Why do I hurt myself?

[doomage]

This is long so bare with me.

 

So today was the first time i've seen the girl I'm "dating" since about a week ago and well like i wrote in my other posts she has changed, he doesn't write me good morning texts anymore and is really cold now, i was so excited to see her, but some trouble started before we even met today.

 

I asked if we could hang, she didn't sound too enthusiastic, but said "ya we can" so i said cool ill call you when im ready, and i said i would go around 7 to pick her up and she said "so late, i don't think i can go" which is utter crap because from thursdays to sundays she parties all the time with her friends, and this is the firs time she has given me an excuse like that, and then she said "where are we gonna meet" and i said i'd go pick her up and she said "but i wanna take my car" so now she's acting weird.

 

Then when i go to meet her at the place i told her to, she asked what we were gonna do and i said "lots of things, don't worry we'll have fun" and then she said "why don't we just go to my friends house later" and i got kind of shocked right ther because i had plans already in mind for us and she totally wrecked them, and i said "ok" cuz i wanted to spend time with her. then when i finally met her i didn't even get a hug from her, i tried to kiss her in the lips and she gave me her cheek. i tried again later and same crap i got the cheek. i felt upset by that and asked what was wrong and she looked at me like i was an alien. i mean i thought after not seeing me for a long time she'd be all excited, but no hand holding or anything went down. then she went to go pick up her friends and i went on my way to meet her at her friends house but i stopped and had to think about my next move

 

because i was upset that she neglected me like that, and i sent her a text saying "so i guess you don't wana be affectionette anymore right?" and she said "idk" and i said "well do you still wanna date me" and she said " i don't know whats going on" and so after like an hour i finally went to her friends house to meet her, and i didnt wanna go because i felt awkward and humiliated, but i went anywayand she didn't even get up to hug me or nothing, then i started texting her while i was nfront of her if she wanted to come over tonight to hang alone, to catch up and she said "i cant i have to study" so i started saying why not one night won't kill you" and she said "i cant" and she kept answering like that and saying "idk' so things were wierd right there and then they all wanted to go eat and this guy that she used to date is her "friend" now and what got me mad was that she told me she had to study tomorrow, but right infront of my face her and her friends were making plans for friday, and saturday, so wtf.

 

After tht they wanted to go eat and the guy taht used to date her was driving her car because they wre all high except for him i think and i had my own car, so i thought they were gonna go ahead of me but he started reversing so when i as following them they reversed even faster so i got mad and bolted and texted her saying" thats ***ed up" and shes said "what" and i said "u tell me" and she said " we wen to go pick up another friend" so right there i felt dumb and said "well it seems like u dont want me around, so ill just peace out" and she said "whatever u say" and then i backpeddaled and said where were they and they said they were at the restaurant but that they were gonna go back to the friends house but i said i would wait there, so i was waiting there for them well for her really and then a female friend of mine called me and convinced me to leave because i felt stupid waiting there for her, and she was treated me like crap, that day. while being nice lol i don't know if that makes sense.

 

so i left and i cried, cuz i felt so dumb, i wondered why did she change so fast.

 

then i got home and texted her saying something came up but ill see her when i see her.

 

and she said "yup c ya" and i texted her four more times trying to gt stuff off my chest and she hasn't replied.

 

why do i torture myself?

[ALittleWorried]

Move on. There are so many red flags in your post.

 

This chick could obviously see that what she was doing / saying was hurting you yet she persisted with it. How old is she, 16? How long have you been seeing her? Something tells me that your "relationship" with this girl was never as serious as you thought it might've been.

 

If you care about someone, you wouldn't intentionally hurt them. Sorry bud, but that's what she's been doing to you.

 

A good friend of mine was in a position somewhat similar to yours not long ago. He was whipped to the point of no return though. It got to a stage where the girl he was seeing would call him, asking him for directions to hotel rooms that she was going to with other guys.

