what is he playing at?

[candychick]

I would really like somebody's opinion on this. I have never felt so emotional confused in my whoooole life.

So me and my boyfriend were going out for about 8 months, and everything was fine and normal, until a couple of weeks ago, when he sent me a text saying that he 'doesn't feel the same way about me and only sees me as a friend. but he still wants to be in contact with me as friends, and that he is sorry and blah blah blah'. he later rang me up and explained that he had felt like that for 'quite a few weeks'. even though 2 days before he sent that text i was round his house, and we were laughing, kissing, cuddling, had sex and he told me he loved me. to be honest, i have never cried so much in all my life, i couldnt eat/sleep for a few days, and yeah that might be a bit OTT but i really really did love him, and still do i guess it was just such a shock.

he carried on texting me like he used to do when we were together, just asking me how my day was, what i was upto tonight, how was work etc. and it sounds really sad, but we alwayssss used to put about 8 kisses at the end of our texts, and even though we wern't together anymore, he still put the 8 kisses at the end. maybe im just reading into it too much.

anyway, i bumped into him every couple of days at my friend's shop where most of my friends and him hang out. and even the first time we saw each other after the break-up, there wasn't any awkward moments. we were flirting with each other, mucking around, joking around like nothing had happened, and he was flirtingly touching my leg and my bum, which really confused me!

a few nights ago I had a free house, so invited all my friends and him over for a chinese & movie night, and it got quite late, and usually we all sleep in my living room on the sofa's etc. but there wasn't room for me aha, so i said i was going to sleep in my bed if that was alright with everyone. so i was just walking up the stairs, when my ex jokingly runs past me and says that he is going to steal my bed. so i follow him and so we ended up sitting on my bed, just talking about random stuff, like tv shows, movies etc, then we just got really comfy so i just thought, "maybe i'll just let him sleep here". just to clear things up, i still reeeeeaally fancied him at this point and wasn't over him at all. so we were just laying there falling asleep, when he puts his arms around me, which made me feel all goosebumpy and lovely, and cuddled me, which is how we used to sleep together then he pulls me closer and kisses me, and one thing just led to another, and we ended up having sex. and afterwards he carried on kissing my neck and cuddled me until we fell asleep.

so.. does this mean he still has feelings for me? or is he using me and taking the piss? i can usually tell straight away if someone tries to use me, but i think it was the fact that he was cuddling me and gently kissing me first, it just made me feel that maybe he still loved me? even once we woke up, we layed on the sofa together, cuddled up under the duvet and was watching TV together for ages, and he held my hand. he hasn't spoken about 'us' at all, its just his actions which are confusing me.

 

:S

 

sorry for the essay!

x

[Argentina]

Hi. Sorry to hear you having a difficult time. One thing to remember is that men can (in general) separate love and sex more easily than women. And most men (unless they are extremely callous and self absorbed) will do all the touchy feely stuff even when it is a one-night-stand. Men crave closeness and affection just as much as women (although they might not always admit this). However, most people do not have a relationship with someone for 8 months and not have any feelings towards that person. I would suspect h..is issue is not so much about his feelings towards you but more about his feelings about commiting to a one-to-one relationship. The way he is handling this situation is not right. You have had little explanation for why he ended the relationship and then he has continued to pursue affection and sexual contact with you. Understandably you still love him and want to try and get back what you had. If you are happy for a casual relationship then that is OK, but it is incredibly difficult to do this if you still have strong feelings for the person.

Basically, the only way you are going to find out for sure what is going on is to ask him. If not in person, then via email or text message if there is no other option. Honesty is the best way and there is no shame in admitting to him that you are finding this very difficult and confusing, still love him and need to understand why he wanted to end it and yet still sleep with you. Ultimately, you need to decide what you want and what you are willing to accept out of a relationship.

Friends who sleep together? Or commited partners that are friends?

It is a natural reaction to often think about what the other person is wanting, but first you need to do your own soul searching about what you are prepared to accept. This puts you in the "drivers seat" to either accept or reject what he is offering. If he doesn't know himself (which could very well be the case), then I would urge you to move on and find someone who really has got themselves together and knows what they want.

Good luck.