Div Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 I'm really hurting by forcing myself not to contact her... it's been 2 months of NC. I don't want her back. But we shared so much in life together and it's so upsetting that it has to be like this. I'm not this kind of person, I don't like holding grudges. I just want to text her a friendly message to see how she's been. Is this so criminal?
USMCHokie Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 There is a slight problem with your thinking...first of all, NC is not about holding grudges or remaining bitter towards your ex. It's hardly that at all. It's about healing yourself and allowing both of you to move on. Anyone who takes offense to being NC'ed is quite frankly very immature and probably some sort of nutjob...
DustySaltus Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 There's nothing criminal about it because it's all about helping you to get better. You don't need to know anything about her because she decided that she didn't want to have anything to do with you. The minute someone decides that you are not a priority in your life is the minute you realize they weren't the person for you.
smk Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 the whole point behind NC is to help yourself heal. At the end of the day it is your choice to break it or maintain it - however why would you feel that there is bitterness??? I will be honest there is a part of me that wants my ex back, however another part of me doubts if we could work things out... I am only on day 9 of NC and its not easy, and as USM said if the other person finds it bitter that your are in NC then thats their problem... after all they did leave you and not the other way around... she made the choice and life dictates that every action has a reaction...
TaraMaiden Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 I'm really hurting by forcing myself not to contact her... The whole point of No Contact is to help you realise that IT'S OVER. There is absolutely no need for either of you to stay in touch with the other, because there's no point. The relationship is finished and done with. It should not be hurting you to not contact her. The break, yes. Sure. but No Contact is to help you move on by showing you the ties need to be cut, and this is the best way to do it. it's been 2 months of NC. I don't want her back. But we shared so much in life together and it's so upsetting that it has to be like this. It wasn't your choice, it was hers. She chose this, because she doesn't want you in her life any more. look, I know this sounds harsh, but really, you have to stop with the romantic yearnings. There is no romance, and the yearning is for what was. And 'what was' can never, ever be 'is'. I'm not this kind of person, I don't like holding grudges. So don't hold a grudge. What grudge? Why are you holding it? What's the issue? She ended it, it's over. The whys, wherefores, hows and whatevers are immaterial. None of them matter. there is no point looking back, dwelling on the past or trying to figure it out. "The past is over. Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better 'past'." (carl Jung). I love that quotation.... I just want to text her a friendly message to see how she's been. Is this so criminal? No. But it would serve absolutely no purpose but to pick the scab off the wound, rip the stitches and put you in pain, all over again. You don't want to "Text her a friendly message to see how she's been". all you want is to hear her voice, and get something out of her - anything - that might give you the tiniest glimmer of hope that you might still have the tiniest crack of an opening to her heart. Forget it. It's not going to happen. If she wanted that, she would have contacted you by now. A text from you might very well truly pi$$ her off. And then you'd need a bigger wound stitching.....
Author Div Posted July 23, 2010 Author Posted July 23, 2010 (edited) Thank you for your responses. You're all very correct. I suppose I don't want her back, but I'm not over her. I guess when I am 100% over her I wouldn't have any problems whether we were in contact or not. When do you know you are 100% over someone? And is 2 months enough time from a 2.5 year relationship (first love)? I feel NC has more than doubled my rate of recovery, but I still feel there is a long way to go. I also feel like I am becoming a new, attractive person and at some point I want her to see that. How will she if I never contact her? I doubt she will ever contact me as I told her "I need time to heal. It is best if we don't contact each other for a very long time." Edited July 23, 2010 by Div
USMCHokie Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 When do you know you are 100% over someone? This is truly an impossible question to answer...there's no objective test to determine if you are 100% over someone...and it varies from person to person...but you will know when the time comes...because you won't even think about or care whether you're over them or not...you'll be busy living life and meeting new people... And is 2 months enough time from a 2.5 year relationship (first love)? I'd say no, but people don't all move on at the same pace...just don't try to compare yourself to others (especially your ex) when it comes to how long it takes you to move on...hell, it's been one year since my breakup from a 6 month relationship and I'm still not completely over it... I feel NC has more than doubled my rate of recovery, but I still feel there is a long way to go. Just keep going with the NC and live your life...you'll be right where you want to be in no time...
spriggig Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 You'd have to define "over her". Because this is the first, you'll never forget her--and those memories will be cherished ones in coming years. You have to fill that huge empty space in your heart. The best thing to fill it with is yourself. You should honestly feel complete without her before you move on to a new relationship. NC is the easiest path, though still hard. It could take a year for you to feel whole again. Settle into a routine as a single guy and give it time.
Author Div Posted July 24, 2010 Author Posted July 24, 2010 Well just saw photos of her hooking up with some random guy. A mutual friend posted it on FB. Feel like vomiting. Decided that they werent much of a friend to post that, so went through and cleaned out a lot of people. I hate this so much. How do they do this to us. They have no idea of the devastation they have caused.
Recommended Posts