Are men really intimidated by beautiful, intelligent, and/or successful women?

[Untouchable_Fire]

In terms of forming relationships, I think average women are on par, heck, even excel at it than women who are super attractive. Because that intimidation factor is a bit less present for guys with average women than super attractive women.

I can't help but wonder if really attractive women resent being so at times, instead, wondering how much more simple life would be if they looked a bit more average.

 

I don't think that's true at all.

 

I think that very attractive women just get hit on by a different type of guys. I think they get plenty of attention.

 

The biggest difference I see is that the women I know who I consider really pretty tend to get tons of attention from narcissistic pricks.

 

Fact is though... that my friends and I go out to a bar... we can't decide who the prettiest girl is... we all like something different. That's just how guys are. My buddy Kelso is a chubby chaser. For him the hottest girl in the room is usually the biggest. He likes them tall and thick.... really thick.

[MrNate]

I don't think that's true at all.

 

I think that very attractive women just get hit on by a different type of guys. I think they get plenty of attention.

 

The biggest difference I see is that the women I know who I consider really pretty tend to get tons of attention from narcissistic pricks.

 

Fact is though... that my friends and I go out to a bar... we can't decide who the prettiest girl is... we all like something different. That's just how guys are. My buddy Kelso is a chubby chaser. For him the hottest girl in the room is usually the biggest. He likes them tall and thick.... really thick.

 

Of course they get plenty of attention. I'm saying that as far as relationships go, I think the field is pretty even.

 

On a side note, I like thick women too. The ones with the thick ass. They kill me every time.

[donnamaybe]

On a side note, I like thick women too. The ones with the thick ass. They kill me every time.

 

Better not check out me or any of my sisters then. We're known for our ASSets.

[txsilkysmoothe]

I was wondering this same thing after reading some recent threads. I'm afraid it's just something that we women like to tell ourselves.

 

I think it has to be looked at in context as well - when two people meet versus after they've been dating -

 

If it happens, I think it would be mostly when the man and woman are strangers. So we can't say it's because she's too smart, too successful, etc. because these are things he won't know. So why won't a single man in a room full of men approach a very attractive woman? I have walked into a bar and had dozens of men stop, look, and stare but none approach me. Not that I'm all that. But it has happened enough times that I'm baffled by it.

 

Once the two are dating, it's even more difficult for me to believe the guy "vanishes" or otherwise ends things because he becomes intimidated or was always intimidated by the woman.

[Zapbasket]

Intelligent women:

1. I like intelligent women. And I also like that intelligent women challenge me (in a good way) intellectually. However, I sometimes start to view a woman's intelligence as an invitation to a contest.
   
2. I like to tease/make fun of women I like. Intelligent women sometimes think that this means that I try to belittle or not value their intelligence. It's not meant that way, but it can come across like that.

 

Stockalone, I'm interested to hear you elaborate more on these two points. Why do you sometimes view a woman's intelligence as an invitation to a contest? And what do you mean by that, exactly? Do you debate intelligent women for the pleasure of it, or do you feel that the "contest," rather than debate, is more of a hierarchical "see-saw" to try to end up "on top"? I'm curious because I often encounter men who instantly try to "one-up" me or contradict an opinion of mine just for the sake of being contrary, and it's so frustrating. I always feel like, why can't the guy just enjoy meeting someone who can engage in a thoughtful discussion rather than try to make it some kind of power trip, which is what it so often feels like?

 

Also, I'm interested in hearing you elaborate more on why you tease women you like. Until I get to know someone fairly well, their teasing feels like they don't care about my feelings, like they're belittling me. As familiarity develops with a person, I can handle more and more teasing, but in the beginning it can be pretty off-putting. What is it about *liking* a woman that makes you want to engage with them by teasing them?

 

SG, lately I've begun to think that it's not that some men are intimidated by looks, intelligence, and success in a woman, per se, but rather that there's an archaic mode of relating between men and women that must somehow be upheld even as other expressions of traditional gender roles become obsolete. This archaic mode is that a man needs to feel that to some degree, at least, a women looks to them, and respects them, as a protector and provider (and I don't mean material wealth here, necessarily). And conjointly, I believe that a woman needs to feel that she can *respect* a man enough to accord him that protector/provider role. I think if you can be beautiful and successful and deftly engage in a hot intellectual discussion, AND appreciate how your guy fixes a problem or caresses you or fill-in-the-blank, then suddenly your beauty, intelligence, and success become attributes to relish rather than to fear.

[Cracker Jack]

I'm intimidated by beautiful, intelligent, successful women.

