Username37 Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 Well I've been on NC for a month (yay me!) And today. I got a text from the ex. "When are we going to be friends again? :(" Okay.....what to say LS?
Circular Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 Don't respond. You don't owe her a response. Deal with how you're feeling constructively, go do something fun Remember "Lets be friends" = "Im bored and havent found another guy Im interested yet, but I need someones attention and I know youll probably give it to me to hold me over." Be strong
Thorgs Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 Well I've been on NC for a month (yay me!) And today. I got a text from the ex. "When are we going to be friends again? :(" Okay.....what to say LS? Well, this should be a morale booster. So the ball is now in your court. Most likely be able to get well again if the ball stays in your court and you don't bounce it back to her...if you catch my drift. If you really want to get a rise out of her, send back, "Who is this?" JK don't!
jlr Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 Been there, done that. Circular is 100% right here. When they use the word "friends," it implies they aren't trying to fix your relationship. And after NC for a month, it's pretty dead on that she's probably lonely and bored and needs a security blanket. I don't know your situation, but it can also mean she doesn't want to go out with you, but feels like an *******, and calling each other "friends" takes away any guilt or responsibilty she might have. It's not the message you're looking for, trust me. I bit on those messages, and it got me nowhere, except more heartbreak.
Author Username37 Posted July 23, 2010 Author Posted July 23, 2010 Don't respond. You don't owe her a response. Deal with how you're feeling constructively, go do something fun Remember "Lets be friends" = "Im bored and havent found another guy Im interested yet, but I need someones attention and I know youll probably give it to me to hold me over." Be strong I'm planning not too. I did before and it made me depressed as ****. And I am today Of all days she has to text me on this one XD I'm not going to be her emotional tampon (one of the first words I learned on LS haha) I will. Thanks Well, this should be a morale booster. So the ball is now in your court. Most likely be able to get well again if the ball stays in your court and you don't bounce it back to her...if you catch my drift. If you really want to get a rise out of her, send back, "Who is this?" JK don't! I feel good that she texted this. Also it feels better ignoring her ass haha How can the ball be back in her court? And how will it get good from here? Oh **** that would be terrible! XD Been there, done that. Circular is 100% right here. When they use the word "friends," it implies they aren't trying to fix your relationship. And after NC for a month, it's pretty dead on that she's probably lonely and bored and needs a security blanket. I don't know your situation, but it can also mean she doesn't want to go out with you, but feels like an *******, and calling each other "friends" takes away any guilt or responsibilty she might have. It's not the message you're looking for, trust me. I bit on those messages, and it got me nowhere, except more heartbreak. Well she hooked up with some dude. I guess she's feeling lonely because the dude doesn't give two ****s about her. Her offering of friendship is just to make her feel better. How selfish. I'm still in love with her, but these are not the messages I'm looking for.
Thorgs Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 I feel good that she texted this. Also it feels better ignoring her ass haha How can the ball be back in her court? And how will it get good from here? Oh **** that would be terrible! XD Because she text you, so now she's probably wondering what you're doing since you didn't reply. Let the curiosity tear her apart. It would go back into her court if you reply, that's what I meant. Keep that head high buddy!
TaraMaiden Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 I'd be tempted to text back (please don't - it's only "tempted" not "absolutely undeniably compelled"...!) "When Hell freezes over." You can only ever be a friend with an ex (if the break-up was not mean, nasty, acrimonious, and bitter) the moment you have your wonderful life-partner on your arm, and you see her with another guy and feel nothing but happiness, yet indifference for her. Basically, you need to be "in a place" where seeing her leaves you with a "yeah....so what?" feeling. Until then, all this "let's be friends" crap is entirely for her benefit, not yours. She just wants to make herself feel better for having 5hatt on you from a great height. I love that they expect everything to be sweetness and light, even after they've ripped your heart out through your nose and sliced it into Carpaccio of Soul.....
silic0ntoad Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 Sometimes, the sounds of goodbye, is louder then any drumbeat. After goodbye, the only thing louder then goodbye, is silence. Allow silence to speak for you, my friend.
