three Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 I broke up with my ex about 2 months ago. It was a pretty explosive breakup. She keeps in touch with me with an occasional text or online chat. A few days ago she asked me to meet her up for coffee. I agreed, however, the night before we were supposed to meet she told me she couldn't make it. Now she seems to be ignoring me. I don't understand why shes doing this. And its rather weird how SHE was the who asked to meet me and then completely flaked out. I assumed that since we broke the contact barrier and she was willing to meet me that we were on somewhat more friendly terms, yet now she blocked me on IM and is ignoring me. Is she just playing with me? What do I do? Any help would be much appreciated.
GrayClouds Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Is she just playing with me? What do I do? Any help would be much appreciated. Just want to know your still thinking about her, it give a nice little ego boost and keeps you on the line. Go NC and move on.
myloveis4ever Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 just maybe- she´s still hurt? because u dump her??? if not--- Go N.C
Art_Critic Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 She is your EX for a reason.. There is no hot and cold.. only cold... She is your EX for a reason so try not to read anything into anything. Don't speak to her anymore... Have you ever heard that silence is deafening.. Well ? give her some..
monkeymaid Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 2 things. 1 ...u dumped her so she does want to see you but is afraid of the rejection and 2. ...she wants that ego boost we so desperately need after a relationship ends. you agreed to meetup so she got the ego boost but shes scared that you will reject her again. ...she thought to much about it and it got to her. she cant handle the emotional rollercoaster. she needs time to really get over it. ...like a year or more
Author three Posted July 25, 2010 Author Posted July 25, 2010 She was the one who dumped me. It doesn't make sense because we were able to converse perfectly fine without any negative emotions when we spoke on the phone 3 days ago. Our contact has been rather minimal, with me or her sending a text maybe once every 2 weeks. This was the first time I had spoken to her on the phone since the break and she seemed like she did want to see me and catch up. I don't get her flakiness. Many of you suggest NC, but what if she does still have feelings for me?
monkeymaid Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 then she just wants to know you are still feeling for her. you gave her that now she is on to search for the next guy to dupe. you want any sembelence of self respect? you want to know if she feels something, you want to feel better about all of this? then go nc. it is the only way. you cant screw anything up if you dont do anything wrong. talking to her is wrong. for both of you. leave this alone for 3 months and come back to it then.
Author three Posted July 25, 2010 Author Posted July 25, 2010 Yes I think you're right. She just wanted to tease me and get an ego boost. I found out she's been talking to her other ex as well. She met up with him the day we planned to get coffee. Just to make sure before i implement NC, should I ask her what her intentions are? Or is that a foolish move?
monkeymaid Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 nah silence is deafening!. let her ears explode bud.
BigProc Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 I have to say three, your situation is identical to mine. We broke up a couple of months ago, but we remained in contact. She then started ignoring my txts n emails etc and it turned out she had been seeing her other ex (naturally I was gutted as i still love her). After a weeks nc she contacted me via txt saying she missed me and wanted to meet up etc. The following day she completely blanked me ignoring me once again. A mutual friend even told me she had been telling friends I had been txting and she wasnt guna reply. It knocked me back to square 1. Why the hell did she txt me tellin me all that just toignore me the next day. Made me so angry
Author three Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 Well BigProc, perhaps our exes just want to toy with us. I actually just sent her a text,saying i was remembering a funny situation we had, to assess her reaction. If she doesn't respond i'll have my answer and I can promptly delete all her contact info. I'm also thinking maybe she thinks I've moved on is trying to do the same. Lemme know how your situation goes.
BigProc Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 hya three, I did exactly the same. I txt her reminding her of the good times and the funny situations to try and make her remember. Unfortunatly I'v had no response. I did this the day after she started txting me again, which was nearly 2 week ago now. I'v been in nc ever since but the pain doesnt seem to be easing. The image of her and her ex is still haunting me and the dreams have started again. I met some1 else recently but I had to end it because my heart wasn't in it. I am finding it hard to believe she has moved on so quickly as i couldnt. It looks like that is the case tho .
cavedweller Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 three, Why are you still in contact with her? You need to 'delete' her and move on. An ex is an ex is an ex..
