Author smk Posted July 23, 2010 Author Posted July 23, 2010 not replying with my feelings is hard... i have so mcuh i want to say to say to her yet i wont.... after eberything said and done i still grow tto love K each day...,.
Thorgs Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 not replying with my feelings is hard... i have so mcuh i want to say to say to her yet i wont.... after eberything said and done i still grow tto love K each day...,. Well, I know it's against everything everyone says here. Would it help to write a hand written letter telling her how you feel...it's indirect contact, but the good thing about writing a letter is it's all your words, she can't disrupt you like she could if it was in person/over the phone. i'm telling you, i wrote one...then after being in a rut all week i finally sent it. no regrets because you only live once. got things off my chest in a nice manner and now i'm feeling better. sure, there's a chance it could push her farther away, but i feel like there's no hope anyways, so what is there to "mess up"?
jlr Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 Thorgs, I've done it all man. Trust me. The letter too. Several letters. It's probably SMK's best interest to ignore these texts. SMK - I know what you're feeling. I know you want to respond, and tell your feelings. It's ****ing hard, I know. It's basically like torture. I ingored advice on here initially. People on here told me not to do things, and I didn't listen. I went ahead and did them. In the end, it didn't get me very far. All it did was make my healing process take way longer than it should have. I was used as a security blanket for months after our breakup, until she was finally able to find someone else. ****, even now, she stills tries to use me as a security blanket. And I still struggle with not letting her. People say these things - the advice - from experience. Now, you have to learn on your own though. So you're going to do whatever you want. It's in our nature as humans. But if you want to save yourself from more heartache, cut the healing process down, you'll listen. Choice is yours.
Thorgs Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Thorgs, I've done it all man. Trust me. The letter too. Several letters. It's probably SMK's best interest to ignore these texts. SMK - I know what you're feeling. I know you want to respond, and tell your feelings. It's ****ing hard, I know. It's basically like torture. I ingored advice on here initially. People on here told me not to do things, and I didn't listen. I went ahead and did them. In the end, it didn't get me very far. All it did was make my healing process take way longer than it should have. I was used as a security blanket for months after our breakup, until she was finally able to find someone else. ****, even now, she stills tries to use me as a security blanket. And I still struggle with not letting her. People say these things - the advice - from experience. Now, you have to learn on your own though. So you're going to do whatever you want. It's in our nature as humans. But if you want to save yourself from more heartache, cut the healing process down, you'll listen. Choice is yours. I am with you. I was just at a moment of weakness (extremely depressed) since my social life is zero and I really don't have any family to talk to and my work has been canceled due to power outages (even though the pay is horrible). I'm sure I'll regret sending it tomorrow, but what's done is done.
Div Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Writing the letters is a good idea, but sending them not so much. Right now you're full of emotions that she doesn't feel so most letters come across as needy / weak. Write them and keep them somewhere safe, and I guarantee when you re-read them in 2 mos you'll be glad you didn't send them. But of course you can't change whats been done - just keep focusing on yourself now
Thorgs Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Writing the letters is a good idea, but sending them not so much. Right now you're full of emotions that she doesn't feel so most letters come across as needy / weak. Write them and keep them somewhere safe, and I guarantee when you re-read them in 2 mos you'll be glad you didn't send them. But of course you can't change whats been done - just keep focusing on yourself now Thanks Div
AlwaysConflicted Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Oh my gosh. SMK, your text message just made her feel okay. She wants to make sure you're surviving, but doesn't want anything else. That's why I suggested F* off or stop contacting me. Both would have put her in her place. Ignoring her is fine too. Oh well, what's done is done. Time to start healing again.
Author smk Posted July 24, 2010 Author Posted July 24, 2010 Oh my gosh. SMK, your text message just made her feel okay. She wants to make sure you're surviving, but doesn't want anything else. That's why I suggested F* off or stop contacting me. Both would have put her in her place. Ignoring her is fine too. Oh well, what's done is done. Time to start healing again. AC - I know it basically let her off the hook, I should have simply ignored it, but hey what's done is done... You know what though I still miss her, I still can't stop picturing her face, her big beautiful innocent eyes, her soft lips, the 3 beauty makes near her lips, the touch of her soft skin, the nape of her neck, the smell of her hair, her childlike abandon and most of all i miss the love she once had for me.... But despite it all I am going to try and stay strong and face the world and force myself to laugh, and if we are truly meant to be then we will and if not, then I count myself lucky that atleast I had the opportunity to share some in some of her life... With that I bid her farewell till our paths cross again... I always promised her happiness in my heart, and I will honour that promise, with or without me in her life... Life is too short, we never know now when it may end, and it's better to live it with the happy memories rather then the sad ones... At some point all things come to an end and it's the journey that matters not the destination (as once said by someone I think Denver bachelor posted something along these lines) and we need to truly savour thy journey, and the lessons it taught us... Just because I am no longer with her doesn't mean I no longer love her, that I will always do, but it also doesn't mean that she doesn't or at least at one point didn't love me.... As far as I know she could be on LS too. We all have different ways of dealing with things.... C'est la vie.... It's better to have loved and lost rather the never loved at all....
