AlwaysConflicted Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 Someone once told me that you can't be friends with an ex until you're happy in a different relationship as well as your ex. I think that makes sense.
cdt76 Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 Look at it this way. Are you capable of being in the same room with her when she is all over some other dude kissing on him? NO! I'd venture to say, most of us aren't. You don't need her as a friend. You have friends, good ones, who are there in the thick and the thin. She already went and knocked off a piece with some dude. You deserve better. You don't need her corruption in your heart. Stay no contact. Keep your mind from wandering into that place of "what's she thinking, doing, etc." Stay focused on YOU!
Circular Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 The reason NC is important is at some point during the process you'll realize you've taken a 'step back' from the relationship and can see it more objectively. Only when you can be objective can you decide if being friends or resetting the boundaries of the relationship will be workable. This will sound odd but right now most of your emotions are of missing her and feeling hurt; you've lost something that was important to you and you're having a very YOU-centric experience. But, you need to really understand that this is mostly GRIEF not love. When the grief is gone and you feel just unconditional love and wanting her to be happy, successful in life, and have all that's great regardless if it means you are in the picture then you've reached that place. You'll be able to be objective and decide what the right course of action you want to take.
Author Username37 Posted July 26, 2010 Author Posted July 26, 2010 Gah. I miss her more now all of a sudden. Since she contacted me, I was on her mind ya know? It's making me wonder, "how long has I been on her mind?" and "was she afraid and nervous to text me" and just **** like that. I'm probably over-analyzing again huh?
Thorgs Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 Gah. I miss her more now all of a sudden. Since she contacted me, I was on her mind ya know? It's making me wonder, "how long has I been on her mind?" and "was she afraid and nervous to text me" and just **** like that. I'm probably over-analyzing again huh? That's not analyzing it too much, but it's hard to not think about it, ya know? I am in the same boat, although I'm trying to move on. Lately, only the good memories have been popping into my head, not the bad ones like when she first ripped my heart out and sold it to the terrorists.
marigo Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 i am in NC with my ex right now and its been 6 weeks. I remember seeing your post and thought to myself that atleast she contacted you. And then i see how much you're hurting because of it. Its crazy how things work out sometimes. Its like when they dont contact you, you want them to but when they do, we start hurting. It feels like we're always the one in pain. I still want my ex to contact me and i dont know if he will. Peoplr keep telling me that he might just be giving me the time to heal because we tried being friends and i ended up hurting so bad. But i know that he could be seeing someone else, and that could be the reason why he hasnt contacted me. It hurts like no other. I feel like dying everyday. Id say though, to stay NC until you're ready. Until you're back to being normal again. Because as much as i want to contact my ex, i dont want him to see the weak girl he broke up with.
Author Username37 Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 i am in NC with my ex right now and its been 6 weeks. I remember seeing your post and thought to myself that atleast she contacted you. And then i see how much you're hurting because of it. Its crazy how things work out sometimes. Its like when they dont contact you, you want them to but when they do, we start hurting. It feels like we're always the one in pain. I still want my ex to contact me and i dont know if he will. Peoplr keep telling me that he might just be giving me the time to heal because we tried being friends and i ended up hurting so bad. But i know that he could be seeing someone else, and that could be the reason why he hasnt contacted me. It hurts like no other. I feel like dying everyday. Id say though, to stay NC until you're ready. Until you're back to being normal again. Because as much as i want to contact my ex, i dont want him to see the weak girl he broke up with. Like it's great that they contact you and everything and it gives you joy and everything for a little bit. Then you start thinking and it really means nothing. And boom. You're down again. Like with the text, I look at it and she put a frowny face and I was like "she misses me!" but then I thought about it some more and if she did TRULY miss me, she would've kept on texting me, at least called me, or made it more direct. She didn't. So I came to the conclusion that she's either really bored or is trying to use me for something. Don't wait by the phone. Do something productive and out of the blue, when you least expect it, your ex WILL contact you. That's what happened to me haha and I'm sure my ex is seeing people too and that's the reason why it took her a while to make contact. It's painful. I'm sticking with NC. Right now, I'm feeling a little like my old self and all our good memories aren't hurting me anymore. It's evil not to respond but I cannot deal with more heartbreak. She hurt me too much. Right now, I'm trying to look better so the next time she sees me, I'm gonna look like a diamond XD And sorry if my response seems bleh and everything, I'm pretty tired XD
Author Username37 Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 Okay guys, I've been thinking about this. And I feel like I should reply back to her. I remember contstantly praying for some sort of contact and once it arrives I ignore it? That's a slap in the face in my opinion. By not responding, I believe it's only going to reinforce the fact she dumped me. Anyone else want to convince me out of this? I decided I want her back.