BigProc Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 We know that in theory cavedweller, but its easier said than done
Author three Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 Well, she replied to my text and tried to make me jealous. That shows that she still cares somewhat, or is still hurt. At least its better than indifference. BigProc, for me NC with her usually lasted about 2 weeks to 3 weeks each time. Your interaction with her depends on what you want out of it. If you contact her sounding desperate she won't bother responding. Try your best to move on, even though it's really hard. Secondly, if she goes back to her ex its possible that you were a rebound. How long were you together for? One thing I've learned is that you cannot think of her as the basis of your happiness. You were happy before you met her; you can be after her too. Plus if she can ignore your texts(and i know how painful that is) after SHE initiated, shes just playing with you to see if you'll continue chasing her. DON'T FALL FOR IT. Regain some power by 1) trying to move on and 2) ignore HER when she texts you next. Don't act like a wimp and let her keep you on a leash. Cavedweller, the reason im contacting her is because I want to reestablish intimacy and the sex. Our relationship was mostly sexual anyway, so I'm aiming to rekindle that element of it. I cannot trust her in a serious relationship. I already did once and was burned. Doing so would be emotional suicide.
BigProc Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 We were together for a year, she seemed so besotted with me for first 8 month. I think it really is too late for me. She went over to a mutual friends house last night and she was telling her how shes got back into her old crowd and that her ex was picking her up so they could all meet up. We havnt text in 2 weeks today now, so it well and truly seems she has moved on and im left here to pick up my shattered pieces. Be very careful three if you still have feelings for her, because that will put you back to square 1 if you start having sex with he rand if its just sex to her she will stop as soon as she gets bored or someone else comes along leaving you to pick up the pieces.
Author three Posted July 31, 2010 Author Posted July 31, 2010 Ok, I thought about my predicament a lot today, as it was tearing my mind apart and I realized that I'm a COMPLETE IDIOT/TOOL for wanting to have ANY sort of relationship with this woman. I also realized that the reason I want to be with her/have sex with her has nothing to do with her as a person, but more of the feelings of companionship that accompany a relationship. And youre right in that I'll probably end up at square 1 with the pain. The fact that she was being flaky with me proves that she just wants to string me along ( i shouldve seen this coming, she was bipolar anyway:lmao:) Perhaps BigProc, that both of us have some serious issues with self-esteem and self-respect.Why would you WANT to be with someone who causes you so much pain? I've had enough dealing with this crap and the amount of effort i put into analyzing this psycho womans actions can be put to better use (like meeting more women:D) I think the best option for both of us is to 1)go NC with the woman forever, and 2) hopefully grow a pair in the process. I've already deleted all her contact info and also blocked her number via my carrier. Ye its gonna suck, but don't even bother picking up the pieces. Just F em and find a better woman, because there are plenty out there. Don't entertain her calls, don't text her or respond. You're better than that. Learn from my mistakes, DON'T BE A TOOL! And if you have the unfortunate luck of seeing her ( i will because shes my coworker), be sure to tell her you and your new girlfriend are doing great! Hope this helps you bro.
BigProc Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Thats the best action to take three, I hope u manage to put this into action. It should be a little easier for me because we wont see each other at all. Only my own weakness should stop me. U have hit the nail on the head with your comment about self respect/self asteem. For some reason mines rock bottom and always has been. I dont know why because iv never really strugggled to get a girlfriend, but I always get into my head that im not good enough for them and eventually they will realise this. That might be why im putting my ex on such a high pedestal. Im currently seeing someone who is very nice but for some reason its my ex who i crave even though she no longer gives me the time of day. Im struggling to find any other girl that attractive other than my ex. How sad does that sound. Even though I know shes moved on and im doing the nc thing pretty well, deep down i,m hoping she txts me and i think im using nc as a ploy to get her back:(.
cavedweller Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 three, Several years ago I was in a four year relationship with a special woman.. I never loved anyone the way I loved her..She was my 'soul mate'. She met some jock and dumped me.. I had but one choice and that was to pick myself up and move on.. So three, I know your pain.. I know it ain't easy, but, you have to go NC and move on..
