Magic of making up

[Not strong enough]

O yea, as far as how she got the number, her best friend, who started to dislike me a few months ago because of my distaste for her boyfriend gave the new guy her number.

[ar1]

I'll just come out and say it, as people seem to have problems reading in between the lines. I don't think there are many people ITT who actually paid for the book...

[Not strong enough]

I'll just come out and say it, as people seem to have problems reading in between the lines. I don't think there are many people ITT who actually paid for the book...

 

 

Correct, thanks to someone I finally read it. Boy does it make an aweful lot of sense.......It probably would have been worth the money actually. Even if it doesnt fix a past relationship, it sure makes alot of valid points for future ones, and alot of advise to help moving on if it doesnt work.

 

Much better than the liberally given, "they werent right for you, so move on".

[starryeyed12]

Much better than the liberally given, "they werent right for you, so move on".

 

Is that really all you are getting from the insightful posts some of us have shared with you???

 

Cause that is super annoying.

[starryeyed12]

If it didn't work out for other reasons, id be better with it. It shouldn't have ended like this though.

 

 

What would have been a "good" way to end things?

 

You: God we tried everything baby, but it hasn't been enough. We just can't be together. I reckon it's time I mosey on outta this town...

 

[Kiss forehead. Cue horse.] And he left her standing there, with a tear in her eye as he rode off into the sunset.

 

THE END.

 

Wouldn't life be easier if it had the nicely packaged, bittersweet endings like the movies? Well, guess what? Your life is a little more messy and complicated. There is no way to end a relationship well. You're taking it hard bc you are once again blaming it all on you. But guess what? She DID f*ck up too. She was texting another guy behind your back. Are u waiting til she actually meets someone and goes off with them instead of you before you distribute any blame for her actions?

[GrayClouds]

 

Much better than the liberally given, "they werent right for you, so move on".

 

 

It appears you came to LS for good advice on keeping hope rather hoping for good advice. Sadly many of us misunderstood, and even more sadly that your book will do a better job of supplying. Though what you will get from LS, when your ready, will help you heal faster.

 

I wish you well.

 

 

 

.

[Not strong enough]

I didn't say everyone gave out that same advice, sorry if i made it sound that way starryeyed12. But I did get a lot of worthless advice, i was speaking to those people not you.

[HighPlainsDrifter]

I didn't say everyone gave out that same advice, sorry if i made it sound that way starryeyed12. But I did get a lot of worthless advice, i was speaking to those people not you.

 

Hey notstrongenough,

I sent you an email to your gmail account.

Hope all is well,

HPD

[LostinTokyo]

I have the book, and also the EX2 system. They actually give pretty good advice. The magic of making up book is much more straight forward. It isn't manipulative. the EX2 system totally is. It's written by a guy who is a pickup artist. What he doesn't understand is that while his method seems natural for him, for the rest of us, the uncertainty of doing the things he recommends comes through loud and clear. It says "I'm not sure of who I am."

 

I recommend reading the magic of making up because it basically says everything that LS says.

 

1. No contact for a month

2. Become a better, independent, confident person

3. Contact your ex in a month and show them how awesome you are now.

 

It goes into detail about changing your looks and a couple little.. brush "something" out of her hair to trigger "we're still together." But other than that, I don't see it as manipulative. It advocates genuine change. And that seems to be the best advice I see on LS. Change. No really. CHANGE.

 

To really change, you have to really let her go. Your only hope is to turn into a completely different person, and try to start over as friends first. The good news is, you and her still have sexual tension. If you take her out and she has a blast, that sexual tension will build. Manipulative? Maybe. Human? Probably. This last part is my idea anyways. I've hung out with exes in the past and there's always this feeling of.. man we need to touch each other.

 

In a nutshell. Really change. Don't contact her until you do. Then start over as friends with NO EXPECTATIONS. I can't stress this enough. You really have to just be friends for now.

 

Anyways, hope this helps.

[Beeotch]

It is a scam aimed at people who are in their weakest moments trying to cope with the lose of an ex. Pathetic!

 

Get real. There is no PLAN that will get anyone back. It takes pain, rebuilding of your life, and time to heal before you could ever think of going back to something that is right now broken. You need to fix YOURSELF, not try and scheme and plan to get someone back. The effects are short-lived and unhealthy. You want progress, read some of the excellent posts here on LS and take their advice. Don't be the fool who thinks they found some secret that no one else knows except him if you just enter your name and email...and pay 2 easy payments of 29.95...and this and that and the other.

