Are men really intimidated by beautiful, intelligent, and/or successful women?

[SassyKitten]

A lot of it too I think is the region I live in. I'm 28, and most women my age are married with at least 3 kids by this point. I, on the other hand, have lived overseas before, am now working on my degree, and about to go overseas again. I've always been very independent-minded. That said, I'm not swearing off men, but what I want is not a man to take care of me but is a partner in crime.

[MrNate]

A lot of it too I think is the region I live in. I'm 28, and most women my age are married with at least 3 kids by this point. I, on the other hand, have lived overseas before, am now working on my degree, and about to go overseas again. I've always been very independent-minded. That said, I'm not swearing off men, but what I want is not a man to take care of me but is a partner in crime.

 

It's nice to see you taking care of yourself first in spite of what is going on around you. In this time to yourself, I'd keep pursuing your passions, and I'm sure you will find one with the same mentality you have in no time.

[Pink Cupcakes]

In general, I think women use the men are "intimidated by men" theory to explain their singlehood rather than try to tackle the real reason that they aren't successful with maintaining a romantic relationship which leads to marriage. I am talking women who are ready to settle down, in their late 20's and into 30s and beyond.

[SassyKitten]

I don't know about no time, I just broke up with someone!!

 

But then again, this means I'm free to go travelling like I was before I got into this relationship, so it's all good.

[Woggle]

A lot of jerks consider it a badge of honor to take an alpha, independent type of woman and turn her into a submissive cheerleader. I know during my players it felt really good to have a maneater drop the independent act and have her wrapped around my finger. I know that makes me sound like a jerk but at the same time I was learning to grow a spine.

 

I do notice that many successful and book smart women make the biggest mistakes when it comes to men. They hiff and puff about being independent but get suckered in by players.

[gamma1]

I don't think you can apply that to every woman though. It would seem to me that the women who excel in dating are those who know what they want and respond accordingly to weird vibes guys give off. I think to the woman that is aware, flags in her head will be raised to a guy who acts too jerkish and a guy who acts too nice. I think it's the confident, nice guys, who aren't afraid to challenge a woman here and there have the greatest chance of lowering the defense of a woman who is very keen into what she wants.

It can be applied to many women though.

 

The defense mechanisms many women put up either keep everyone out or keep out everybody but the jerk they can't resist. Look at all the threads here where a man mistreats a woman but she won't leave him. Then look at the guys who go months or even years between dates.

 

At least some of it comes down to jerks are not afraid to hit on anyone, while other men will miss opportunities becuase they are trying to be nice.

[SassyKitten]

Woggle - Exactly! Before my last boyfriend, the one before that was a lawyer/Air Force major who took great pride in trying to turn me into a submissive cheerleader. At least it sounds like you've grown and learned past this stage.

 

Everyone still needs companionship, but too many don't realize that maybe to some people like me, "settling down" means having a travel partner "with benefits" and taking our kids on safari in Africa instead of just settling for the zoo.

[MrNate]

Woggle - Exactly! Before my last boyfriend, the one before that was a lawyer/Air Force major who took great pride in trying to turn me into a submissive cheerleader. At least it sounds like you've grown and learned past this stage.

 

Everyone still needs companionship, but too many don't realize that maybe to some people like me, "settling down" means having a travel partner "with benefits" and taking our kids on safari in Africa instead of just settling for the zoo.

 

With benefits?? Do you mean a husband or just some guy to fool around with? Just wondering because you also included kids... But whatever floats your boat, lol, I'm not here to judge.

[zengirl]

A lot of it too I think is the region I live in. I'm 28, and most women my age are married with at least 3 kids by this point. I, on the other hand, have lived overseas before, am now working on my degree, and about to go overseas again. I've always been very independent-minded. That said, I'm not swearing off men, but what I want is not a man to take care of me but is a partner in crime.

 

3 kids? Man, I don't know any people with 3 kids my age or your age. (I've lived overseas too, and it's shortened a few relationships because of logistics. Still: Best choice in my life.) I just assumed you were young because you were in college -- Sorry.

 

Many of my friends -- mostly a little older than me, more late twenties than mid -- back home are either co-habituating, engaged, or married, and with what they (and I) consider their "final partners." Some aren't. But I only know two gals who've already had kids, and one of them is 33, so a good deal older than me. I just assumed everyone (or at least everyone who went to college) was having kids a little later nowadays. My mom had me at 24, but I never wanted kids that early. I've always thought around 28-32 was best (Old enough to have youthful fun before, young enough to have mature fun after when they leave at mid-forties-fifty).

[SassyKitten]

Travel partner with benefits means travel partner I can have sex with, although it's a bit more committed than friends with benefits! I'm not the type who's capable of just having a **** buddy, I tried that, but my body seems to release too many endorphins for me to not get attached to them.

[Woggle]

It was an ego boost but it got very old and it would have been a nightmare if I married her. I am now in an equal marriage with a woman who knows how to have a healthy relationship.

 

We love to travel and wish we could afford to do it more often.

[MrNate]

Travel partner with benefits means travel partner I can have sex with, although it's a bit more committed than friends with benefits! I'm not the type who's capable of just having a **** buddy, I tried that, but my body seems to release too many endorphins for me to not get attached to them.

 

Soo...a boyfriend?

[SassyKitten]

Zengirl - A lot of my classmates are surprised that I'm not their age, which is very flattering as I'm nearing 30!

 

It does depend on the region you live in. Here, a lot of people are married by the time they're 20, it's very conservative here. In fact there is one girl in one of my classes who looks like she's my age and is pregnant with her 6th child! Personally, I'm happy to be in my mid/late 30s when I have my kids, and just 2, maybe 3.