bonpaw2008 Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Okay guys, I've been thinking about this. And I feel like I should reply back to her. I remember contstantly praying for some sort of contact and once it arrives I ignore it? That's a slap in the face in my opinion. By not responding, I believe it's only going to reinforce the fact she dumped me. Anyone else want to convince me out of this? I decided I want her back. USER NO!!!! Her text didn't say "I want you back" it basically said "I want to be your friend so I can string you along and make you want me again because you haven't been contacting me" Why did you break up in the first place? What makes you think things are going to be different?? This girl quit you, and she is going to do it again. You have come so far don't go back now!!!!
bonpaw2008 Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I believe it's only going to reinforce the fact she dumped me. Anyone else want to convince me out of this? I decided I want her back. Not contacting her back is going to reinforce the fact that SHE DUMPED YOU??? Was that the reason why she dumped you is because you never wrote her back? I doubt that, and you may want her back but she didn't say that she wanted you back! There is some great girl out there that doesn't want to play these games and that really deserves your attention and time, not this one
TaraMaiden Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Not your call. SHE dumped you. There's no way she would ever go back on this decision, and the whole thing NOT affect any new relationship you start again, with her. 2nd chances rarely - if ever - really work. And NC is nothing to do with her. It's to help you move on, because she already has. She's quite happy without you. NC is not a slap in the face for her - but Contacting her will absolutely be the pits for you. But hey - ! Don't take my word for it! Try it! See for yourself....! Then when you see how it twists the knife in your gut and makes you feel like someone kicked you in the stomach, come back to me and ask me - "Why the HELL didn't you stop me??"
AlwaysConflicted Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I (we) don't want you to get hurt again. Regardless of what you do, we're here for you.
spriggig Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Okay guys, I've been thinking about this. And I feel like I should reply back to her. I remember contstantly praying for some sort of contact and once it arrives I ignore it? That's a slap in the face in my opinion. By not responding, I believe it's only going to reinforce the fact she dumped me. Anyone else want to convince me out of this? I decided I want her back. The only reason to contact her is to get confirmation of what you already know--she's not coming back. If you need to go through that pain, to learn the hard way that it's time to move on, then do it.
smk Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Okay guys, I've been thinking about this. And I feel like I should reply back to her. I remember contstantly praying for some sort of contact and once it arrives I ignore it? That's a slap in the face in my opinion. By not responding, I believe it's only going to reinforce the fact she dumped me. Anyone else want to convince me out of this? I decided I want her back. User, we can all give you advice, we can all tell you our experiences, but ultimately no matter what we say is going to change your mind. Its not about convincing you to not send the text but about everyone telling you their experiences from replying to the txt. My case - she txts me last week friday - "a simple hello, hope you had a good week, enjoy the weekend" - i ignored it, then a few hours later I replied after going through every notion in my head, analysing the words to the last letter, looking for a subliminal hidden meaning that she wanted me back. So i replied - 4 words "thanks. enjoyr yours too"... you'd think simple - i have no expectations - heck even i thought i wasnt expecting a reply - but i did, i wanted her to reply, i wanted her to say she mad made a mistake and wanted me back, blah blah blah. and when she didnt that messed up my head, i ended up spending yet another weekend completely drunk, which just messed up my head even more - on sunday i was resolved the breaking NC from my part - i didnt though and most of monday and yesterday my head was all over the place. just when i start calming down she sends me another random text, this time i ignored it. Right now its been 6 weeks since the break, and just a little over 2 NC - i am still not ready to be friends, i dont know if i ever will, only time will tell, but until that point if going NC is what is going to keep me sane then so be it, if i break NC, its not the end of the world, maybe LC may help, maybe NC i dont know. But I guess what I am trying to say is that make sure you do it for the right reasons if you do break NC, are you still pinning for her? do you want her back? can you handle her talking to you about the new guy she maybe seeing??? I know i cant hence i stick with NC... the decision is yours... I cant emphasise enough that you need to make sure you do it for the right reasons. and if you are hoping she wants more than just friends, and she does, then you ignoring her txt should not stop her from seeking you out, if she truly wants to get back then she will... good luck in whatever you decide buddy...
