football08 Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 Hi everyone, My girlfriend and i broke up 1 month ago and we're still fighting over who's at fault. About 10 months into our relationship, she decided that she was done with blow jobs and had no desire to go any further sexually. I couldnt stand the idea of regressing back to just making out. In fact, she told me several times before that she was ready to have sex. I knew she wasn't entirely comfortable with how fast we had taken things, but i didnt understand why she, all of a sudden, shut down and said no to EVERYTHING. I strongly felt that after 10 months, I deserve something more than a kiss. She blames me for pushing her too hard too fast (she had never done anything before she met me). I blame her for her ambiguity. It was impossible to tell what she wanted. One day it was sex and the next it was nothing. I ended up breaking up with her. She seemed to take it a lot harder than I have. I'm sick of this blame war. Therefore, Id appreciate an objective opinion as to who is at fault.
GrayClouds Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 (edited) Hi everyone, My girlfriend and i broke up 1 month ago and we're still fighting over who's at fault. About 10 months into our relationship, she decided that she was done with blow jobs and had no desire to go any further sexually. I couldnt stand the idea of regressing back to just making out. In fact, she told me several times before that she was ready to have sex. I knew she wasn't entirely comfortable with how fast we had taken things, but i didnt understand why she, all of a sudden, shut down and said no to EVERYTHING. I strongly felt that after 10 months, I deserve something more than a kiss. She blames me for pushing her too hard too fast (she had never done anything before she met me). I blame her for her ambiguity. It was impossible to tell what she wanted. One day it was sex and the next it was nothing. I ended up breaking up with her. She seemed to take it a lot harder than I have. I'm sick of this blame war. Therefore, Id appreciate an objective opinion as to who is at fault. You. I knew she wasn't entirely comfortable with how fast we had taken thingsIf she was not ready she was not ready, and for you the sex was more important then her feelings, hence you made her feel that the sex was why you was with her, rather then her alone. That may or may not be true but being with her was not enough for you, you wanted her and sex. Does not make you a terrible person, somewhat insensitive though you broke it off for you was not getting what you wanted. Understand that sex was her choice not her obligation to give to you but you being respectful of her choice was YOUR obligation. Now that that is settled, tell her that yes you do accept the blame, you should have respected her feeling and reconized that things was not working rather then push her so hard. Tell her sorry, and you are going to go no contact to give both you and her time to heal from the break-up. PS you were not "Trapped in a Blame War!!!!' do not be a victim you choose to be in this little war because your ego would not let go of the idea that she as at fault. This rejection hurt your feelings and rather then just say admit that, you wanted to feel superior to save face and keep fighting. Edited July 23, 2010 by GrayClouds
Ilovecake Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 Who cares whos fault it is? How does finding blame solve anything? Sounds like you both have a whole lot of growing up to do. You need to work on your ego issues and she needs to work on hers. It's absolutely ridiculous to even think about blame, it never resolves anything and it's childish and stupid. Oh and by the way no she did not owe you anything no matter how long you two were together. Sounds like she was constantly pressured by you and realized that you two did move way too fast for her comfort. It's her body and you have absolutely nothing to do with what she wants to do with it. How would you feel if she forced you to do things in the bedroom you didn't want to do? It would feel pretty horrific, no?
Ilovecake Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 (i have a high inspection he will not be back) Inspection? hahaha I'm sorry to laugh but are you using a internet translator? You remind me of my sister's ex husband who was of Arabic descent. He said the funniest things some times. He told a girl once he thought she had nice partitions. After 20 years we still don't know what he meant. Partitions are the walls in cubicles.
GrayClouds Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 Inspection? hahaha I'm sorry to laugh but are you using a internet translator? You remind me of my sister's ex husband who was of Arabic descent. He said the funniest things some times. He told a girl once he thought she had nice partitions. After 20 years we still don't know what he meant. Partitions are the walls in cubicles. :o:o "...suspection...":o:o:o ( yes English is my second language...I am still looking for my first )
Author football08 Posted July 24, 2010 Author Posted July 24, 2010 Ok but one minute she WANTED to have sex and was FINE with giving me blow jobs, and then id get a text 2 days later being like "i really dont think we should go any further." or "i hate bjs" etc etc. So was it that much of a douche move to get frustrated with her for being unclear?
Thorgs Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 How old are you? I say just buy a vacuum for the time being...
Thorgs Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 If you like blow jobs so much and she's not giving you them anymore...just get a vacuum...they suck right?
Author football08 Posted July 24, 2010 Author Posted July 24, 2010 ha but really, i do miss her. i mean, i loved that girl. for 10 months she was my everything. and all of sudden its like the relationship evaporated over something thats stupid. if i had known bjs would have wrecked the relationship, i wouldve stopped. all my friends girlfriend's do it, so i just kinda expected her to as well. from the start she was reluctant to try anything, but she always gave in and didnt seem to have an issue with it. then like for the last 2 months of relationship, she just snapped.
GrayClouds Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Sadly it look like this one is done but it can help you a great deal to be better in your next realtionship. Bu answering" What mistakes did you make to hurt the realtionship? Why did you handle those things like you did? How could you have done better with those things? What can you do to make sure you do better with those things next time?
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