DSM2709 Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Well, I thought for a long time that the woman I was dating recently, whom I met online back in October, was the one. I posted some questions in my past posts about our relationship when it was going really good, of course that was the "honeymoon" stage. We got along so well, I actually moved in with her back in May of this year, after she asked me to and 2 months later she broke up with me, who knew? She was controlling and critical of me at times, and I guess it was inevitable for the breakup. I didn't stand up enough for myself. Anytime I did, she would bring me right back down. She admits to being a "stubborn Pollock and a controlling bitch". She wanted perfection, and I tried to do the right things, but it wasn't enough. She claims it wasn't all my fault and that she's to blame as well for the relationship going bad. She was a great woman with a big heart, caring personality, energetic, but she said that it all came down to us just not being compatible enough for each other, that we didn't have a common ground and that we were on two different pages. She stated to me that it was mostly her and who she is as a person. I feel like it was my fault, but I'm not sure. Living with her sure was different than when I would just come over every weekend and spend a couple of days together, because I could just go back to my place and we had each other's space. It was difficult at times (living with her), but not all the time. I did everything for her, and she did appreciate it. Her brother did say that she's done this sort of thing in the past with previous relationships, that when a guy doesn't meet her criteria, she runs the other way. She also says in her defense that she has no problem if she lived alone for the rest of her life and didn't find someone. I have recently moved AGAIN into my own place now a week and a half ago and I am single once more. She actually helped me move with her brother and that was really nice, she dumped me on June 25th, and let me stay at her place until I found somewhere to live. It was a wednesday that I finally moved (July 14th) and I texted her on that following Sunday, she called me that Tuesday after and said it was nice to hear from me, so I asked if she wanted to get together on Friday night, to which she agreed, and that she was free. So tonight (Friday night), we went out to the Hard Rock Cafe, and had a really nice dinner. We had nice conversation and some laughs. Things were going really well, until we went to this bar and that's when I brought up the breakup situation (DUMBASS I AM, I KNOW), to which she comfirmed that she was NOT interested in getting back together. We then went to her home after walking around a bit, and I stayed at her apt (Which we use to live together in, so the memories came flooding back in), only for an hour or so, but the emotions came out of me. I talked about how we use to have so much fun, but that their were bad times too. To no avail, she would not budge. I left her apartment after giving her a big hug and crying on her shoulder, and said goodnight. She says to me that while we were chatting that she can still call me if I want her to but that it didn't mean she was coming back. I texted her when I got home from her apt to let her know I was home. This hurts me to be in this freakin situation again. Why can't I just learn to be alone for a while and live single, or better yet, why can't I make someone happy enough so that they stay with me. Have I not yet met the right one, and she's still out there? Why must I always feel the need to be with someone? She's was a great person, I met her in October of last year, and it was great. Her family was awesome to me too, they excepted me. She is who she is, and I can't fault her for that. I am who I am and she says that's ok, that there was nothing wrong with who I am. But why does it hurt so much? So, now what? Do I just have to let it go, because I know that there is nothing left to salvage from this, so let it be? How can I let go of something I believed in so strongly, except for maybe the controlling and critical issues? I know I can live by myself, but it was sure nice to have someone to share my life with too. Thanks!
Sonolumino Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 I'm sorry for your pain. I'm going through a break up right now too, and it's definitely not a fun time. As far as your questions go, like you said, compatibility is the issue here. I'm a firm believer that there have to be two people secure enough in themselves (or at least they have to find someone with similar insecurities as they) to have a successful relationship. I think that with her controlling issues, this shows a fundamental problem on her end with trust in general, and that is going to spell downfall for any relationship. I think you should spend time alone and let this one go. As cliche as it sounds, there are better out there. As far as your need to be with someone goes, I'd stay single for a while and get to know yourself better. You are headed in the right direction by asking these very personal questions about yourself, for example the title of this thread is "will I ever learn?". But, I think you need to be alone for a little while to get that bit of self-discovery and let those changes happen. Let yourself find the answers by putting yourself in the correct situation. Good luck with everything. I hope you get over this soon and find the answers you're looking for.
Author DSM2709 Posted July 24, 2010 Author Posted July 24, 2010 Thank you, I have a good core of friends an family too that are helping me along with all of this. I do need to be on my own for awhile or at least just date and not get involved too deep. I know what my weaknessess are and I guess that's half the battle. Recognizing what they are and improving on them. Thanks again for the comments.
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