My boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue when I know WE were really happy! WHY?

[Sarahstaken]

 

I was recently in a relationship with my boyfriend for 7 months. We were both very much inlove..i had never EVER gotten so much attention from anyone like this before especially a boyfriend. He told me he loved me all the time, loved to cook for me bring me out whenever he could spend alot of time together, talked alot about 'our' future..holidays, marraige etc. We never fought..only a little tiff here and there and it would be sorted in a few mins. He is in college (obviously has summer off) but has to re do a very important project to get his points to move up to his forth year and has always been very dedicated, since the start of June he's also working two jobs to make ends meet for college expences etc..Literally out of the blue 5 days ago he called up to my house and broke up with me but gave me no resons. What he said first was 'I love you, your my best friend, your beautiful and have a great personality' I kept asking why and he just looked me me and kept saying 'Sorry' and ' You think this is easy for me??' I was so upset I was roaring crying and also confused and very angry..I told him to look me in the eye and tell me that he is no INLOVE with me that i needed to hear that to move on and he couldnt, i asked him many times to do this and he said 'im not going to say that to you.' I kept telling him to leave my house but he would'nt and kept saying he didnt want to leave me like this. Out of anger and also humiliation i said that 'Once you leave there's no coming back' and he said he wanted me in his life as a friend and i said thats impossible as ill always want to be with him. I was sooooooo upset, i ran into my room and he followed in and also followed me anywhere i went in the house. I threw all his dvs on the bed and told him to take them and his xbox back. He told me to keep it i said 'NO TAKE IT!! He found out about 2 months back that to become what he wants to become in college he has to do an extra yr of college..he was very annoyed about which i completely understood, but one of the first things he said to me was 'How its going to be even longer now before me and him can do all these things that we planned!' I was kind of shocked but happy at the fact that i was also included in the future and I am a very perceptive person. I was always on the look out to see if he's happy with 'us' and i did not see any of this coming and the people closest to both of us are totally shocked about this! His parents are extremely close to my aunt and uncle and cousins and iv heard back that he told his dad ' I didnt want to do it, Im just unsure about the future'. He is 21 almost 22 and I am 22 almost 23. He did txt me 2 days after the break up and just said in words what he said to me the day he broke up with me. Thats hes been thinking that were not going to work and he's better off doing it now rather then in a year. I havnt replied because i have nothing to say to him now..im giving him time to see what lifes like without me and to think clearly. He used to ring me everyday for hours alot of the time and txt always even though i seen him about 3 or 4 times a week..i just dont understand this at all. Any advice or anything Id apreciate it..especially from you guys!! Thanks!!!

[Chinook]

(1) He couldn't not look you in the eye to say what you asked (that he loves you) he couldn't look you in the eye because he couldn't stand to see how hurt you are because he has caused it! There's a difference. He only wants you in his life as a friend in order to let you down gently. There is no gently being dumped... but it will likely make him feel better. Over time, you will hurt again and again if you remain friends with him now.

 

(2) Hate to say this. Sudden changes of heart in an early relationship are usually one of two things - either there is someone else new... or, he has gone back to an ex. I would be a very rich person if I had a $ for every time someone like you posts this only to find they picked up with someone else right away... or in fact, they never left off at all. There is no way someone gets this involved with a new person and then just suddenly drops it. The reason for that is a little substance called 'dopamine'. It's the 'I need you' chemical in our brains. It would appear that someone else is giving him the need for the 'I need you' chemical. I'm sorry, I really really hope I'm wrong, but I don't think so. Call it a gut feeling. Search yourself, I bet you know it too. He's not worried about the future, well not one with you in it... no matter how difficult a future would or might be, you get through it together. He's decided that doesn't include you now.

 

(3) Family stuff means nothing. He won't have told the family what has really gone on in his head. You're doing the right thing with not being in any contact with him. It will only cause you pain in the end. Trust me, been there, done that.

[Sarahstaken]

Thanks for that but I know its easy to say there's someone else..but i could bet my life on the fact theres no one else involved, and our families are extremely close (even before we met) so he knows that if there was someone else involved, an ex or a new girl, he knows id find out and i know how honest he is..hes a very blunt person so if there was a girl i know he'd tell me. I had told him that i NEED him to tell me hes NOT inlove with me for me to move on and he couldnt! The 1st thing he did say without me saying anything was 'i love you, your my best friend, your beautiful and have a great personality but then literally just stopped mid sentence.

I have been thinking over the last few days about the last few weeks of our relationship and how we were etc..and a week and a half before we broke up i got annoyed with him a little cos we were meant to go out for a drink for his cousins going away drinks, just for an hr or so, which he asked me to go that day so i got changed clothes and all just into something nicer (he wasnt to know), so i said yes and i was looking forward to it..then when he came up for dinner and he said real casualy hes not in the mood now cos hes so wrecked and would love to just chill with me and watch a dvd (which was always fine as he was working two jobs) and i got annoyed a bit (more moody) cos i wanted to go out with him for a change instead of just handing out in my apt (cos lately hes been too tired to go out anywhere so we just chill out and i never complian cos he has so much going on but this time i was pi**ed off) And i always felt sooooo bad for him cos i can see how tired he is but still wants to see me so often and when he does or want to go out he always wants me there...then about 4 days before we broke up we actually did go out to his other cousins bbq which was great fun and on the way back i was talking bout something and i looked at him and he looked like he wasnt paying attention (he sometimes has a low atttention spam since we first met i noticed) so i said real calmly 'sometimes ya just seem like you dont care to listen when i talk (and other ppl but i didnt mention that) and first he laughed it off and denyed it then was serious and said 'im sorry babe i do listen i just always have so much on my mind.' and i said real nicely 'its ok it just got to me a bit' and that was that! We went home cuddled in bed etc..totally normal..then he went to work nxt morning and said he'll ring and txt me (as he always does) but this time i wasnt going to see him from Thursday morning til Monday which i knew way before hand as he was also covering someone elses shift for a long weekend..he rang and txt as normal then BANG! He came up on Sunday to Break up wit me! I JUST DONT GET IT!!! Sorry for the long story again!

[106rob]

hmmm this sounds familler...o yea thats why

 

im in exacly the same near enough down to a T what you are going through hun

 

but the otherway round it was her that called it off with me and by a txt we had been going out around 6 months and same got very close closer than i ever have to anyone before,talked about the future together etc etc

 

deverstated!

 

i know how you are feeling and i cant give you any advice yet im trying to get that myself but this place does help! x

[Sarahstaken]

Ah stop its horrible,,iv never been in a situation like this before! If a relationship is gona end theres loads of signs and usually loads of fights too! But this time nothing! Only about 3 weeks before we broke up he was talking about when hes gona buy a house (in a few years cos hes still in college) and i said 'oh yea ill be staying over there alot more as were always in mine as he still lives with his parents and he said 'sure youll be living with me and if i had a house now you'd be living with me now' i actually said 'relax were only together 6 months' (at the time) and he said 'well why wouldnt we be? Its gona happen sooner or l8r and im sure of it' Seriously its so mad i just cant even to begin to get my head round it..i think he just freaked out somehow. i havnt been in contact with him since the break up (2 weeks ago now) even though he txt me two days after the break up..i didnt reply and i dont intend to...hoping that it will give him a chance to miss me! As a guy would you wonder why your ex didnt txt you pleading to get back with her if you broke up with her and you know its not what she wanted? Any news on your ex anyway?