i feel like some of my boyfriend's family doesn't like me at all

[xxtinyxblackxponyxx]

Hi guys I'm new to the forums, checked out the website last night and thought it would be great if I ever needed some advice. So here's my story. My boyfriend and I were together in High School for about 1 year and 8 months and lets just say it didn't really work out because we both needed to grow up. Ok so here we are about 3 years later we just recently got back together in June and things are going great but what I was told a while ago when we were on the phone got under my skin. When I was over at his place for 4th of July his uncle was discussing a family get together to go tubing and after finally getting the guts to ask my boyfriend if he could see if I could go he asked his mother and she said she'd have to see with his uncle and if her brother would be going and bringing his partner and her daughter. Well my boyfriend himself tried asking his uncle and he said everytime he brought it up he avoided the subject. So after all the excitement I was getting about spending time with him and his family I find that I'm not able to go and now I feel horrible. Anyone have anything in mind to help me get this off my mind over the weekend?

[make me believe]

Maybe they just wanted some family time. I'm not sure why this is such a big deal for you? I think it's kind of strange that you tried to invite yourself along, especially since it sounds like no one else is bringing their boyfriends or girlfriends. Sometimes families like to do things together with JUST the family. It doesn't mean they don't like you.

[xxtinyxblackxponyxx]

yeah but i know for a fact he wanted me to go

[Stung]

Who did? Your boyfriend?

 

Didn't you have to ask him to invite you?

 

I wouldn't take this too personally if I were you. Different families have different protocols for these things, the family you grew up in might be way more casual about inviting bfs/gfs along, but his might be a little more reserved. It might be an annual trip for family who hardly ever see each other. Also, you don't mention it but it might have been something that was costing the uncle (or whoever) money, in which case it would be totally understandable that he would not necessarily want to, or be able to, pay for you too. Remember that you really have not been back together with your bf very long at all, a lot of families don't include dates on outings until they've become obviously serious and committed for at least several months. I for one have only ever included two men on big extended-family gatherings--one I was living with, and the other one I am married to.

 

Although if your breakup three years ago was really messy and largely had something to do with something like you being unfaithful/breaking your bf's heart I can understand why you'd be worried there might be residual mistrust among his family members.

[norajane]

Anyone have anything in mind to help me get this off my mind over the weekend?

 

Yes, get your friends and/or family together and go swimming, go biking, go to a street fair, have a barbecue, rent a bunch of summer beach movies and make your own sundaes with your girlfriends while you watch, go to an amusement park and ride rollercoasters, go to a water park, go to a baseball game, go to the zoo, go pick fresh blueberries if you're near a farm...they're in season now...

 

Your life doesn't revolve around your bf, does it?

[xxtinyxblackxponyxx]

even if i didn't ask he said he was going to ask me either way. but the thing is it didn't take very long for us to get closer than we were back then. but anywho i understand where your coming from and thank you for being polite

Who did? Your boyfriend?

 

Didn't you have to ask him to invite you?

 

I wouldn't take this too personally if I were you. Different families have different protocols for these things, the family you grew up in might be way more casual about inviting bfs/gfs along, but his might be a little more reserved. It might be an annual trip for family who hardly ever see each other. Also, you don't mention it but it might have been something that was costing the uncle (or whoever) money, in which case it would be totally understandable that he would not necessarily want to, or be able to, pay for you too. Remember that you really have not been back together with your bf very long at all, a lot of families don't include dates on outings until they've become obviously serious and committed for at least several months. I for one have only ever included two men on big extended-family gatherings--one I was living with, and the other one I am married to.

 

Although if your breakup three years ago was really messy and largely had something to do with something like you being unfaithful/breaking your bf's heart I can understand why you'd be worried there might be residual mistrust among his family members.

[xxtinyxblackxponyxx]

i can't do a lot of that i live in a small town not much goes on here and i live about 2 hours away from a city. plus all my friends are scattered around the state no thanks to college. and to answer your question my boyfriends and i spend almost everyday together.

 

Yes, get your friends and/or family together and go swimming, go biking, go to a street fair, have a barbecue, rent a bunch of summer beach movies and make your own sundaes with your girlfriends while you watch, go to an amusement park and ride rollercoasters, go to a water park, go to a baseball game, go to the zoo, go pick fresh blueberries if you're near a farm...they're in season now...

 

Your life doesn't revolve around your bf, does it?

[thegoodlife]

I wouldn't worry about it. It seems like they just wanted it to be a family gathering and even though your bf wanted you to come along, if he's not the one organizing it then it's not his call. There will be other opportunities in the future.