 

This is life. It hurts sometimes and theres nothing in the world we can do to make the hurt just go away forever or take us back to better days. Accept it.

 

 

****************************************************

Cause there's beauty in the breakdown.

 

 

Pretty much. I agree.

 

I did go through that painful time when you're clinging to the person and have a one-track mind about getting them back. It is truly like being on crack, where that is ALL you want, you want that high and will do anyyyyything for it; no matter how foolish, degrading or irrational. So I definitely can empathize; however, as you said and as I have done- is go through the pain, made sense of my particular situation, introspected, turned the flash light on myself and carved a new path for my life that is not about my ex. I no longer want him back and cringe at some of the things I used to think/do.

 

If we are meant to be....it isn't right now. Clearly. Because we aren't. I believe things happen as they should and nothing you do in terms of scheming, manipulating or chasing that person will help or will be lasting ans datisfying. The ONLY useful thing to do is to truly embrace the pain and hurt and live THROUGH it, learn from it and rise above it.

 

Break ups are never really about the other person. It tests YOU and shows you your own true colors, weaknesses as well as strengths. Embrace those aspects and learn from them so that you can become a better person.

Edited August 1, 2010 by Beeotch

[GrayClouds]

I recommend reading the magic of making up because it basically says everything that LS says.

 

1. No contact for a month

2. Become a better, independent, confident person

3. Contact your ex in a month and show them how awesome you are now.

 

It goes into detail about changing your looks and a couple little.. brush "something" out of her hair to trigger "we're still together." But other than that, I don't see it as manipulative. It advocates genuine change. And that seems to be the best advice I see on LS. Change. No really. CHANGE.

 

To really change, you have to really let her go. Your only hope is to turn into a completely different person, and try to start over as friends first. The good news is, you and her still have sexual tension. If you take her out and she has a blast, that sexual tension will build. Manipulative? Maybe. Human? Probably. This last part is my idea anyways. I've hung out with exes in the past and there's always this feeling of.. man we need to touch each other.

 

In a nutshell. Really change. Don't contact her until you do. Then start over as friends with NO EXPECTATIONS. I can't stress this enough. You really have to just be friends for now. What the h#ll does that mean? What your saying is the only way your EX is going to get with you is if you not you.

 

Anyways, hope this helps.

 

This is utter garbage. You stay change. We a human do not change in 30 days, really change take effort and time, sometimes years to improve, to grow, much more then a hair cut and a new suit. It about learning why you behave like you do, and figuring out better ways to do so, then spending time practicing those better ways. It is hard, much harder then most people want to give . So they rather buy a book that tells them they can be awesome done in 30 days. Hell it takes 6 weeks for the average person to make something a habit.

 

You said the only way to get them back to to change in a completely different person. If this or any other book actually had any come of success rate, it would be a best seller, the author would be on Oprah everyday, and have their own show on the Bravo channel on Friday nights. But no it is sold on the internet as an e-book to take advantage of the pain and desperation of the broken-hearted. Do not be mistaken it give just a bit of truth and then makes it all sound easy. It will tell you break-ups are hard, it will not tell you is change is HARDER.

Edited August 1, 2010 by GrayClouds

[LostinTokyo]

This is utter garbage. You stay change. We a human do not change in 30 days, really change take effort and time, sometimes years to improve, to grow, much more then a hair cut and a new suit. It about learning why you behave like you do, and figuring out better ways to do so, then spending time practicing those better ways. It is hard, much harder then most people want to give . So they rather buy a book that tells them they can be awesome done in 30 days. Hell it takes 6 weeks for the average person to make something a habit.

 

You said the only way to get them back to to change in a completely different person. If this or any other book actually had any come of success rate, it would be a best seller, the author would be on Oprah everyday, and have their own show on the Bravo channel on Friday nights. But no it is sold on the internet as an e-book to take advantage of the pain and desperation of the broken-hearted. Do not be mistaken it give just a bit of truth and then makes it all sound easy. It will tell you break-ups are hard, it will not tell you is change is HARDER.

