Phscn Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 So my ex boyfriend and I have been broke up for little over a month now, and things right now are a little confusing. Here's a little background: My ex and meet in high school and have been dating for over 3 years, the reason for the break up was becasue of common things couples break up for, we fought, I was needy and a little B, he was an a hole ( only when we were fighting) and other things but even after that we would try to work it out what made it official was that I had cheated on him a one time thing that I whole heartedly regret. When he found out he was of course upset. After the break up he told me things like he never wanted to see me again or he never wanted to talk to me and that he would never forgive me and little over a week pasts and that all changed we started talking again and he even apologized for being a dick and whatnot. After that we started to hang out and we would act like a couple again , we would hold hands and kissing and just be near each other (stupid me!) , he would even tell me that he loves me and that he still cares for me and every time we would hang out HE would be the one to say that it will be a date. Then one day I asked him if there was a chance that we would get back together and he said maybe but not now or anything soon, this of course made me hopefully (again stupid), and we continued to do the same, again time pasts and then he sends me this text : "I need to stop ok. Us ok, it's over ok, sorry but if I dont do it now i wont be able to later" , after towards I tell him not to do this and that I know we both care about each and he says that he knows that we will get back together again, again after this we continue to hang out and talk. And now today he tells me that he never wants to get back with me again and we will never again be together, I'm so confused how can one day he say something and act one way and then the next say something else?
A Hot Mess Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 Perhaps he feels like if he takes you back, he'd never be able to forgive himself. He likely loves you and wanted the relationship to continue, but decided that he'll forever resent the fact that you chose to do what you did. If he breaks down again and decides to take you back, just be aware that all of this could come back at a moment's notice. Cheating is pretty damn corrosive. And no matter how much he loves you, he might never be able to let it go and trust you again. It'd probably be best for the both of you to move on.
Author Phscn Posted July 22, 2010 Author Posted July 22, 2010 It's confusing to me because he says that he isn't talking to any other girls or doing anything with anyone ever since you started talking and hanging out again, and any time we are together it's always him who kisses me or hugs me or whats to be near me I would try to push away and tell him we should stop but he doesn't and then at the end out the day he always tries to remind me that we are no longer together or dating and we never will again. He says that we are just friends but why is he acting this way?
A Hot Mess Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 Because he loves you and wants you, but can't resolve the fact that you cheated on him. The more you both continue to do this, the longer you're delaying the inevitable. Even if you get back together and date 6 months, he'll think about what you did the entire time, and may decide he can't live like that anymore. He may not want anyone else other than you right now, but that doesn't mean you can be together again. You can love someone and want to be with them, but at the same time know they aren't the right person and keep yourself from getting back into that relationship.
Author Phscn Posted July 22, 2010 Author Posted July 22, 2010 I guess that's true. I find it odd too that when I talk about other guys or that I tell him Im talking to someone else he doesnt seem to even care even tells me to hang out with him and move on. My ex is just flat out confusing me I should just go NC.
A Hot Mess Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 He's confusing you, because he's confused. It's gotta be hard for him to deal with both feelings of wanting to be with you, and those of knowing you hurt him badly. You guys were together for over 3 years. He's not going to lose that love overnight as you were a big part of his life, so he's seeking that comfortable place he's known for so long. But at the same time, he knows he has to protect himself from you. He knows that if he gives you another chance and you burn him again, he's going to feel like an enormous chump. You guys would have to do a ton of work to salvage this. But you're both young, so why hold onto it? The sooner you move on, the sooner the both of you can learn, grow and go on to make better choices in future relationships.
cavedweller Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 Phscn, The 'trust' issue in the relationship has been broken..You need to face the fact that it will never be the same...It is over...Start NC and move on..
Author Phscn Posted July 22, 2010 Author Posted July 22, 2010 I know that his trust in me as been broken and I have started NC with him, but it is hard to deal with when he is sending me these mixed signals, saying one thing but acting another way , when he hugs and kissing me he says that he is just being nice to me and that we are not dating or ever will and yet he calls our outings dates! I still love and care about him a great deal I miss him everyday, things would be so much easier if he would just ignore me and be honest ....
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