 

This girl knows she has it over you. You're not in control and she knows you'll still be hanging around as long as she can continue being a bitch - within reason. Delete her number and move on.

Edited July 23, 2010 by ALittleWorried

[doomage]

Wow that sucks about your friend.

 

But she is 20 years old and im 21 at first i thought we were dating to maybe have a relationship, and i guess we were but about a month into dating she said she doesn't think she is ready for a relationship but that she still wanted to date me. Then i still persisted in being the same way with her like holding her hand kissing her and being all lovey dovey which she told me she liked, and now she's being all cold and yesterday when we were sitting across from one another i texted her asking "why you being so cold to me?" and she said "idk" she doesn't show her feelings or how she feels, i mean the whole time she was so calm and collected and i was getting angry and stressed out. I texted her like five times last night and she didn't respond so i guess were done. The last response i got was when i said "something came up i had to leave but ill c you when i c u" and she said "yup c ya"

 

So now she's gonna be partying all weekend while im miserable.

 

Should i just wait till she contacts me, or leave it alone for good?

[cabarc1]

Wow that sucks about your friend.

 

But she is 20 years old and im 21 at first i thought we were dating to maybe have a relationship, and i guess we were but about a month into dating she said she doesn't think she is ready for a relationship but that she still wanted to date me. Then i still persisted in being the same way with her like holding her hand kissing her and being all lovey dovey which she told me she liked, and now she's being all cold and yesterday when we were sitting across from one another i texted her asking "why you being so cold to me?" and she said "idk" she doesn't show her feelings or how she feels, i mean the whole time she was so calm and collected and i was getting angry and stressed out. I texted her like five times last night and she didn't respond so i guess were done. The last response i got was when i said "something came up i had to leave but ill c you when i c u" and she said "yup c ya"

 

So now she's gonna be partying all weekend while im miserable.

 

Should i just wait till she contacts me, or leave it alone for good?

 

Should you wait? For what? I have a feeling you will be waiting for a long time. I doubt this one is coming back and if she does, i hope you man up and tell her to go jump off a cliff. She doesn't seem at all interested. She treated you like dirt and shouldn't ever even get the chance to explain things to you. Please don't allow yourself to sit at home this weekend feeling miserable over HER! Leave it alone for good! There are women that would treat you way better ya know......

[Green]

You care to much. You have to learn not to care about people who don't care about you. When she was showing you through her actions that you meant nothing just laugh it off.

[kdark]

She obviously no longer has any feelings for you, so I would start thinking about moving on. No amount of convincing her is going to change how she feels about you at this point.

 

That's really crappy how she treated you. I don't know how long you two have been together, but if I were you, I would call her and tell her that it's over. She obviously doesn't have the guts to tell you that herself. Being treated like that is extremely disrespectful, and I wouldn't put up with it. I don't see why you did for the whole night.

[doomage]

To Green: Ya I know i have too much of a good heart and i care too damn much when some people coulnd't care less, but im texting her right now as we speak, she responded to my last text, and she said she was confused and i asked her about what and shes said" mayb i don't like you anymore" and so i asked how come and she just said "idk" so what's my next move just dissappear off the face of the planet or what?

[kdark]

To Green: Ya I know i have too much of a good heart and i care too damn much when some people coulnd't care less, but im texting her right now as we speak, she responded to my last text, and she said she was confused and i asked her about what and shes said" mayb i don't like you anymore" and so i asked how come and she just said "idk" so what's my next move just dissappear off the face of the planet or what?

 

If it were me, I would just text back "Ok, I understand. I'll see you around." And then go no contact.

 

This girl is immature, selfish, and not worth anymore of your time.

[Green]

To Green: Ya I know i have too much of a good heart and i care too damn much when some people coulnd't care less, but im texting her right now as we speak, she responded to my last text, and she said she was confused and i asked her about what and shes said" mayb i don't like you anymore" and so i asked how come and she just said "idk" so what's my next move just dissappear off the face of the planet or what?

