs Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 well you seem to be doing a little bit better then before... i can only imagine how hard that must be for you - seeing her daughters ever day... but as you said the best way forward is to stand tall and confidence and look forward instead of for the past... yeah i realised that I really need to stop being a whiny little B**** and pick myself up... i can only move forward and get out of this if i truly want too - and i think in my mid i kept on thinking that if i dig myself out i will somehow lose any chance of things working out in the future - but as treasa mentioned the damage has been done - she decided she no longer wanted to be with me - i cant force someone to be with me - i cant force her to come back and so i may as well move forward - and who knows what the future holds in store for us.... something better for sure.... life puts us through these tests every so often and they only serve one purpose and that is to strengthen us - to allow us to grow into becoming better people to allow us to fully understand ourselves.... love happens, heart breaks happen, but the world does not stop revolving around the sun... i realised that there are countless other things going on in our world right now that are bigger than my break up (i know someone also mentioned this in one of the other posts) - there a kids out there going hungry, i have 3 meals a day, a roof over my head, and a savings account - and if each day those kids can wake up and face the world i sure as hell can do the same.... i dont see her stopping her life so why the hell should i - from what i heard she has been out almost every night since we broke up - catching up with "friends" that she never even liked, so why the hell am i beating myself up??? and i really needed to hear the harsh reality of it and i go that here today and it really knocked some sense into my head... i cant say for sure how i will be tomorrow but i know this much till tomorrow arrives or the roller coaster starts again i am going to continue moving on.... i cant seem to focus on anything negative about her - there were some mean moments and yet i cant even bring myself to replay them... yeah it seems like we are both in excatly the same place with our exes...LOL.... LS Twins - and look at the plus side i know i have met some great people here and hopefully will one day be able to pass on some of the great advice i have received here... I know you and I and everyone else here will move on, we will get past this because as i say "We are the champions"..... Yeah, I have my ups and downs, but at the end of the day, I can say I tried my best and that's what matters.
Author smk Posted July 25, 2010 Author Posted July 25, 2010 Yeah, I have my ups and downs, but at the end of the day, I can say I tried my best and that's what matters. that's all that matter... You, me, we all tried our best and that is what matters... I read this somewhere and it cheered me up hopefully it will do the same for you and anyone else who reads it.. "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at time hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst then you absolutely don't deserve me at my best". I am not that that we are those things, but in some ways it makes sense - we tried and they made a choice to leave us - so hey we will suffer, and we will feel the pain, and we will feel like crap, but you know what at least we know that we will never have the "what if" in the back of our mind... I recall as we broke up my ex said to me that in the back of her mind she will always have a "what if" about us... It was her decision to take the easy way out, and hey now she will llive with the consequences... Not me - we have all taken a beating, and sooner or later we will be in a better place and we will one day find someone who will truly love us with as much passion as we deserve.. I watched "he's just not that into you today" (dont ask, and dont judge me - i have a thing for chick flicks at the moment) and right at the end there was a brilliant quote (forget about the gender - it was brilliant) "Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bands and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."
Thorgs Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 That's a good movie. You might like, Forgetting Sarah Marshell. (Yeah, I'm man enough to say I like some chick flicks, haha) It's kind of like what we're going through...but I wont say too much so I don't give it away. Check it out if you haven't seen it already. Thanks for the words...you should become a writer
lullaby Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 That's a good movie. You might like, Forgetting Sarah Marshell. (Yeah, I'm man enough to say I like some chick flicks, haha) It's kind of like what we're going through...but I wont say too much so I don't give it away. Check it out if you haven't seen it already. Thanks for the words...you should become a writer One great movie is 500 Days of Summer. Did you watch it?
