He Chose OW tonight...it's over.

[Summer Breeze]

SB, Yes the OP has said that the OW approached her daughter for FB 'friendship'..

 

JLB has had her discovery, confrontation - and leading to confession from H. She has also said she intends to make the remainder of her family a strong and close family .. What else can a woman do.

 

A few minor things. Allow the children that are old enough to make their decisions and swallow the pain. Been there and done that so I know it stinks.

 

OW was out of line asking for the friendship and Dad should have sorted it. He should have allowed the daughter to make up her own mind and then had a few quiet words on how his children are to be approached at the pace HE sets. Actually, we don't know he may have been all for it then it reverts back to what a great guy he is all around.

[califnan]

A few minor things. Allow the children that are old enough to make their decisions and swallow the pain. Been there and done that so I know it stinks.

 

OW was out of line asking for the friendship and Dad should have sorted it. He should have allowed the daughter to make up her own mind and then had a few quiet words on how his children are to be approached at the pace HE sets. Actually, we don't know he may have been all for it then it reverts back to what a great guy he is all around.

 

--------------------

 

I'm assuming the father didn't know about the OW's FB ploy..

 

I think the mother is the only responsible party left in this .. Anything she can do to protect her children - so be it ..

 

I too have been there - fortuneatly my children were older .. My H and OW took Control of the situation - But Only for a Season.. I feel for those who have children younger, when this sin goes down ..

[stillafool]

While I can understand her curiosity of this woman, and wanting to monitor WS's activities, I don't think it should have been satiated by throwing her daughter under the bus. YES, the OW was wrong to add the child to begin with, but who knows what the MM had been telling OW, and clearly the child has a relationship with the OW of some type of another.

 

I just think the OP should have been protecting her child, not using her as a portal to spy on her WS.

 

So, everyone is arguing that this is part and parcel for affairs. The Dad is being selfish, and forcing boundary issues with the child by making her spend time with the OW, and her Mom feels justified that a 13-year old should have full disclosure of Dad's activities as SHE was made aware of her own parents infidelity at that tender age. Is anyone looking out for these kids???

 

I'm so sorry for the OP's pain but I have to agree with the above. Never, ever involve the kids in these games.

[stillafool]

My son has gone to clubs and come back with a cougar or two .. I said: What do I have to do pin a note on your shirt? ..

 

Being on a few singles sights - I too, for one reason or another have been approached with as many younger ones than those my age.. I am Firm about theft.. I say to them: Do not choose a woman who you would not be proud to take home to your family. An older woman who has lived her life is acting out in theft and glutony to attach herself to a younger man ... To say nothing of a younger MM..

 

 

Geesh Califnan, how do you feel about men who date women younger than them? Is that theft and glutony as well?

[txsilkysmoothe]

It's par for the course to expect the cheating spouse and their lover to IGNORE the welfare of a child. This is hardly an excuse for the other parent to do the same.

 

The child asked her mother about the FB friend request. The mother did not say, "Honey, do you want to be her FB friend?" She didn't seize an opportunity to talk to the child about how the situation might be adversely affecting the child.

[califnan]

Geesh Califnan, how do you feel about men who date women younger than them? Is that theft and glutony as well?

 

---------------------

 

I'm not involved in that .. excepting I wouldn't want a gentleman in his mid to later 70's and up ..

 

To the best of my knowledge - society has been allowing men cradlerobbers for a good long time .. ha

[Spark1111]

It's par for the course to expect the cheating spouse and their lover to IGNORE the welfare of a child. This is hardly an excuse for the other parent to do the same.

 

The child asked her mother about the FB friend request. The mother did not say, "Honey, do you want to be her FB friend?" She didn't seize an opportunity to talk to the child about how the situation might be adversely affecting the child.

 

I agree. But unless you are living the nightmare of being gaslighted, it is impossible to expect a BS whirling in pain to take a higher road than the WS and the OM/OW.

 

at least for awhile....

[Summer Breeze]

I agree. But unless you are living the nightmare of being gaslighted, it is impossible to expect a BS whirling in pain to take a higher road than the WS and the OM/OW.

 

at least for awhile....

 

I disagree with that. It was the one thing that kept me going and allowed me to hold my head high in my self imposed shame of having my H cheat on me.