 

Just txt her "I'm done with you" and then never txt her or talk to her again.

 

Seriously if you let people treat you like this it will just continue to happen. Your thread truely is title corect "why do I hurt myself?" I don't know why you hurt yourself, but its good that you seem to recognize that it is you who is hurting yourself by caring about people who have no respect.

 

Learn to demand respect and not care about a girl until she has earned it.

[Cracker Jack]

Don't even bother txting her at all, man. The constant use of "idk" just gives me a feeling that she's clearly not taking you seriously. I know it's hard, but try to forget her. I know you don't want to chase after someone who's gonna treat you like crap.

[doomage]

Well after my last text message of me saying i wanted to take it slow and that i'd still like to date her, she replied by saying "i dont even know if i want to date" and i asked if there was another guy in the picture and she said "no dudes involved" so now im thinking of just putting her on ice by saying "take sometime to get your mind right and when you figure out what it is you want, come back to me"

[Green]

Well after my last text message of me saying i wanted to take it slow and that i'd still like to date her, she replied by saying "i dont even know if i want to date" and i asked if there was another guy in the picture and she said "no dudes involved" so now im thinking of just putting her on ice by saying "take sometime to get your mind right and when you figure out what it is you want, come back to me"

 

The sooner you stop txting her the sooner you can stop thinking about her.

[Cracker Jack]

Dude, you're just gonna end up disappointing yourself by continuing along with this. You can't question why you hurt yourself if you see the problems at hand.

 

She's playing games. She knows you're into her, but has no problem leaving you out to dry in the midst of all of this "confusion" she supposedly has. I seriously hope you see the situation for what it is.

[Green]

Dude, you're just gonna end up disappointing yourself by continuing along with this. You can't question why you hurt yourself if you see the problems at hand.

 

She's playing games. She knows you're into her, but has no problem leaving you out to dry in the midst of all of this "confusion" she supposedly has. I seriously hope you see the situation for what it is.

 

He'd have a better chance of sucess if he txted her "r u going 2 give me a goodbye bj?"

 

seriosly the thread should be called "why do I torture myself? Just because, thats why"

[Cracker Jack]

^Lol, Green. That was hilarious.

 

But seriously, I think he should just cut all contact. Doubt he will, tho.

[doomage]

Well i did the hardest thing i could do, and i put her on ice i just sent her a text saying "well take some time to get your mind right......."blah blah blah, i mean im sure what i want and that is her but if she doesn't want me i cant' force her.

[doomage]

well after asking her repeatedly if we can work it out and if she still liked me she would say stuff like "what if i don't like you anymore?" and i asked "do you or you don't" and she said stuff like "don't get me wrong your a nice guy and you'd make a great boyfriend, but im a party girl so im always out there" and i groveled and tried to let her know that it didnt bother me and finally i asked her again if she liked me and she basically said she didn't and i kept asking things and then

 

i got a text from her friend that i've met before saying "if you keep bothering her she's just gonna more turned off" and so i bowed out gracefully.

 

but i said that i'd still be here and the girl said "i hope theres no awkwardness between us if i see you at a party or if we hang out somday" and i said no awkwardness and taht i'd like to get together again sometime this week, and she said "if we hang out your gonna have to hang with my friends" and at first i said "whats wrong with one on one im not gonna kiss you" and she said "i like hanging out with my friends" so finally i said "well if im free and you wanna invite me to hang out thats cool" and then she said alright and i said have a good weekend and thats it.

[Cracker Jack]

Even though I don't agree with you continuing on with the texts, you basically did everything you could. She simply told you that she's a party girl, tho, which means she's looking at life different than you at this point.

 

All you can do is look back on this and understand that not everyone will continue to share the same feelings as you. It has happened to all of us. You'll be fine.

[doomage]

i feel like i was too nice and that's what got me in trouble, if i was an ******* and a jerk she'd probably be in love with me by now.

 

should i tone down the availableness and niceness for the next one?

