ALittleWorried Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 I can't lie i've gotten better with girls but my insecurity always gets in the way i feel like the girls are gonna leave me or lose interest and it ends up happening, i feel alone now, and in a way im sad in a way im fine not contacting her because i have this false glimmer of hope that she'll miss me and run back to me but that's just a facade, gotta go back on the hunt... is it a good idea to have different girls at any one time, not to be a player but just to have options so i dont put all my eggs in one basket? There's nothing wrong with the "try before you buy" mentality. In relation to your insecurities, I used to be the same several years ago. Not tooting my own horn, but I'm a fairly confident guy who has no problem picking up and even have girls approach me in bars / clubs. That said, a few years ago, my relationships were damaged due to my insecurities. Initially, I thought that it was my horrible relationships that were causing my insecurities, until I realised that it was my insecurities that were causing my horrible relationships. Generally speaking, when I meet a girl, I have a wall up as most do in the "getting to know you" stages. Once I let that wall down and show a girl how nice I can actually be inside of this shell, that's when insecurities come into play. It's a pride thing more than anything. When you give someone 100%, you expect it back; treat how you want to be treated if you will. However, people are different and not everyone needs reassurance during a relationship. Although I've always been confident with myself, I used to lose a lot of that when I committed myself to someone. When you treat a girl / guy like a princess only to be f%cked around, it damages your ego. I used to be the kind of guy that felt the need to contact his other half 24/7. I thought that if I didn't, they'd lost interest. I always wanted to know what they were up to at all times. In the last few years, I've done a 180 and now take things for what they are. I don't look into things all that much and take it each day as it comes. The girl I'm currently seeing is overseas. In short, she kissed another guy whilst abroad and has now finally realised that she does want to be with me and that she wants to be committed. Since then, she's been contacting me everyday, several times a day and it's seems that now it's her who's worried about the other girls in my life ( who are simply friends). I'm back in control and it feels good. You showed that girl a weak point. You showed her that you need(ed) her in your life and you put all your cards on the table. If the girl had the same feelings for you, this may have been a good thing. She obviously doesn't, so in this case, it's a big turn off for her as you're coming off as being clingy. There's other fish in the sea, move on. I was with a girl about 5 years ago. We broke it off due to several differences that I won't get into. I didn't think I'd EVER fall for another girl like I fell for her. Five years later, I've been in X amount of relationships and I've learned more from each one of them. Time heals all wounds. It's time to start the healing process.
nlw82 Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 I can't lie i've gotten better with girls but my insecurity always gets in the way i feel like the girls are gonna leave me or lose interest and it ends up happening, i feel alone now, and in a way im sad in a way im fine not contacting her because i have this false glimmer of hope that she'll miss me and run back to me but that's just a facade, gotta go back on the hunt... is it a good idea to have different girls at any one time, not to be a player but just to have options so i dont put all my eggs in one basket? If you "feel alone" then maybe you should spend some time alone. I did this right after my divorce and I can tell you it does wonders for how you feel about yourself. Take some time to be happy and content alone. Straightening yourself out as far as whether or not you are ready for a "healthy" relationship. What you've described is by no means a healthy relationship. If you do date then go into it with the mindset that you expect rejection. If you expect rejection then when it doesn't happen so much the better, that and you don't take a hit on your self esteem by feeling alone. Dating is just that: dating. Dating several women at once would be normal in this context. When you enter into a committed relationship is when dating several women would be unacceptable.
Author doomage Posted July 25, 2010 Author Posted July 25, 2010 So here I am on a saturday night feeling sorry for myself, while she's probably having fun, i made the mistake of looking at her facebook pictures, just to see her again.....i even texted her saying "hey" but no reply, i don't know what im doing. Why cant i just let her go and whatever we had go? I'm always making a big deal out of everything, when it shouldn't be that serious, i mean im feeling sorry for myself, and she doesn't care how i feel, not that she should, it's painful.
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