Kalle Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 Hi I've had this fling with a girl for about a year now (on and off) I don't really know her, we met out partying and it was instant attraction from both sides. It never came to dating or getting physical or anything. She was out of town for a while etc and wrote this "love-blog" to keep me still interested in her. Now the thing is, i realized she was a massive control-freak. Everything had to be done her way. Like she was playing with me. I saw warning flags when she threathed to call the cops on me when i tried to call her, and then 3 days later shes smiling, laughing and waving at me like a teenager in love. (we study at the same university) Then when i realized that it would never work out, cause she was more focused on beeing in control than actually getting to know me I told her "im walking away from this now" This actually hurt her really bad. It took like a week or so for her to start a "relationship" with a guy friend of hers. He's a complete douche. So I guess it a "rebound relationship", even though this girl and I was never together. I recieved no closure of any kind, even after asking her why she's behaving this way. I also told her that when she has matured I want her to contact me. But I guess this will never happen. I think she's a bit narcissistic. I have been a bit narcissist myself (or so I do believe), but eastern filosophy and such changed my view of myself. I do believe this girl was in love with me (or the idea of me), but im wondering if a narcissist can be in love or if it's just praise their after. Because I have pretty good confidence. Like at a level most people dream of. And i think this is what she was after. (or her ego) Now what do I do? I can't walk around hoping she will grow up and change? Was she in love with me, and the control thing was her way of trying not to be hurt? While in fact it did the exact opposite. The guy shes seeing now wount hurt her, because hes an ******* to begin with so she nows what to expect.
Argentina Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 Personality Disorder is extremely difficult to diagnose and usually takes a prolonged period of time to ascertain whether the behaviour is truly a personality disorder. She sounds quite young and honestly I think you should just move on. True narcissist are not capable of love (in the true sense of the word). They look to boost their own ego and have little empathy for others. Unless you were abusive to her in your phone call or constantly harrassing her, threatening to call the police sounds over dramatic. You don't want to get involved in all that. There are so many other people out there who are capable of having a mature, considerate relationship (even if it is only a casual arrangement). i have personal experience of abusive relationships and the fact that you identified very early on that she had control issues is a real warning sign of problems to come. You sound smart and level headed and I extremely confident that the right person will come along for you in due course. I would strongly advise that if she does try to come back into your life at some time in the future, that you do not pursue it. Obviously your paths may cross as you are at the same Uni. Just remain polite (brief wave etc) is all that is necessary. Ending a relationship is always hurtful, no matter who ends it. But I think you know in your heart that you have absolutely made the right decision. Good luck.
Author Kalle Posted July 22, 2010 Author Posted July 22, 2010 Personality Disorder is extremely difficult to diagnose and usually takes a prolonged period of time to ascertain whether the behaviour is truly a personality disorder. She sounds quite young and honestly I think you should just move on. True narcissist are not capable of love (in the true sense of the word). They look to boost their own ego and have little empathy for others. Unless you were abusive to her in your phone call or constantly harrassing her, threatening to call the police sounds over dramatic. You don't want to get involved in all that. There are so many other people out there who are capable of having a mature, considerate relationship (even if it is only a casual arrangement). i have personal experience of abusive relationships and the fact that you identified very early on that she had control issues is a real warning sign of problems to come. You sound smart and level headed and I extremely confident that the right person will come along for you in due course. I would strongly advise that if she does try to come back into your life at some time in the future, that you do not pursue it. Obviously your paths may cross as you are at the same Uni. Just remain polite (brief wave etc) is all that is necessary. Ending a relationship is always hurtful, no matter who ends it. But I think you know in your heart that you have absolutely made the right decision. Good luck. Thank you for your answer.. No I was never abusive towards her. And like you said, dramatic to hate and threathen me on friday and love me on monday.. The thing I don't understand though is why she still wants me to pursue her. She has obviously no intention of meeting me half way, but I know she's still thinking about me, and making small "hints" which I guess is her way of trying to keep me busy thinking of her. (same friends etc ) Has this whole thing been about a gigantic ego boost ? A normal person who likes someone meets them asap right? Can someone be narcissistic purely on the romantic/love/sexuality -level? Cause she has many good friends and is a nice girl as far as i know. Shes 22-23 something, Im 25. And yes it has actully been the most hurtfull breakup ever for me. Funny thing considering we where never together, but I guess the hurt comes from me not knowing or understanding anything that happend, and constantly trying to find a logical solution.
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