asilisa Posted February 10, 2004 Posted February 10, 2004 [font=arial][/font] hey everyone, i'm new to the message boards i'm just in need of some advice. After reading some of these post I realize you guys don't think highly of the whole "I need time apart" thing. Well needless to say my boyfriend told me this, but none of it is making sense. We started going out about 2 months ago, but had been seeing eachother for 2 months before that. He had jumped from one girlfriend to me, a girlfriend he went out with for 2 years. He had liked me for along time, while he was going out with this girl. About a month into the relationship he told me he loved me, and I didn't tell him i felt the same way until some time later. (because i've been burned before) He has always said that I make him so happy and all this bull and how much he loves me and ya know. Well two weekends ago (Jan 31) he told me he sometimes thinks he got into another relationship to fast. He said just when he is alone with time to think about it, but when he is with me he never thinks about it and that is why he thinks he is supposed to be with me. I was upset because I figured it was the end. The next day we had a party for my mom and later that night he gave me a little charm that says JOY and told me that anytime I get sad to just look at it and know he cares about me and loves me. He was also very happy that my mom and sisters accepted him and thought we were a good couple. That Thursday I had been having a bad day because I lost my check from work and needed the money to pay tuition. He got very upset that I wouldn't consider asking him for money and went on the whole thing about how we are a team and all. (offering to pay my tuition) He had also said that he loved me, and loved being with me and that the good out-weighed the bad. This weekend we fought the whole weekend over dumb stuff. And on Sunday night he came to my house while I was studing and asked my sister to help him find something i asked for, for Valentines day. Then probably not even 5 minutes later he came upstairs and told me that he needed time away from us. And my response was OK because I didn't want to be crying infront of him. He kinda got mad and was like, thats all your gonna say? So I said what do you want me to say, that you broke my heart? He said no. So I asked him to stay and work it out but he said he already made up his mind. He thinks that I don't care about the relationship and that we are too different. Later that night I told him I didn't know if he wanted me to get my stuff from his house or not and he said he did. I told him not to play with me because I would be OK no matter what, and he said he was considering all possibilities, between me and him. And he said I'll call you tomorrow and I was like just take the time you need, and he said thanks. Now I'm just confused. He isn't the type of guy to tell someone he loves them and not mean it. At the same time I don't understand how he can say his feelings haven't change but he doesn't know if he wants to be with me. Any advice is good. Even if it's something I don't want to hear. Thanks.. I don't know if this means anything but he doesn't have a very good family life. His mother and him have basically no relationship and he has told me many times that this affects him. Him and his dad live in the same house and barely say two words to eachother.
sarah12 Posted February 10, 2004 Posted February 10, 2004 This sounds like something I went through. I think he is realizing that he jumped into the relationship too fast. He does care about you, but needs time to sort things out. He has to put his past relationship in the past and then give it some time before giving you his heart. Also, given his family's background, you should be very careful. Sometimes, when people don't have the support of family/friends, they become very dependent on the ones they do have for love. You become their mother/father/sister/friend/girlfriend, and it's a lot to handle. You're doing the right thing right now by giving him some time, all the time that he needs. When I went through my situation, I also wondered how he could say all these things but not actually be with me. I realized that it doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he doesn't like me, it just wasn't the right time. I'm still going through it now, giving him space, but not holding onto hopes for the future. In my situation, it was just best to let it go for now, and let nature take its course. I'd like to write more but I am busy with exams. Feel free to send me a PM.
Darkangelism Posted February 10, 2004 Posted February 10, 2004 Give him time i think he will come around, and be good for you.
Author asilisa Posted February 10, 2004 Author Posted February 10, 2004 Thanks for your replys guys. He called me last night to say good-night, and asked what i was doing. So I told him what I was doing and asked him if he was OK cause he sounded upset. He said he was fine, just laying in bed. So I said thanks for calling and he said he said he would, so I was like what did you feel like you had to? But he said no he wanted to call and say goodnight. I told him ok that I loved him and he didn't have to respond, and he didn't. Then I said bye and a few minutes later he two-wayed me back and said bye and it sounded like he was crying. I feel better today I know I have to and will be OK no matter what, with a little time. I'll keep you guys posted. Thanks again...
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