 

Caveat is I know we're all different people but I still think using the kid's FB account wasn't right.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

I disagree with that. It was the one thing that kept me going and allowed me to hold my head high in my self imposed shame of having my H cheat on me.

 

Caveat is I know we're all different people but I still think using the kid's FB account wasn't right.

 

Seeing as the op hasn't been back now since page 2 I think she realizes this now. I just hope she can resist her urges and focus on getting her and her kids lives back to normal..

[JLB]

I guess OP would be me...thanks for the bashing...as if I'm already not in a huge amount of pain.

 

Anyway...there are other circumstances that led up to the whole FB thing. 13 year old daughter was already aware of who the OW was. In fact, if I remember correctly, they had already communicated to each other via daddy's cell phone one night when my daughter was spending the night with her father. It went something like this; Father says to OW: My daughter is spending the night with me tonight. OW: Tell her I said HI! Father to child: OW says hello/ Daughter: tell her I said HI back.....Within a few days, OW requested friendship to daughter...thinking that they were "friends".

 

I have been dealing with so many emotions, and how "not to act" and "how to act and react"...that yes, maybe I did make poor judgment in allowing the friendship. The only thing I could think of at the time, was not to be bitter and if the OW wants to truly be friends with my daughter, then I will let my daughter decide on if she wants to keep up the FB friendship. Then...after my daughter was in bed, I checked her page for my own curiosity.

I am done apologizing for this and ending this part of the thread.

 

There are 2 other daughters in this family. One is 21 and one is 15. The youngest 13. Early on, H has been texting OW in front of them during the entire affair claiming to all of us that she was "just a friend." He would take the 13 year old to go watch the Sunday football game at the sports bar (with a restaurant) and sit there and text OW game plays and scores like they were buddies. Even if dad didn't tell them who it was he was texting, which I'm sure he probably didn't...they knew who he was texting by the amount of texting he would do at one sitting with them. But again, he portrayed this woman as a friend to everyone of us. So in his eyes, it wasn't wrong to have a female friend that he could talk football and politics with and my daughters didn't know anymore than I did about daddy's friend.

 

I wanted to believe they were just friends. Trust me, it was an everyday argument over if they were really just friends or not. Because I loved him, I wanted to give him benefit of the doubt, and I didn't make demands on him or ultimatums or anything until I had proof. I could pull as much out of my hat as I wanted, but it didn't mean anything unless I had legitimate proof.

So here I was trying not to get upset over the friendship. Not shielding my daughters from it, because if they were just friends, then what was I to protect them from?

 

What happened was that the friendship became emotional. He and I would argue over her, and as soon I went to work...he would call her. How did I finally get my proof?? A keylogger to gain access to cell phone records, emails, flight information etc. When I got the proof, this man STILL tried to tell me that the 200+ texts a day and several phone calls, were still just a FRIENDSHIP. He stuck to the friends story for 8 mos. In those 8 mos. I found out he had probably slept with her about 10 times...Great friends they were. Then once I told him I was leaving him, he said "no I will leave" and he left....Now you see when I say my kids knew about her, well she's "dad's friend." They know now that she isn't just his friend.

 

Anyway...sorry for the ramble.

He came by last night to drop off my kids...He's had them since July 6th for summer vacation. I heard the front door open and went upstairs and shut my bedroom door. Within minutes he was looking for me. He popped his head in the bedroom door and said HI and then walked out. 5 minutes later, he comes back into the bedroom. At that point I was laying on my bed, waiting for him to leave. He plopped down on the bed and looked me in the eyes and started to get tears in his eyes. I looked at him and said "what??" and he just shook his head. I asked him if he really loved her like she said he does, and he said "I don't know"....then he grabbed me and hugged me and said he needed 2 months to get his life together...and told me to go on with my life too, date whoever...and that if we are meant to be together that time will tell...and he left.

Edited July 27, 2010 by JLB

[Spark1111]

JLB, this is very similiar to what I went through with my fWS.

 

When DDay struck, he tried to minimize the relationship as "just friends" who texted each other all day, had become physical with each other, and spoke of a future together.

 

I told him to go get her.

 

No one was more stunned than I when it seemed to be the last thing he wanted.

 

But I got busy, almost too busy to speak with him; and angry from the bottom of my toes that I had been lied to for so long.

 

I refused to discuss "us" because there was no us to discuss; I refused to discuss them or her too, other than to say "you can have her now, because I don't want a man who could lie and deceive me for so long."

