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Are men really intimidated by beautiful, intelligent, and/or successful women?

Star Gazer

By Star Gazer
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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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I've been seeing a lot of comments around LS lately about men being intimidated by beautiful, intelligent, and/or successful women. Who ARE these men?

 

For some reason, I've never been able to wrap my brain around the notion that a man wouldn't approach or ask out a woman because he was intimidated by her. Is this really true? Does this happen?

 

And if so, what are such women supposed to do? Just sit around waiting for the one man who has a pair??

espec10001 Established Member

espec10001

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I've been seeing a lot of comments around LS lately about men being intimidated by beautiful, intelligent, and/or successful women. Who ARE these men?

 

For some reason, I've never been able to wrap my brain around the notion that a man wouldn't approach or ask out a woman because he was intimidated by her. Is this really true? Does this happen?

 

And if so, what are such women supposed to do? Just sit around waiting for the one man who has a pair??

 

Well if you got all that, why not approach men and ask them out?

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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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Well if you got all that, why not approach men and ask them out?

 

This isn't about me, this is about in general. And you didn't answer the question. :)

denise_xo Established Member

denise_xo

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I've experienced hesitation from a man based on him having less formal education, less income and less 'impressive CV' than me (can't say I'm that beautiful, unfortunately). Not sure if I would call it intimidation exactly.

torranceshipman Established Member

torranceshipman

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I think some men are...I've heard 'I only date down' from a guy before, in terms of looks (lol!-he was a bit of a loser though). And my doctorate put a couple of guys off. That is fair enough. But that may not have been an intelligence thing - I think they maybe wanted someone more edgy/cooler/less serious which didn't bother me-that is their choice (everyone has a type, after all).

 

I think there is a certain type of girl though, that is quite alpha and, without realizing it, throws it in people's faces a bit. THAT is totally off putting and I could imagine that kind of girl driving guys away.

GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

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Beautiful and intelligent? That was always my target audience, not a group of women I was intimidated by.

MrNate Established Member

MrNate

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lol. I find women intimidate men in general, successful or not. If this wasn't the case, then I think the idea of a men approaching a woman wouldn't be so rare, which it is of course. Usually when a group of guys see a hot woman, they'll stop conversing, and watch her walk by. Regardless of how nice she seems, no one makes a move, instead, they just egg each other on to try and say something to her. After she leaves, the conversation moves over to how pretty everyone thought she was. So it's basically a lot of watching, not so much approaching.

 

Rinse and repeat.

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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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I think there is a certain type of girl though, that is quite alpha and, without realizing it, throws it in people's faces a bit. THAT is totally off putting and I could imagine that kind of girl driving guys away.

 

I can totally see that.

 

I don't think I've never experienced this "intimidation" thing before, so when I hear it used as an explanation for a guy's behavior, it just kinda sounds like B.S. Isn't it just that he's (hate to use the phrase, but) just not that into you?

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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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Beautiful and intelligent? That was always my target audience, not a group of women I was intimidated by.

 

Is that maybe because you fit your own target audience? :)

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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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lol. I find women intimidate men in general, successful or not. If this wasn't the case, then I think the idea of a men approaching a woman wouldn't be so rare, which it is of course. Usually when a group of guys see a hot woman, they'll stop conversing, and watch her walk by. Regardless of how nice she seems, no one makes a move, instead, they just egg each other on to try and say something to her. After she leaves, the conversation moves over to how pretty everyone thought she was. So it's basically a lot of watching, not so much approaching.

 

Rinse and repeat.

 

Okay, but what about a situation where you already know the person, or run into them often? A friend of a friend, or someone who works in your building who you see at the coffee shop several times a week, or a business colleague (not a coworker), or...or... Not some random woman to approach. Does that change things? I mean, how would you know she's intelligent or successful just by looking at her?

torranceshipman Established Member

torranceshipman

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I actually think it can be true, although it might also be a nice knock back :D Because I have heard guys saying they don't want a girl who is TOO hot as they are too difficult, or something similar. I also get the feeling that a certain type of guy prefers a girl who is a bit dumber than them. NOT a generalization, tho, guys :D:D

espec10001 Established Member

espec10001

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I can only speak from personal experience, but when I'm meeting a very physically attractive girl, I get the "hots". I know you'll say well she's just a girl but I can't help it, physically attractive women make me very hot. If she's intelligent and successful as well, then it'll be even worse.

