truthalwayshurts Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 (edited) Hi everyone; First of all i have been reading a lot of stories on the forums trying to figure out about my situation and after 2 weeks been reading about it all decided to share my situation with everyone on here for some more experienced opinions. So any reply is appreciated. I will take my time to write mostly everything gone through my relationship without missing any fake information. I hope some of you can take some time to read and advice me as i just cant seem to get over this. I have started dating with my ex girlfriend 4 years ago at that time she was 17 and i was 20. At the start i be honest with everyone i never had any feelings for her all i wanted to do is just play around have fun and move on as i never had any feelings she was running after me like a dog and dying to see me even 5-10 minutes... Slowly slowly i started to trust her and everything seemed moving very fine. At that time i was living with my parents and she was living with her parents and we were seeing each other 3-4 times a week but then again after the time passed we started seeing each other nearly 7 days a week basically i was with her outside my work hours all the time. Within this 2 years period we have been weekend away to my country (Im originally Turkish and my ex girlfriend Irish but born and grown in England). Everything really seemed so nice in that 2 years period and i really started to thought that she was the one for me and i was thanking God every night for making this happen in my life! Long story short my parents decided to move to different city after 2 years and i have sat down and spoke to her about this and my work is based in where we were living so i said rather then keeping distance in our relationship i can rent a place out here and we can carry on. So i rented a place out to stay in the same city and shortly after she wanted to move in with me. But in her house her and her mother were not getting on well she had no job etc... Also her mother 1 minute happy about our relationship and next minute telling her that we are from different cultures etc.. so it would not work bla bla bla. Im very open person and very straight forward. To me theres nothing can not work as long as i want to make it work. I am not the selfish type basically. Anyway she moved in with me and when she moved in with me she had no job nothing and i have supported her all the time. Never asked any penny to her parents while she was with me. She lived with me 1 and half years same no job no income nothing i was buying all her clothes, make up, food, taking her to holiday etc... So you name it i was doing it because i was trusting her too much. Even on christmas, fathers day, mothers day, her parents birthdays i was buying a lot of presents for all of them behalf of me and her. So never basically let them see that she was having a bad life. A year and half later i found her 3-4 jobs that she did not like and left and finally i have found her another job where she currently works still been about 5-6 months. But since she has been living with me i found out some bad points about her like she never cooks, never cleans, never washes nothing at all. Yes i was telling her say Monday when are you going to hoover and the answer i was getting was like i do it Sunday etc... Hoovering takes 10 minutes only lol. When my parents met her they have told me she is very nice person but not the person to build a family with. But i have kept told them that she would learn 1 day and kept ignoring all these bad bits of her. In 4 years time we have broke up 2 times since we started living together 1 reason was i told her that i cant cope with her anymore she is so lazy and selfish not doing anything good and i took her back to her mums house and a day later she wanted to be back so i took her back (wish i didnt) 2nd brake up was due to she didnt know what she wants in the life etc... typical excuses and i said ok and again took her back. And 4 days later she came back again and she said she realised what she has done was wrong and childish etc... after talking to her then again stupid me took her back... I am not saying im perfect but i would like to draw these lines to your attention to see everything as clear as possible. My ex girlfriend was shopaholic yes thats right. All she could do is shop shop shop without getting tired at all and im the type like to save and build a future but yes get all the needs as well in the normal life and go out etc.. Im not the clubbing type more like im house family type of person and thats the way she was too she been club once and she said she couldnt stand there. I dont drink alcohol and no not because of my religion just because i dont like the taste of it and she is not a drinker either only when we were on holiday she was drinking 1 or 2 and i have never minded any of it. She was shopping all the time buying new tops skirts etc.. but the problem was she was not wearing the stuff she bought after at all. She was dumping everything into wardrobes and this was just driving me crazy and was keep telling her if you are not going to wear why are you buying these and wasting money. She has a personality like she is living her life to satisfy other people around her. For instance if she loves a trousers and buys that and if someone tell her that trousers is not looking good on her then despite how much she loved that trousers but she would never wear it again. By the way she come from quite rich family so never seen the harder bit of the life whatsoever. She is been handed whatever she wanted through her life and i was keep doing so because i was really trusting her more then anyone in the planet. Since she born here and went all the schools etc... in this city she never had any school or childhood friend. She knew people but never in contact with anyone i dont know why but people around me that knows her as well they told me she has nothing to talk about all she do is sit down and smile but dont have any opinion for anything. She is the type that she thinks she knows it all but never interested to learn anything at all. For instance say 30 mins later we are going to pop outside and weather is rainy and cold she would ask can she have shower before we pop out and i say its cold outside you might get ill so have your shower when we come back and she responds ok yes thats fine but after 2 minutes she