Author JLB Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 OP...please sort out your financial situation as soon as you can. Your name isn't on the deeds of the house - is that right? The building your business is in? Does he own that or do you? If he files for bankruptcy, I'm not sure what the laws are in the US, but in the UK, the spouses assets are seized and sold to repay debts. I don't understand how your H can owe a million dollars and yet still have the mortgage paid, bills paid, and grocery money coming in to you, something's not right there. I agree that you should forget the quilting and see an accountant with experience of insolvency and a solicitor. Do you have all the paperwork relating to your H's debts? Can you deal with this on your own, without consulting him? If not, find a debt counsellor for free...even if it turns out it's all ok they should be able to help with what you are and are not liable for. This can be done whether you get divorced or not. At least get your ducks in a row so you are prepared for whatever happens. It sounds like he's living in a fantasy land as far as money is concerned, and I'm worried about this, as he'll keep on & on spending until someone stops him I know I haven't been back to check in here in a few days but wanted to answer this question. No we are not married, but I will refer to him as husband...Sorry for the confusion. With that said...my name has never been on the house mortgage. I am the only one listed on the lease for my business...also, business is 100% in my name. I guess I lucked out on this one because I wanted to add him 3 years ago when I bought the business and at the last minute he refused to sign on the dotted line. He said that it was my business and that he would remain out of anything to do with the business. His excuse at the time was that if he ever had to file bankruptcy then they couldn't do anything to my business. We really don't have anything tied up with both of our names on it. My car is now in my name only...I recently purchased a new vehicle and was able to trade in the other car which we were joint owners on. If I were to just pack up and move, I would not need any legal help because I have no rights to anything other than child support. This is NOT a common law state either. He purchased the business for me in cash so that would come in to play as palimony money I suppose...so he really doesn't owe me anything. As for his being in debt and still able to pay the bills, he is working a little here and there. It is enough to keep me in the house, and pay the utilities and some money in the checking account for groceries, school supplies, doctor, dentist etc. The other part, where he owes tons of money to others is kind of on hold until he comes into a lot of money or gets a really good job making what he used to make....this is where OW comes in (maybe) with her millions, ready to help him if needed.
Author JLB Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 --------------------- OK, that put's a diff perspective on it financially .. So it's nice that he is willing to keep you in the house and help with the payments .. And it is also great that you have your own business out of the deal .. Are things still the same. Is he still with the older woman - or does he seem to be coming back .. Remember, as other posters have said - you can dispell his bringing your daughter around the OW. Hi Califnan, glad to see you are still reading.... Gosh I can't remember what I had updated last...but since I have been to this forum...he went away with her for a weekend. He spent 3 days up in the "woods" surrounded by her family members and him as the "new man"...I thought it was very strange for him to go off and spend a weekend with her family when he refused to join myself and my girls on several trips we have made. I can remember years back where I wanted him to go to neighbors BBQ's or pool parties with me, and he would always say "I don't like those people"...he has never wanted to do anything where any of my friends were involved, never attended my grandparents funerals with me when I needed him there, had one of my girls BEG him to go on an overnight trip with us and he claimed he had too much work to do...but the minute this woman asks him to go spend a weekend with her and her rich family he jumps at the chance...then he tells me what a BLAST he had...and get this...and I swear this is a quote for quote by him..."I really enjoy their lifestyle." What????? It's NOT YOUR LIFESTYLE! And I don't remember if I ever mentioned this other quote by him, but here it goes "I just want to see what it's like to live like they do"... So that right there, tells me it's the money she has that is making her look more attractive to him. He keeps telling me that he wants me to wait till Oct. 1 and he will make a decision...whether to come home and MAN UP or that he will not come home ever again.
Ms. Red Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 I know I haven't been back to check in here in a few days but wanted to answer this question. No we are not married, but I will refer to him as husband...Sorry for the confusion. I only brought that up to show that you are at an advantage since you aren't married. I understand how it is for you. When I lived w/ a boyfriend years ago "John Doe" people referred to us as married. I even had some people call me Mrs. Doe. Gosh I can't remember what I had updated last...but since I have been to this forum...he went away with her for a weekend. He spent 3 days up in the "woods" surrounded by her family members and him as the "new man"...I thought it was very strange for him to go off and spend a weekend with her family when he refused to join myself and my girls on several trips we have made. I can remember years back where I wanted him to go to neighbors BBQ's or pool parties with me, and he would always say "I don't like those people"...he has never wanted to do anything where any of my friends were involved, never attended my grandparents funerals with me when I needed him there, had one of my girls BEG him to go on an overnight trip with us and he claimed he had too much work to do...but the minute this woman asks him to go spend a weekend with her and her rich family he jumps at the chance...then he tells me what a BLAST he had...and get this...and I swear this is a quote for quote by him..."I really enjoy their lifestyle." What????? It's NOT YOUR LIFESTYLE! And I don't remember if I ever mentioned this other quote by him, but here it goes "I just want to see what it's like to live like they do"... So that right there, tells me it's the money she has that is making her look more attractive to him. I understand how that feels that he wouldn't do anything with you but now is w/ the new woman. My estranged husband would rarely do anything with me and our son when he lived here. Now that he has a woman (married) in his life, he is going out of town and things he would never do with me and our son. It really irks me because it confirms that it was because he really didn't like to be with us. I always felt that was it but now his actions confirm it. He keeps telling me that he wants me to wait till Oct. 1 and he will make a decision...whether to come home and MAN UP or that he will not come home ever again. What an idiot. I sure hope you can find the strength to be done with him. How dare he say that to you! I mean really. And IMO, it's not for him to make a decision. It's for him to see if she turns out to be his gold ticket to living the life that he's always wanted to. He wants the easy road to riches and believe it that he will come begging back to you if/when she figures out his motive and dumps him. Again, I know it's not easy but I hope you can gather the strength to move on and not let him pull this $hit on you. I wish you well.
turnera Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 What an idiot. I sure hope you can find the strength to be done with him. How dare he say that to you! I mean really. And IMO, it's not for him to make a decision. It's for him to see if she turns out to be his gold ticket to living the life that he's always wanted to. He wants the easy road to riches and believe it that he will come begging back to you if/when she figures out his motive and dumps him. Again, I know it's not easy but I hope you can gather the strength to move on and not let him pull this $hit on you. I wish you well. I SO agree. You deserve better than this. Walk away. And when he comes running back with his tail between his legs, set VERY HIGH standards before you take him back. What an a$$.
You Go Girl Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 So your bf of many years (he is not your H) is a gigalo to a rich older woman, and you would even consider taking him back? I understand affairs in which the marriage was in shambles, and the affair is the catalyst to ending the marriage or beginning the fix of one. But your situation is not like that. Maybe i missed something, as I didn't read all the pages. Do you realize when this is all said and done, he is going to be alone, broke again, owing you money along with everybody else on the planet, and have lost his self-respect? Move on...as I see it, you have nothing to lose but your self-respect. Let him lose his. Why must you lose yours too?
Recommended Posts