jennie-jennie Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 See my previous post. But you were recently thinking of telling a presumptive BS from long ago. It is not far in your past, Sid. It is very much on your mind.
Mimolicious Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Since I have been the BS, I agree. In fact it was even worse for me, since all our friends knew of the affair but not I. My MM and I do not share friends, so that is not the case here. Boy, did I feel like an idiot. Once again, I would never keep my SO/spouse in the dark like my MM does. I hear you. I was in the dark while all our friends knew (we had all mutual friends since we grew up in the same hood). My family knew. My mother knew (she caught him shortly before I found out). My dog knew (yep! he walked the dog to her house every night). You know what happened to me?? I felt betrayed by every single friend I've since the 8th grade. I felt betrayed by my family, my mother and I felt betrayed by my dog. I was left is complete solitude and darkness. Every one I knew had lied to me. (I know what some of you are going to say, that nobody lied but yes they did). Why? because it was "nobody's business" but everyone entertained the gossip! Everyone but me. So after many broke friendships, deteriorated relationship with my family, mother and dog... You best believe that I told EVERY SINGLE PERSON that didn't know. Whoever asks me what happened with my exH and I. I tell it like it is and whoever doesn't like it... I DONT GIVE A FACK! Because I sure didn't like being lied to and being everyone's fool.
jennie-jennie Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Gotcha! For a minute it read as Sid was just a complete intruder that put someone else's business on blast. (didn't want to think that I wasted my time of a thread missing the point. lol!) No, I am happily enjoying somebody else being in the spotlight. And this time even a BS. Sid, I know how it feels.
jennie-jennie Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 I hear you. I was in the dark while all our friends knew (we had all mutual friends since we grew up in the same hood). My family knew. My mother knew (she caught him shortly before I found out). My dog knew (yep! he walked the dog to her house every night). You know what happened to me?? I felt betrayed by every single friend I've since the 8th grade. I felt betrayed by my family, my mother and I felt betrayed by my dog. I was left is complete solitude and darkness. Every one I knew had lied to me. (I know what some of you are going to say, that nobody lied but yes they did). Why? because it was "nobody's business" but everyone entertained the gossip! Everyone but me. So after many broke friendships, deteriorated relationship with my family, mother and dog... You best believe that I told EVERY SINGLE PERSON that didn't know. Whoever asks me what happened with my exH and I. I tell it like it is and whoever doesn't like it... I DONT GIVE A FACK! Because I sure didn't like being lied to and being everyone's fool. Hey! Our dog knew too! I know just what you mean. I am right there with you. But I don't think you sought out the children and the parents of the MOW (if she was married) if you didn't know them, did you? I mean it is one thing telling the people you come across in your daily life, another to seek out people you have no connection with. That is what I don't understand.
SidLyon Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 I am wondering about the grandparents who now don't know if the boy really is their grandchild or not. It must be awful for them. I hope they are aware that it is possible to get a grandparent DNA test done to see if he is their grandchild.
SidLyon Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 But you were recently thinking of telling a presumptive BS from long ago. It is not far in your past, Sid. It is very much on your mind. This was the BH of a woman who my H "dated" while he was in the Affair with the long-term OW (an OOW if you will). I never updated that thread but I decided against contacting the putative BH due to lack of anything significant to tell him. The OOW does not repeatedly contact my H nor is there another child involved. I am in a recovering/reconciling marriage - I make no secret of that here on LS. It will take a long time before i am fully over it. But there's no need to be so accusatory as if there is something wrong in me taking time to get over my H's betrayals and infidelities.