just have shower lol i know sounds dumb but still i cant help. There has been a lot of stories like this since i have met her and the funniest story was i have asked her way before living together that if someone do naughty things on her computer would blue flashing lights appear on the monitor i said thats called internet police lol and guess what she asked that to her mother.... When this happened she was 18 years old. Ok stories enough for now i guess in the last year of our relationship she was keep asking me when im getting rings to engage when we are going to get married etc... She has asked me this question quite a few times. Whether she was working or not working even if i was out at work i was on the phone to her for all that time i was at work not due to trust just because she wanted that way. She was loving to be on the phone to me even if i was not beside her in the whole 4 years yes i was on the phone say if i was out at work for 6 hours yes thats right i was on the phone to her for 6 bloody hourse and everyday!. Time to time i was complaining her about the cleaning cooking washing ironing etc... and was telling her to end this relationship because she is not doing anything and i was telling her to ring her mother and tell her that i want to take her back but she was never ringing her mother and apology to me after 10-15 mins. She was telling me i have a very high temper, i make little things into big matters etc... I was telling her no one is perfect etc... I was keep telling her that our relationship is getting very serious and i dont want to get hurt once we get married etc.. and she was telling me back that i was her world and she cant see a life without me etc.. But time to time she was asking me that would i be better of with turkish girl and i was telling her that to me turkish english irish american no matter as long as we are happy thats the main thing. My parents always treated her just like their daughter believe me! I took her in 4 years 3 times back to my own country to meet with my whole family 3 times! We heard last year that my grand father have cancer and when i heard that i felt like someone shot my head and i felt so bad even now when i write this i am crying So on 20th June we went back to Turkey for holiday and then last a few days of our trip we go and see my grandparents maybe this was the last time we would see them. Anyway we went to Turkey everything was normal me and her was going out and about everything seemed perfectly normal. We werent staying in a hotel because we have places in Turkey and the place we go for our holiday is one of the good holiday destination in turkey so not a boring place sun sea beach nightlife etc.. full of foreign tourists and attractions and past years she was always asking me when are we going to move there etc... This year we stayed in our house for 2 weeks and after 2 weeks the room we stayed in was big mess believe me you tie a dog and dog wouldnt stay and my parents were due to go after we come back. I started telling her off that she makes a mess and never clean up her mess etc.. These are just arguments never ever big fight or anything after 5-10 minutes we were ok always. In 4 years i have never raised my hand or sweared at her. Anyway then we went for 16 hours drive to see my grand parents and on the day we got there my grandad felt bad and took him to hospital so basically for our luck we only had hours to spend with them in hospital. When we went hospital i couldnt keep myself and started crying so bad because i have spent half of my life with my grandparents and they are more important then my mother and father in my life. She felt so sad there too and started crying again when we were in the U.K. we were ringing them up everyday and asking how they are etc.. even they couldnt speak english but i teached my girlfriend very basics to ask how are you etc.. so they could hear her as that made them very happy. Anyway we came back from holiday on 3rd July and again everything was normal and she found out that her dad was moving to 2 hours away and this made her feel like she was losing her parents (she was more closer to dad but was living with mother) and i said thats not a problem we can go and see him anytime we want these are nothing to me. Anyway on the 9th July friday she went to work and as usual that she was texting me saying how much she loves me etc.. talking to me on the phone through all her breaks (this has been like this 5 months since she started work she was on the phone to me on all her breaks and i was taking and picking her up from work everyday in whole 5 months). She is working in call centre with all the girls and she had a friend that started to job with her she is 28 years old and she was telling me stories like she was sleeping with married man etc... So i told her to be carefull and dont get too close with that kind of people end of the day from my point if someone sleep with married man that means they have no respect to themselves.... anyway i picked her up from her work on Friday evening and came back home and she started telling me that her work friends been telling her that they are going out they were some where last night, they are going bla bla tomorrow, they are doing this they are doing that and she told me that she cant keep saying no anymore i have no ideal what she has to proof again but like said above she lives her life to satisfy others... I said to her i was asking to go out bars in England and she used to tell me that bars in England not good places to go etc.. and all of a sudden why do you want to go. Then at that point she said to me are you finishing it, im ringing my mother, im going back home. She has told me these within 30 seconds i didnt even had chance to say a word and i had to take her back to her mothers. On the way i told her theres no more return back i never said no you cant go either but yes i want good answer to my question why she never went when i asked but she wanted to go when her friends asked and thats about it. Yes i wouldnt be able to handle her going out with someone who sleeps with married man.... Anyway she seemed sad but very confident of what she was doing in the car on the way to her mums house. When we got her mums house i got out too and after 1 year or so not speaking to her mother i said to her sorry about what happened again and it was not my fault she wanted to come back and i love her more then anything