buckeye Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Well tomorrow is the big day. I will officially be single. I am wondering what to do or say about a clause in the agreement in which she has already broken. In it, it states she is to notify me before taking my daughter out of state. She took my daughter and met another daughter on the east coast last weekend. The "old college friend" (married) conveniently lives one state south and showed up. He let the older daughter drive his Porsche convertible while there. It really upset me that my stbx would include the girls on her little tryst. She's setting a very bad example. My youngest texted me last Sunday night from there to tell me she missed me and loves me. I asked if anything was wrong and she told me where they were. She didn't mention her mom's friend being there. I learned that from the older daughter message on facebook about getting to drive a Porsche. I suspected he was there but that confirmed it. You know after the separation, I tried to reconcile but now I just want this over. She is not the girl I fell in love with.
solitary_man Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 i'd say it's wrong to act out of anger. but damn it feels good to.
HopelessinDTW Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Talk to your lawyer...most here are not experts...but sounds like she clearly violated an order. Get her out of your life as best as you can, and be a rock and a positive example for your kids. She's in lala-land...you're kids probably will read into this...if not already. But I feel your pain...just think about your kids...
solitary_man Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 i was thinking more along the lines of slashing the tires of that porche.
carhill Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 IANAL, but, AFAIK, the only time it would be actionable (through the court) would be if she interfered with your court-ordered joint custody rights and access by taking your children out of the custodial jurisdiction. Otherwise, it's really irritating but likely not actionable legally. As I always say, the person who cares the least has the most control. Her behaviors are instructional. Learn from them. My sympathies....
Art_Critic Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Are you saying the separation agreement had that stipulation ? The reason I ask is that since until tomorrow you are still married and she is only bound by the separation agreement. I would just let her know that you know and also let her know that last weekend was her free pass from a contempt hearing.
carhill Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 OP, unless the court's instructions stipulate the kind and timeliness of 'notice', and she failed to adhere to those guidelines in a way which is provable, it then becomes a matter of 'he said, she said' and IME a fruitless pursuit. An example of what I posted prior would be, on the weekend the court has ordered that you are to have visitation with the children, she takes them out of the jurisdiction, denying your ordered access to them. In such an instance, the burden would fall upon her to prove the action was not in contempt of the order. You might want to read the order completely and get an opinion from your lawyer. This issue will likely be repeated in the future, so you/your lawyer can petition the court for a more precise definition of the order as appropriate. Clarity is a good thing
califnan Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 IANAL, but, AFAIK, the only time it would be actionable (through the court) would be if she interfered with your court-ordered joint custody rights and access by taking your children out of the custodial jurisdiction. Otherwise, it's really irritating but likely not actionable legally. As I always say, the person who cares the least has the most control. Her behaviors are instructional. Learn from them. My sympathies.... ----------------- Aren't both separated parents supposed to ask for permission from one-another before taking a child out of state..
Author buckeye Posted July 21, 2010 Author Posted July 21, 2010 Thanks for the input. We are getting a dissolution, (no lawyers). I guess if I want to be difficult tomorrow I can bring it up, or I could fire off an e-mail to her telling her not to do it again. After it's over, I don't plan on having much contact except for the daughter at home. I'll definitely be "unfriending" her on facebook
carhill Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Aren't both separated parents supposed to ask for permission from one-another before taking a child out of state.. Yes, that is my understanding, and the parameter may involve the jurisdiction where the child resides (county) or whatever wider parameter the court sets. Proving the violation(s) is the hard part if the violator chooses to deny the allegation. I don't know if the child's testimony would be heard or not. I mention this issue because this type of custody/visitation/transport violation, persistent over time, has cost my best friend's nephew over 50K in legal bills to date. Pursuing this effectively, if the opponent is a 'care less' personality, can be very expensive and frustrating. I doubt the OP will face that kind of issue. My advice to the OP is to not put anything in writing (e-mail/fax/letter) regarding a custody matter or dispute that you wouldn't want a judge to read. Be very careful about that. Since you are doing this pro per, you may violate statutes without knowing it. We've had nothing but trouble with ticky-tacky little statutes and procedures and our divorce is super straight-forward and we work really well together. Just be careful. Best wishes
Author buckeye Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 Well I went to court last Thur. Because she had been breaking the agreement already and bringing my daughter along to meet with her "friend", I asked for a continuance to seek legal console. This totally blind sided her. After walking out she asked why and I told her I didn't want to talk to her, she'd have to talk to my attorney. The following day I did contact her to explain my actions. She came over and I laid down my reasons for my actions. I offered to go back to the dissolution if she would stop taking my daughter out of state to meet her "friend" and that I have more input in my daughters upbringing. She admitted she was wrong and that it won't happen again. We talked about her "friend" and she still insists that there has been no affair. I asked her if I should call his wife and asked how she felt about him spending his time and money on another woman and her kids. She of course asked me not to do that. I told her if she breaks the agreement again I will take her to court. She agreed to not exposing my daughter to him again. My daughter will be with me when she and the OM have their innocent visits. So Friday is now the day we end this.
solitary_man Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 May I be the first to consider himself your cheering section, buckeye? You probably don't feel much like celebrating, but for someone like me who has always had difficulty standing up for himself, I really admire your tenacity and tactfulness. I hope Friday brings more closure than hurt for you.
Author buckeye Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 Thanks man, I had pretty much given her everything she asked for, but that was the last straw. I take parenting seriously. I did not wish to expose my daughter to these two's immorality. Although my daughter did not come right out and say it, I could just tell something was bothering her, so I acted. I told my older daughters my view on affairs emotional or physical and that it was their decision as to what is right and what is wrong. They're adults now. I have been hurting much the last week. I hope I will begin to heal after this is over.
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