bman89 Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Hey loveshack, I am seeking advice here from people who may have gone through what I go through but have managed to improve themselves. I want to start by saying that I'm not the boyfriend who always asks what my girlfriend is up to, and I give her tons of space so that she can do what she wants and not feel crowded. I am 21 and she's 20 after all. We have been dating for almost a year and I would consider us a serious relationship although neither of us are tied down and we do live our own lives. However, I do find myself insecure about stupid things, and I know they're stupid. I don't bring them up to her obviously and I've been working hard to try to overcome these insecurities. Most of them have to do with other guys. First of all she hasn't dated many guys and I'm her second longest relationship. Every now and again we bump into her ex (they went out for 3 years) and it just bothers me when she stops and initiates conversation with him. I'd rather if they just kept it at a friendly hello and kept walking kind of thing. Also, her and her friends have this obsession with firefighters and sometimes it kind of lowers my self confidence when I hear them in a group going on and on about it. I'm happy with who I am and I'm happy with the career path I chose to take, I just hate going on facebook only to see her friends writing about firefighters all over her wall or vice versa. I don't know why these things bother me and I've been trying to improve and have improved over time. She is with me, not them, after all. I just often feel like I'll never be good enough for her because I'm not a firefighter and that's probably the stupidest thing anyone has ever heard but I've never met a girl so obsessed with them in my life. If she hears sirens when we're on a walk or something she'll take off running just for a peak. Anyway I know this kind of jealousy isn't a good thing and for the most part she doesn't see this stuff from me because I know how to hide it. Just sometimes I feel really disrespected. Can anyone shed some light on this? To you jealous guys out there, have you been able to overcome it? Like I said, I have my own friends, I have my own hobbies, I do well for myself and I'm a good looking guy so I don't know why it still bothers me sometimes.
OrdealByFire Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 Are you Bmaninc? If so, HELLOOOO!!!! Hahaha. If not, well I'm an idiot, and sorry for scaring you. Anyways, I'm the same exact way. Super jealous and needy. I try to not seem that way, but I'm sure I come off as it. All you can really do is keep yourself occupied a lot of the time and eventually get used to what it was like before dating her when you were single. You can't have a girlfriend and all of a sudden put EVERY BIT OF FOCUS on you and her together... that's not even healthy.
make me believe Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 I think your girlfriend needs to be a little more respectful and show more tact. She takes off running to catch a peek when she hears sirens, seriously??? That's weird and super disrespectful to you. Ask her how she'd feel if you took off running when... I don't know... you heard a school bell and you wanted to sneak a peek at the high school girls. Or if whenever your male friends came around you guys constantly talked about strippers or something. Sometimes people don't realize how disrespectful and hurtful their behavior can be until it's turned around on them. If you talk to her about these things and she laughs it off or calls you insecure and doesn't change, then you REALLY have a problem. It could be that she just doesn't realize that it upsets you though, since you've never brought it up before.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 I think your girlfriend needs to be a little more respectful and show more tact. She takes off running to catch a peek when she hears sirens, seriously??? That's weird and super disrespectful to you. Ask her how she'd feel if you took off running when... I don't know... you heard a school bell and you wanted to sneak a peek at the high school girls. Or if whenever your male friends came around you guys constantly talked about strippers or something. Sometimes people don't realize how disrespectful and hurtful their behavior can be until it's turned around on them. If you talk to her about these things and she laughs it off or calls you insecure and doesn't change, then you REALLY have a problem. It could be that she just doesn't realize that it upsets you though, since you've never brought it up before. I agree. And this thread helped me out as well (LOL.) I'm a jealous girl. I don't like to admit it because it's a stereotype for women to be this way and it makes people so mad when we are (because we're being so desperate and needy), but I totally know where you are coming from. I can't really get into it a lot, but my boyfriend has done certain similar things to me in the past and although I try to act all cool about it, sometimes it feels like someone is beating the crap out of my insides as its going on. It's partly related to our insecurities though and that's a big part of the reason why I don't know why people deal with this issue by criticizing people who are this way. You don't make an insecure person less insecure by insulting them. XD I have a very bad inferiority complex. People don't make it better by telling me to just "get over it." That's just the way it is. It just feels nice to know that guys deal with this issue as well. My boyfriend definitely doesn't.
jnj express Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 If you have these problems now, and you arn't even shacking-up, but just dating, you are gonna be a mental wreck, if things get really serious with someone, whether it be this girl or another---- Did you have FOO problems, you say this is only your 2nd relationship, what broke that up---- maybe you need to do some reading, or get counseling if you can't overcome your insecurities. Your GF, and her XBF, as long as it is just a minute or two chat with you present is OK---the firefighter thing, I think she is just swayed by the group she is with---If you two are gonna become even more serious, then you need to look seriously at her GF's, and see which one's of the GF's are gonna be friends of your relationship, and which one's you need to be wary of. If you really have problems, just get into a light discussion on boundaries, and bring up your concerns, as part of the conversation.
You'reasian Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 (edited) I think your girlfriend needs to be a little more respectful and show more tact. She takes off running to catch a peek when she hears sirens, seriously??? That's weird and super disrespectful to you. Ask her how she'd feel if you took off running when... I don't know... you heard a school bell and you wanted to sneak a peek at the high school girls. Or if whenever your male friends came around you guys constantly talked about strippers or something. Sometimes people don't realize how disrespectful and hurtful their behavior can be until it's turned around on them. If you talk to her about these things and she laughs it off or calls you insecure and doesn't change, then you REALLY have a problem. It could be that she just doesn't realize that it upsets you though, since you've never brought it up before. People accuse one another of being jealous until the tables are turned and when that happens, they throw huge fits. For the OP, if it bothers you have a heart to heart discussion about it. Tell her it bothers you. If she doesn't respect that, she's not ready for you. MMB: Very mature and considerate answer on your part. I'm sure you're a great partner and if not already, will make a guy happy. Edited July 26, 2010 by You'reasian
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