in my life and her mother just said to me ohhh dont worry you are both adults etc.. with a big grin on her face like she was in a war with me about her daughter and now she won it... Anyway i left it as it is. The mobile phone she was using while with me it was on contact under my name so i told her to give me the sim card and take the phone so i had the sim card she was using basically i have no way to contact her unless i go and see her. So next day i went outside her workplace before she start to work and she came into car and i said to her whats happening she told me that she is not feeling same anymore, she loves me to bits but she is not in love with me anymore, she dont want to committ herself into relationships, she dont want to be with anyone, she just want to be on her own, she dont want to tell anyone where she is going and where she is been and what time she is coming back etc..., she said to me she is too selfish for me and i deserve someone a lot better then her, she dont know what she wants from her life, we are both grown apart etc... she told me all these as an excuses i started crying when i heard these in the car and she wiped my eyes and wanted to hug me but i didnt hug because it felt like someone was telling me last night i was their world, no life without me, im her soul mate etc... now all different story for no reason. And believe me i felt like someone put me on a bbq and burning me alive.... I said ok and i left. All our savings were on her bank account as well and i knew her online banking details so started checking what she is doing with the money and saturday after her work and sunday morning she has spent over 800 pounds in town i was shocked again and since then never been into her bank account again because i thought this was just going to kill me... It was all my monies that she was spending and im not the type of person to ask for anything back specially wouldnt want anyone to judge me over money.... All weekend i was so bad crying in the house myself 24/7 no food no drink no sleep nothing and i couldnt get in touch with her because i havent got her new number. Anyway texted her friend on sunday and asked her that can she pass me her new number and her friend replied back saying sorry but she dont want me to get her new number and this was another shot to my heart again. Monday morning i went to her house but i dont want to see her mother so i checked her mother went to work and i rang house phone and no one picked it up as i was driving out i saw her on bus stop and stopped asked her to come in and she said she cant she is going to work i said i will take you to work and she came into car. I started asking her what has happened all of a sudden she said she has been thinking about it 2-3 months (there cant be any other man because she dont have facebook or msn and she is not very keen on using internet or computer and she was in contact with me at all times) She said her parents are fed up with this as well now and they told her that this is the best decision. She went over the same things she told me saturday morning when i saw her outside her workplace. And i just couldnt say much and only sentence i said was that the person who is telling me these is not her and her face dropped. I tried to read her body language too and everytime she spoke she never looked at me she turned her head to right other direction to where i sit and offffed and puffffed after every word she said. I asked her what have i done not to have her number and she said you can have my number after you have moved on but if i have pressured to get the number i would have got it there and then but i didnt. Then she said i need to move on and we arrived to her work place and i let her go and i said ok she wanted to hug me again i said no thats fine and i left it as it is. Then my heart was burned and believe me this was the worst time i have had in my life that felt like used like a toilet paper but this was the truth that i had to face. I have stalked her a few more days and her mum always picking her up from work and going home nothing else basically her life is same just difference not living with me and im not taking her work and picking her up from work. Also on her bank account i realised she spend over 20 pounds for magazines so basically i thought she is trying to keep herself busy by reading magazines. Since then now i dont know whats happening in my life but i cant get over this past 1 week i have never been going stalking her anything anymore because its not getting me anywhere but like this i feel like i wont be able to cope anymore and i really dont feel well at all. I have been reading everything but just cant accept that even 3 months before she started giving up on this relationship wont she feel something is missing in her life at all? I have spent fully 4 years with her and 2 of the years i was with her nearly 24/7.? I say if you tie a cow outside your house for 2 years and 2 years later that cow dissapear you would still miss something about that cow but how come she is not? Would she realise one day that she really made a big mistake by doing this to me and contact me? If she has never loved me why the hell 1 person should spend their 4 years to use me? Please some of you answer and enlighten me because this is driving me mad everyone telling me she is not mature she is not right in the head etc... but these are not good enough to hear. Im very flexible person not selfish at all and can make everything work. Im very strong im the type of person never took losing as an answer in my entire life. I was full of self confidence untill this 2 weeks and now i lost all my confidence and everything. She knows i can fight with anything in the life and nothing would scare me she knows how much i love her i dont know what to say im still in shock like first time i have heard these. Please people enlighten me up. Culture difference not an issue from my or my families side. I was happy to marry in church! i was happy to make our child catholic, christian etc... these are never the issues and i really dont want this girl to get wasted out and about Thanks for taking your times to read and reply in advanced. Oskay Edited July 25, 2010 by truthalwayshurts
GrayClouds Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 Sorry about your loss, I suggest if you want some advice edit your post to about 1/10 of what it is to the essentials of the issues.