 

I'm a very passionate person in many areas of my life, maybe a little too passionate. I'm not good at hiding my passion for her, so I have to be VERY, VERY careful about the timing, the mood, and the place of meeting a new girl. It has to be at the right place at the right time.

taiko Established Member

taiko

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We blive in a world were it seems as if 9 out of 10 women entertainers end up with a major league athelete or fellow entertainer. In the movie She's Out Of My League everyone assumed the new boyfriend was infact her gay friend because he didn't rate high enough. Men will not try when society has taught them they will fail. Those who have hope for success will make an honest effort.

GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

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Is that maybe because you fit your own target audience? :)

 

Well, the fact that I'm hotter than a Houston sidewalk in July MAY have something to do with it.

 

I need to post a pic of my wife. The picture of beauty and intelligence. BRB.

MrNate Established Member

MrNate

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Okay, but what about a situation where you already know the person, or run into them often? A friend of a friend, or someone who works in your building who you see at the coffee shop several times a week, or a business colleague (not a coworker), or...or... Not some random woman to approach. Does that change things? I mean, how would you know she's intelligent or successful just by looking at her?

 

The situation is still the same. Most guys are intimidated by the idea of approaching women. Whether she's hot or average, successful or not.

 

As in the situation you described, it goes along with what I mentioned earlier. Even if he knows her, the odds of a man making a move on a woman are just slim in general. I'd like to say otherwise, but I see these situations way more (as in 99% of the time) than the ones where the man just straight up goes up to the woman, talks to her a bit, and asks her out.

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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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The situation is still the same. Most guys are intimidated by the idea of approaching women. Whether she's hot or average, successful or not.

 

As in the situation you described, it goes along with what I mentioned earlier. Even if he knows her, the odds of a man making a move on a woman are just slim in general. I'd like to say otherwise, but I see these situations way more (as in 99% of the time) than the ones where the man just straight up goes up to the woman, talks to her a bit, and asks her out.

 

What if he's already been out on a date or two or three with her? If he finds her intimidating (for whatever reason), is he going to just...freeze?

SakenPT Member

SakenPT

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I've been seeing a lot of comments around LS lately about men being intimidated by beautiful, intelligent, and/or successful women. Who ARE these men?

 

For some reason, I've never been able to wrap my brain around the notion that a man wouldn't approach or ask out a woman because he was intimidated by her. Is this really true? Does this happen?

 

And if so, what are such women supposed to do? Just sit around waiting for the one man who has a pair??

 

Hi there... i am a Man and i am intimidated by beautiful woman, altough i love intelligent and sucessful women i am usualy trown off if she's gorgeous.

 

TO Give you an example, my Girlfriend is SUper Hot :) and when i met her i was thinking to myself "she's out of my league", and still i got her! i guess that i feel that i am not too pretty for her. that's hwy sometimes i get trown off, i dont want to catch a fish bigger than my net if you know what i mean :)

MrNate Established Member

MrNate

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What if he's already been out on a date or two or three with her? If he finds her intimidating (for whatever reason), is he going to just...freeze?

 

If he's already been out on dates with her, then I guess unless the woman disclosed something that could have intimidated him,( such as salary, degree, etc.), then maybe the man just isn't dating her anymore because he doesn't see a connection developing between the woman.

 

I find the idea of him freezing pretty hard to grasp if he's already been on 3 dates, again, unless he heard something that could have turned him off or intimidated him to the point where he rather not pursue things further.

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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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If he's already been out on dates with her, then I guess unless the woman disclosed something that could have intimidated him,( such as salary, degree, etc.), then maybe the man just isn't dating her anymore because he doesn't see a connection developing between the woman.

 

I find the idea of him freezing pretty hard to grasp if he's already been on 3 dates, again, unless he heard something that could have turned him off or intimidated him to the point where he rather not pursue things further.

 

Exactly! See...just not that into her. Not that she's successful/intelligent/gorgeous.

0hpenelope Established Member

0hpenelope

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My boyfriend's not. I mean, my plans in college didn't exactly fall through because I went through a hard time so I'm not exactly in the position to present cred, but I have a gameplan that I want to sink my teeth into as soon as I'm able. Pharmacy school isn't med school, but it's still hard to get into all the same.

 

Perhaps it's really a case-by-case thing? One of the things he says he appreciates about me is that I'm very passionate about my academic endeavors and a past relationship with a girl who's the opposite showed him that her kind of girl isn't what he looks for. There's nothing wrong with a person who can say "Yeah, I'm content with this," but he said that she has a lot of potential and he's encouraging her to explore that, but it would just denigrate into an argument. I know I'm not elaborating enough, so please feel free to ask what doesn't make sense and whatnot & I'll reply.

