binkybel Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Hey guys! I am new here. Lol I would be very thankful if some of you gave me an honest answer about my problem. My ex broke up with me 2 months and half ago. We dated for more than 4 years. Over the last 9 months of our relationship, we fought a lot and most of the quarrels were caused by myself because I wasn’t very happy with some of his attitudes. I felt he wasn’t giving me as much attention lately. When he broke it of he told me he loved me but he needed to be alone, since he lost faith in our relationship and thought we couldn’t do anything else to change it. In order to stop him from doing so I said a lot of things I didn’t believe (and gave a whole bunch of ideas to fix things). But it only made it worst. In the end, I felt like hell and he said he couldn’t be in a relationship feeling hurt , he needed time alone to heal (and that he wouldn’t heal in a month nor in two but in more). I went into DEEP shock and denial for a while. I begged him to take me back, but he said he wouldn’t and that we should go on with our lives. He also said that after giving it some time we could be friends. He also said that if I didn’t stop texting he would change his number… among other rude things. So I shouldn’t have done that…. I really shouldn’t. But he didn’t have the need to be harsh. We went into no contact. A week after this his facebook status was a happy one and he cut me out his friends list. We remained NC ever since. After the break up, I thought he was only doing this to escape the drama and stress during his end term exams at college and that he would let that time go, heal, and then contact me. He didn’t so far. Instead of letting things go, I took my time to think about things (what went wrong, my mistakes, his mistakes, what could be done to start fresh, what could be done to fix things for good). After 2 months I have a clear mind. I want him to know what I think, apologize and tell him the truth about a whole bunch of things. I sense that he was left having some wrong ideas about me and the relationship and that might have influenced his point of view (or maybe not). I know that deep down I hope that he changes his mind and wants me back, but I am trying to cast that aside in order to see things as they are or maybe I am just trying to tell myself the worst so that I won’t hurt even more. I think the reason for him not to call me might be: Option 1: Since he has been occupied with his exams he hasn’t had the time to think as much as I did. Option 2: he decided to move on and doesn’t want to see me. Option 3: he feels embarrassed and guilty of the way he treated me. I don’t know… I just know that this guy is the one for me. Should I break NC? What would you do? If you did, what would you say in a text message in order not to sound needy or demanding? If you were the dumper… would you accept to talk? What would it be in your mind? Thank you Binkybel
Chinook Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Dumpee: I wouldn't be contacting him no matter what the reason or excuse. When someone dumps you they forfeit the right to know how you are doing or any ideas about your previous relationship. Your ex doesn't want to know any ideas about what happened, he's not interested. That's why he has cut you out of his friends list and moved on with his life. I know that's harsh... but when someone makes that kind of decision, it is a very strong message that they don't need you or care about you any more. He has given you that message. The love and care he had for you no longer exists. He may have cared about you, but to be able to hurt you in such a manner... and let me tell you, manage to get you to take the blame for it, is pretty bad. You should not contact him. Dumper: Nope, I wouldn't accept the contact. I would not respond because (a) I've already made my feelings clear and it is over. It is of no consequence to me what else there is or may be to know about a previous relationship and (b) I wouldn't want to offer false hope that things could change and the relationship could be rekindled. Not being in contact is your best way of healing this one OP.
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