 

One thing I did note: His confusion....and his depression. But I would not allow that to be my problem. It was his.

 

Start reading, because at the time I was doing the 180, though I did not know then what a "180" maneuver was.

 

When it came to the kids, I was kind to him and to them about seeing each other, etc. But I did not want to be home because it was too painful to see him.

 

This isn't over, yet, I promise you that.

 

Unless you want it to be.

 

As for two months to get his life together: My husband also went in to the negotiation phase; it is a poorly disguised attempt to preserve both the marriage and the affair: Don't do it.

 

He can do it: hell, at this point he can do whatever he wants, but you do not have to participate.

 

Tell him cheerfully that you may no longer be available in two months....because really, who knows what will happen? And if at that point he decides you are the one that he wants, well, based on his treatment of you, you may not be able to want him.

 

Being on board with the affair, patiently waiting for resolution and decision making on his part, will only prolong his confusion, IMHO.

 

Start living a vibrant life without him now!

 

See what happens......

[CrayonAngel]

Listen to spark! She is a wise woman.

 

You need to gain control of your life to get out of this ****storm they have rained down on you.

 

You will be happy.

[califnan]

I think your husband is in a spiritual warfare .. And although they have sex .. maybe he does feel this is friendship ... Afterall - as I have said: how can a 41 yr old man (my sons' ages) be attracted to a 62 yr old woman) ..

 

My H always described the OW as the friend as well.. Everytime I asked him what she was like, he outstretched his arms .. As he knew that I knew that he wasn't attracted to obese women..

 

When he moved out he told me he was living with a young man who was his second cousin.. New Years Eve, it was eating at me - I found my way to that apt house, barged in on his cousin - searched the apt - and no Bob (laugh).. just a 2nd bdrm full of storage.

 

Found out afterward that he was living w her in her apt.. same apt house.. He filed for divorce after that ..

 

But one way or another JLB - you Will be alright .. After those years I was poorly equiped to even seek a decent job .. You have an established company, I had to start all over..

 

And I have found out that there is nothing worse than living with an indifferent husband.. You gain peace and strength ..

[scatterd]

Why is everyone attacking this MW she has not done anything that most of us would do in this situation.I am sure she was in shock and she is the victim.Her cheating husband is the one doing wrong and this OW had no right befriending her daughter.Allot of good support is what she needs.This old hag of other woman should know better and has not learned nothing.He is attracted to her money and her to his youth most people try to better their selfs.Put the blame where it belongs on the cheater that exposed his daughter to other woman to begin with and the OW that befriended her.Lets give this woman some support she came to get..

[califnan]

Why is everyone attacking this MW she has not done anything that most of us would do in this situation.I am sure she was in shock and she is the victim.Her cheating husband is the one doing wrong and this OW had no right befriending her daughter.Allot of good support is what she needs.This old hag of other woman should know better and has not learned nothing.He is attracted to her money and her to his youth most people try to better their selfs.Put the blame where it belongs on the cheater that exposed his daughter to other woman to begin with and the OW that befriended her.Lets give this woman some support she came to get..

 

-----------------------

 

Not everyone Scatterd.

 

And to my mind, the blame and responsibility does fall on the cheater - for exposing his family to all of this .. A man's role is the protector of his family ..

[turnera]

JLB, are you still done with him? Or do you want him back?

[SpanksTheMonkey]

No ones intent was to bash you JLB were just concerned for the kids and you as well hes a wanker no one argues that no need to be defensive relax...

[2sure]

Am I the only one who sees this?

 

He doesnt love the OW. He may not even like her. He is attempting to take advantage of her, selling himself to her at the expense of you, your marriage, and your family.

 

He got fired from a big deal job. I'm sure while he had it you gathered up some big deal bills. He was unable to cut it working for himself and ended up owing friends , family, and banks over a million. From what you have said and described - this man likes to be Mr. Big Shot, as in likes the toys, like to seem in charge, likes to look as though he has it all.

 

And thats whats important to him. The senior citizen he has hooked up with does not have anything to offer him except debt relief. He has it in his mind somehow that he will get her to pay the bills, maybe front him a business loan and when he is back on his feet....he will rethink his position with you.

 

He is a loser. Thank God you have your business and your house. I hope you can keep them. He isnt going to make it.

