mastarLaps Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 We have been dating for three years. Just recently it had become a little strange between the two of us. I was not feeling her love as much as before and as I could tell it was the same for her. Last week we had a talk about it and she started by saying that everything will be fine and we will get through the hardships. She then carefully merged into explaining how she lost all the flaming love feelings that she had for me before but she does not want to break up with me. She is afraid to make a mistake and go ahead and hurt me by cutting the wire but is also afraid to keep going and hurt me by not giving me the affection she had been giving me before. She said she was confused and did not know what she wanted. Yesterday we had another talk about it and she admitted that she had kissed a guy several weeks back (A guy I was suspecting but not giving it way too much attention because that would be the last thing I believed about her in the whole world) She then told me it was very stupid of her and she is sorry for what happened. She said she needs time and it would be best if we took a break to let her think and sort her thoughts. At first I was raging about what she told me but then almost instantly I was ready to forgive her just for the sake of getting back together and fixing everything up. I am sure that would not have happened if there was not some serious flirting going on from the guy's side. Now I haven't slept last night and still can't. I am really struggling with myself right now. Yesterday when I was leaving her place to get home, she went for a walk around the block to think... She asked me not to do anything stupid on the way home and well I didn't but this morning I could not resist and call her to ask whether she was fine and wherher she got home allright. She said she was fine and suggested that I get some rest after a sleepless night and I asked her whether it would be best not to call her for now and give her time to think - she said yes. So I hung up and now I am just sitting here and eating myself up not knowing what to do. I've had several women in my life but never anything like this. Eventhough I am young and I am sure I haven't seen everything out there I was completely set on making this work and marrying her. I did not want to look for anybody else I thought I found my soulmate. Now I also read this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t198074/ and I do understand that from outside it looks like just another girl dumping a person for someone else but I can not accept that in my head. I want her back but I don't know how to. I feel like I would do anything to make things work and come back to what it used to be. I know how the suggestions are to just move on. But I can't. I am seeking any form of suggestion from you guys. She said let's not guess what's going to happen next and give it some time. I don't want to but in my head I already want to know the answer of what is coming up. I can almost hear someone telling me that it will be allright and we will get back. I want to hear that and I want to know that. But I don't and there is nobody else I can turn to. She is the only person in the world I have and nobody has been closer to me or known/accepted more about me.
GrayClouds Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 I am really sorry for what your going through, You sound like a kind and thoughtful person, and sadly you do know what is going to be told to you. It really hard to let go. You said you are willing to do any to make it work, and while it does go against everything your feeling at the moment, your best chance is to read and do the following link: So you want a second chance? It time to put you first. I suspect that is something that come difficult for you but now it the time to learn how. Again sorry, but it will get better.
spyyder Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 Ok sorry bro but your relationship is over. It doesn't mean that you won't go out with this girl again, or that you won't eventually marry her one day but right now your current relationship with her IS OVER. She kissed another guy and lied as her love for you probably started to dissolve when this happened AND as she starts to think about this other guy. That breaks all trust and will make it impossible for you to really trust her again. This has also made you become incredibly jealous (with reason!) which will start to push her away and make you go nuts, even more so if you try to control/hide it. You controlled your jealousy a few weeks back when you suspected her doing something with another guy....this jealousy proved to be true as she did kiss him. NOW, every time you get jealous you will think that she is doing something with another guy, and the worst part is that you now know that she is capable of doing so. You NEED to break up ASAP. Try to move on for now, and believe that just because you break up doesn't mean you'll never get her back again or not spend your life with her again. You need to reject your current relationship and start a new one with her. Obviously you can't start a new one with her until you have a clean slate, so give it about 6 months or a year. go out with other women, improve yourself (just like how greyclouds has said), etc. If you ever want to get her back, you need to get things back to scratch, all clean, and then start again as if you never met AND be a better person so she sees what she's missing out on.
ngo_ng Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 Spyyder I know your post was directed to android but it helped me out so much as I am living through the same exact thing. Thank you! Sincerely! I hope you well too.