califnan Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 I hear you. I was in the dark while all our friends knew (we had all mutual friends since we grew up in the same hood). My family knew. My mother knew (she caught him shortly before I found out). My dog knew (yep! he walked the dog to her house every night). You know what happened to me?? I felt betrayed by every single friend I've since the 8th grade. I felt betrayed by my family, my mother and I felt betrayed by my dog. I was left is complete solitude and darkness. Every one I knew had lied to me. (I know what some of you are going to say, that nobody lied but yes they did). Why? because it was "nobody's business" but everyone entertained the gossip! Everyone but me. So after many broke friendships, deteriorated relationship with my family, mother and dog... You best believe that I told EVERY SINGLE PERSON that didn't know. Whoever asks me what happened with my exH and I. I tell it like it is and whoever doesn't like it... I DONT GIVE A FACK! Because I sure didn't like being lied to and being everyone's fool. -------------------- Boy, did you scrape my surface with reminders.. Only diff is I don't have a dog.. You know how you just want to walk away from those who betray you ... Well in our case (my sons and myself) .. It wasn't possible to walk away .. They (both sides of the family, and friends) are still very much in contact with us after all these years. But you know...'As The World Turns' .. all of them have also experienced diff forms of tragedys in their lives, since - and we have all overcome.. But, when you are down, everyone shuns you or piles on ..
SidLyon Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Hey! Our dog knew too! I know just what you mean. I am right there with you. But I don't think you sought out the children and the parents of the MOW (if she was married) if you didn't know them, did you? I mean it is one thing telling the people you come across in your daily life, another to seek out people you have no connection with. That is what I don't understand. Put it down to moral relativism Jennie - then I'm sure you will understand.
pureinheart Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 I hear you. I was in the dark while all our friends knew (we had all mutual friends since we grew up in the same hood). My family knew. My mother knew (she caught him shortly before I found out). My dog knew (yep! he walked the dog to her house every night). You know what happened to me?? I felt betrayed by every single friend I've since the 8th grade. I felt betrayed by my family, my mother and I felt betrayed by my dog. I was left is complete solitude and darkness. Every one I knew had lied to me. (I know what some of you are going to say, that nobody lied but yes they did). Why? because it was "nobody's business" but everyone entertained the gossip! Everyone but me. So after many broke friendships, deteriorated relationship with my family, mother and dog... You best believe that I told EVERY SINGLE PERSON that didn't know. Whoever asks me what happened with my exH and I. I tell it like it is and whoever doesn't like it... I DONT GIVE A FACK! Because I sure didn't like being lied to and being everyone's fool. Why did you think you were everyones fool...I didn't, why should I. So what, people lie all of the time, play games and manipulate...that's on them. Your not responsible for them. I don't ever think I'm anyones fool because I'm not. Did you ever stop to think they didn't want to hurt you? I guess people are different, I don't like people knowing my business and I don't want to know anyone elses either. I discuss things in this forum (the only one) due to the anonymity. I don't like running people down and did it with exDM to a couple of my friends and didn't like how that felt. I don't want people to dislike/hate other people because of me or what I say. Forgive your family Mimo...please try....
Mimolicious Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Hey! Our dog knew too! I know just what you mean. I am right there with you. But I don't think you sought out the children and the parents of the MOW (if she was married) if you didn't know them, did you? I mean it is one thing telling the people you come across in your daily life, another to seek out people you have no connection with. That is what I don't understand. Well, I didn't have to tell her child. She ran into me on the street while she was with her kid and started blabbering it all out. Shewas th eone to tell me what was going on in front of her little one. That "she was F'ing my husband" right in front of her little kid. Her son knew who my exH anyway. (I wont post those details for privacy reasons. The world is too small) My exH is very well known. So there you go... the BS is not always the ghettofied, bad parent that drags their kids into the A mud. She didn't expose my exH is a respectful way (whatever that may be given the facts). It was more of a "Out to get Mimolicious" type scene. She went personally after me. Tried assaulting me, destroyed my car, private property, approached my son at the store and he ran out in tears. Showed up at my house. I SWEPT THE FLOOR WITH HER GRILL and got her arrested. Restraining orders in place, he is now hers to have and the end! Baffles me why after a person behaves this way even towards innocent children, why would a MM still chose that R. See, there are different dynamics to similar circumstances. Sid told her MM's OW son about the A. My exH OW told my son and her child too.