[califnan]

Am I the only one who sees this?

 

He doesnt love the OW. He may not even like her. He is attempting to take advantage of her, selling himself to her at the expense of you, your marriage, and your family.

 

He got fired from a big deal job. I'm sure while he had it you gathered up some big deal bills. He was unable to cut it working for himself and ended up owing friends , family, and banks over a million. From what you have said and described - this man likes to be Mr. Big Shot, as in likes the toys, like to seem in charge, likes to look as though he has it all.

 

And thats whats important to him. The senior citizen he has hooked up with does not have anything to offer him except debt relief. He has it in his mind somehow that he will get her to pay the bills, maybe front him a business loan and when he is back on his feet....he will rethink his position with you.

 

He is a loser. Thank God you have your business and your house. I hope you can keep them. He isnt going to make it.

 

-----------------------

 

Amen ..

 

And all that he is putting into this fooling around - He could have put into his business..

[donnamaybe]

Am I the only one who sees this?

 

He doesnt love the OW. He may not even like her. He is attempting to take advantage of her, selling himself to her at the expense of you, your marriage, and your family.

 

He got fired from a big deal job. I'm sure while he had it you gathered up some big deal bills. He was unable to cut it working for himself and ended up owing friends , family, and banks over a million. From what you have said and described - this man likes to be Mr. Big Shot, as in likes the toys, like to seem in charge, likes to look as though he has it all.

 

And thats whats important to him. The senior citizen he has hooked up with does not have anything to offer him except debt relief. He has it in his mind somehow that he will get her to pay the bills, maybe front him a business loan and when he is back on his feet....he will rethink his position with you.

 

He is a loser. Thank God you have your business and your house. I hope you can keep them. He isnt going to make it.

You put voice to my exact thoughts.

[2sure]

This guy and this whole thing bugged me so much I thought about while I was in cape cod this weekend. He is going to file bankruptcy. I think OP should be focusing on protecting herself and her assets from that. I think she needs to file for divorce before he starts bankruptcy stuff.

 

This isnt so much cheating as it is selling out your family for financial gain.

[JLB]

Am I the only one who sees this?

 

He doesnt love the OW. He may not even like her. He is attempting to take advantage of her, selling himself to her at the expense of you, your marriage, and your family.

 

He got fired from a big deal job. I'm sure while he had it you gathered up some big deal bills. He was unable to cut it working for himself and ended up owing friends , family, and banks over a million. From what you have said and described - this man likes to be Mr. Big Shot, as in likes the toys, like to seem in charge, likes to look as though he has it all.

 

And thats whats important to him. The senior citizen he has hooked up with does not have anything to offer him except debt relief. He has it in his mind somehow that he will get her to pay the bills, maybe front him a business loan and when he is back on his feet....he will rethink his position with you.

.

 

I wanted to reply to 2Sure. Wow, you have ABSOLUTELY NAILED this. It's what I have also been thinking all along. In fact, this is what he said to me just yesterday when he was sitting on the bed before he left. Word for word his quotes to me, "You are going to think this is wrong of me to say, but for some reason I JUST want to to know what it's like to live like they do." !!!!!! So I said to him "really?? You are going to sacrifice me, who you claim to love and your children just to feel what it's like to be wealthy?" and he didn't answer yes or no, it was just a look he gave me.

 

And this woman and her family have old money, it goes way back. Her parents must have started a family business and it just trickled down to her and her siblings (I think there are 5 of them, parents are deceased). I asked him months ago how much money she was worth and he said about 20 million.

 

And yes, you have described his character to a T...Mr. Big Shot in companies he works for. Very arrogant, likes to be in charge, wants nice things, and although never seemed jealous of what other people have, he has always wanted for himself. Then came crushing blow to his ego with getting fired from extremely large company, during the time of the employment crisis. No where to go, no one hiring for the kind of money he was making etc.

 

Someone mentioned depression. OH FOR SURE!! I have seen him cry more in this past year than I ever have in 16 years with this man. He needs counseling ASAP. But won't go. He is anti-counseling. Anti-meds, Anti-doctors. He is a man who refuses to see it for what is really happening to him, and the kids and I are getting dragged through the mud with all of this.

 

Someone asked me if I love him....Yes, without a doubt.

