Gunny376 Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 The first is to quit worrying! Most of the things aren't worrying about and will never come to pass. Of the ten things your worrying about? Most of them aren't going to come about. The rest? You've no control over. The rest? We'll that's has a lot to do about nothing ~ in that you've no control over what someone else chooses to do? Their choices are they're choices ~ and you've no control over them! Next is "divorce-proof" ~ "recession proof" and "job-loss" proof yourself as best as you can. That means having at least $5K to $20K that no one knows about, but you. Forget Hollyweried and TV ~ you've got a 1 in 10 chances of any relationship succeding! You've got to live your life for yourself ~ not for your parents ~ nor your children. Once your parents are gone? Your pretty much on your own! No one else will ever give a damn about you as they once did!
karnak Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 The first is to quit worrying! Forget Hollyweried and TV ~ you've got a 1 in 10 chances of any relationship succeding! A very heavy statement. But if you're talking about "real love" relationships i think you're spot on. Great post, soldier.
2sunny Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 what i've learned is that i'm the only one that is capable of creating what happy looks like for me. i can say yes or no to things that i consider being a part of my life.
whichwayisup Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 I remember soon after my grandfather passed away my dad said something that I haven't thought about in years and this post just made me think of it. "I'm an orphan now." This part of your post really got me; Once your parents are gone? Your pretty much on your own! No one else will ever give a damn about you as they once did! I'm scared of this. More than I'd like to admit, even more so since my father passed away in '93. Gunny, you are the best, eh! Don't ever forget that!
whichwayisup Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 what i've learned is that i'm the only one that is capable of creating what happy looks like for me. i can say yes or no to things that i consider being a part of my life. I'm learning this. The past bunch of years, learning how to rid of my anxiety disorder (well, control it, instead of it controlling me) and not be afraid of the "unknown", the future and 10, 20, 30 years from now and just BE and live in the NOW. A great book is the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
2sunny Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 I'm learning this. The past bunch of years, learning how to rid of my anxiety disorder (well, control it, instead of it controlling me) and not be afraid of the "unknown", the future and 10, 20, 30 years from now and just BE and live in the NOW. A great book is the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. oh yeeeeeees! so good!
spriggig Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 There really are people who can shut off their love when the situation warrants it. That when some single event triggers it, that's the end of the emotion and they are done--no looking back, no second thoughts. Goodbye. And, on the other side there really are people who can't manage this no matter how hard they try. I think it's a continuum. You can see it written all over this site--some Sad Sack comes on says "One week she was telling me she loved me and the next week she was packing her bags." The response varies from "That's so sad, you don't deserve that, maybe MC or IC will help" (advice from the ones who can't shut it off), to, "Bah! Who needs her, if she don't love you, you don't need her!" (advice from those who can shut it off). Fine, advice is advice, take it or leave it, but what's the most telling is that sometimes Sad Sack is able to pull the plug and walk away and sometimes he's not. AND, success varies in degrees. They really try and really want to, but it's not a switch--yet for some it seems it IS a switch.
karnak Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 There really are people who can shut off their love when the situation warrants it. That when some single event triggers it, that's the end of the emotion and they are done--no looking back, no second thoughts. Goodbye. And, on the other side there really are people who can't manage this no matter how hard they try. I think it's a continuum. You can see it written all over this site--some Sad Sack comes on says "One week she was telling me she loved me and the next week she was packing her bags." The response varies from "That's so sad, you don't deserve that, maybe MC or IC will help" (advice from the ones who can't shut it off), to, "Bah! Who needs her, if she don't love you, you don't need her!" (advice from those who can shut it off). Fine, advice is advice, take it or leave it, but what's the most telling is that sometimes Sad Sack is able to pull the plug and walk away and sometimes he's not. AND, success varies in degrees. They really try and really want to, but it's not a switch--yet for some it seems it IS a switch. What I learned is that there are some people who can enter a relationship without ever being in love with the person they're living with. It's easy to "pull the plug" in such a case (either you're leaving or you're the left one). I had a woman who said she loved me like she had never loved any men before me. Later I dicovered that she only wanted to leave her parent's house and grab my money. It was all a fraud since day 1.
wrencn Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 I've learned that I love him but I LOVE ME A HELL OF A LOT MORE!