Author Username37 Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 I'm planning to ask "Why did you text me? I thought you didn't want to talk to me" Or maybe a simple "hello" I'm not sure. I didn't do it yet.
smk Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I'm planning to ask "Why did you text me? I thought you didn't want to talk to me" Or maybe a simple "hello" I'm not sure. I didn't do it yet. if you do reply my only advice is to not be negative - if you do want to reply be polite, yet not too polite... remember you may have had bad times, but you also shared some good times... your call buddy - and as AC and I am sure lots of other people here have said, we are here to no matter what... we have all been there and done it...
Author Username37 Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 I didn't text her guys. I was about to. But I chickened out. Plus, if she did REALLY want to be friends, she would've texted me some more about it. So the text I guess was a stupid little check up. And if she wanted me back. Then she shouldn't be playing the waters ya know? I guess I'm sticking with NC
smk Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I didn't text her guys. I was about to. But I chickened out. Plus, if she did REALLY want to be friends, she would've texted me some more about it. So the text I guess was a stupid little check up. And if she wanted me back. Then she shouldn't be playing the waters ya know? I guess I'm sticking with NC USER - its not chickening out - its doing what you felt was right in your heart and mind.... You hit the nail on the head - if she did really want to be friends she would have done more, if she wanted to be friends she would have done more... You didnt succumb and that made you the stronger person... Good on you... Keep it up - I am sure your move has given a lot of people here the strength to maintain NC - I know it just strengthened my resolve to stick to NC...
TaraMaiden Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I didn't text her guys. Wooo-Hoooo! Way to go, soldier!! Good for you!! I was about to. But I chickened out. Nothing chicken about it - in fact, you are fully entitled to strut your stuff like top rooster, buddy! Plus, if she did REALLY want to be friends, she would've texted me some more about it. So the text I guess was a stupid little check up. And if she wanted me back. Then she shouldn't be playing the waters ya know? By George, he's got it. I think he's got it!! Got that in one. I guess I'm sticking with NC I guess you are. And I guess we're going to stick by you, and help you out, and offer support whenever you need it, because it's what we do here. I guess!
Author Username37 Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 USER - its not chickening out - its doing what you felt was right in your heart and mind.... You hit the nail on the head - if she did really want to be friends she would have done more, if she wanted to be friends she would have done more... You didnt succumb and that made you the stronger person... Good on you... Keep it up - I am sure your move has given a lot of people here the strength to maintain NC - I know it just strengthened my resolve to stick to NC... Thanks man. I do feel like the stronger person. And when she sees me, hopefully she'll see that and see what she has lost. And I hate my ex for playing these stupid games. She's selfish and immature.
smk Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Wooo-Hoooo! Way to go, soldier!! Good for you!! Nothing chicken about it - in fact, you are fully entitled to strut your stuff like top rooster, buddy! By George, he's got it. I think he's got it!! Got that in one. I guess you are. And I guess we're going to stick by you, and help you out, and offer support whenever you need it, because it's what we do here. I guess! and TM bakes us some awesome biscuits....
Author Username37 Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 I feel pretty good for not breaking NC. She already broke it 3 times after she told me not to talk to her. I just don't get the whole "get a reaction out of him" thing though.
smk Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I feel pretty good for not breaking NC. She already broke it 3 times after she told me not to talk to her. I just don't get the whole "get a reaction out of him" thing though. I think its a power trip. I got that from mine too - and she broke it repeatedly. I wont say that I havents broken it - i broke it times in total in 6 weeks - her 3 times in the last week alone... hehehehehe.... I think they just want to know how much control they have over us, and to see if we are still the emotional punching bad for them...
Author Username37 Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 I think they just want to know how much control they have over us, and to see if we are still the emotional punching bad for them... Not good not good. I seriously think she's trying to get a reaction out of me. Like she WANTS me to cry or complain to her. I also have a feeling some of her friends are spying on me in a way... Well I know her game now so I won't partake in it
smk Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Not good not good. I seriously think she's trying to get a reaction out of me. Like she WANTS me to cry or complain to her. I also have a feeling some of her friends are spying on me in a way... Well I know her game now so I won't partake in it thats exactly what she wants a reaction - its a power trip... she wants an ego boost and wants to know that she can still have you at the snap of her fingers and by not partaking you are pissing her off... I have had 3 random txts in the last 1 week - i replied to one - but ignored the others... they want to see that reaction, they want to know that we are still there as a back up should everything else fail...
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