Author Username37 Posted July 24, 2010 Author Posted July 24, 2010 Alright, so I didn't reply. So what now? Is she going to be annoyed and text me more now? And why a friendship offering all of a sudden? She restricted me on FB and it was HER idea to not talk to her. I can honestly say I still love her. But I don't want to deal with heartbreak when I reply back. Will this bring us closer or farther away?
spriggig Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 No matter which way it goes, NC messes up your head. The guys that get silence say "I can't believe she just walked away and doesn't care about me anymore, after all I did for her!" The guys that get a response say "Oh no! What does this mean?" Which is valid, but it still leads to sleepless nights. She's just tugging at the line to see if you're still on the hook. You are, but don't let her know that by responding. You still love her, you want her back. IF she's ever ready, you'll know--she'll knock down your door at 3AM crying and begging (or it's texting equivalent--she'll text you non-stop for an entire day asking to get together until you reply, but she won't get mad when you don't reply.) She needs to be focusing that extreme level of appeasing attention on you for her to be ready ENOUGH for you two to try again. Forget about the text and any more occasional ones you get like it. Stay in NC and keep becoming a better you.
lullaby Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 Alright, so I didn't reply. So what now? Is she going to be annoyed and text me more now? And why a friendship offering all of a sudden? She restricted me on FB and it was HER idea to not talk to her. I can honestly say I still love her. But I don't want to deal with heartbreak when I reply back. Will this bring us closer or farther away? Don't think about what she may feel if you don't reply, it's her problem, not yours. I used to do that to, always analyzing what he might be thinking or planning to do until I realized that it was me I had to put attention to. She should understand if you don't want to talk to her, you need your time and given that it affects you to be in contact with her the best option possible is for you to go NC. You need to heal on your own. I went through the tiring process of texts, emails, short meetings, and it took me nowhere, the fall was bigger than the first one. I realized I was too needy, hopeful about getting back. NC can go both ways, nothing is set on stone. If you feel you're ready to be in contact with her, well, no one can stop you but look deep down inside what you expect from that contact, ok? if you don't want friendship, then disappear from her radar. Time will tell. Hope you're feeling better. I remember she's a Gemini, right?
Author Username37 Posted July 25, 2010 Author Posted July 25, 2010 So is it normal to feel bad for not replying back?
DenverBachelor Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 Well I've been on NC for a month (yay me!) And today. I got a text from the ex. "When are we going to be friends again? :(" Okay.....what to say LS? The same thing you've been saying for the past month.
TaraMaiden Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 So is it normal to feel bad for not replying back? Of course, because you still have feelings! You can't just shut off like that, it takes time... It also goes against conventional politeness and common courtesy. But this is an out-of-the-ordinary situation, and thus calls for an out-of-the-ordinary response. Or in this case - a lack of one.
Author Username37 Posted July 26, 2010 Author Posted July 26, 2010 So I haven't gotten any contact from her since that. What is this suppose to mean?
Thorgs Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 I think she just wants to know if you're still around and readily available to her. That's just my personal opinion.
welikeincrowds Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 It means you called her bluff and she had to fold. What was she thinking trying to pull a fast one on you?
Author Username37 Posted July 26, 2010 Author Posted July 26, 2010 I think she just wants to know if you're still around and readily available to her. That's just my personal opinion. So basically she wants me to feed her ego? My ex is the kind of girl that would text "nevermind" if you didn't reply back right away. I didn't reply back, and I didn't get anything else from her. So it could be a check up, I'm not sure.
Thorgs Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 So basically she wants me to feed her ego? My ex is the kind of girl that would text "nevermind" if you didn't reply back right away. I didn't reply back, and I didn't get anything else from her. So it could be a check up, I'm not sure. Yeah, I think that's probably her checking up on you. I don't know her well enough to say 100%. Maybe it's her trying to move you into the "friend zone" as well, both of which feed her ego. Relationships and break-ups are a sensitive subject, so it's hard to really say, ya know?