Do I want him back?? Some days yes, other days no. I go back and forth between understanding what he is going through. Reading so many books that explain it and it does make sense to me. But do I want to wait here for him to figure out what he wants, not really...because he left me for her and his own selfishness. Some days I feel sorry for him, and that is just me...I always find compassion for people instead of kicking them to the curb. Some days I like that about myself, that I am such a forgiving individual and that when I reach the pearly gates that God would be pleased. But being a door mat is also not something that God would not want me to do. I am not a religious person...but I do believe in HIM...and I have sat here many nights going, "Okay Lord this is in your hands, take the wheel now"....I guess that is where I am at in all this.

 

I am moving on with my life, without him...I have made some arrangements to take a quilting class because I have always wanted to learn that...I am attending a large hair show in a month, and putting all my effort in to educating myself more into my business and the potential to make even more money in my job than I already do. I am attending support groups for what I am going through and actually meeting Anne Bercht in person tonight if anyone knows who she is? (Author of "My Husbands Affair was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me)...she wrote a great book on a very similar situation as mine about her husband. My girls are starting school soon, so I will be very active in their after school activities, cheer, softball, gymnastics etc. and he will be with his OW experiencing what it's like to be rich. There is nothing else I can do.

 

What would have to happen for me to take him back this time? Well I could say for him to get down on his knees begging me to take him back, but that's in the movies. I would say, the letter writing to the other woman telling her it's over...no contact, no emails, no texting, no phonecalls....no nothing. But the thing that worries me, is the fact that she is telling him that she loves him, and he has told her a few times too. I honestly don't think he is "in love" but I do think she is. How easy is it going to be for him to break up with her if this is what he eventually wants? I don't think it will be for either of them. It's all just so sad and messed up and I just want to get so far away from it.

[torranceshipman]

Am I the only one who sees this?

 

He doesnt love the OW. He may not even like her. He is attempting to take advantage of her, selling himself to her at the expense of you, your marriage, and your family.

 

He got fired from a big deal job. I'm sure while he had it you gathered up some big deal bills. He was unable to cut it working for himself and ended up owing friends , family, and banks over a million. From what you have said and described - this man likes to be Mr. Big Shot, as in likes the toys, like to seem in charge, likes to look as though he has it all.

 

And thats whats important to him. The senior citizen he has hooked up with does not have anything to offer him except debt relief. He has it in his mind somehow that he will get her to pay the bills, maybe front him a business loan and when he is back on his feet....he will rethink his position with you.

 

He is a loser. Thank God you have your business and your house. I hope you can keep them. He isnt going to make it.

 

This post is beyond brilliant! PLEASE listen to every word of it. Your H is one of those guys who needs to look like the big man in front of everyone, and used the older lady. I think he has something wrong with him. And the post above is true - he won't make. He is 'Mr Almost Made It' and he'll always drag you down. You MUST walk away else this drama and idiocy will never end. He is no good for you and he is a terrible role model for your children. You sound like a woman who is strong and has self respect - show your daughters exactly what that looks like, and stick to your guns and walk away.

 

And something else. how DARE he come to you with tears in his eyes and say that he needs 2 months. How DARE he!!!!! You must never, ever entertain this. You are WAY too good for all of this. You sound like a strong lady and you will come out of this brighter and better without him.

 

Good luck! Edited to add: I just read your response to 2Sure above...sounds awesome. You'll do great without him and it's true - your H's A probably was the best thing to happen to you - it might not feel that way now but it will one day.

Edited July 27, 2010 by torranceshipman

[JLB]

JLB, this is very similiar to what I went through with my fWS.

 

When DDay struck, he tried to minimize the relationship as "just friends" who texted each other all day, had become physical with each other, and spoke of a future together.

 

I told him to go get her.

 

No one was more stunned than I when it seemed to be the last thing he wanted.

 

But I got busy, almost too busy to speak with him; and angry from the bottom of my toes that I had been lied to for so long.

 

I refused to discuss "us" because there was no us to discuss; I refused to discuss them or her too, other than to say "you can have her now, because I don't want a man who could lie and deceive me for so long."

 

One thing I did note: His confusion....and his depression. But I would not allow that to be my problem. It was his.

 

Start reading, because at the time I was doing the 180, though I did not know then what a "180" maneuver was.

 

When it came to the kids, I was kind to him and to them about seeing each other, etc. But I did not want to be home because it was too painful to see him.