 

Woggle - Congratulations. Hopefully that stage will come for me eventually, but I'm not holding my breath.

[SassyKitten]

Nate - Only if he's willing to do all of my travelling with me. If I feel restricted in any way in any relationship, I have the wrong boyfriend.

[zengirl]

In fact there is one girl in one of my classes who looks like she's my age and is pregnant with her 6th child! Personally, I'm happy to be in my mid/late 30s when I have my kids, and just 2, maybe 3.

 

6?!?! (Six people are never coming out of my body. I think 3 sounds like a lot. Ha ) I thought normal people only had that many kids in the olden days when there was no/poor birth control and/or a lot of babies died and you had to have enough to work the farm when you got old.

 

I, too, would love to have a boyfriend who wants to travel with me. I've met lots of happy traveling couples in my time abroad, though, so it is possible. Hopefully, one day you will.

[SassyKitten]

What can I say? Being in Georgia often feels like I've stepped upwards of 50 years back in a time machine.

[Woggle]

Bonnie and Clyde were a traveling couple and probably had fun while it lasted.

[MrNate]

Nate - Only if he's willing to do all of my travelling with me. If I feel restricted in any way in any relationship, I have the wrong boyfriend.

 

Sounds like my kind of woman. I've been miserable being stuck in louisiana my whole life and have been stuck between considering a move or just traveling. A lot of people have been telling me I should get out and travel. Even my ma thinks I should leave. I think they may be on to something. I figured I might as well get started while I'm still hot and active. lol.

[jstalltxga]

yes, there are a lot of men who are intimidated by women. I dont know about the successful thing, but to each their own. I find that more attractive than not.

 

I can think back on my life and there are literally hundreds of women, probably even on a weekly basis, that I wish I had approached, but I was scared or intimidated. I know women hate being the ones who initiate. but give it a shot, guys need a little help sometimes. guys and girls can both feel alot of pressure when it comes to initiating contact with the opposite sex. not all men or women are built the same.

[stillafool]

When something is true, I don't think you have to be led to believe it.

 

When a guy treats a woman nicely, it's so often is assumed all he is after is sex even though it's almost never true. What the truth is doesn't seem to matter to many.

 

When a guy is a jerk, the response is often "at least he's being honest about his intentions".

 

It's no surprse that a jerk is less afraid to approach women.

 

gamma1 not picking on you, but to everyone; why does everyone assume that just because a guy is confident and not afraid to talk to women he is a jerk?

[Woggle]

gamma1 not picking on you, but to everyone; why does everyone assume that just because a guy is confident and not afraid to talk to women he is a jerk?

 

All confident men are not jerks but a jerk is obvious to most men in ways they are not to women. I know when a man if feeding a woman a bunch of lines while she can be head over heels. There are some women who seem to have an aversion to sincerity.

[MrNate]

gamma1 not picking on you, but to everyone; why does everyone assume that just because a guy is confident and not afraid to talk to women he is a jerk?

 

THIS. This is what I think is causing all the confusion. This is why I think nice guys says women are attracted to jerks. I don't think it's because of the jerk attitude, but the confidence the jerk just so happened to come by.

 

Imagine if the nice guys applied this same confidence? Jerks wouldn't be able to hold a candle to them. But the contrary is just to widely believed for some reason.

 

I think it's entirely possible to be a confident nice guy, because while they are the rarest (because they understand this combination is possible without being a d-bag), they do the best with women.

[zengirl]

but to everyone; why does everyone assume that just because a guy is confident and not afraid to talk to women he is a jerk?

 

Personally, I don't.

 

I don't find that confident, nice guys are even that rare.

 

That doesn't always mean they're going to go up to complete strangers they find attractive (Without some additional reason behind it, that takes something beyond confidence, and more in the land of chutzpah, which is more likely to be had by jerks, though not always). But it really depends on the setting.

 

If a guy comes up to me, randomly, interrupting what I'm doing (especially if I am actively engaged in something with others around me) and tries to flirt with me/ask me out immediately, I think, "Probably a Jerk," not confident. If a man strikes up a conversation in a book stores about the book I'm holding, or a grocery store about the pasta sauce I'm buying, or whatever, then I'd have no reason to think he was a jerk. There are certain settings where non-jerks are WAY more likely to stay away. . . just experience-statistics, but that's what it seems to me. Also, of course, the way folks do things, etc.

[SassyKitten]

Personally, I don't.

 

I don't find that confident, nice guys are even that rare.

 

That doesn't always mean they're going to go up to complete strangers they find attractive (Without some additional reason behind it, that takes something beyond confidence, and more in the land of chutzpah, which is more likely to be had by jerks, though not always). But it really depends on the setting.

 

If a guy comes up to me, randomly, interrupting what I'm doing (especially if I am actively engaged in something with others around me) and tries to flirt with me/ask me out immediately, I think, "Probably a Jerk," not confident. If a man strikes up a conversation in a book stores about the book I'm holding, or a grocery store about the pasta sauce I'm buying, or whatever, then I'd have no reason to think he was a jerk. There are certain settings where non-jerks are WAY more likely to stay away. . . just experience-statistics, but that's what it seems to me. Also, of course, the way folks do things, etc.

 

I'm with you on interrupting what I'm doing. Besides that, I can tell a lot from body language of the man trying to talk to me. If he carries the same body language as, say, a male relative talking to me, then I don't automatically think "jerk". If eye contact becomes him checking out the rest of me in plain view while he's talking to me, then "jerk".

[bananaboat11]

If she looks at me once... and we eye ****... and she smiles, I look away. I'll look again... and notice she's looking at me once more as she rubs her index finger on the table and smiles, shying away...

 

I run like all hell. I'm intimidated.