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Are men really intimidated by beautiful, intelligent, and/or successful women?

Star Gazer

By Star Gazer
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gamma1 Established Member

gamma1

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Really, this question only requires common sense.

 

People will only rise up to a challenge that they think they can handle. If you were only armed with a knife, you would think twice before approaching a tiger. Even if the tiger turned out to be actually sick or blind. Its about perception.

Very well said.

 

Perception unfortunately often means more than reality.

MrNate Established Member

MrNate

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Isn't that the most normal thing? In my case, I know my value and my place on the picking order. I am mid-forties which probably makes me too old in the eyes of a number of guys my age. But I am slim, pretty and dress well. I am well-educated, have a good job and a comfortable salary. Have my own apartment and no financial problems.

Why would I not go for a guy with more or less the same profile? What would getting together with a 15 year older, fat, ugly, unemployed guy offer me that getting together with someone who ressembles my profile better would not? :p

 

Yep. You also seem very accomplished and it's totally understandable why you would want someone along your profile. This is why I say people along the same line of accomplishments/personality traits usually associate with each other, just because that sense of familiarity is there, which builds a great sense of comfort. Of course this isn't 100%, but I see it more often than not.

 

And please, you're not too old for your age. There are quite a few guys your age who would find themselves attracted, unless you are very ugly, which very very few people are in this world. So I don't think you will have a problem at all, nor should you settle:)

OrdealByFire Established Member

OrdealByFire

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My girlfriend is much smarter and better looking than me in my opinion, although she assures me I'm BS'ing her. She currently has a 4.0 in school, while I have about a 2.4. I feel like she could do so much better.

 

I'm intimidated for sure. I feel like anything I say or do could make me lose her.

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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I think one of the issues that arise is that whether they realize it or not, many successful women go out of their way to express that they don't need a man, or alternatively plant the seed of expectations (financial or otherwise) that they have for a man that have little to do with character. I don't know any man who appreciates not being needed or being seen as "not up to snuff" in superficial categories.

 

This is solely based on my own experiences though.

 

This right here. Men hate feeling disposable in a relationship yet some women seem to go out of their way to make us feel like that.

kdark Established Member

kdark

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This right here. Men hate feeling disposable in a relationship yet some women seem to go out of their way to make us feel like that.

 

Having a girl say that she doesn't need me around but wants me around wouldn't bother me at all. When I am in a relationship I feel the same way about my significant other, so it's only fair that she can have the same feelings. I don't want to be attached at the hip to a needy, clingy, insecure girlfriend who is looking to me to be the answer to her problems, and is a nervous wreck when they don't know what I'm doing.

 

When I hear someone say they "need me", I hear that they "can't go without me", which in my opinion, is unhealthy.

Untouchable_Fire Established Member

Untouchable_Fire

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Having a girl say that she doesn't need me around but wants me around wouldn't bother me at all. When I am in a relationship I feel the same way about my significant other, so it's only fair that she can have the same feelings. I don't want to be attached at the hip to a needy, clingy, insecure girlfriend who is looking to me to be the answer to her problems, and is a nervous wreck when they don't know what I'm doing.

When I hear someone say they "need me", I hear that they "can't go without me", which in my opinion, is unhealthy.

 

Don't be silly. There is a huge difference between feeling needed, and feeling smothered. When your needed... your not replaceable.

 

It's great that your GF wants you... yesterday she wanted shoes, today its a dress... guess what... women change what they want more than they change underwear. Enjoy feeling wanted... while it lasts.

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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Tommorow a woman might want her boss or your best friend.

kdark Established Member

kdark

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Don't be silly. There is a huge difference between feeling needed, and feeling smothered. When your needed... your not replaceable.

 

It's great that your GF wants you... yesterday she wanted shoes, today its a dress... guess what... women change what they want more than they change underwear. Enjoy feeling wanted... while it lasts.