 

This isn't over, yet, I promise you that.

 

Unless you want it to be.

 

As for two months to get his life together: My husband also went in to the negotiation phase; it is a poorly disguised attempt to preserve both the marriage and the affair: Don't do it.

 

He can do it: hell, at this point he can do whatever he wants, but you do not have to participate.

 

Tell him cheerfully that you may no longer be available in two months....because really, who knows what will happen? And if at that point he decides you are the one that he wants, well, based on his treatment of you, you may not be able to want him.

 

Being on board with the affair, patiently waiting for resolution and decision making on his part, will only prolong his confusion, IMHO.

 

Start living a vibrant life without him now!

 

See what happens......

 

Spark, I would love to hear more about your story...do you have a link to your own story? Did he ever come crawling back or want you back? What did you do? Does he still want you back? Did he end up with OW?

 

In my heart I know he will be back, I just don't know what I really want. I went to bed last night and tossed and turned till 4 am. It was horrible. I ended up having to medicate myself just to go to sleep. My mind would not turn off over this. It will be the same tonight I know. I keep asking myself, do I want this man who would never spend a New Years Eve with me and would go to bed at 9 am. Do I want a man who didn't like any of my friends, who would never attend a BBQ or anything my friends invited us to? Do I want this man who would get irritated with me when I was sick and coughing during the night ("can you go take care of that??!!) Do I want this man who told me to "suck it up, it's only a sprained ankle" when I fell down the stairs in my house and shattered my ankle on one side and a jagged break on the other, (long story but emergency room misdiagnosed it as a sprain, 2 months later I found out it was badly broken) but I was in agonizing pain 2 days after the ER visit and couldn't sleep and he was very annoyed with me because it hurt so bad. Do I want this man who when I found out it was broken that I need surgery to re-break my ankle in a 2 hour surgery who sat and read the newspaper as I laid in pre-op scared to death with tears running down my face, and he ignored me and acted like he was really into the days news. Or after the surgery, where he left me all day long in the hospital and then later told me it was because he wanted me to rest, when I really wanted my family there? A man who doesn't believe in God, a man who doesn't believe in church, a man who doesn't believe in Christmas or Easter, Valentines Day, Halloween...or any fun holiday.

 

These are the things going through my head everynight. And there is soooooo much more to him. He has always been generous, I give him that much. I have never wanted for anything. And he says that is how he shows his love, by providing. Lots to think about......

[Jilly Bean]

I keep asking myself, do I want this man who would never spend a New Years Eve with me and would go to bed at 9 am. Do I want a man who didn't like any of my friends, who would never attend a BBQ or anything my friends invited us to? Do I want this man who would get irritated with me when I was sick and coughing during the night ("can you go take care of that??!!) Do I want this man who told me to "suck it up, it's only a sprained ankle" when I fell down the stairs in my house and shattered my ankle on one side and a jagged break on the other, (long story but emergency room misdiagnosed it as a sprain, 2 months later I found out it was badly broken) but I was in agonizing pain 2 days after the ER visit and couldn't sleep and he was very annoyed with me because it hurt so bad. Do I want this man who when I found out it was broken that I need surgery to re-break my ankle in a 2 hour surgery who sat and read the newspaper as I laid in pre-op scared to death with tears running down my face, and he ignored me and acted like he was really into the days news. Or after the surgery, where he left me all day long in the hospital and then later told me it was because he wanted me to rest, when I really wanted my family there? A man who doesn't believe in God, a man who doesn't believe in church, a man who doesn't believe in Christmas or Easter, Valentines Day, Halloween...or any fun holiday.

 

These are the things going through my head everynight. And there is soooooo much more to him. He has always been generous, I give him that much. I have never wanted for anything. And he says that is how he shows his love, by providing. Lots to think about......

 

 

Um, why are you ignoring the elephant and focusing on the history of your marriage?

 

It's like you conveniently forgot the "why would you want a man back who cheated on you for months, lied to you, betrayed you, moved out to be with the OW, is still heavily involved in a relationship with her, and then tells you he is in love with her?"

 

I wouldn't think there was anything to think about after that gem of a revelation about him. Don't let it slip your mind while you muse over his not liking Halloween as a reason to kick him to the curb...

 

If you take him back, you will be no better than the OW you accuse of being used by him for money, as he would be coming back to you for the same reason.