Confused728 Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 so I am meeting up with my ex tonight... how does this work.. i need some advice.. i have been NC for a while... what do i talk about... how do i act.. he was supposed to meet up with "those" friends tonight but he isnt...do i define what the limits of our relationship are or how we are to act toward each other in the future... should i even bring that up or keep it light.. should i be acting like we are together and get mad about things i dont like or do i just shut up... i need help,... if u want to read up on my story check out this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t206477/
Scruffydog Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 Just read your story and for my 2 pennies worth, I'd continue NC... Scruffydog
Ilovecake Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 (edited) After reading your story I would say do not meet him for a drink, I think it's a very bad idea, but since you seem to have made up your mind. What's the reason you're meeting him for a drink? I would say whatever that reason is you might want to start by discussing that. Act like yourself, don't play games, don't lie about your feelings because he’ll see right through it and it will come back to bite you in the butt. Edited July 23, 2010 by Ilovecake
Author Confused728 Posted July 23, 2010 Author Posted July 23, 2010 I dont know I just was missing him... Now that i talk to him i dont miss him as much lol... but i just dont know how to feel or what to do..I think im actully having cold feet now
Ilovecake Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 If you didn’t miss him you would not be meeting him. You’re already lying to yourself about how you feel and making excuses. Just remember if he's still hanging out with “those friends” he has not changed at all and you're meeting an addict for a drink, which means you are completely enabling him, you might as well just meet him at his dealer's house. Not a good idea at all.
GrayClouds Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 Stay home and hit yourself on head with a hammer for a couple of hours, it will not hurt as much and take less time to heal. Unless you want to keep stroking his ego by being a back-up plan and be strong along for a booty call now and a again. Or another option is do not go, hang with some friends and be confident that you deserve better and starting to behave like it.
Author Confused728 Posted July 23, 2010 Author Posted July 23, 2010 i never said i didnt miss him, im meeting him cause i miss him lol but im having cold feet... how do i get closure so i stop talking about him.. when i cut him off i always felt like i wanted to see him, now when i talk to him i dont feel that as much.. i feel like im in a catch 22...
Ilovecake Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 how do i get closure so i stop talking about him Meeting him is opposite of closing that wound in your life. Meeting him will only pick at the scab and drag out the pain longer and harder. What would happen if you went against that urge to be with him, would your leg fall off, would you collapse in the street and die? No, probably not. It's just like quitting smoking, it's all about will power and fighting those urges you know will hurt you. Once you fight it once it's easier the second time and even easier the third time. By then you will feel so much strength, pride and self respect that you will no longer get those urges.
GrayClouds Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 i never said i didnt miss him, im meeting him cause i miss him lol but im having cold feet... how do i get closure so i stop talking about him.. when i cut him off i always felt like i wanted to see him, now when i talk to him i dont feel that as much.. i feel like im in a catch 22... You make your own closure by: be confident that you deserve better and starting to behave like it.
2sunny Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 so I am meeting up with my ex tonight... how does this work.. i need some advice.. i have been NC for a while... what do i talk about... how do i act.. he was supposed to meet up with "those" friends tonight but he isnt...do i define what the limits of our relationship are or how we are to act toward each other in the future... should i even bring that up or keep it light.. should i be acting like we are together and get mad about things i dont like or do i just shut up... i need help,... if u want to read up on my story check out this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t206477/ no reason to meet him. odds are he's still using/drinking. he'll probably ask you for money. stay NC. there is NO relationship - quit fooling yourself. his relationship is with his drugs. there's no room for you until he's clean and sober. you will only be talking to the drugs - so there's no reason to go. get out of this denial... you have wasted so many months on this guy who has a drug problem. move forward - not back.
Author Confused728 Posted July 23, 2010 Author Posted July 23, 2010 well I changed my mind i told him i wasn't ready to meet up with him tonight... maybe another time.. i have to many mixed emotions
Author Confused728 Posted July 24, 2010 Author Posted July 24, 2010 so we have been text messaging he asked if i wanted to c him i said yes but just cant handle any more pain.. and he said "I know. Can we just hang out to hang out" i asked what that ment he said "I mean hang out like we used to when we had fun n no tension between us. Ive always enjoyed that u know what i mean? i always had a good time" i dont know exactly what he meant by that but im assuming it was before we became and official couple and i didn't question what he did.. Also I don't think he is an addict in the traditional sense per say, He doesnt look, Sound, Or act like a drug addict. And never asked me for money, Nor would i ever give it to him.. He seems like a normal person.. always for most part goes to work.. works out... doesn't look like a junkie
2sunny Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 so we have been text messaging he asked if i wanted to c him i said yes but just cant handle any more pain.. and he said "I know. Can we just hang out to hang out" i asked what that ment he said "I mean hang out like we used to when we had fun n no tension between us. Ive always enjoyed that u know what i mean? i always had a good time" i dont know exactly what he meant by that but im assuming it was before we became and official couple and i didn't question what he did.. Also I don't think he is an addict in the traditional sense per say, He doesnt look, Sound, Or act like a drug addict. And never asked me for money, Nor would i ever give it to him.. He seems like a normal person.. always for most part goes to work.. works out... doesn't look like a junkie you are in denial about him. go back ad read your other threads. he wants something... probably just sex. don't see him... he'll just make you more confused because you are still attached to him. his behavior shows he has a problem with something... alcohol, drugs - something. either way - YOU aren't his priority, he's made that perfectly clear in the past.
Author Confused728 Posted July 24, 2010 Author Posted July 24, 2010 Ill tell u something im certain of.. even if i met him i defiantly would not have sex with him... id rather have sex with a stranger then put out for him if he is not my bf... He not with me he isn't getting the rewards then! I guess i may be in denial.. I just don't understand how he seems so normal, doesn't seem like an addict.. and would ditch me like that... but still wanna be friends with me.. Maybe there is a part of me that i feel I may be wrong in assuming he has a problem..
2sunny Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Ill tell u something im certain of.. even if i met him i defiantly would not have sex with him... id rather have sex with a stranger then put out for him if he is not my bf... He not with me he isn't getting the rewards then! I guess i may be in denial.. I just don't understand how he seems so normal, doesn't seem like an addict.. and would ditch me like that... but still wanna be friends with me.. Maybe there is a part of me that i feel I may be wrong in assuming he has a problem.. he would normally have a big problem if he is experiencing withdrawals. if he's consistently using - he may be capable of appearing normal to you.
Author Confused728 Posted July 24, 2010 Author Posted July 24, 2010 ok so what a jerk we where texting yesterday and I told him how the whole time that we have been broken up he made no significant effort or expressed to me any act of affection..nor did i even get an "i miss you" his answer was that he has always been like that and maybe he does it so he wont look vulnerable.. I said if someone cared enough they would push their comfort level.. that was last night and still have not received a response back.. unreal.. u think he would try treating me better now...
cavedweller Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Confused, He just wants to see you to get in your pants..Nothing more, nothing less..
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