 

I didn't mean change into a different person literally. I can see how horrible that would sound though. I never said this book teaches you how to change or that change was easy. It simply says change. Maybe change isn't even the right word. How about.. fix what's broken? If you were needy and clingy, that's something that can be fixed right? How about if you were terrible at giving genuine apologies? No one can completely change. We can, however, fix things about ourselves. If we can't do that, there's no hope for humanity.

 

Personally, I found comfort in this book. Even if a big part of me says, BS. The core of the book is that you have to take care of yourself, figure out what went wrong, fix what needs to be fixed, before you can even think about getting with your ex. It even asks if getting back with your ex is right? Am I saying go buy the book? No. I'm just saying, if you're really curious, you might find some comfort in it. The 1 month thing is arbitrary. It just threw that number in there. EX2 system however says that psychologically, you miss people the most in 3 - 4 weeks. Dunno how valid that is, but eh. I take it with a grain of salt. Every person and situation is different.

 

Sorry, if I sound like a spokesman for the magic of making up, but I'm not. It just helped me through the first week of the break up. I read it every day thinking there's hope. Once I came to terms with it, I stopped reading it and started moving on. It's at least good for that much.

[lovebugguy]

I got the book and didn't care about the money because I was already spending 10 times of that a week to do things that would keep my mind off my ex.

 

I wouldn't care about the money too, if I were in that situation. I don't think the book is a scam. I've known people who did use it and found it really helpful. But it doesn't mean it can guarantee you positive results. I think it (the book) makes it clear that it only provides you with the strategy on how to get your ex back, not magically solves your problem. So in the end, it would still depend on you, how you implement your strategy, and your situation.

[starryeyed12]

Sorry, if I sound like a spokesman for the magic of making up, but I'm not. It just helped me through the first week of the break up. I read it every day thinking there's hope. Once I came to terms with it, I stopped reading it and started moving on. It's at least good for that much

 

Ok. If you don't mind me asking, how long has it been since your initial breakup? Have you remained NC since reading this book? Because you had the book during the day or night to read, did that prevent you from thinking about your ex or texting? Have you reconciled with your ex? Are you friends now? Do you not care about them or think about them as much anymore? Have you finally given up hope of getting them back? Have you moved on and are now in a new, healthy, loving, and sustainable relationship?

 

You say you got comfort from the book, and that you don't mind paying for said comfort. But I just want to know exactly HOW much comfort you really think you can get for a 29.95 book compared to what you can get from LS, friends, family, or the Internet for free.

 

Also, please don't take this the wrong way, but with all this comfort going on for you, why are you spending your time here, on LS in the breakup forum, since this book has given you comfort and changes to your life?

Edited August 3, 2010 by starryeyed12

[LostinTokyo]

Ok. If you don't mind me asking, how long has it been since your initial breakup? Have you remained NC since reading this book? Because you had the book during the day or night to read, did that prevent you from thinking about your ex or texting? Have you reconciled with your ex? Are you friends now? Do you not care about them or think about them as much anymore? Have you finally given up hope of getting them back? Have you moved on and are now in a new, healthy, loving, and sustainable relationship?

 

You say you got comfort from the book, and that you don't mind paying for said comfort. But I just want to know exactly HOW much comfort you really think you can get for a 29.95 book compared to what you can get from LS, friends, family, or the Internet for free.

 

Also, please don't take this the wrong way, but with all this comfort going on for you, why are you spending your time here, on LS in the breakup forum, since this book has given you comfort and changes to your life?

 

 

Alright, buddy. You're starting to get a little hostile and bitter. I'm not exactly sure why. If I offended you somehow, I apologize. I am however entitled to my opinion. This is a forum. A place to share ideas. Someone asked a question, I posted a response. Seems to me you lost site of that and you're just attacking me.

 

It seems to me you forgot what a heart break is like. People are all over the place. Your thoughts and emotions are completely irrational. That said. It's been 2 weeks since we broke up. Yes, I'm in NC for a week. (Went home to pay rent and had to see her the first week). Yes, I still think about her constantly. Yes it still hurts. Not as much but it still does.