AlwaysConflicted Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Good post. You sound like you're doing much better. Truthfully, whether you responded to her text or didn't, the results are most likely the same. NC is not required to heal, it only helps the process go a little faster. That being said, you still love her so there's no reason to be mean. I think you did the right thing. Maybe it'll work out later down the road and maybe it won't. But I think what's most important is how you handle the situation now. The classier you are, the better both you and her will feel about this years down the road.
lullaby Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Good post. You sound like you're doing much better. Truthfully, whether you responded to her text or didn't, the results are most likely the same. NC is not required to heal, it only helps the process go a little faster. That being said, you still love her so there's no reason to be mean. I think you did the right thing. Maybe it'll work out later down the road and maybe it won't. But I think what's most important is how you handle the situation now. The classier you are, the better both you and her will feel about this years down the road. Right on the money. It's no longer about what she thinks, wants, feels, it's about you handling the situation and seeing if you're ready to get in contact or not. Take time to heal and it'll get better, you'll see.
Ilovecake Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 You know what though I still miss her, I still can't stop picturing her face, her big beautiful innocent eyes, her soft lips, the 3 beauty makes near her lips, the touch of her soft skin, the nape of her neck, the smell of her hair, her childlike abandon and most of all i miss the love she once had for me.. Ummmm TMI!
GrayClouds Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 You know what though I still miss her, I still can't stop picturing her face, her big beautiful innocent eyes, her soft lips, the 3 beauty makes near her lips, the touch of her soft skin, the nape of her neck, the smell of her hair, her childlike abandon and most of all i miss the love she once had for me..... Instead of playing into your thoughts start forcing yourself to move on. You can stop picturing her if you want. You start thinking and do not give into it. As said by a wiser person then me: take a good hot shower. Shave off your hair, and look in the mirror and tell yourself - "you feel like sh*t on the inside, and now you look like sh*t on the outside". If you wouldn't shave off your hair, and make yourself look a complete numbnut, then why do it to yourself on the inside? Remember, you're in charge of you,. And while I think sometimes a bit of back-and-forth is understandable (let alone right and proper) there comes a time - and you imply this in your post - that you become sick 'n' tired of being like this. I used to have a "whymeee" complex. (After a while, I caled it a 'whine'me complex.....) And I came to the realisation that the only reason I kept asking "why me" was - because there was no answer. So one day I sez to myself, I sez... "TM" I sez, "Today you are going to be miserable. Yup. I'll give you that, no problem. It's allowed. BUT: Look at the clock. It's now Eight am. You have one hour. Just one hour to really vent, wallow, cry, scream, rant, bellow and complain. Go on, off you go. get it out of your system. And when the hands reach 9 am - shut up. Stop. anything after that just makes you a right tit. ready? GO!" And so I did. I completely indulged myself and let rip. And I did - I stopped at 9am. And then, the next day, I cut it down to 40 minutes. And then, a few days after that, down to 30.... until one day, feeling like crap warmed up, I said - "Sorry. No time for that. You should now be too busy enjoying yourself to let yourself go through it one more minute. When misery comes visiting, put your coat on and tell it you're just going out, so letting it in is out of the question, because you're not home to misery. Even nowadays, if i feel down, i give myself 20 minutes. No more. So. feel like shaving your head? I will also suggest you write a list of things that did not make her perfect, from stupid laugh, why she snored in her sleep, ugly big toe, to the way should would get mad about that stupid little thing, anything and everything, nothing to big and too small and whenever you start going down memory lane add to the list. She was not perfect she too stunk up the bathroom.
D-Lish Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 I mean seriously what is it with dumpers breaking your heart, and then phoning you up, or texting you every so often for whatever reason... i get another txt today - hope you are well - enjoy your weekend - as tempted as i am to reply i wont - but finally i begin to move 1mm forward and now i am 10 feet backwards.... why do they have so much control over us.... you broke up with me - for whatever reason - yet you still want me in your life??? for what so that you can make me pine over you even more than i already do??? Because we give it to them. It really does come down to that.