JohnnyBlaze Established Member

JohnnyBlaze

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Here's my theory on the intimidation issue:

 

Guys get intimidated for three primary reasons:

 

  1. Beautiful/intelligent/successful women are hit on more often by players who aren't as likely to take a polite "no thanks" for an answer, and thus are more likely to abruptly shut down an attempt at flirting. Being rejected is one thing; being shot down like a B-17 over Berlin is another.
     
  2. Guys feel a need to impress - blame genetics. Lions have manes, peacocks flash the feathers, humans flex biceps, brain matter and Bentleys. So when we come across a woman who has us beat, it throws us off. Now we're suddenly asking ourselves "what do I have to offer that she doesn't have already?" (Other than the obvious, you perverts! :p)
     
  3. Some guys are just plain shy around girls they like, regardless of the girl's physical, mental or economical attributes.

 

I don't usually buy the "she's too stuck up" argument, for one simple reason. That is a reason to not want to ask her out, but not a reason to be intimidated by her. As to not wanting to pursue things after a few dates, I think Nate's right; she probably said something that struck him as irrevocably contrary to an aspect of himself.

Stockalone Established Member

Stockalone

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I've been seeing a lot of comments around LS lately about men being intimidated by beautiful, intelligent, and/or successful women. Who ARE these men?

 

I don't know.

 

 

For some reason, I've never been able to wrap my brain around the notion that a man wouldn't approach or ask out a woman because he was intimidated by her. Is this really true? Does this happen?

 

I am sure some men are actually intimidated. However, there can be other reasons why men would avoid beautiful, intelligent, and/or successful women.

 

For example:

 

Beautiful women:

  1. Dating a beautiful woman means having to deal with other men looking at and/or flirting with my gf. Which is something I don't like, but can handle.
     
  2. Some women IME encourage other men ("forgetting" to mention that they are taken ASAP) to flirt with them, or they use their looks to get things from men, etc.
     
    I am possessive and a tad jealous, so a flirty women with what I consider unclear boundaries bugs me a lot.

 

 

Intelligent women:

  1. I like intelligent women. And I also like that intelligent women challenge me (in a good way) intellectually. However, I sometimes start to view a woman's intelligence as an invitation to a contest.
     
  2. I like to tease/make fun of women I like. Intelligent women sometimes think that this means that I try to belittle or not value their intelligence. It's not meant that way, but it can come across like that.

 

 

Successful women:

  1. I wouldn't want to date a woman who has a very demanding job. My best friend is a lawyer and he works long hours, works on the weekend, has to leave unexpectedly if something comes up, etc. If I were his gf, I wouldn't be okay with this. That is why I wouldn't date a woman who works the same amount as he does.
     
  2. Almost all highly successful women I have met are also very ambitious. I am not ambitious, which would make it difficult to get along long term with a woman who is. She wouldn't be happy with me either. BTDT.
     
  3. Some women have a certain (tough/hard) edge to them, that makes them (in my eyes) less feminine, and thus less attractive.
     
  4. Some women are very vocal about the fact that they don't need a man, which makes me feel like I have the same value as a car or a new purse and can be replaced just as easily. But I also have a bit of a knight-in-shining-armour complex, so I am drawn to women that make me feel needed, compared to giving me the feeling of being little more than an accessory.

 

 

And if so, what are such women supposed to do? Just sit around waiting for the one man who has a pair??

 

Rather, if a woman chooses to sit around, she has to wait for a man whose pair tells him to go after her.

Pink Cupcakes Established Member

Pink Cupcakes

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I guess if you're a woman and have a lot of men making passes at you, you're really not that successful and beautiful, you're just average.

MrNate Established Member

MrNate

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I guess if you're a woman and have a lot of men making passes at you, you're really not that successful and beautiful, you're just average.

 

Now here's something I find interesting. I think attractive women have a more difficult time finding a nice relationship as opposed to an average woman. A hot woman who has it made is going to attract lots of creeps and weirdos on a much larger scale than an average woman. Couple this with the intimidation factor of her looks, and I think people can see why I say this.

 

In terms of forming relationships, I think average women are on par, heck, even excel at it than women who are super attractive. Because that intimidation factor is a bit less present for guys with average women than super attractive women.

 

I can't help but wonder if really attractive women resent being so at times, instead, wondering how much more simple life would be if they looked a bit more average.

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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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I guess if you're a woman and have a lot of men making passes at you, you're really not that successful and beautiful, you're just average.

 

:lmao: What are you trying to say?

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