 

Let me ask you some questions. You seem to think that we all heal the exact same way. Suppose I found comfort spinning in little circles in my living room. Crazy right? Are you going to attack me for that too? Who the hell cares. The point is we're devastated. Whatever keeps our feet on the ground.. DO IT. I go out drinking with my friends 50-100 bucks. It gave me the same comfort (before at least) as reading the book that costed 30. Why do you care so much how I deal with my problems. The starter of this thread said money isn't an issue. So I said, sure, read the book if that's the case. I didn't say go spend 30. This is the best investment you'll ever make for your future wife and children.

 

FYI I'm on LS to spare my friends and family. God only knows how many people I've pushed away with this garbage. Sure they're there in the beginning, but 2 weeks into it, they don't want to hear it anymore. No one wants to listen to someone whine for more than 2 weeks straight. Why did I stop turning to my magical healing book? Because I've already read it. I know what I need to do, but that doesn't mean the feelings will instantaneously disappear. Comfort is just that, comfort. Not a magical remedy that'll make you forget 1.5 years of seeing someone everyday.

 

Why exactly are you so upset? Don't like that I told someone to try reading a book if they don't care about the money?

[lovebugguy]

We're all entitled to have opinions about stuff, including which self-help books to read or whether you should or not, but I don't think we should berate others on their decisions.

 

I totally get LostInTokyo for where he stands on the book. Sometimes, even though we know what to do, we need to hear it from others, or read the words of experts to help us realize it. There's nothing wrong with that. And it is their money after all.

[LostinTokyo]

We're all entitled to have opinions about stuff, including which self-help books to read or whether you should or not, but I don't think we should berate others on their decisions.

 

I totally get LostInTokyo for where he stands on the book. Sometimes, even though we know what to do, we need to hear it from others, or read the words of experts to help us realize it. There's nothing wrong with that. And it is their money after all.

 

 

Thank you, Lovebugguy. Somehow my "Sure, read it if you don't care about the money. There's some good advice about things LS already tells you. I found a little comfort at least." turned into "This book will win back all your previous lovers forever guaranteed. Take it from me, I know everything." I thought I was going crazy. Its nice to know I'm ok and someone just disagrees with me.

[GrayClouds]

How about.. fix what's broken? If you were needy and clingy, that's something that can be fixed right? How about if you were terrible at giving genuine apologies? No one can completely change. We can, however, fix things about ourselves.

.

Those thing do not change in 30 days, it would be superficial to think that was the case. It is not real change. That is why most reconciliations do not work, people have not had enough time to learn new behaviors and the same problems come popping up.

 

We can change, many do change but it take time and effort. A sincere desire to do so rather then some artifice to win someone back. To say otherwise is simply selling false hope and hurts people in the long run.

 

The point is we're devastated. Whatever keeps our feet on the ground.. DO IT. I go out drinking with my friends 50-100 bucks. It gave me the same comfort (before at least) as reading the book that costed 30. Why do you care so much how I deal with my problems.

I do not think starreyed really cares about how you choose to handle your break-up as much as a concern for others who would mistakenly think that similar behavior would work for them. While the healing advocated here works for 99% of those who implement it, it cost them nothing.

 

What you see as anger I quite confident it is the distaste of how this book and e-books like it take advantage of the emotional turmoil that a person is going through, and uses that to get to spend money that they do not need to. Just the fact of the name of the book is misleading. Do you think you would have purchased it if the title was "Break-up,The magic of healing the loss". Of course not.

 

I find it interesting that those advocating the book are generally ones who have been here the least amount of time.

 

If someone is really looking to read something of quality pick up "Journey from Abandonment to Healing" by Susan Anderson. You can find it for ten bucks and not only will it comfort it will help you grow in a real way.

Edited August 3, 2010 by GrayClouds

[starryeyed12]

Alright, buddy. You're starting to get a little hostile and bitter. I'm not exactly sure why. If I offended you somehow, I apologize. I am however entitled to my opinion. This is a forum. A place to share ideas. Someone asked a question, I posted a response. Seems to me you lost site of that and you're just attacking me.

 

Lost, maybe my post was harsh on you. I'm sorry to have hurt you or offended you in any way. Was not my real intention.

 

I was playing the role of devil's advocate to try and further prove my point. But to be truthful, a part of me wanted you to come back on here and say that the book helped you move mountains. I wanted you to say "No, I don't think about my ex hardly at all, no I don't feel sense of loss anymore- that has dissipated, yes I have moved to a better place and we are friends because of what was said in that book!"