 

I disagree. When my ex said she needed me in her life, it didn't make me feel good. It made me feel smothered. I'd much rather be the person a woman wants and enjoys being around than needs around.

kdark Established Member

kdark

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Tommorow a woman might want her boss or your best friend.

 

Sounds like a kinky night... As long as I get to film it. That's my rule.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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I've been seeing a lot of comments around LS lately about men being intimidated by beautiful, intelligent, and/or successful women. Who ARE these men?

 

For some reason, I've never been able to wrap my brain around the notion that a man wouldn't approach or ask out a woman because he was intimidated by her. Is this really true? Does this happen?

 

And if so, what are such women supposed to do? Just sit around waiting for the one man who has a pair??

 

Well all I know is the women I know who are beautiful, intelligent and successful are not lacking male attention.

zengirl Established Member

zengirl

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Having a girl say that she doesn't need me around but wants me around wouldn't bother me at all. When I am in a relationship I feel the same way about my significant other, so it's only fair that she can have the same feelings. I don't want to be attached at the hip to a needy, clingy, insecure girlfriend who is looking to me to be the answer to her problems, and is a nervous wreck when they don't know what I'm doing.

 

When I hear someone say they "need me", I hear that they "can't go without me", which in my opinion, is unhealthy.

 

It should go from "want around" to at least closer to "need around" at some point for both partners, I think. But that is much later. I don't think anyone should "need" a generic man or woman. The "need" should develop from the relationship bond, over time, naturally (I'm talking about, as it leads to marriage, etc).

SassyKitten Established Member

SassyKitten

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As someone who is studying accounting and hasn't exactly been beaten with the ugly stick, yes, I intimidate a lot of men. One of my classmates who is an Alpha Female like myself were having a discussion about this and came to the conclusion that the nice guys are socialized to seek the meek housewifey girl and the jerks are much bolder when it comes to approaching women like us, but their objective is to rise to the challenge of dominating us.

MrNate Established Member

MrNate

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As someone who is studying accounting and hasn't exactly been beaten with the ugly stick, yes, I intimidate a lot of men. One of my classmates who is an Alpha Female like myself were having a discussion about this and came to the conclusion that the nice guys are socialized to seek the meek housewifey girl and the jerks are much bolder when it comes to approaching women like us, but their objective is to rise to the challenge of dominating us.

 

Interesting theory, but where does that leave you?

SassyKitten Established Member

SassyKitten

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Interesting theory, but where does that leave you?

 

So badly in need of fine-tuning my douchebag radar!!

MrNate Established Member

MrNate

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So badly in need of fine-tuning my douchebag radar!!

 

ha. Your theory was interesting, but i believe jerks are just likely to approach any woman at a greater pace than a nice guy. The only reason why jerks are so popular is because of this confidence they possess, not the jerk-ish characteristics, though it can be hard for a lot of guys to see that. (and women to understand that).

 

Maybe your best bet is to look for the nice, confident guy. Granted, those are the rarest to find for a woman, as they aren't on the extreme of either spectrum, but I think these types of men, though rare, understand how the middle grown works. I think they're worth finding and will make women the most happy.

 

(of course there are girls just plain attracted to jerks, but I feel most women don't like to be disrespected/insulted)

Edited by MrNate
SassyKitten Established Member

SassyKitten

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I wouldn't say I'm attracted to jerks at all. But then as anyone can give a great first impression and jerks have more confidence generally, they are more likely to get together with me. Sad but true.

MrNate Established Member

MrNate

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I wouldn't say I'm attracted to jerks at all. But then as anyone can give a great first impression and jerks have more confidence generally, they are more likely to get together with me. Sad but true.

 

 

Well your story isn't atypical. I think this is quite the plight for a significant amount of women out there. It doesn't behoove jerks to behave like one from the beginning, only when the catch has been secured. The confident, nice guys I think are what women strive for, but they're definitely outnumbered by those with jerk tendencies. And by some stroke of misfortune, nice guys are led to believe that being a jerk is what gets results, instead of looking for the positive (confidence) and disregarding the rest. So I can see how this can be a problem for many women out there, but that definitely doesn't meant they're out of luck.