Author smk Posted July 25, 2010 Author Posted July 25, 2010 That's a good movie. You might like, Forgetting Sarah Marshell. (Yeah, I'm man enough to say I like some chick flicks, haha) It's kind of like what we're going through...but I wont say too much so I don't give it away. Check it out if you haven't seen it already. Thanks for the words...you should become a writer Yeah saw it with the ex- lol... Atleast we aren't on a holiday watching her with the Rebound... That would be torture... I like the occasional chick flick - have been watching them a lot lately... Watched 3 today - notting hill, he's just not into you and hitch. All good movies... Glad the words help, it the one form of communication through which I can best express myself.... Maybe I could write a self help book on break ups.... Hehehe make some money out of this experience... I think when we truly feel an emotion we somehow seem to best express it in the written word.... I have read some excellent words here on LS....
AlwaysConflicted Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. I like this line because I actually did it. I drove to my ex's house...knocked on her door and said, "I'd like my girlfriend back". She always said actions speak louder than words so I said to her, "It doesn't get more active than this. What I'm doing at your doorstep doesn't happen often. I think we're worth fighting for so I came to apologize". I didn't beg, but I certainly made 1 last great stand. Looking back it was pretty epic and romantic. Even she appreciated it, but it didn't matter because she no longer had the same feelings for me. I proved that life is in fact NOT a movie.
Author smk Posted July 26, 2010 Author Posted July 26, 2010 I like this line because I actually did it. I drove to my ex's house...knocked on her door and said, "I'd like my girlfriend back". She always said actions speak louder than words so I said to her, "It doesn't get more active than this. What I'm doing at your doorstep doesn't happen often. I think we're worth fighting for so I came to apologize". I didn't beg, but I certainly made 1 last great stand. Looking back it was pretty epic and romantic. Even she appreciated it, but it didn't matter because she no longer had the same feelings for me. I proved that life is in fact NOT a movie. i am contemplating making that 1 last stand - but i after reading Treasa's post yesterday I am not going to... if she did truly love me and want to be with me then she would have stood up for our relationship and defied all odds - unfortunately she didnt - in the future who knows maybe if we are destined to be together then we will be. I know its hard standing up to your folks - but it has been done before and no parent will ever spend their life not talking to their own child irrespective of what they have done... I remember her once telling me that I was the different one - the one who defied all logic - i was the exception and i always did things differently compared to everyone she had been with before - and you know what I am and I was and i wont go back like all her other ex's have... i dont think that i need to justify my love to her - if she truly did know and believe it then its best left unspoken... he knows where to find me and again if we are truly destined to be together then who knows what the future holds in store for us... AC i mean no offence by this post to you - i think i am just ranting a little - but there is still a part of me that wants to make that last stance but i wont - in a few days/weeks who knows - but i just need to focus on myself at the moment.....
cdt76 Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 But you already did it. You already made that last stand. It was the last thing you said to her. The last conversation you had. You said everything you could to win her back. Maybe you cried maybe you didn't. But you said and did everything that could be said. You don't need that last bit of drama to put a stamp on it. It won't help. It won't change the past nor the present and it sure as heck won't change the future. You are on your own now. Your last conversation with her is your last, no matter how much else you have to say. Know inside your heart that you already said what needed to be said and she flushed it anyway. We've all been there. No love doesn't come around everyday but it's out there somewhere. Keep your dignity. Be the man you want to be and stay strong. (Odd, I'm saying this to myself as I say it to you!
Thorgs Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 One great movie is 500 Days of Summer. Did you watch it? I have seen parts of it...it seemed like a quirky movie. But you already did it. You already made that last stand. It was the last thing you said to her. The last conversation you had. You said everything you could to win her back. Maybe you cried maybe you didn't. But you said and did everything that could be said. You don't need that last bit of drama to put a stamp on it. It won't help. It won't change the past nor the present and it sure as heck won't change the future. You are on your own now. Your last conversation with her is your last, no matter how much else you have to say. Know inside your heart that you already said what needed to be said and she flushed it anyway. We've all been there. No love doesn't come around everyday but it's out there somewhere. Keep your dignity. Be the man you want to be and stay strong. (Odd, I'm saying this to myself as I say it to you! I agree, it's easier to give advice to someone in a similar situation than it is to use our own advice. Life is tricky but we will all get through it.
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