 

Why? Never had much confidence talking to women to begin with--whether they were average or beautiful. That already started me off on a bad foot, and at 22, it didn't get any easier.

 

Throw in those other factors mentioned, and it makes me feel like I'm inferior and have NO business trying to talk to them, since they could easily find someone else, with more to offer them than I. "Like, why in a million yrs would she give me a chance when there's someone better than me?" is usually the question I ask myself.

 

That's how I see it.

[Woggle]

Men like to feel needed and when a woman does not need him he feels disposable.

[silverfish]

Men like to feel needed and when a woman does not need him he feels disposable.

 

This is true, although men do not like 'needy' women or naggers, so it's a minefield

[Woggle]

This is true, although men do not like 'needy' women or naggers, so it's a minefield

 

A woman can show a man he is wanted without nagging. I think the Gloria Steniem fish and bicyles mentality really made it hard for successful women who are looking for a man. By shoving it in men's faces how unneeded and obsolete we are now that women make their own money it mad men afraid to get involved with a woman that can take care of herself.

[Jilly Bean]

I think some are, just as some women are intimidated by superior men.

 

But, I don't think there is a rhyme or reason as to whom is intimidated.

 

I find people of similar socio-economic and attractiveness levels tend to wind up together, as they aren't intimidated by what they each bring to the table.

 

I also find that confidence transcends all of the above, and if a guy is less attractive, less educated, less successful - he will still ask a beautiful, intelligent and successful woman out, because he doesn't perceive himself as being "lesser".

[Saxis]

On a side note, I like thick women too. The ones with the thick ass. They kill me every time.

 

Sounds like you should try something other than "woman on top"

 

 

 

 

Ok, I'll admit, that was bad...

 

On a more serious note, I struggle with this problem. I'm just not a social person in any way, so even when I'm out and about I don't really talk to ANYONE I don't know. As far as my lack of social skills, use going to the grocery store as an example. When the clerk makes small talk via the ritual "Hi, how are you today?", I usually just lock up and say "Fine.". It never really occurs to me that it's somewhat impolite not to reciprocate. I just figure I'm not here for small talk, I just want to get my ***** and get out! It just doesn't come naturally, so when you throw in a prospective date, the desire is there but the social skills aren't, not to mention the addition of possible rejection. I feel that with my limited opportunities, I just don't take the chance, which leads to more limited opportunities, etc... A vicious cycle!

 

I see it as a matter of experience, and I'm getting better with every day social interactions. As far as intelligent/successful women go, I have even less experience. I would've had to already engage in some conversation to gain that knowledge... Success is somewhat of an issue, but I see it as an entirely different can of worms. I've been in relationships where I've been more "successful" in the money department, and it's caused nothing but problems. More along the lines of feeling like I was taken advantage of, not in the good way. To say the least, I'm a big advocate of separate finances even for couples living together. I don't see intelligence as an issue though...

 

Pretty much, once I get past the initial introduction and small talk, I usually fare pretty well. I'd venture that's the reason most of my relationships started within work or with friends of friends'.

[Star Gazer]

Men like to feel needed and when a woman does not need him he feels disposable.

 

How does a woman who doesn't need a man, make him feel like he's still needed?

[Jilly Bean]

How does a woman who doesn't need a man, make him feel like he's still needed?

 

Let him move some furniture or fix the squeaky gate. lol

[shadowplay]

Three of my exes said they hesitated to approach me or didn't at all because they were intimidated (thought I was out of their league). They volunteered this, so I'd take their word for it. I guess it does happen. My ex said he was taken by me from the moment he first saw me, and once tried to talk to me a bit, but was easily discouraged when I wasn't super friendly and backed off. The weird thing is I remember being friendly. My ex ex hemmed and hawed about asking me out because he was sure I'd reject him, and then finally did. My first boyfriend took forever to make a move, and he said it was for the same reason.

[dispatch3d]

guys are into hot and smart women. You heard it here first. Doesn't mean they have the balls to approach and talk to them. Girls shoot down a lot of guys, and it's a blow to the ego.

 

Personally, if I know of/met before a hot girl who I just don't think is that into me/seems standoffish I don't bother talking to her just because of that. As in, if they weren't overly friendly before, or showed some sign of not being that friendly afterwards, why the hell would I talk to them?

 

But anyways, yes we like hot girls. And yes, hot girls do get hit on by lots of guys.

[bayouboi]

Definitely NOT intimidated by any woman. Rather, I basically reject myself before you get the chance to by making all sorts of assumptions about high expectations you might have and judgments you might have made about me already.