SassyKitten Established Member

SassyKitten

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Really, it's why I've learned after my last several relationships that from now on, I'm only dating men who I've been friends with platonically for a while. Reason being that it gives me time to suss out whether their true nature is consistant with the first impression they give me. This of course does not work if the guy heads into a relationship with me with blatant ulterior motives!

zengirl Established Member

zengirl

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Really, it's why I've learned after my last several relationships that from now on, I'm only dating men who I've been friends with platonically for a while. Reason being that it gives me time to suss out whether their true nature is consistant with the first impression they give me. This of course does not work if the guy heads into a relationship with me with blatant ulterior motives!

 

If you live your life, staying true to who you are and being observant, it gets better later. I used to have a terrible radar in college. (My HS boyfriend was awesome, so he's the caveat.) But now I have a pretty good record, and I've not been past Date 1 with a date in years (I'm 25, this is probably since I was 23 or so), even with folks I barely knew before dating them (just met online, or at an event, or through a friend or something).

 

It's something you build over time. Sometimes, I'll meet a guy or be on a first date with a guy and just realize, "Ah, wait, I know *thisguy*" and his behavior becomes totally predictable. Jerks are good in that way. There are only a few types of them. Good, healthy people are much less predictable.

MrNate Established Member

MrNate

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Really, it's why I've learned after my last several relationships that from now on, I'm only dating men who I've been friends with platonically for a while. Reason being that it gives me time to suss out whether their true nature is consistant with the first impression they give me. This of course does not work if the guy heads into a relationship with me with blatant ulterior motives!

 

Actually, I was also meaning to ask..what makes one an alpha female? Also, do you like being one of these?

SassyKitten Established Member

SassyKitten

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Sometimes, I'll meet a guy or be on a first date with a guy and just realize, "Ah, wait, I know *thisguy*" and his behavior becomes totally predictable. Jerks are good in that way.

 

I'm a bit confused about what you mean by that.

 

Just realized too I said it doesn't work if a guy heads into a relationship with me with blatant ulterior motives, I meant to say platonic friendship, not relationship.

gamma1 Established Member

gamma1

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And by some stroke of misfortune, nice guys are led to believe that being a jerk is what gets results

When something is true, I don't think you have to be led to believe it.

 

When a guy treats a woman nicely, it's so often is assumed all he is after is sex even though it's almost never true. What the truth is doesn't seem to matter to many.

 

When a guy is a jerk, the response is often "at least he's being honest about his intentions".

 

It's no surprse that a jerk is less afraid to approach women.

SassyKitten Established Member

SassyKitten

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Nate - Alpha Female to me is a woman who feels empowered enough to be responsible for her own destiny and survival, instead of looking for a man to be the provider. Not necessarily a woman who gets off on being dominant.

MrNate Established Member

MrNate

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Nate - Alpha Female to me is a woman who feels empowered enough to be responsible for her own destiny and survival, instead of looking for a man to be the provider. Not necessarily a woman who gets off on being dominant.

 

You sound quite normal to me. Just an independent adult woman. Do you really think guys are intimidated by this mentality of yours? I figure most guys would want an equal, not to be a babysitter.

MrNate Established Member

MrNate

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When something is true, I don't think you have to be led to believe it.

 

When a guy treats a woman nicely, it's so often is assumed all he is after is sex even though it's almost never true. What the truth is doesn't seem to matter to many.

 

When a guy is a jerk, the response is often "at least he's being honest about his intentions".

 

It's no surprse that a jerk is less afraid to approach women.

 

I don't think you can apply that to every woman though. It would seem to me that the women who excel in dating are those who know what they want and respond accordingly to weird vibes guys give off. I think to the woman that is aware, flags in her head will be raised to a guy who acts too jerkish and a guy who acts too nice. I think it's the confident, nice guys, who aren't afraid to challenge a woman here and there have the greatest chance of lowering the defense of a woman who is very keen into what she wants.

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