Forget About Her Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 We broke up a month ago, and unfortunately, she is currently living in my rental property. I'm fine with that, she's a good clean tennant that usually pays on time, so that's non-issue. We were together 5+ years! She basically said she is messed up in the head and has to sort out her own issues and she felt she wasn't treating me the way she should (which was true). The sex died off, she was always nasty to me, we talked a lot less, never saw each other (despite living 5 minutes apart), etc. Anyway, I was having some work done at her house, so I had to be around her for the first couple weeks of our breakup as I was there to supervise the workers. Well, we weren't really talking unless it was business related. About 2 weeks ago I invited her over for dinner. She said she would have loved to, but already made dinner plans with her roomate. That's fine. That showed me she's obviously not serious about working things out, or she would have broken those plans. We went NC for about 4 days, then she texts me and asks me if I want to get dinner the following day when she gets out of work. I respond "Yea, hit me up when you're out". She tells me she gets off at 4 and will text me. She texts me around 5 and says she has to take a rain check for tomorrow because she is tired after working all day. She asked me if I would be able to go out with her tomorrow. This realllllly pissed me off! I calmly texted back that I would be busy the rest of the week, and would not be available to meet with her (not true, at all). So she says "You can't even make time for me, just to squeeze me in?" I told her if I could move some things around I would text her. That was a week ago, and I went NC after that. I haven't heard from her since then, and she is EXTREMELY stubborn, so I didn't expect her to write. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK, that pissed me off so bad. 5 years is a long time to be with someone, and we talked non-stop about getting married, kids, where we would live, etc. We are both in law school, and have bright futures. I make a substantial amount of money every year, and we were really building a life together. When we met, I was unemployed, and scraping by. I now make over $250k, and we basically could do whatever we want. I just don't understand it. I don't understand how she can just not contact me after she told me she loves me so incredibly much a week after we broke up. I'm just so hurt and I hate hate hate hate hate this feeling!!!!!
The Paper Knight Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 I calmly texted back that I would be busy the rest of the week, and would not be available to meet with her (not true, at all). I hate to state the obvious, but there are no rules in love and war and playing games that only frustrate you even when you know how the other person plays will only end in tears and posting on LS. I bet she is doing the exact same song and dance and cursing you for being a stubborn arse. My advice is to up the ante and call her for that dinner. It sounds like she is having cold feet about the happily ever after scenario, so agree with her that the break up is for the best because she is not committed to the family life. Then walk away and get on with enjoying life. When she comes crawling back, put her on ice and post again on LS. Good-luck
spriggig Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 She texts me around 5 and says she has to take a rain check for tomorrow because she is tired after working all day. She asked me if I would be able to go out with her tomorrow. This realllllly pissed me off! Why? Seems like a harmless thing to me, she didn't stand you up. And, really this? Ahhhhhh I want to punch her in the FACE!!!!! WTF?
Author Forget About Her Posted July 26, 2010 Author Posted July 26, 2010 Why? Seems like a harmless thing to me, she didn't stand you up. And, really this? WTF? I felt like if she was really serious about working anything out, she wouldn't have cancelled or tried to reschedule. That's why it pissed me off so much. As far as the "aaaah I want to punch her in the face", I should have specified that I have absolutely no desire to punch/hit/kick/bite/attack her in anyway, I was just being facetious to express my frustration. I have never and will never put my hands on a girl in an aggressive manner. The invitation to dinner appeared to be an effort to open up the lines of communication and maybe talk about working through our issues instead of just throwing away five years. When she wanted to "rain check" it really just rubbed me the wrong way. We haven't talked since then!
cookie2 Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 Could it not be that she was upset, or nervous about seeing you? Being tired from work could mean that she was crying in the toilets all day. In fact I think that's quite likely, just saying you're tired from work is such a feeble excuse, it can't be the real reason. If she'd cancelled then it might mean she doesn't want to work it out, but she didn't cancel, she wanted to reschedule. To me that suggests that she really did want to meet you, but didn't feel ready to do it that night. If you were serious about patching things up then wouldn't you have accepted the reschedule for the next day? But instead you wanted to hurt her as some kind of revenge game. You say she's stubborn therefore didn't expect her to write, but do you think ANY woman would write after what you said to her? You rejected her. She must've known you weren't being truthful about being too busy, and even pleaded with you to try to find time. But you told her she was of no importance to you and totally rejected her by going NC. Stop playing games. Life's too short. Get on the phone to her and apologise for playing games, I bet you a cheese sandwich she will reciprocate. Then meet up and try to work things out.
Author Forget About Her Posted July 26, 2010 Author Posted July 26, 2010 Could it not be that she was upset, or nervous about seeing you? Being tired from work could mean that she was crying in the toilets all day. In fact I think that's quite likely, just saying you're tired from work is such a feeble excuse, it can't be the real reason. If she'd cancelled then it might mean she doesn't want to work it out, but she didn't cancel, she wanted to reschedule. To me that suggests that she really did want to meet you, but didn't feel ready to do it that night. If you were serious about patching things up then wouldn't you have accepted the reschedule for the next day? But instead you wanted to hurt her as some kind of revenge game. You say she's stubborn therefore didn't expect her to write, but do you think ANY woman would write after what you said to her? You rejected her. She must've known you weren't being truthful about being too busy, and even pleaded with you to try to find time. But you told her she was of no importance to you and totally rejected her by going NC. Stop playing games. Life's too short. Get on the phone to her and apologise for playing games, I bet you a cheese sandwich she will reciprocate. Then meet up and try to work things out. Well, this made me feel like a complete JERK! You are absolutely right, and despite thinking I know all the answers, it is quite apparent that I don't. After reading this, I sent her a text and apologized for not writing her back, and explained that I was upset that she had broke our date. I asked her if she would like to get dinner this week. Thank you for the sound advice, and laying it out for me. I, like most guys, am a f'ing moron.
cookie2 Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 No problemo bro. It doesn't sound like either of you have done anything seriously bad so it would be a shame to end it just because of a misunderstanding. It takes a big man to make the first move, well done. Even if it doesn't work out you will know that you acted with maturity and won't have any regrets.
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