ngo_ng Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 Following up with the earlier post. I'm moving on, but I was just wondering if a female member could decode this for me please. Her: There is something you should know. I worry about nothing now. I want to keep nothing from you. Pictures are all deleted from my laptop. I'm happy now and i've never been that happy in my life. My dad doesnt need your help anymore. I dont need to know if you moved on or not. It's none of my business. What about you doesnt concern me. --------- why does she feel the need to break NC to tell me this? Why is this something I SHOULD know? In short here is a brief summary of our relationship again: we just ended a 2.5 year relationship. we broke up 3x, 2 of which I initiated and the last time was her. The first year, I wasn't into her but loved her ever since. We broke up because of not being able to talk through issues without being dramatic about it. Last time she broke up with me, I changed, I did my best to be with her again. I didn't leave her proper time to heal nor did I. we got back together unofficially, we were the happiest at that point although she was officially still single so she met another guy. Last week she let me know that we're officially done for and in the future it's going to be him and him alone. I wanted to remain friends but I pissed her off by getting his contact info through her phone. I called him out for a friendly chat where I wished him all the best. Saturday, we met at a friend's birthday and the guy was there. I was a perfect gentleman about the whole ordeal. I texted her yesterday just to say it was nice seeing her again and how happy she looked and that I wanted her to return my things through a friend of hers. That all leads to that last email. I do not see the use of sending that e-mail after somewhat NC of a week. So I ask female readers to tell me what is going through her mind without using vulgar language please. Thank you
GrayClouds Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 Following up with the earlier post. I'm moving on, but I was just wondering if a female member could decode this for me please. Her: There is something you should know. I worry about nothing now. I want to keep nothing from you. Pictures are all deleted from my laptop. I'm happy now and i've never been that happy in my life. My dad doesnt need your help anymore. I dont need to know if you moved on or not. It's none of my business. What about you doesnt concern me. --------- why does she feel the need to break NC to tell me this? Why is this something I SHOULD know? In short here is a brief summary of our relationship again: we just ended a 2.5 year relationship. we broke up 3x, 2 of which I initiated and the last time was her. The first year, I wasn't into her but loved her ever since. We broke up because of not being able to talk through issues without being dramatic about it. Last time she broke up with me, I changed, I did my best to be with her again. I didn't leave her proper time to heal nor did I. we got back together unofficially, we were the happiest at that point although she was officially still single so she met another guy. Last week she let me know that we're officially done for and in the future it's going to be him and him alone. I wanted to remain friends but I pissed her off by getting his contact info through her phone. I called him out for a friendly chat where I wished him all the best. Saturday, we met at a friend's birthday and the guy was there. I was a perfect gentleman about the whole ordeal. I texted her yesterday just to say it was nice seeing her again and how happy she looked and that I wanted her to return my things through a friend of hers. That all leads to that last email. I do not see the use of sending that e-mail after somewhat NC of a week. So I ask female readers to tell me what is going through her mind without using vulgar language please. Thank you She may be trying to get one last jab in to hurt you but she is also telling you to leave her alone, you may think your being friendly but your showing stalker like behavior and likely creeping her out. There is no somewhat NC, stop contact with her, her boyfriend, family, facebook etc etc etc. And if there is a function she is going to be there do not go, and if you can not help yourself do nt even look at her if you go.
ngo_ng Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 She may be trying to get one last jab in to hurt you but she is also telling you to leave her alone, you may think your being friendly but your showing stalker like behavior and likely creeping her out. There is no somewhat NC, stop contact with her, her boyfriend, family, facebook etc etc etc. And if there is a function she is going to be there do not go, and if you can not help yourself do nt even look at her if you go. Would women really go out of their way just to pull a last jab out of spite? She's the one that broke up with me when I was the best boyfriend she's ever seen. I know her new coward of a boyfriend is manipulating her to hate me but still... there's got to be a limit to this hate when all I am doing is exactly that...NOTHING. I'm in NC, not even looking her up online. Is that a possibility? you really think I am stalking her? It is very tempting but I haven't so what is wrong with this picture... In all honesty I didn't even imagine of the possibility of her thinking I was stalking. We have common friends so its impossible for me to avoid her altogether but I will however not initiate any contact with her and butt out of her life. I won't ignore her...that's totally foolish and childish IMO. even though you are on bad terms with someone, you can go NC but to ignore them like they are strangers and you don't know them is totally bullocks. I am not in the wrong here and I will not act that way. I have been a total gentleman up to know, all they are doing is degrading themselves and losing my respect. What is it that makes people think like that, is outside of my capacity of understanding.
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