I might not even be the 'OW' .. but I need .

[lovescomesaround]

I honestly don’t even know how to begin this – except to say that I am extremely confused and need advice.

 

I am a single college student who has been involved with a MM for about 5 months. As all things in life, our ‘involvement’ has evolved .. from casually meeting to talk, to exchanging phone numbers, and eventually, a little over a month ago, finally talking about what was between us. He is 18 years older than me, and also has 3 kids. He tells me that he is unhappy at home, but just can’t leave his children – which I completely understand and I by no means expect him to leave his family for me.

 

All of this started as ‘just fun’, but now I am afraid that I have become really attached to him. I feel like a kid saying this, but honestly I haven’t even ever had a boyfriend and now I feel like I have finally found someone in life and I can’t even have him.

 

]We talk usually on a daily basis (phone), and see each other a couple times a week .. there isn’t anything sexual to it, yet. I guess this is where my confusion sets in. He has hinted that he would be happy if we had a sexual relationship, but I don’t know if I am ready for that yet or not. First of all, its just the whole ‘I was raised very Christian, and I don’t know if this is wrong’ type deal. Secondly, I know that he is experience (obviously because he has children) and I am definitely not. I know this sounds really bad, but I feel like if I did start having a sexual relationship with him that it would be a great way to ‘keep him’. I feel so horrible for saying that, but I just ‘crave’ (not in a sex way, but just because I love to be around him) time with him and I think that making this more of sex thing would definitely get me more time with him.

 

]On top of all of this, I often wonder if he is just playing with my emotions. He says that he thinks I am smart, have a good sense of humor, sexy .. but sometimes it is hard for me to believe him. I feel like I should run away from this, but I also feel like it is too late to run. I never thought that I would ever be in a situation like this, but I am .. and I have to be honest with myself and say that I don't want to give it up

 

I hope all of this makes sense, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks in advance.

[Gradschooler]

You might not be an OW, but you're almost there. Honestly, if I were a college student caught in this, I'd run. Why? Because being in a relationship like this will ruin your view on relationships forever.

 

I am not going to give you a moral reason for not doing it, I am giving you a selfish one - don't do it because it will hurt more in the long run.

[scatterd]

Don't do it run.He is married and nothing good can come from this.How will

you feel when his wife finds out and he dumps you or when he has no time with you?He is out to play and you Will get hurt also his family and lovely children.You need to read here about the story's of OW and betrayed wifes

men dont leave wifes very often for other woman.Why ruin life's do your schooling and meet someone single that has more to offer and remember he is married and if its so bad why has he not left.He Will lie about home or anything ElSE for a little different on the side.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Honey,

 

I'm sure he likes you and means all that he has said about you, BUT he is a LIAR and is toying with you and your feelings. DO NOT GIVE YOUR VIRGINITY UP TO THIS POS! So he's in an unhappy marriage which he doesn't intend to leave. What does this mean for you? What would your position be? Do you honestly respect a man who intends to live in an unhappy marriage while playing with the emotions of a young girl?? I'm sure this is exciting and dangerous, but NOTHING good will come of it. How will you handle your school work when you are so confused and beside yourself because you have fallen in love with a man whose actions don't match his words??? Grown women can't handle affairs without becoming miserable.

 

I tell you what, ask your dad/grandpa/uncle what he thinks you should do. Now THERE'S a man who loves you, and will always want the best for you. Leave, you've got the rest of your life to make really crappy choices, don't waste these wonderfully important years on them now. This is supposed to be the BEST years of you life, please to hand them away to a man who wants to hurt you and take them from you. He is only looking for an ego stroke, and when you turn him down, there are plenty of lesser women to take him up on it. Take the high road, honey, for your own good.

[collegemommy]

Oh honey, what are you doing? Let's think this through, ok?

 

You like this guy a lot, he is married with children, and now your contemplating a sexual relationship?

 

I could sit here and give you all the moral reasons why you shouldn't do this but I'm guessing you're smart enough to figure that part out.

 

What I am going to say is that this will never be good for you. You WILL get hurt. You're going to want more and more of him and he won't be able to give it to you because he has a family. Do you think that one day he will decide you are more important that his wife and three kids? Do you think he will ever leave her? He won't and you'll be left with a broken heart. I couldn't imagine anyone wanting to be broken hearted...

 

I'm taking this all from experience. My fiance started having a romantic fling with a woman he worked with. We split up for about 6 weeks and she thought she had him. Unfortunately for her, he was talking to me the whole time and we decided to reconcile (we had created a family together- 3 kids). She was left in the cold, wanting him more and he thought nothing of her...

 

Please, don't be that girl...

[freestyle]

Run away!!!

 

I know, it's flattering to get the attention, and the compliments, and well, the flattery............

 

It's just a game to get you hooked. A man who TRULY cares about you , will care about your peace of mind, and wouldn't put you in that position.

 

Tell yourself, "I"m a main course. NOT someone's side dish."

 

If he's willing to betray his wife, he'll sure as hell betray you as well.

 

I've never been an OW, but my best girlfriend was for 5 years, and I watched how badly it tore her apart, and affected her self-esteem.

 

Please think real hard, before you go down that road.

 

Read more stories here, they may enlighten you.

[ladydesigner]

You might not be an OW, but you're almost there. Honestly, if I were a college student caught in this, I'd run. Why? Because being in a relationship like this will ruin your view on relationships forever.

 

I am not going to give you a moral reason for not doing it, I am giving you a selfish one - don't do it because it will hurt more in the long run.