AlwaysConflicted Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 GrayClouds She was not perfect she too stunk up the bathroom. Now that's TMI. Wait a minute... girls don't go to the bathroom. Do they?
GrayClouds Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 GrayClouds Now that's TMI. Wait a minute... girls don't go to the bathroom. Do they? If your with one that doesn't(or acts like it) - RUN - she is full of sh*t. .
skydiveaddict Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 I mean seriously what is it with dumpers breaking your heart, and then phoning you up, or texting you every so often for whatever reason... i get another txt today - hope you are well - enjoy your weekend - as tempted as i am to reply i wont - but finally i begin to move 1mm forward and now i am 10 feet backwards.... why do they have so much control over us.... you broke up with me - for whatever reason - yet you still want me in your life??? for what so that you can make me pine over you even more than i already do??? I get the same thing, I think it's to pacify guilt
Author smk Posted July 25, 2010 Author Posted July 25, 2010 Thanks for the great advice everyone.... It's been a downhill struggle since that text came through, each day since then had just gotten worse... Still haven't broken NC yet but am having a really tough time today....
Thorgs Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 Thanks for the great advice everyone.... It's been a downhill struggle since that text came through, each day since then had just gotten worse... Still haven't broken NC yet but am having a really tough time today.... Hang in there my friend. I got a text today from my ex's youngest daughter wanting to see how I was doing. What a roller coaster!
Author smk Posted July 25, 2010 Author Posted July 25, 2010 Hang in there my friend. I got a text today from my ex's youngest daughter wanting to see how I was doing. What a roller coaster! When does it get easier??? When does it stop???? I am trying everything to move on but for every step I take forward I end up feeling like I am sinking deeper and deeper into this dark pit of despair... I don't want to stop loving her but I do want the emotional roller coaster...
Thorgs Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 When does it get easier??? When does it stop???? I am trying everything to move on but for every step I take forward I end up feeling like I am sinking deeper and deeper into this dark pit of despair... I don't want to stop loving her but I do want the emotional roller coaster... I'll be completely honest, it got easier for me when I sent her that letter...even though LS says not to. Everyone is different. I wrote things that I needed to get off my chest because I didn't have a chance to when she broke up with me (over the phone!).
Author smk Posted July 25, 2010 Author Posted July 25, 2010 I'll be completely honest, it got easier for me when I sent her that letter...even though LS says not to. Everyone is different. I wrote things that I needed to get off my chest because I didn't have a chance to when she broke up with me (over the phone!). I have been working on a letter for the last 6 weeks - more for myself but like you said it's different for everyone... There is a lot in there that I didn't have a chance to say after the break just like you, however I still haven't decided whether to send it or not... There seems to be a lot that was left unsaid and I think that maybe because of the circumstances of our break it's making it harder for ms to accept it... And the dream today didn't help either....
Thorgs Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 I have been working on a letter for the last 6 weeks - more for myself but like you said it's different for everyone... There is a lot in there that I didn't have a chance to say after the break just like you, however I still haven't decided whether to send it or not... There seems to be a lot that was left unsaid and I think that maybe because of the circumstances of our break it's making it harder for ms to accept it... And the dream today didn't help either.... I agree, when there's no closure then it's harder to get better. Do whatever you think is best for you, even if it goes against what LS says, although they are usually right. Like I said, everyone is different.
Thorgs Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 SKM what are you doing to help yourself? Why he's talking to me of course
Author smk Posted July 25, 2010 Author Posted July 25, 2010 Why he's talking to me of course Lol - yeah thorgs seems to be my sponsor on here... Gc on a serious note been getting some great advice here, started seeing a therapist last week am going once a week - living with family at the moment after moving out from her place. Running pretty hard, focussing on work to a certain extent, catching up with old friends and from today onwards staying away from the booze... Been going out a little lately but that leads to inevitably drinking so am going to take a short break from that... Planning a holiday too, just cos I was supposed to go with her for one over Xmas doesn't mean I still can't go on one... Am trying hard to figure out who the real me is I learnt from this that I have certain things going back to my childhood that had been bottled up.... So all in all trying to focus on me... I won't lie I seem to have had more bad days then good, but then again no pain no gain... All good things come to those who wait and the path to success is not easy but we have to endure some hardships to truly harness the good things.... So yeah I am taking each moment as it comes.....
Recommended Posts