benB Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 I dated this girl for a few years, we both are in college and home for the summer so we can’t really hang out that often. Lately things have been rocky we fight a lot I feel that she has changed a lot. She never tries to see me, contact has been decreasing, she is never is sweet or nice. She always seems mad or irritated at me. She recently went on a trip and when she came back she didn’t even try to see me and she didn’t tell me she was even back. But she made plans to go to some bar. That hurt my feelings because she could have at least told me she was ok in town but she didn’t even do that. Then she had the nerve to get mad at me for being upset at her and she goes on to not talk to me for days. Now we are in the same type of fight. We could have hung out but she told me she was sleeping so I get upset and she just ignores me and then doesn’t talk to me for the whole next day but makes plans to go out tonight. I just feel like I am no longer important to her, she doesn’t care about when we fight and doesn’t even try to make an effort to fix it or talk to me. I just don’t understand how she can act like such an ******* to me. She is so cold and short with her texts now and we aren’t even officially broken up. I know I shouldn’t care but it is hard. After dating for years I expect there to be some type of basic respect to at least talk to me. Should I just stop making effort to fix the fights and stop talking to her?
GrayClouds Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 If someone does not give you the respect you deserve, why would you want to be with them? I suspect she is wanting to break up and hoping if she treats you poor enough you will do the dirty work and break up with her. I would give the girl her wish, move on. You deserve better Read the follow to help you: The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance?
Sonolumino Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 I have to agree with GrayClouds. This is EXACTLY my situation. We are around that age where people start changing drastically and quickly. Perhaps your relationship just got caught in the crossfire there. Or perhaps she changed and wants to be single. Or like in my case, didn't feel the distance thing was worth it. My guess is now that she wants to break up, just she wants to give you reasons for doing so. When women are ashamed/can't come to terms with/are embarrassed by the real reason for ending a relationship, they pull these antics in order to look back and feel justified by a concrete reason. Don't let her have that satisfaction. Call her and arrange a meeting, be firm and tell her you deserved better treatment, and call it off. As far as I can see, this is best for everyone. I was just in a relationship that ended pretty much the same way, and it sucks, because it feels like the love wasn't worth it for her, but I'm getting through it and so will you. In short: You deserve someone who has the mental fortitude to end things amicably with you.
Maverick1983 Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 Hey man.Sorry to hear about your situation.I think in your case the best thing to do if you feel like things are falling apart is to arrange for the two of ye to meet and talk about what's going on.You may not hear what you want to hear but at least you will know what's going on.You should mentally prepare yourself before talking and if your upset at how she is treating you let her know that and tell her you deserve better.Maybe she has an issue that IMO you have a right to know about.Good luck.
Author benB Posted July 23, 2010 Author Posted July 23, 2010 Yeah it is pretty much over. We aren't even long distance we live like 3 mins from each other. She just doesn't try to see me. She said that the relationship is dead and there is no flame. But the only reason we have died is because she stopped trying to see me and stopped being how she used to be. But she wont admit it, and tries to blame me somehow even though I have done nothing. We have dated 4 years and were each others first real relationship. The least she could do is tell me the truth of why she just pretty much stopped talking to me. This is the worst feeling
GrayClouds Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 . But the only reason we have died is because she stopped trying to see me and stopped being how she used to be. But she wont admit it, and tries to blame me somehow even though I have done nothing. That was just the symptom, the reason for the death she move on awhile ago and never had the courage to tell you. I hate to say it but she likely has eye on another, and her blaming you is a way to mask her guilt. It suck and hurt but in time it gets better. Read those links and realize you deserve better. It just is not going to be from this coward who would rather have you feel bad then be honest. Be thankful she is not talking, it would only be shlt anyway.
confused192 Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 Hey man.Sorry to hear about your situation.I think in your case the best thing to do if you feel like things are falling apart is to arrange for the two of ye to meet and talk about what's going on.You may not hear what you want to hear but at least you will know what's going on.You should mentally prepare yourself before talking and if your upset at how she is treating you let her know that and tell her you deserve better.Maybe she has an issue that IMO you have a right to know about.Good luck. I completely agree. She is not really handling this situation like an adult, more like a child. If you approach her like an adult and let her know that you need to talk about this and come to a decision to either work on things or cut your losses and move on, it might be more well-received and, at the very least, give you both some closure. If she doesn't agree to it or still ignores you like a child, I would say that at least you did what you could to work on it.
Sonolumino Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Yeah BenB, my ex even used that exact line on me "the relationship is dead". It turned out that after a bit of asking her, she didn't feel that it was worth it anymore. I know you two weren't long distance, but your ex has found some reason to not make it worth it. You may have done nothing wrong, she has probably just changed. It sucks but it's true, and you have to accept it. Even though you may love her very much, and you feel the relationship should continue, she sadly doesn't feel the same way. She probably felt guilty for the reason of ending things, and projected those feelings on you. I say let her be and get to know yourself better in the coming months. At the end of the day, its a very sad story that she ended things so immaturely with you, and you definitely deserve better. But, you have to find peace in this even though it ended this way. Good luck and keep posting.
Author benB Posted August 6, 2010 Author Posted August 6, 2010 Well we had talked and she was acting normal, we had a good weekend out of town together this past weekend and as soon as we get back home she starts acting distant and strange, yesterday her and a friend hung out with 2 other guys and she ignored me the whole time and the weird behavior continued until today she admited she has been different and that she doesn't think I am right for her. She is scared of being with me long term. But she still loves me and blah blah This sucks
EthanH Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 the only way you have a chance of solving things is to be confident. Forget all about 'respect' and what you presume... her going to a bar doesn't matter, if you have an issue with it, all you come over is insecure. The more you are affected by her, the more you will lose her respect. Be a man, make her aspire to be with you... keep her chasing... if she stops running after you, you deserve someone better... all you are going to do by being upset is to look needy. I know it is difficult, but if you see the bigger picture, you will follow this advice. Girls don't want a guy who follows them around, fawning after them, they want to aspire to a guy... if you aren't that guy, she will meet a confident guy who she aspires to... it's your choice....
flyguy23 Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 I think NC is the best way to go now, she doesn't seem to even try to fix things so that's a sign for you to move on. Good luck
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