SidLyon Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 No, I am happily enjoying somebody else being in the spotlight. And this time even a BS. Sid, I know how it feels. You always manage to bring it back to a discussion about you don't you.
pureinheart Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 -------------------- Boy, did you scrape my surface with reminders.. Only diff is I don't have a dog.. You know how you just want to walk away from those who betray you ... Well in our case (my sons and myself) .. It wasn't possible to walk away .. They (both sides of the family, and friends) are still very much in contact with us after all these years. But you know...'As The World Turns' .. all of them have also experienced diff forms of tragedys in their lives, since - and we have all overcome.. But, when you are down, everyone shuns you or piles on .. CN, honestly not making light of your post...you just crack me up though...oh is that the truth (bold) ... You sure have overcome and your sons get the victory as well as you:D
Mimolicious Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 -------------------- Boy, did you scrape my surface with reminders.. Only diff is I don't have a dog.. You know how you just want to walk away from those who betray you ... Well in our case (my sons and myself) .. It wasn't possible to walk away .. They (both sides of the family, and friends) are still very much in contact with us after all these years. But you know...'As The World Turns' .. all of them have also experienced diff forms of tragedys in their lives, since - and we have all overcome.. But, when you are down, everyone shuns you or piles on .. I still live in the same place so there is not much "walking away" but I honestly have removed myself from that whole scene. When my M died, so did those friendships and even business contacts. Besides, a lot of people that I knew stood on the other side of the court because of who my exH is. so to that I say.. FACK THEM ALL!
pureinheart Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Well, I didn't have to tell her child. She ran into me on the street while she was with her kid and started blabbering it all out. Shewas th eone to tell me what was going on in front of her little one. That "she was F'ing my husband" right in front of her little kid. Her son knew who my exH anyway. (I wont post those details for privacy reasons. The world is too small) My exH is very well known. So there you go... the BS is not always the ghettofied, bad parent that drags their kids into the A mud. She didn't expose my exH is a respectful way (whatever that may be given the facts). It was more of a "Out to get Mimolicious" type scene. She went personally after me. Tried assaulting me, destroyed my car, private property, approached my son at the store and he ran out in tears. Showed up at my house. I SWEPT THE FLOOR WITH HER GRILL and got her arrested. Restraining orders in place, he is now hers to have and the end! Baffles me why after a person behaves this way even towards innocent children, why would a MM still chose that R. See, there are different dynamics to similar circumstances. Sid told her MM's OW son about the A. My exH OW told my son and her child too. Ya, I have a similar story...other way around and it was an EA....I didn't have to do a thing, no revenge as life has a way of taking care of those things:D. As a BS (many times over), never had a crazy OW, and never will:D...guess I got lucky?
Mimolicious Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Why did you think you were everyones fool...I didn't, why should I. So what, people lie all of the time, play games and manipulate...that's on them. Your not responsible for them. I don't ever think I'm anyones fool because I'm not. Did you ever stop to think they didn't want to hurt you? I guess people are different, I don't like people knowing my business and I don't want to know anyone elses either. I discuss things in this forum (the only one) due to the anonymity. I don't like running people down and did it with exDM to a couple of my friends and didn't like how that felt. I don't want people to dislike/hate other people because of me or what I say. Forgive your family Mimo...please try.... In the present moment I am not anyone's fool. I am no longer being taken for a ride. They didnt want to hurt me? By neglecting to tell me what was happening they did the same. So what did it really saved me from? It was actually double the pain to know that they knew and covered it.