[GoodOnPaper]

For some reason, I've never been able to wrap my brain around the notion that a man wouldn't approach or ask out a woman because he was intimidated by her. Is this really true? Does this happen?

 

I never thought of it as being intimidated but I routinely dismissed women (in my mind) if I thought they were "too attractive" or "out of my league".

 

And if so, what are such women supposed to do? Just sit around waiting for the one man who has a pair??

 

I have a hard time believing that such women are just sitting around -- I figure they are getting many, many more interesting offers . . .

[Untouchable_Fire]

How does a woman who doesn't need a man, make him feel like he's still needed?

 

Anyone who tells you to ask him to "change your oil" or "mend your fence" is massively wrong.

 

It's an emotional thing. Do you think men want to be needed financially? Only the control freaks want that... and they tend to be psycho's to avoid anyway.

 

Make him feel like you need him emotionally. SG, I don't think you need to spend any time or effort thinking about this one. I believe you have this naturally.

 

Three of my exes said they hesitated to approach me or didn't at all because they were intimidated (thought I was out of their league). They volunteered this, so I'd take their word for it. I guess it does happen. My ex said he was taken by me from the moment he first saw me, and once tried to talk to me a bit, but was easily discouraged when I wasn't super friendly and backed off. The weird thing is I remember being friendly. My ex ex hemmed and hawed about asking me out because he was sure I'd reject him, and then finally did. My first boyfriend took forever to make a move, and he said it was for the same reason.

 

???

[Green]

Some men on this forum are intimidated by any woman especialy if they find that woman attractive.

 

I myself am beautiful, intelligent, and successful so I wouldn't really worry about it. If I was single and saw the most beutiful, intelligent and famouse women in the world I would take a chance and hit on her full force.

[Pyro]

I am intimidated by Green.

[GorillaTheater]

I am intimidated by Green.

 

But obviously not by beautiful, intelligent women, so it's all good.

[Pyro]

But obviously not by beautiful, intelligent women, so it's all good.

 

thank you sir.

[MrNate]

Better not check out me or any of my sisters then. We're known for our ASSets.

 

I've always thought you were a tease..heh.

 

I'd love to meet you and your sisters.

[MrNate]

Sounds like you should try something other than "woman on top"

 

 

 

 

Ok, I'll admit, that was bad...

 

On a more serious note, I struggle with this problem. I'm just not a social person in any way, so even when I'm out and about I don't really talk to ANYONE I don't know. As far as my lack of social skills, use going to the grocery store as an example. When the clerk makes small talk via the ritual "Hi, how are you today?", I usually just lock up and say "Fine.". It never really occurs to me that it's somewhat impolite not to reciprocate. I just figure I'm not here for small talk, I just want to get my ***** and get out! It just doesn't come naturally, so when you throw in a prospective date, the desire is there but the social skills aren't, not to mention the addition of possible rejection. I feel that with my limited opportunities, I just don't take the chance, which leads to more limited opportunities, etc... A vicious cycle!

 

I see it as a matter of experience, and I'm getting better with every day social interactions. As far as intelligent/successful women go, I have even less experience. I would've had to already engage in some conversation to gain that knowledge... Success is somewhat of an issue, but I see it as an entirely different can of worms. I've been in relationships where I've been more "successful" in the money department, and it's caused nothing but problems. More along the lines of feeling like I was taken advantage of, not in the good way. To say the least, I'm a big advocate of separate finances even for couples living together. I don't see intelligence as an issue though...

 

Pretty much, once I get past the initial introduction and small talk, I usually fare pretty well. I'd venture that's the reason most of my relationships started within work or with friends of friends'.

 

Lol...'thick' isn't fat. I think fat things turn most people off in general. I'm talking about a nice, firm ass that's very grab-able.

 

Nice avi by the way.

[Star Gazer]

Three of my exes said they hesitated to approach me or didn't at all because they were intimidated (thought I was out of their league). They volunteered this, so I'd take their word for it. I guess it does happen. My ex said he was taken by me from the moment he first saw me, and once tried to talk to me a bit, but was easily discouraged when I wasn't super friendly and backed off. The weird thing is I remember being friendly. My ex ex hemmed and hawed about asking me out because he was sure I'd reject him, and then finally did. My first boyfriend took forever to make a move, and he said it was for the same reason.

 

I can totally understand being intimidated in the approach. But are they ever intimidated afterward?

 

guys are into hot and smart women. You heard it here first. Doesn't mean they have the balls to approach and talk to them. Girls shoot down a lot of guys, and it's a blow to the ego.

 

That made me laugh.