Author three Posted August 1, 2010 Author Posted August 1, 2010 It isn't an easy road by any means. The dreams are still there. The rage is still there. The empty feeling fluctuates. I guess recovery isn't particularly a linear process. BigProc, I know how you feel. I used to care so much for my girl that she slowly became the purpose of my life. I would only be happy making her happy(this is the REAL sad part).This is where we both shot ourselves in the foot. Just because we give kindness and love doesn't guarantee that it will be reciprocated. Being a people pleaser will have no positive effect in romantic relationships. I also know how it feels to find only your ex attractive. It is not sad at all. You love her and it has blinded you. Perhaps you should talk to your new girl about your unresolved feelings. The last thing you want is to do to the new girl what your ex is doing to you. I hate to use the comparison of others misery, but other people have had even worse experiences. Cavedweller said he was in a 4 year one. There are others who who were married. By those standards we are lucky to not have invested our livelihoods in our bad women. Right now the best option is busy yourself with other activities. I work out everyday and vent my frustrations out to my friends. I know the depression hurts. The lack of sleep, appetite, and energy can be quite debilitating. Remember, you managed to get an "attractive" girl like her. You can do so again. Cavedweller, how long did it take you to move on from her? Are you still in contact? Did you beat the living daylights out of the other guy?
BigProc Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Shes showing her true colours the lad who shes now with now was with 1 of her best friends, he left her friend for her now. Shes showing shes got the morals of an alley cat and now all her friends have fallen out with her. I know it sounds bitter and hopefully these feelings will go away but I want it all to come crashing down on her, karma and all that.
cavedweller Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 three, Answers to your questions: She was my soul mate so it took several months to put her behind me.. I will 100% No Contact and kept it that way.. I never met the man she dumped me for..
Author three Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 (edited) BigProc, karma will give her what she deserves. Thats some pretty messed up stuff though about her ditching her best friend. Mines worse though haha: --cheated on her ex bf of 4 years with me --EVENTUALLY broke up with him for me --we even met each others parents! --found out she was going behind my back with him, but I gave her a second chance --she broke up with me, but then cut herself so i wouldnt leave -- kept leading both me and her ex on till i nearly lost my mind --i ended up telling her ex the entire story, but she lied to him again and he believed her --she got physically and verbally abusive to me --I found out she was hooking up with a coworker of mine as well, so she was THREE TIMING. SO....i have no excuse for still wanting anything to do with her...but its still hard to let go Cavedweller, you still refer to her as your soulmate..it seems even you haven't fully recovered. Have you tried finding someone else? Edited August 2, 2010 by three additional text
BigProc Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Wow three. It seemed the writing was on the wall from the beginning. I know its a lot easier to comment on other's situation. But I would say if she came begging you for another go, you should tell her where to get off. She just does not seem like a good person, playing everyone off. However I understand love is a funny thing. I dont believe my ex ever cheated on me, though I cant't bee sure. Her friend put a comment about karma on her fb status, something like "I hope karma gets you big time". I hope it does too, and I think it will because this other lad is a bit of a user. As for your situation, try and focus on all the bad things shes done, (there seems to be a lot) rather than the happy times you had. If you get in the habit of that, it will help you realise she is no good for you. At the moment,like me, you will be looking back at all the happy times which makes it harder.
EthanH Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 if you just want her for sex, why bother?, if she is just sex to you, why not get it from someone else, indeed why are you even writing on here? You will never be able to say for sure how she feels, she might like you a whole lot more, and might want to be with you, she might think the sex is leading to something, and because you cannot be sure about that, i think you should just be the better person and just cut things off with her. BUT I think it is more than that, you are saying you cannot be burned as you are trying to protect yourself. If you broke up with her, it is your duty to be clear about how you feel and what you want if you get back in contact with her, be open with her, you need to tell her. Why would she want to meet up with someone she knows is basically just using her? Stop being vague with her. Make a decision and stick to it.
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