Author truthalwayshurts Posted July 25, 2010 Author Posted July 25, 2010 Thanks GrayClouds for your response please spend your 5-10 minutes to read and help please i feel like someone locked me in a room and thrown the keys away since 9th July please
GrayClouds Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 Thanks GrayClouds for your response please spend your 5-10 minutes to read and help please i feel like someone locked me in a room and thrown the keys away since 9th July please 17 and i was 2017 to 21 is a life time. While she wanted the security that you give her in those years, she now sees the security as controlling. Your behavior may not have change but she has and her perception of it has too. Now you showing up at work and such only feed into that perceptions. It is time to find a way to let go. I am very sorry, it hurts but she wants different thing then she use to and it is not meant to be. You have the keys it is time to use them. Your not alone read this thread and do as I suggest for this person: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t239403/749f01db85fb3ffcf0f805b6cd1b34f0
Author truthalwayshurts Posted July 26, 2010 Author Posted July 26, 2010 Thanks GrayClouds for the reply. From your experiences for any reason do you reckon she will miss me one day? Would she ring me one day if i keep no contact at all the times? Is there no possibilities whatsoever? Maybe it will not work in the future but i have these questions in my mind day in day out its been over 2 weeks and im on the phone to my friends for hours everyday and night. Thanks
GrayClouds Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 (edited) Thanks GrayClouds for the reply. From your experiences for any reason do you reckon she will miss me one day? Would she ring me one day if i keep no contact at all the times? Is there no possibilities whatsoever? Maybe it will not work in the future but i have these questions in my mind day in day out its been over 2 weeks and im on the phone to my friends for hours everyday and night. Thanks Sorry but if I would have to say, I would say it is over and done for good. Give yourself the opportunity to grieve the loss of something special, it is important that you work through the emotions of loss even though everything in us wants to avoid them. It ok to feel bad for awhile. If there is any consolation, it appears you were each others first and there is always a place left in your heart for that one.I do not know if she will or wont, maybe maybe not but that is really not what you should be concerned about. I know it hard not to be but now it is about you given your self the opportunity to grow, learn for the lesson you can from the relationship and finding a way to enjoy being single. It takes time and effort. If she coescontact you someday but it likely will not be the reason you want, it will be for her and her alone, like wanting to boost her ego or release some guilt. Read the link again and put it in practice, good luck. Edited July 27, 2010 by GrayClouds
Author truthalwayshurts Posted August 17, 2010 Author Posted August 17, 2010 Hi GrayClouds; I have news and need help please. I have kept no contact and no stalking etc.. whatsoever since your posts. Since then she just signed on msn last week (im the only person on her msn and i know her password so this is sure) she stayed 5 minutes i was online and didnt write to her so she didnt either. Then yesterday i logged into her msn and emails she had contact lists but she never talk anyone on msn as its been 4 years people on her list probably dont use it either anymore and in her sent email box she is asking someones number to catch up who she knows before me and i found out that the guy she is asking number for is the guy who rejected her before she met me. Well after that i was driving out at evening and saw her on bus stop waiting for bus after her work probably but i thought her mother was picking her up so i wasnt really there for her and as i saw her i didnt even look at her face as i drive past and 2 hours later i received txt message on my phone from her (remember she didnt give me her number when she break up with me). The txt msg conversation between us went exactly like this; She first write to me on google chat saying im shocked seeing you tonight and i didnt reply to that then she text on my phone; Her: Its blabla and i know this is probably wrong and a mistake texting but i had the urge to txt you My reply: Why Her: I dont know think its because seen you. My Reply: Oh ok Her: I do still care about you and probably always will even though may not seem it. Any new girlfriends then My Reply: When one door shuts new ones opens. Her: Ok well as long as you are ok and happy then i am and i am here to talk when you want thats if you want? I was harsh on you before i shouldnt have shut you of like i did. Like people said 4 years is long time x My Reply: Im not interested. Her: ok then Well this is exactly what happened she broke the no contact after seeing me but also she dont know that i know she sent email to this person earlier same day she sent. This is been over 40 days or so and i have cried every single day and night but kept my no contact as promised to myself my family and my friends and also when she saw me she never thought i was unhappy without her because i was blasting the music enjoying the ride didnt give a damn that she was on bus stop well i did but i controlled myself lol. Whats happening here have i done the right thing? What would be the next step? Is there anyway to make her beg for me so i can make her feel how i felt? Thanks for the helps again.
skydiveaddict Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 truthalwayshurts: I am suffering a brokenheart as well. But yiur post is way way too long. shorten it up and you will get more responses.
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