 

This is true, especially getting out of the starting gate. It will taint your perception of relationships and cause you a lot of pain. The more you get attached to this man, the stronger your feelings will get which will result in you expecting more from him. As soon as that happens you are going to be left hanging. RUN like the others have said.

[Dexter Morgan]

what is it about women that are twitterpated by lying, cheating married men?

 

lovecomesaround...is this what you want? a liar and a cheater?

 

And of course if he has a shining on you, and its an emotional affair steering the way to physical later, that he would tell you he is unhappy in his marriage. would you gather that he thinks he'll get somewhere with you if he tells you he loves his wife and isn't unhappy in with his family life/marriage?

 

you think he is LTR material? You don't think he isn't going to get bored with you later and look to find new meat?

[sarkandlauren]

Just go through some of the OW post here, you know, majority of OW does not have happy ending. It is a long, winded, emotional rollercoaster, yes, there are some happy times, but trust me, the highs are NOT worth the lows. The amount of pain you have to go through, words cannot even describe. Is it really worth all this? You're so young, there are so many single guys out there that will treat you so well, put you as number one, it is no fun being #2. When you get deeper into the relationship, when he's with his family and cannot call you, vacations, holidays, birthdays, those are all heartbreaking, you die a little inside everytime. Yet, you chose to be the OW, you have no right to complain... talk about self esteem...

RUN please.

[White Flower]

I guess this is where my confusion sets in. He has hinted that he would be happy if we had a sexual relationship, but I don’t know if I am ready for that yet or not. First of all, its just the whole ‘I was raised very Christian, and I don’t know if this is wrong’ type deal. Secondly, I know that he is experience (obviously because he has children) and I am definitely not. I know this sounds really bad, but I feel like if I did start having a sexual relationship with him that it would be a great way to ‘keep him’. I feel so horrible for saying that, but I just ‘crave’ (not in a sex way, but just because I love to be around him) time with him and I think that making this more of sex thing would definitely get me more time with him.

 

]On top of all of this, I often wonder if he is just playing with my emotions. He says that he thinks I am smart, have a good sense of humor, sexy .. but sometimes it is hard for me to believe him. I feel like I should run away from this, but I also feel like it is too late to run. I never thought that I would ever be in a situation like this, but I am .. and I have to be honest with myself and say that I don't want to give it up

 

I hope all of this makes sense, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks in advance.

Oh Baby, you sound so much like me when I was your age. So so pure.

 

Run as fast as you can.

 

Honey, I'm an OW, and I'm telling you to run. I've advised many an OW to stay and enjoy their R if they're getting what they need out it but this guy is going to take away what some other guy so deserves. This M man, father of 3, and cheater does not deserve to take away your innocence. Please please please run and hide.

 

Trust me, someone else is so much more deserving of what you've got to offer!

 

 

And one more thing. Having sex with a man NEVER EVER ensures that you will keep him. Never!!! Not even babies can help you keep a man nowadays.

 

I've already lost respect for this guy.

 

Yes, you are the OW in and EA, but it is NEVER too late to run. I will cheer you on all the way!

[White Flower]

what is it about women that are twitterpated by lying, cheating married men?

 

lovecomesaround...is this what you want? a liar and a cheater?

 

And of course if he has a shining on you, and its an emotional affair steering the way to physical later, that he would tell you he is unhappy in his marriage. would you gather that he thinks he'll get somewhere with you if he tells you he loves his wife and isn't unhappy in with his family life/marriage?

 

you think he is LTR material? You don't think he isn't going to get bored with you later and look to find new meat?

And if she seals the deal with a MM at this point in her life she could be tied up for years and years, losing the chance at ever finding real love and having babies of her own. So so sad.

[D-Lish]

I wish I knew the importance of self respect when I was younger. If I could impart wisdom to my younger self, I'd tell myself to demand better.

 

You won't listen, no one at your age does.

 

You can accept being a sexual affair, or you can demand better for yourself.

 

You aren't his first affair, and you won't be his last. But you can choose to be a better woman than this.

[cavedweller]

lovecomesaround,

 

Young lady he is nothing but a 'charmer'.

 

He will say or do anything to get into your pants.

[Woman In Blue]

Good gracious - this letch sounds like page #4 of the Midlife Crisis catalog. How totally unappealing, chasing a teenage girl to get his jollies.

 

And don't think for a second that he didn't choose you precisely BECAUSE you're gullible and easily manipulated. Young girls don't have alot of life experience yet, and that's what these predators bank on - especially the fact that you've never had a boyfriend. You're a prime candidate for this jerk.

 

If you were my daughter and I found out some married guy, twice your age no less, was sniffing around you, I'd string him up by the balls and let his wife know what a creep she's really married to.

 

Look, you're too young to really understand the dynamic at work here, because I know when I was young I thought I knew it all too and no one could tell me any different. So I don't expect you to really listen to those of us who DO know the score. This whole scenario reminds me of that movie "American Beauty," where the bored middled-aged married guy has this inappropriate crush/lustful fantasy for his daughter's teenage friend. You're nothing more than a fantasy to this bored jerk.

 

Seriously, rent the movie and watch it. You're living that very scenario right this minute.

 

Do yourself a big favor and start seeing someone who actually brings something to the table. The only thing this pervert brings to the table is a desire to have someone look up to him like he's the greatest thing on earth and a huge desire to have sex with a young, nubile girl. He actually makes my skin crawl.

Edited July 23, 2010 by Woman In Blue