HaventSleptInTwoDays Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 I know that there is no magic solution when you have your heart broken. There is no surefire way to win a girl back, and even if you could..why should you have to WIN someone back? Your merits should be enough on their own to attract or reattract a girl. But I am hurting right now, and even if nobody answers me or gives me their outsider perspective I want to get this all down. First and foremost, I would appreciate it if you spare judgement in my situation as obviously i crossed some lines which aren't advisable. But what's done is done and I don't need to hear that. I am 28 years old and I work at a prestigious college in Boston. My job duties require me to supervise a staff of 30 work study students in various capacities in jobs on campus. 3 years ago I hired an 18 year old to work for me. She quickly proved herself to be the best employee I ever had. She did everything flawlessly, without being asked and did so while being sweet, and funny and keeping my mood very light. Over the last couple of years we grew as close as two people 7 years apart, and seperated by the boss/employee dynamic could. Until about 4 months ago when the feeling started to become something else. I couldn't stop thinking about her. We started talking on IM about relationships, and what we wanted for ourselves in the future, etc. This was never a situation i forced on her or which she felt pressured to engage in. We became even better friends for a few months, and then two months ago we went to a concert after work and she asked me to come home with her afterwards and we slept together. She was the aggressor in the situation, as I made it very clear that as her boss I wasnt going to put her in that position (tee hee) but she very much wanted it, and so we did it. For the next two months we had so much fun. We spent almost every night together and she even started telling me she loved me, and i definitely reciprocated those feelings. We talked about how the relationship was the healthiest we'd ever been in, etc. We had to carry this relationship out in secret however, as it was prohibited with me as her boss. Long story short, my boss found out and I was given an ultimatum. She goes, or I go. She is a 9.00/hr work study student. I am a 55k a year salaried employee. We talked about it, and she agreed that she would go. That keeping me in her life was the most important thing, and that this would all be okay. The next day she called me telling me she'd changed her mind. She wanted to try to find some other way. She knew i'd been looking for different employment for a while now, and thought..why should she lose her job she loves when i was looking for jobs anyway. I told her it wasnt really that simple and jobs like mine can take a really long time to find, etc. We fought and fought and fought about this. We talked about how each of us would resent the other for making us leave our jobs. She cried and cried that there had to be someway to make this work where we didnt lose each other. I melted. I realized how much this relationship had meant to me and how much she as a person had meant to my life over the last 3 years. I agreed it would be me that moved on. But I made her promise me that the relationship was something that meant something to her. That it was worth fighting for, and that she saw herself in it down the road. That it wasnt flimsy and weak and not worth this sort of upheaval. She swore that it was, we feel asleep holding each other and talking about how sorry we were and how much we still loved each other. I was going to tell my boss my decision a few days after this. But before I could she called me out of nowhere and told me she needed to talk to me. I couldnt believe it. It was over. She told me the drama of the situation caused her to step back and realize I was the wrong person for her. She gave me alot of reasons why she knew I could never be the one for her. That the whole time she was in the relationship she just had hoped she could make herself love me as much as I loved her. And she immediately put me into the friend zone. In such a way that i think if i told her I had a girlfriend the next day, she would not have cared. It just ended just like that. Fell of a cliff. 3 year friendship, 3 month relationship. 3 day drama, and its over. When there was not a single warning sign before. I've been through this before and I know what to look for and there was nothing. She was happy and crying about how she wanted to make it work with me one minute, and saying it wasnt what she wanted the next minute. She has been texting me small talk. 'how are you' etc. once i got an 'i miss you' but she meant she missed me as a friend. My birthday is this week and we had tickets to a couple of shows in town this week and she texted me the other day saying she still wants to go to them with me. When I told her I didnt think I could handle that, she said she understood and if she went it wouldnt 'be coming from the place that i wanted it to' I have never been dumped by someone who seemed so incredibly at peace with it right away. especially after the seeming intensity of her feelings just a few days before. she'd say that was her 'confused' and 'not wanting to lose me in her life.' but i dont know. I think perhaps when this whole thing is behind us, and I am in a new job and settled I will suck up my pride and ask her out to dinner or something and see if there is anything still there. Right now it hurts too much. Thoughts? Am I dealing with a flaky 21 year old? Can feelings really go away that fast? She said 'I fell out of love.' and I said 'You feel out of love in 3 days?' and she said 'it can happen in 3 seconds..' How is that true? Does getting a girl back ever actually happen outside the movies? She meant the world to me and the fact that I can't put aside my feelings for her to just be her friend like we used to be really hurts.
messymichelle Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 im very sorry that your feeling this way, but it sounds like she is confused instead of trying to win her back start concentrating on yourself. The first thing you need to do is the most difficult cut ALL CONTACT RIGHT AWAY. she is using the friends thing to make HERSELF feel better. friends dont treat each other this way, if she is that immature to say" you can fall out of love in 3 seconds" then you should wonder if it was just words coming out of her mouth to begin with, take some time for yourself, and go no contact, i wont be easy, but we will all be here for you to help. good luck
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