Author Username37 Posted July 26, 2010 Author Posted July 26, 2010 Yeah, I think that's probably her checking up on you. I don't know her well enough to say 100%. Maybe it's her trying to move you into the "friend zone" as well, both of which feed her ego. Relationships and break-ups are a sensitive subject, so it's hard to really say, ya know? Probably. She knew about this big event that I was doing the day she texted me.. She's the one who told me not to talk to her. That's what I don't get. And I'm trying to avoid that dreaded zone haha So keep this NC thing going? Will she crack? (I know that's not the point. I'm doing okay now)
Thorgs Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 Probably. She knew about this big event that I was doing the day she texted me.. She's the one who told me not to talk to her. That's what I don't get. And I'm trying to avoid that dreaded zone haha So keep this NC thing going? Will she crack? (I know that's not the point. I'm doing okay now) I don't know. As you probably know, I wrote my ex a letter to help myself forward. You are saying yours told you not to talk to her and now she's texting you. I don't know what she'd say if you text her back asking her why she is texting you if she didn't want you two to talk. But everyone else here would suggest NC and keep getting better.
Author Username37 Posted July 26, 2010 Author Posted July 26, 2010 (edited) I don't know. As you probably know, I wrote my ex a letter to help myself forward. You are saying yours told you not to talk to her and now she's texting you. I don't know what she'd say if you text her back asking her why she is texting you if she didn't want you two to talk. But everyone else here would suggest NC and keep getting better. I'm going to continue with NC. I need to recover. It's been 2 months and I'm not 100 percent. It's weird, I've been praying for some sort of contact from her and once I get one. I don't reply back. It's weird to me haha EDIT: How can I know if she truly wants to be friends? Edited July 26, 2010 by Username37
smk Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 She's the one who told me not to talk to her. That's what I don't get. ok is there some sort of school where our ex's have been secretly going to??? they all seem to say pretty much the same thing....LOL.... And I'm trying to avoid that dreaded zone haha Again see above - i am sorry if i wanted to be "friends" that i would have done so from day one... Maybe in the future who knows but right now please leave me alone.... what is it with the "friends" line... So keep this NC thing going? Will she crack? (I know that's not the point. I'm doing okay now) NC is the best things - i think we all wish for them to break NC in the hope of seeing if they crack - yet when they do it and they dont crack we end up over analysing everything... she broke NC on friday with me - i replied very short and simple msg - she then replied last night saying that she had a great weeken... geez thanks for letting me know - i had a crap weekend because you broke NC - so i drunk myself into a stupor, drained my body through tears and cant do anything - but thanks for letting me know that you are out and about enjoying yourself having a good time... that makes me feel so much better..... sorry guys just had to rant a little....
Author Username37 Posted July 26, 2010 Author Posted July 26, 2010 Is it possible to win her back as a friend? Before we started dating, we were pretty good friends. Although most of our conversations were flirtatious haha
smk Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 Is it possible to win her back as a friend? Before we started dating, we were pretty good friends. Although most of our conversations were flirtatious haha pretty much the same as me and my ex - we started off as friends... TBH - i personally cannot handle being friends right now - I would need to be at that point where there were no romantic feelings attached whatsoever and in my opnion it takes a long time to get to that level. I mean lets just say that you think you have reached that point, you have casually dated a few times nothing serious and you are still friends with her, she then proceeds to tell you about how her current BF is the greatest thing to ever happen to her, how everything is so great with him (basically all the things she once felt for you) how would you cope with that - cope with the fact that at one point you meant all those things to her... Personally I dont think that I could ever handle that - it is too painfull - given everyone is different - for me she is my first love, first real meaningful relationship, first girl i ever imgined and saw a future with. that doesnt go to saying that I dont want her to be happy with or without me, i wish her all the happiness that she deserves in life and more (and whether that includes me or not is a different ball game altogether) but personally maybe in a few years when I have fully moved on, and we are destined to be friends then we will - and if not i wont regret it, because she brought me immense joy and happiness in my life and unfortunately our paths went in different directions... you need to be 100% healed before attempting friendship, because I can assure you that even though we may think we are ready for it, the smallest of things could open a can of worms better left shut.... thats my opinion at least...
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