2sunny Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 There really are people who can shut off their love when the situation warrants it. That when some single event triggers it, that's the end of the emotion and they are done--no looking back, no second thoughts. Goodbye. And, on the other side there really are people who can't manage this no matter how hard they try. I think it's a continuum. You can see it written all over this site--some Sad Sack comes on says "One week she was telling me she loved me and the next week she was packing her bags." The response varies from "That's so sad, you don't deserve that, maybe MC or IC will help" (advice from the ones who can't shut it off), to, "Bah! Who needs her, if she don't love you, you don't need her!" (advice from those who can shut it off). Fine, advice is advice, take it or leave it, but what's the most telling is that sometimes Sad Sack is able to pull the plug and walk away and sometimes he's not. AND, success varies in degrees. They really try and really want to, but it's not a switch--yet for some it seems it IS a switch. i've learned that it's not a switch - it's a personal boundary. once it crosses a certain point... i'd rather have my self respect than THAT person. if there is no boundary - you may as well be a doormat.
spriggig Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 What I learned is that there are some people who can enter a relationship without ever being in love with the person they're living with. It's easy to "pull the plug" in such a case (either you're leaving or you're the left one). I had a woman who said she loved me like she had never loved any men before me. Later I dicovered that she only wanted to leave her parent's house and grab my money. It was all a fraud since day 1. So, she drew you into the fog, but stayed outside? Rough.
trippi1432 Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 i've learned that it's not a switch - it's a personal boundary. once it crosses a certain point... i'd rather have my self respect than THAT person. if there is no boundary - you may as well be a doormat. 2sunny - very well said...I actually believe this belongs on the "switch" thread, so if you don't mind, I would like to move your comment there as well to expand on it a bit.
2sunny Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 2sunny - very well said...I actually believe this belongs on the "switch" thread, so if you don't mind, I would like to move your comment there as well to expand on it a bit. ok, thanks for asking me!
Butterflair Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 I've learned to take my life back and make my own decisions. No one owns me. I've learned that I won't co-mingle assets with anyone again. What's yours is yours and what's mine is mine. I've learned that my children will always be there for me just like my parents and that I raised two wonderful men that can see bull poo and know it for what it is. I've learned not to worry about what others do, not my train. and I've learned that people respect you when you stand up for yourself and stop being a doormat to others like a cheating spouse. I've not met one person yet who thinks I did the wrong thing by ending the marriage.
karnak Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 So, she drew you into the fog, but stayed outside? Rough. Yup. It sure was.
lupa Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 I've learned that smart men learn from their mistakes, and wise men learn from the mistakes of others. This is incredibly apropos for a place like this -- the newbs...listen to the Old Guard, they know what they are talking about. I learned from listening to them that there is only one place to find happiness and that is inside of you. Finding happiness in another still leaves a hole in your middle, one that can never be filled full enough. You must become a whole person before you can begin to share yourself with another, for if you don't, you will only waste the best parts of both.
Author Gunny376 Posted July 26, 2010 Author Posted July 26, 2010 I've learned that smart men learn from their mistakes, and wise men learn from the mistakes of others. This is incredibly apropos for a place like this -- the newbs...listen to the Old Guard, they know what they are talking about. I learned from listening to them that there is only one place to find happiness and that is inside of you. Finding happiness in another still leaves a hole in your middle, one that can never be filled full enough. You must become a whole person before you can begin to share yourself with another, for if you don't, you will only waste the best parts of both. Very well said and spoken! Welcome to the "Old Guard" ~ you've been tried, tempered, trued and hardended! Now you know? That which before you didn't know before?
lupa Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 Very well said and spoken! Welcome to the "Old Guard" ~ you've been tried, tempered, trued and hardended! Now you know? That which before you didn't know before? The sum total of what I didn't know could stun a team of oxen in its tracks. The scary part is now I realize how much left I have to learn...
Author Gunny376 Posted July 26, 2010 Author Posted July 26, 2010 The sum total of what I didn't know could stun a team of oxen in its tracks. The scary part is now I realize how much left I have to learn... You've a way with words. My late Great-Great Grandmother Goodson who gave birth to seven children (and probally others that died at birth ~ that I don't know about) Never spent a day in the hospital, nor a nursing home. Died when she was 96 years old while hoeing her vegetable garden. (Heat stroke) I told her once? "I bet you learned a alot aboud people and things in your ninety something years of living?" "Dan, I've learned more the last five years about people and living than all the other ninety put together."
wrencn Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 That fresh air, sunlight and exercise really do work wonders even when it is the absolute last thing you want to do. GET OUT AND GET MOVING, YOU WILL FEEL SO MUCH BETTER!!!
mimidarlin Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Gunny you are priceless. Personally, I'm trying the wise man approach. I'm trying to learn from the old guard. You guys have helped me more than you will ever know. Just reading your posts whether I respond or not has been helpful. Even trying to pass it on to a friend whose husband recently walked out.
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