Mimolicious Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Ya, I have a similar story...other way around and it was an EA....I didn't have to do a thing, no revenge as life has a way of taking care of those things:D. As a BS (many times over), never had a crazy OW, and never will:D...guess I got lucky? Then count your blessing babycakes! FML!
pureinheart Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 I am wondering about the grandparents who now don't know if the boy really is their grandchild or not. It must be awful for them. As a grandparent who takes an extreme active role in my grandkids life...man I can say it would hurt like hell...my littly guys are my life...and little gal:)
califnan Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 CN, honestly not making light of your post...you just crack me up though...oh is that the truth (bold) ... You sure have overcome and your sons get the victory as well as you:D ------------------- TIME HEALS .... grrroooaaannn........
pureinheart Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 This was the BH of a woman who my H "dated" while he was in the Affair with the long-term OW (an OOW if you will). I never updated that thread but I decided against contacting the putative BH due to lack of anything significant to tell him. The OOW does not repeatedly contact my H nor is there another child involved. I am in a recovering/reconciling marriage - I make no secret of that here on LS. It will take a long time before i am fully over it. But there's no need to be so accusatory as if there is something wrong in me taking time to get over my H's betrayals and infidelities.... Not condemning you for staying with your H...if the M can be repaired...hey...the OOW was too much even for me.
califnan Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 I still live in the same place so there is not much "walking away" but I honestly have removed myself from that whole scene. When my M died, so did those friendships and even business contacts. Besides, a lot of people that I knew stood on the other side of the court because of who my exH is. so to that I say.. FACK THEM ALL! ---------------- Yeah ... they all cream all over my sons and I .. But 'We' know the truth .. :bunny:
pureinheart Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 ------------------- TIME HEALS .... grrroooaaannn........ You've done good CN...and I think a lot of us who have stuck on LS and followed through with most of the threads have grown also...personally have learned a lot... Learning not to over react...let my personal feelings get in the way etc...and learning to spell (slowly)...there are still words that i spell the way I want:p
califnan Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 You've done good CN...and I think a lot of us who have stuck on LS and followed through with most of the threads have grown also...personally have learned a lot... Learning not to over react...let my personal feelings get in the way etc...and learning to spell (slowly)...there are still words that i spell the way I want:p --------------- Amen my little sister..
fooled once Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 You're right. It is a different thing. It's called parental alienation. And if the couple divorces and a parent can prove that another parent tried to alienate their R with the child, the custodial parent can lose custody. Telling the children such things has one goal: to turn the children against the other parent. If the adult cannot deal with the infidelity, why in the world would you want to throw that on a child? EEG BULL - that is NOT parental alienation. Not by a long shot. Doesn't matter...it didn't need to be said. oh please.... in YOUR view may be, that doesn't mean you get to decide for anyone else. If the cheater and his partner can't stand the heat, don't do the deed. Kids aren't stupid - and eventually it WILL come out. More than likely they will hear daddy's new girlfriend dissing their mom .. and don't say that doesn't happen, because it does and quite frequently too.
GreenEyedLady Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 BULL - that is NOT parental alienation. Not by a long shot. oh please.... in YOUR view may be, that doesn't mean you get to decide for anyone else. If the cheater and his partner can't stand the heat, don't do the deed. Kids aren't stupid - and eventually it WILL come out. More than likely they will hear daddy's new girlfriend dissing their mom .. and don't say that doesn't happen, because it does and quite frequently too. Yes, as a matter of fact it is. As a parent you are to do NOTHING that will alienate a child from their parent. Sorry, but the courts in the majority of jurisdictions do not care about the sex lives of adults. And if you have a WS who knows their rights, and pursues it, you'll lose if they have the evidence. It is all about how the person portrays the partner. EX: You're father is abandoning us for another woman. Or: He doesn't want to be part of OUR family anymore. Or talking about how he is a liar etc. in front of the children IS parental alienation. Sorry if you don't like it, it's the law in many states of the US. And parental alienation happens on both sides, it just takes one side to pursue it in the courts. GEL
pureinheart Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 "Our" OW (lol) isn't crazy either. She's from northern Europe (very close to Jennie), English is her 2nd language (I'm not even sure this is relevant) and seemed unable to comprehend that I wasn't under any moral obligation or imperative to keep her extramarital affairs a secret. How did her son take the news...in one of the replies you said something to the nature of his acceptance? I didn't quite understand. You mentioned being from Australia, I had heard that your country was quite accepting of A's and things of that nature...hear say though I've never been there...
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