 

Part of me wanted to hear it because I am grieving, I am in pain. I want to believe in something and if you could have come back here and posted that this book for 29.95 took it all away, then dam*it I want one.

 

But I knew you wouldn't.

 

It seems to me you forgot what a heart break is like.

 

No, actually I haven't forgotten at all, Lost. Check my thread if you want my story. Otherwise, don't give me this crap.

 

Let me ask you some questions. You seem to think that we all heal the exact same way. Suppose I found comfort spinning in little circles in my living room. Crazy right? Are you going to attack me for that too? Who the hell cares. The point is we're devastated. Whatever keeps our feet on the ground.. DO IT. I go out drinking with my friends 50-100 bucks. It gave me the same comfort (before at least) as reading the book that costed 30.

 

I think we all heal in remarkably similar ways. And, I am sure the drinking and the book do give you the same amount of comfort...not much and short-lived. I'm glad you can make this connection.

 

On another note, if you don't want people to tell you when your means of comfort are unhealthy then I wouldn't post here. There are pleanty of unhealthy ways to deal with loss, and it is our unspoken duty on LS to give you the best advice we can. That would include posting against any such behavior if we feel so. Not that the the book is unhealthy, but the spinning in circles example would be such behavior that I would not advocate.

 

FYI I'm on LS to spare my friends and family. God only knows how many people I've pushed away with this garbage. Sure they're there in the beginning, but 2 weeks into it, they don't want to hear it anymore. No one wants to listen to someone whine for more than 2 weeks straight.

 

Friends and family are there to lean on in these times. If you need to talk, talk don't whine. I am sure they will listen if you let them know how much it means to you to have them there, and are thankful for their ear.

 

Why did I stop turning to my magical healing book? Because I've already read it. I know what I need to do, but that doesn't mean the feelings will instantaneously disappear. Comfort is just that, comfort. Not a magical remedy that'll make you forget 1.5 years of seeing someone everyday.

 

Exactly. I'm glad that the book gave you some comfort, but I don't think LS should be infitrated by a business using fake screen names trying to promote a 29.95 book in a free breakup forum. It p*sses me off because NOTHING, "NO THING" will help make this pain go away faster. Not book, not drink, not clothing, not car, nothing.

 

Just time, deep reflection, and sharing of thoughts.

 

People should know this.

Edited August 3, 2010 by starryeyed12

[LostinTokyo]

Guys, I apologize. First of all, I thought I was talking to one person. I didn't realize I was talking to 2. I thought the argument was escalating but it was just two people asking questions. I never advocated this book as an end all. I simply said if you want to, read it. It helped me a little. Infact, I believe the thread starter got someone to send it to him by email.

 

But that isn't the point. We aren't the enemy. We're just people trying to do whatever we can to heal, learn, and grow from having the rug pulled from under our feet. Nothing else matters, so I sincerely apologize that I turned this into some more than it really is.

[starryeyed12]

Honey, its ok. We're all going through a really rough time here. Together. Just keep your head on straight. And keep working through it. It is all part of the process. We will all be okay in the end. I keep telling myself that and it seems to work, though I definitely have my moments of sheer weakness.

 

The hope you need to hold on to is that things will work out for you in one way or another. Thats a promise I can keep.

[Not strong enough]

starreyed email me at [email protected], your a really nice person, and maybe you should read this, if nothing else it will help you see where others are coming from on the subject.

[GrayClouds]

Guys, I apologize. First of all, I thought I was talking to one person. I didn't realize I was talking to 2. I thought the argument was escalating but it was just two people asking questions. I never advocated this book as an end all. I simply said if you want to, read it. It helped me a little. Infact, I believe the thread starter got someone to send it to him by email.

 

But that isn't the point. We aren't the enemy. We're just people trying to do whatever we can to heal, learn, and grow from having the rug pulled from under our feet. Nothing else matters, so I sincerely apologize that I turned this into some more than it really is.

Classy LiT.

 

You are correct people come hurting, often at times at a level like never before. Many are will do (have done) any number of seriously self-destructive things to either find some hope or erase the pain.

 

For that reason, after you been here some time, it hard not to get protective (over protective?) of those hurting souls. In the vast majority of cases the sooner they move past false hope, the quicker they move on past the pain.

 

I do wish you well.

 

 

.

Edited August 5, 2010 by GrayClouds