Anyone in a successful marriage with someone of the same religion, but not as...

[HeldbyGravity]

religious as you are?

 

I am asking because my boyfriend is perfect in the way that he respects me, listens, is kind...

 

But he is not as strong of a Christian as I am, and it makes me nervous. I always look ahead, so I'm afraid of religion and marriage clashing.

[Enchanted Girl]

I'm not in a marriage, but I've been in a relationship for 5 years and I'm in the exact same position you are and was worried about it as well, at first.

 

I go to church a lot. My boyfriend never does. I've read the Bible all the way through many times. My boyfriend has not. Etc., etc.

 

Part of the reason you're probably worried about this, I think, is because a lot of Christians insist that women should only marry a man who is a stronger Christian than they are because he's the "leader" of the household and will guide the direction the family is going to go or whatever.

 

In reality, the Bible doesn't say anything about men having to be at least as strong of a Christian as the woman is in order for the relationship to work.

 

Let me put it this way . . . . . in a relationship, two people's strengths and weaknesses are supposed to balance and help each other out. His weakness might be in religion, but it's not the end of the world. Expecting men to be strong and lead the relationship in every area actually puts too much pressure on them, as I have learned. Why should they have to be great and lead at everything? It's a big burden to them.

 

I hope this makes sense. I mean, maybe you had a different background to me, but my church always grilled it into my head over and over again these ideas, which are wrong.

 

I only think this will be a problem if you are the kind of Christian who makes a lot of decisions because you feel God told you too and he hates Christians who make decisions based on that or something. Or if it's going to make you really angry if he doesn't go to church with you every week. If you are both flexible and compromising about the other person in this area, then it shouldn't be a problem. You're both Christians, which actually means you have something in common, rather than something that makes you different.

[HeldbyGravity]

I'm not in a marriage, but I've been in a relationship for 5 years and I'm in the exact same position you are and was worried about it as well, at first.

 

I go to church a lot. My boyfriend never does. I've read the Bible all the way through many times. My boyfriend has not. Etc., etc.

 

Part of the reason you're probably worried about this, I think, is because a lot of Christians insist that women should only marry a man who is a stronger Christian than they are because he's the "leader" of the household and will guide the direction the family is going to go or whatever.

 

In reality, the Bible doesn't say anything about men having to be at least as strong of a Christian as the woman is in order for the relationship to work.

 

Let me put it this way . . . . . in a relationship, two people's strengths and weaknesses are supposed to balance and help each other out. His weakness might be in religion, but it's not the end of the world. Expecting men to be strong and lead the relationship in every area actually puts too much pressure on them, as I have learned. Why should they have to be great and lead at everything? It's a big burden to them.

 

I hope this makes sense. I mean, maybe you had a different background to me, but my church always grilled it into my head over and over again these ideas, which are wrong.

 

I only think this will be a problem if you are the kind of Christian who makes a lot of decisions because you feel God told you too and he hates Christians who make decisions based on that or something. Or if it's going to make you really angry if he doesn't go to church with you every week. If you are both flexible and compromising about the other person in this area, then it shouldn't be a problem. You're both Christians, which actually means you have something in common, rather than something that makes you different.

 

Wow, this answer really blew me away.

 

Never thought about the strengths and weaknesses thing. A sort of "You complete me" mentality. It's familiar, my boyfriend speaks of us this way. And it isn't fair of him to hold all the weight.

 

No, I'm not the type of Christian who listens to every single thing that a preacher has to say, following the church of an angry God. I study and make my own decisions. He... ha, he actually offered to go to church with me one day when I mentioned that I hadn't gone in a while, so no, that wouldn't be a problem. And I wouldn't make him go, you can't force faith into anyone (that usually ends up pushing the person away from faith actually, I find).

 

... thank you. In my fluster, this is a new perspective that I didn't really consider.

[Enema]

Just make sure you agree on core principles before getting engaged/married.

 

ie. How to raise children, tithing - anything that a less religious person could have a problem with.

[HeldbyGravity]

No, it does not mean that. I don't even go to church anymore, though I'm thinking that I'd like to start going again. He hasn't gone in a while because he has been away on and off for a while, as part of his education. He used to go with his family. I am fine with that. I'd never force him to go. He once offered to go with me though, saying that I should start going again, after he learned of how strong my faith was (I stopped going after my dad died- we used to go together...).

 

I am the kind of person who wakes up and prays silently, prays throughout the day. I listen to Christian music and talk to my brother about the Bible. I believe in a loving God, and I live my religion (I don't preach by saying, but by showing).

 

His beliefs are more lax, that's all.

 

Just make sure you agree on core principles before getting engaged/married.

 

ie. How to raise children, tithing - anything that a less religious person could have a problem with.

 

Yeah, one day I'm going to have to talk to him about that. I plan on it.

Edited July 26, 2010 by HeldbyGravity