[Cracker Jack]

i feel like i was too nice and that's what got me in trouble, if i was an ******* and a jerk she'd probably be in love with me by now.

 

should i tone down the availableness and niceness for the next one?

 

Absolutely. I'm not promoting mind-games or nonsense like that--but you don't have to answer to the next woman's (Or any women in general) every needs. I know being there for them is a good thing, but it often backfires. Just be more neutral, that's all.

 

Btw, never be a jerk.

[doomage]

These past two weeks i felt like we were playing mind games, i was trying to not be too available by not texting her right away and letting her go early after texting, but i rather just be honest and cut through all the crap.

 

I hate that she said "don't get me wrong your a nice guy and im sure you'd make a great bf but im a party girl....." then why don't you get with me if im so great, excuses. pft

[Cracker Jack]

Yeah, those tactics didn't seem to help.

 

Well, all men (Like myself) have been hit with the "Don't get me wrong. You're a nice guy. Any woman would be lucky to have you" blah, blah, blah, bs. It's just a common thing women say.

 

To me, it just seemed like you deferred to her too much. She blew off your plans, yet you went along with her to her friends house regardless. Stuff like that just...well, aren't good to do. Next time a woman tries to change her plans on the spot like she did, simply leave; don't allow her to dictate where you guys go next.

 

This is just a learning experience for you. Be glad you didn't get much further with the party girl.

[doomage]

ya i wasn't being very nice to myself, i feel as though she had already mentally moved on from me emotionally, which is why she put so much importance of hanging out with her friends rather than i by ourselves. i should have just said "thats not what i had in mind so go with your friends ill catch you some other time"

[ALittleWorried]

well after asking her repeatedly if we can work it out and if she still liked me she would say stuff like "what if i don't like you anymore?" and i asked "do you or you don't" and she said stuff like "don't get me wrong your a nice guy and you'd make a great boyfriend, but im a party girl so im always out there" and i groveled and tried to let her know that it didnt bother me and finally i asked her again if she liked me and she basically said she didn't and i kept asking things and then

 

i got a text from her friend that i've met before saying "if you keep bothering her she's just gonna more turned off" and so i bowed out gracefully.

 

but i said that i'd still be here and the girl said "i hope theres no awkwardness between us if i see you at a party or if we hang out somday" and i said no awkwardness and taht i'd like to get together again sometime this week, and she said "if we hang out your gonna have to hang with my friends" and at first i said "whats wrong with one on one im not gonna kiss you" and she said "i like hanging out with my friends" so finally i said "well if im free and you wanna invite me to hang out thats cool" and then she said alright and i said have a good weekend and thats it.

 

If things weren't completely over prior to this post, they are now. I hate to say it, but it's time to eat some cement and harden the f%#k up bro.

 

She's pretty much cut you off that leash you've been on for god knows how long yet you're still persistent in wanting to see her again. You're putting this girl before you which is seriously unhealthy.

 

Look at your situation and think of your Brother / Sister / friend being in the exact same situation that you're in. What advice would you give them? The advice that everyone on this board has been giving you right? Feelings can do horrible things to people and at times, you need to look at things in perspective.

 

The bottom line is that this girl doesn't want to be with you. As much as she's being a complete b%tch about the whole situation, isn't it better that things work out this way as opposed to her telling you she loves you, needs you, wants to be with you, only to fool around with other guys here and there?

 

Again, I've had friends in the same situation you're in and it's always ended bad. Give her up dude, it's time to start a new leaf.

[doomage]

I can't lie i've gotten better with girls but my insecurity always gets in the way i feel like the girls are gonna leave me or lose interest and it ends up happening, i feel alone now, and in a way im sad in a way im fine not contacting her because i have this false glimmer of hope that she'll miss me and run back to me but that's just a facade,

 

gotta go back on the hunt... is it a good idea to have different girls at any one time, not to be a player but just to have options so i dont put all my eggs in one basket?