jjpj112 Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 This is my first time posting anything like this but i have to talk about this some how. First let me explain what happened to me, I have been married to my wife for 12 years and i have known her for 13 years. We have a daughter together, I have just come back from being deployed in the persian gulf this will be my 4th time being there as i am in the Military. Are marriage has always had its ups and downs like any marriage but this time my wife took it to the extreme. When i came back to my house it was totally trashed and she left pictures for me to find of her and her new boyfriend but what makes it worse, she abandon our daughter with her grandmother in another state and has nothing to do with her anymore. She completely drained me of almost all the money that i have saved that was going towards a house and now she is a fugitive on the run for not showing up to her probation meetings. I have only contacted her one time because it is so hard to know where she is. The problem i am having is letting her go she has done this to me 3 times and i should be mad at her but i am not. I thought she would have changed after spending a year in jail for her 3 DUI but i guess i was wrong. I feel so betrayed and used. The one email she did write me when i was on the boat is that she is sorry for everything she did but she won't tell me why she left me or what i did wrong to deserve this. Right now i am fighting for full custody of my daughter, I can't file for a divorce because i don't know where my wife is so i have to wait a year to file for a divorce. I am so depressed, i am getting help for my issue's but i feel like it isn't helping me one bit. I guess what i am asking is what should i do about my wife, i still have feelings for her but i know there isn't nothing i can do for this marriage anymore and is there anything that can help me with my emotions for her. I just can't believe she would do this after being faithful and supportive of her.
whichwayisup Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 You will always love your wife, she's the mother of your daughter.. But, she isn't the woman you once knew, fell inlove with and married. It's OK to love and care about her, and her wellbeing but she isn't going to change. She's made really bad and selfish choices, hasn't learned her lesson(s). Focus on being the best dad for your daughter, getting help and support from friends and family, continue with counselling to help you cope, and if needed, go on meds to help you with the depressed feelings. If the therapist you have now isn't helping, find someone else. Are you using a marriage counsellor or just a regular therapist? How is your daughter handling all this? Is she in counselling as well?
Author jjpj112 Posted July 24, 2010 Author Posted July 24, 2010 Right now i am going to a regular therapist and my daughter will be going to a child therapist. My daughter acts up every now and then but other than that seems to be doing fine, she doesn't seem mad but i can tell she has some hidden aggression on what has been going on.
spriggig Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 You're going to have to lean hard on your family, friends and therapist. Some of them might pull away because they can't handle the additional stress, they'll come back. Every time you start to think about your wife, think instead about the very next thing you need to do for your daughter and do that instead--girls NEED their dad to be strong for them. Don't try to contact your wife anymore, you need time to sort this out and focusing on her will confuse the path. If you can get through the next six months with no contact, you'll be in a much better place to deal with her crap.
scatterd Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 This hard on a child she does not understand why her mom left her.Kids can take it personal.My mom up and left my brother and I for almost a year we was with with our dad.I loved being with my dad but deep down I hurt everyday she was gone I did not understand how she or why she left.I am OK now that I am older and understand but at the time it was horrible.Getting counseling for her is going to help and let her know she did not leave her.Good luck I feel for you both
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